When We Fall

Nothing feels as weird as showing your feelings to someone. It has its own stages of life, just like someone dying. After that initial moment, it’s complete happiness. You stare into each other’s eyes, seeing magical fireworks and thinking there is nothing that could break your bond. You both feel truly happy and finally open to express yourself. The same thing goes for a kiss, after your lips touch there is no going back. A different feeling comes, almost as if your lips have shredded the skin you had and grown a new layer, one that is strong and much more sensitive. It’s amazing.

After a couple days though, anything and everything to do with that magical moment disappears. Guilt, and worry set in. You began to rethink everything that happened. There are no more silly faces and googly eyes. Instead come unwanted stomach aches and moments of tears. Finally back to reality and realize, there are no happy endings and fairy tale dreams.

“Ben, come on! You are going to make everything late!” Cassidy’s yell ran through the halls practically making the dusty picture frames shake and crash to the ground. He had to fiddle and take his time right now, the one day nothing has gone right. Her alarm clock decided not to go off, making them all fifteen minutes behind and now their crusty coffee maker died. All Cassidy wanted was caffeine, and to start over.

“Cass, calm it down,” Colin barked next to her. She spun around and glared. Even with his huge height difference, it didn’t matter. Everyone knew when Cassidy meant business.

“Tell him to hurry then,” she spoke, the words barely slipping past her gritted teeth. Colin rolled his eyes without speaking and headed down to find the little boy.

“You can go now,” he spit back at her when they came back into the kitchen. Ben huddled behind Colin, unwilling to look at his sister. Poor fragile Ben.

“Let’s go,” she ordered, whipping around so she wouldn’t have to look at them again. God, what was wrong with her? The weekend went by great. After the moment with Niall on Friday, everything seemed too far into place. The weather aligned for a play day at the park, their mom still hadn’t shown since their argument, and plenty of food to eat. Cassidy should have felt happy now, but yet she didn’t. An overwhelming feeling of a black cloud lurked behind her. Doom and danger felt so close to her it made the hairs on the back of her head stand up. Of course her bad mood was going onto others. Could this have something to do with Niall? God no, it couldn’t be him. Niall had been a wild card now, this person who just flew in without her knowledge but Cassidy liked it. He was a breath of fresh air in her gloomy life. It was so easy just to be near him and forget life. That’s all she wanted, a small escape to get away from it all.

“So you going to tell me the hell is going on with you,” Colin whispered, snapping Cassidy out of her thoughts. She turned around in the train chair and stared at him.

“There is nothing wrong.” Lie, another big lie out of her mouth. Colin smirked, his lip going over his teeth as he rolled his eyes. He could read her like a book.
“Is this about that Niall guy?” His name along made her twitch in her seat. Cassidy quickly moved again, hoping he didn’t catch on.

“No, it doesn’t. I really have nothing to do with him.” She wanted to kick herself. Her ability to lie so easily about the other side of her life was getting way to easy. The train surged to a slow stop making Cassidy quickly stand in her seat. She hoped Colin could let this go.

“Come on all,” she waved them forward. Maggie, her bouncy self followed first, the Ben who still looked completely sad. Cassidy sighed staring at him. She needed to shake them and give him a hug. The walk to the school was silent, everyone was lost in their own minds. Enough was enough.

“Benny boy come here,” Cassidy smiled, bending down to his height on the school steps. He carefully and slowly walked forward, unsure of what she was doing to do. As soon as she was close enough, Cassidy wrapped her arms around his tiny body and pulled him in close. She could feel both of their stresses and worries slowly wash away while they stood there. He was her Ben, the little brother who had big eyes and constantly looked to be in pain, but he was her love. Cassidy closed her eyes, letting the world around them disappear so she could pull every ounce of love and attention from her body to his.

“I love you Benny,” Cassidy whispered into this ear. Her arms squeezed around him one last time before pulling away. She gave them all a smile and watched her three younger siblings take the slow walk to the school doors. Cassidy sighed, definitely not the way she wanted to start the week at all.

----

“Cass? We are up here,” Gray shouted through the house. Cassidy looked around, feeling out of place. It had to be the first time in forever that the house was actually quiet when she arrived. Usually at least one of the guys were home, most likely devouring phone in the kitchen. She quickly sat down her bag and took the stairs two at a time to meet Gray in Spencer’s room.

“It’s very quiet today,” Cassidy mentioned. Gray turned around and smiled.

“Nice right? All of them are gone today.” Gray grabbed her smiling daughter and hugged her.

“It’s.. “ Cassidy stopped, unable to find a nice way to notice it. The large two story house now just felt eerie. It was different when there was noise, but right now it felt like the walls were watching her.

“I know, its freaking me the hell out right now. You are more than welcomed to turn on the computer for music or something,” Gray shuddered and smiled. They both proceeded quietly back down the stairs without speaking and stopped in the kitchen. That was common ground for everything, the meeting place. It was weird that a kitchen felt the calmest for Cassidy, but she went with it. Safe is what she enjoy.

“Alright, I should be home by three today. You two girls have fun. Bye my sweet lady.” Gray passed off Spencer’s wiggling body to Cassidy’s open arms. Spit traveled out of her mouth and onto Cassidy’s sweater making them all laugh. Gray walked out of the door, quietly shutting it behind her. Sadly, it only made the rest of the house get calm and quiet again.
“Spence, you feeling out of sorts today like me,” she asked. Spencer’s big almond eyes stared back at her, yet not making a peep.

“Yeah, I know you feel the same way. We have to do something.” Cassidy carried her down the hallway and into the large entertainment room. Just walking in made her cheeks turn five shades darker. That couch and Niall being always so close to her. If Gray and Liam hadn’t come home that night, what would of happened between them? She shuddered at the thought, feeling that spark and tinkle in the deep pits of her stomach. Niall had been the first guy in a long time to able to make her feel like that again, the thought excited her. Spencer’s mumblings beneath her snapped Cassidy out of her thoughts.

“Okay, let’s play. And turn on the TV before I lose my mind,” Cassidy chuckled at her. Spencer sat in the middle of the living room playing with the random scattered toys around.

“Okay, telly time. Which remote,” Cassidy asked, talking to herself. Six remotes, all different shapes and sizes stared back at her. Why did a house need this many? She tried to remember which one Niall used when they were in here but it didn’t work. This was more annoying than anything.

RIINNNNNNGGGG

“JESUS!” Cassidy screamed at the loud shrill of the phone. Her heart raced and lost her breath. Being in this house was enough.

“Hello Payne residence.” She turned attention back to Spencer who went on playing like nothing happened. Must be nice, Cassidy thought.

“Hey Cass, it’s me. Hold on a second.” Gray’s voice traveled through the line with a long of rustling in the background.

“Okay, she’s on the phone, now what? You better speak fast Niall, I’m at work.” Niall? Cassidy looked at the receiver just to make sure she wasn’t losing it.

“Gray as you speaking with Niall,” she asked.

“Wait, shut up both of you I cannot hear! Niall speak,” Gray dictated through the line, clearly getting mad.

“Seriously Ni, you couldn’t of called her? Oh please, I know you have her number don’t get coy with me. Fine, what else is she supposed to do?” Cassidy held the phone with a stiff hand, patiently waiting to figure out what he wanted. Her heart raced just as fast and sweat began to build at the base of her neck. This hopefully should be a good surprise.

“Cass, you still with me,” Gray asked.

“I-I am.”

“Good. It seems Mr. Horan left you a present in the house, which I must say is incredibly creepy. Can you go down to the laundry room,” Gray asked. Cassidy could hear the smirk in her voice.

“I can, let me just grab Spencer.” Cassidy balanced the phone on her shoulder and quickly grabbed the baby before bolting down the stairs. What was it? What did he do? The excitement made her smile.

“I am here,” Cassidy told her, practically out of breath.

“Great. Niall said it’s in the towel basket. You search while I bitch him out some more, k?” Cassidy heard her spitting words out, more than likely to Niall but she turned them out. Instead, her free hand went immediately to the basket and digging quickly. The crinkled packaging was under the last town.

“Oh my,” Cassidy abruptly said.
“What is it? It better not be something nasty,” Gray laughed on the phone. Cassidy pulled out the yellow package and smiled. He remembered their talk.

“Cass, you still with me,” Gray asked again, trying to break the silence.

“Yes, yes I am. It’s Golden Oreos.” Her fingers brushed over the packaging while Gray yelled at Niall over the phone.

“Niall! Don’t do this again. How creepy are you? Who leaves food in a basket of dirty towels? You are gross,” Gray shouted. Cassidy turned around and headed back to the kitchen not able to take her eyes off the package. Sure, it sounds like nothing to most people, but this was a lot of Cassidy. Other than her siblings, and the occasional birthday and Christmas before her mum went to liquor she got gifts but never from a friend and certainly not a boy. Such a simple gesture that made her heart swell.

“Well I’m glad I wasted time with this, I’ll catch you later Cass.”

“Yeah, see you.” The words barely came out her mouth as she continued to stare at the package. Cassidy flipped it over to find a small card taped on the bottom.

“What’s this Spence,” she quietly questioned the baby as she placed her on the phone. Spencer fussed, waiting to be held again.

“Hold on dear, let me see what your crazy uncle wrote ok? Then we can play.” Cassidy slowly turned the card over, not quite sure of what it would say.


Cassidy –
Since I’m gone I wanted to leave you a gift to remember me. I’m looking forward to seeing you again, even if it’s just for Oreos. Do me the honor of going on a date with me Saturday? Be back Friday

-N

Shit.

----

“Help me out Spence, what am I supposed to do here?” A date, a real date. Not just making out in the backyard or joining in the group. Could she really do that? It seemed so formal, and of course not in her territory at all. God, had she ever gone on a real date before? No, she definitely hadn’t. Cassidy trusted Niall, for the most part. She knew he wouldn’t put her in any situation that would danger her life, but still there is so much unknown in it all. Did he really truly care or was she just another girl to keep her warm at night? Shivers ran up her spine just thinking about it. Cassidy shook of the feelings and got her hands busy in hopes that she wouldn’t think about it anymore. The entire kitchen was spotless, with a lingering clean lemon smell covering the area before she moved onto the laundry. Hopefully Gray didn’t mind, but she needed to stay busy.

“Cass, did you clean?!” Gray’s voice echoed through the hallways, making Cassidy jump. She looked around to see six mountains of towels folded nicely in the laundry room. Whoa, when did that happen?

“Yeah you did. Wow,” Gray smirked checking out her completed project as she walked in.

“Sorry, I wanted to stay busy today,” Cassidy blushed, not realizing how much she really got done.

“I can tell. This have anything to do with Niall by chance?” Gray knew, she obviously wasn’t stupid and Cassidy knew that. Still though, she couldn’t look her in the eye. It was like getting caught by your parents for having a boy in your room.

“Quite possible, but honest I just like to be busy,” she stuttered out. Cassidy tried to continue with the laundry but Gray stopped her.

“Leave it. Give something Liam to do when he gets back tomorrow,” she laughed.

“Or, is that when Niall is back too?” Cassidy’s hands went over her mouth as fast as possible but the words made it out. Gray spun on her heels and looked at her with wide eyes.

“I knew it! I knew it! What’s going on between you? And don’t say ‘nothing’ because I’m not stupid,” Gray shouted. Her body blocked the door giving Cassidy no shot to leave.

“We are just friends,” she shrugged.

“I call bullshit. You know I’m okay with it right? Like being your boss and all? Personally Niall grosses me out like a little brother, but you can date him or whatever you two are doing and it doesn’t bother me.” Cassidy looked up from her hands and at Gray.

“How would Liam think about it?” He still had a presence to really make her feel intimidated.

“Don’t you worry about him, he is mine to deal with. So are you going to tell me because I’d love to know what’s going on,” Gray pressured. Cassidy thought about it for a second. Did she really want Gray knowing these parts of her life? Sure, telling her about Niall was common territory, but what if merged into her personal life and her mum? Nothing like that needed to be passed on. Liam and Gray would surely fire her in seconds if they really knew what was going on.

“We are friends, but hanging out. I don’t want to push things,” Cassidy told her. Gray rubbed her fingers of her chin and stared her down. Hopefully she couldn’t see her withholding the truth.

“Interesting. I can tell you aren’t giving me everything, but that’s okay.” She gave Cassidy a reassuring smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow if that’s okay,” Cassidy questioned. Gray shook her head and moved, letting her pass. Even though it was a simple conversation, Cassidy still felt completely embarrassed. That had to be the first conservation she had in a while where the person didn’t make her feel bad about herself. Well, other than Niall. His bright eyed face popped up in her mind, making her blush even harder. Man how was she going to figure all this out? Throwing the bag over her shoulder, Cassidy left the house and into the cooler air. A date could be good for her, Gray didn’t seem to think it was bad for them to hang out. This could work.

----

“Colin? You have a second,” Cassidy asked, knocking gently on the doorframe. Another day gone and still no sign of their Mom. She really didn’t know whether to cry or cheer at this point. Sure, they had gone through this before of their Mom not being around them, but it was different. They would always find little things a miss coming home. Kitchen cabinets open, the sink running or other random items that would disappear. Now though, there was nothing. It was like she left without a trace.

“Yea,” he said, looking up from his school books.

“Do you find it’s weird we haven’t seen her?” A grimace came over his face.

“A little, but I don’t mind. We can actually breathe when she isn’t around. I hope she stays gone for a long time,” he said back, a harsh tone in his voice. It sadden Cassidy really. Even before their mom went crazy, she and Colin never had that mother/son connection. There was always a distance between them.

“I wish I could say the same but I know. Do you have plans this weekend,” she asked. That was her main question after all.

“Going to Stephens Saturday,” he announced, turning his attention back to his book. Cassidy felt her chest fall. The one time he actually made plans was the one day she wanted to go out. It was like an eclipse, rarely ever happens.

“Oh well that sounds fun, glad you are getting out.” She forced herself to give him a smile before turning.

“I feel like you are wanting to say something Cassidy,” he shouted back. She told and looked at him.

“No, I’m alright. See you tomorrow morning.” Her legs quickly carried her body down the hall and to the couch. Maybe Niall would go another day? Who was she kidding though, their schedule was a mess right now. Gray’s big calendar in the kitchen had tons of post it’s and notes scribbled on there and that was just Liam’s activities, who knows what Niall had planned.

“Maybe next time,” she whispered to herself. Yet it didn’t stop the tears from crying.

----

The house was like a different world compared to the day before. As soon as she walked in the side door, the energy changed. A soft echo from the TV trailed down the hallway to her. They were back, at least some of them. Cassidy tried to hide her smile as she put down her book in the empty kitchen. She followed down the hallway, and walked into the entertainment room. Her eyes immediately spotted him sitting on the end of the large wrap around couch. The hairs on her skin stood up, and her body already felt warmer.

“Cass our favorite nanny,” Louis cheered making everyone turn to her.

“Hello,” she said, giving them a small wave. Niall’s eyes were still on her, she could feel him. It took all her might not to look his way.

“I don’t know about you but I miss the quiet. Come on down, I reorganized Spencer’s room last night.” Gray gestured to follow. Cassidy look at the guys again, making sure to not hold Niall’s glance too long before following. God this was going to be a long day.

“I took out all her small clothing and loaded up the new stuff, so if it’s big on her that’s why. Oh and over here..” Cassidy knew she should have been listening, but it was a bit hard to do at this point. Never in her life did she want Gray to leave so bad. Time was ticking and she needed to at least let Niall know she wanted to spend time with him, it just couldn’t be now. Instead, she was stuck listening to the daily organized ways of Gray Cameron.

“That should be it. If you can’t find anything Liam should be around. He is a bit jet lagged and cranky,” Gray rolled her eyes,” I’ll be home bynoon just in case you wanted to go and do something.” Cassidy blushed, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

“No need. It was for tomorrow but I have to watch my brother and sister,” Cassidy explained to be as generic as possible. Gray laughed and waved her off.

“Uh huh, I know that plan. Good luck.” She waved one more time before heading off. Cassidy smiled and quickly checked on the sleeping Gray in the other room. She had to be the easiest baby ever.

“Hi.” A quiet voice called behind her. Of course it was him, he wouldn’t have waited a second longer after Gray leaving. Cassidy tried to hold back her smile as she turned around.

“Hello,” she whispered back.

“I didn’t scare you this time.” Niall cautiously took a step toward her in the dimly lit room.

“I knew, and I don’t want to wake her,” she told him, gesturing to the sleeping child in the crib. It felt unbelievably wrong to stand here and flirt with him, since there was a child present but at this point her thoughts were getting foggy.

“Did you get my note,” Niall whispered, walking quietly up to her body. She could feel the heat from him through her clothes. Her breath caught looking up at his face. God he was so handsome. Her lips parted just hoping he would bent down and kiss her.

“You alive there Cass,” he smirked. His fingers traced down her covered arms. Thank god for her sweatshirt.

“I am. I did receive your note, but I’m afraid I cannot make it.” Her English was on point, so stiff to him. Niall abruptly took a step back.

“What does that mean Cassidy,” he asked, his eyes going dark. Cassidy’s body craved for him to be close again.

“I have to watch my siblings, my brother is going out,” she explained. The look on his face changed fast, going to a grin.

“And here I thought it was another boy.” Niall pushed back into her body, making her walk backwards into the wall. Her breath quickened, just hoping he would make a move.

“No boys.” She spat out. Niall’s rough pad of his finger traced her jaw line making her pant. God, what was going on with her? She literally wanted to throw herself on him, and that was a first.

“Perhaps another time,” he whispered in her ear. Cassidy shook her head, unable to speak. He gave her a gentle kiss on her temple before pushing back from her body and walking to the door way.

“I have to go, see you soon.” Niall walked into the hallway making Cassidy wonder what in the hell just happened. She stayed there, glued to the wall and still unable to move. Her heart raced, practically making it feel like it was going to pop out of her stomach and her lips tingled. He was barely even close to her and could make her feel this way. Cassidy shuddered wondering what would happen if they were around each other longer. She quickly readjusted her sweatshirt and took a breath. It was time to get out of that room and the dirty thoughts in her head. She quickly high tailed it into the hallway, only to run into yet another body.

“In a hurry there,” Harry smirked at her. Cassidy ducked her head down and practically ran into the kitchen. The last thing she needed with another one of these boys making her blush.

----

After the longest day ever Friday, Cassidy felt like she could breathe at home. It was Saturday and another day to relax with her family. She had spent the whole entire time at Gray’s thinking Niall was lurking in the shadows, just waiting to drive her wild again. Thankfully the whole band disappeared letting her work in peace until Gray came back. Now, it was just her, Ben and Maggie ready to start a movie marathon.

“Okay you two, I have Aladdin or Epic. Classic or not,” she called from her bedroom. Ben and Maggie were in the living room enjoying the homemade pizza they all made together. It was definitely a family favorite.

“Hey! I’m talking I hope you aren’t ignoring me,” she yelled making her way to the hallway. What could they be doing?

“Hello Cassidy.” That voice alone made her stop dead in her tracks. Niall’s voice. Why was Niall’s voice in her living room? She looked up to see him wearing a sleek black suit, along with a light grey shirt underneath. It was…. Hot. Simply hot. He looked like he had just walked out of a J. Crew magazine. Cassidy throat went dry as she scrambled for words.

“Why.. why are you you in my living room?” Her breath had quickened, making it hard to talk.

“I do believe we had a date.”

Notes

Yeah, I'm late on this. Story of my life. But at least I am back!! I really didn't check this one over before posting, other then a quick spell check so I apologize for any mistakes. Thoughts, and feelings? Lay it on me. Next one should be up by next Tuesday. For the love of Pete though I'm going to try HARD to get it up before then!!!


The twitter is up. Follow for story updates @teamgramff.


:)