I was stressing and trying hard to hide it.

Jena smiled sadly at me as she helped me tidy up the dressing room. I had no idea how I was going to stay sane with out her.

“So... you should come with us.” I said throwing a hair brush into my open Spiderman case.

Jena laughed.

I had said that about a hundred time throughout our day. “Trust me I would love to but I have collage.”

I sighed. “Collage, shmollage. Who needs an education?”

Again she laughed at me. “You’ll be fine. You have Harry to keep you occupied.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I giggled and smacked her shoulder. “Whatever. He’s no fun. All he wants to do is make out and touch my boobs.” I joked.

“You know you don’t mind.”

I stopped and looked off into the distance as if I was thinking about if before smiling at her. “No I don’t. If there is one thing that boy is good at it’s kissing me senseless. His lips should be illegal... and those hands of his.” I shivered in an over exaggerated way at the thought.

Jena shook her head and smiled. “TMI Dawn.”

Our friendship had certainly taken off once I was sure she wasn’t interested in Harry. Her relationship with Niall helped also, as opposed to Eleanor and Danielle who I only saw once in a while, Jena was always around.

She was someone I could relate to and confide in since we were both in the same situation, relationship wise.

I’m not sure anyone would ever understand how hard it was to date a teenage heartthrob, and poor Eleanor and Danielle had it so much worse. They stayed behind, we at least got to tour with them, or I did anyway now that Jena was joining the stay-at-home gang.

I understood the mechanics of this industry. I understood that Harry, as well as the others, had to shmooze and in essence flirt with a bunch of girls, some famous and some that were just fans.

I got that but it still didn’t feel great to watch, especially when it came to girls like Jasmyn. It was probably why I tried my hardest to avoid the meet and greets, sound cheeks and the pre tour parties that I knew she had been invited to. I didn’t want to have to watch him let her touch him and flirt with him.

Don’t get me wrong, their fans are wonderful, most of the women they interact with are also, I love 99.9% of them, but I am a girl and when you see a beautiful female walk up to your boyfriend and he has to smile and casually flirt with her it is most definitely a hit to the ego.

It was also something, as a girlfriend of a pop star, that you had to keep to yourself. In the end I trust Harry.

Even when it came down to the Jasmyns of the world, because girls like that never won. Not really anyway.

I noticed Jena looking at me from the corner of my eye.

“So you and Harry haven’t...” She waved her hands around and kept her voice low. I knew what she was talking about.

I could feel my cheeks blushing. Not because sex was a foreign matter to me, it wasn’t like I was a virgin and Harry certainly wasn’t either. We had talked about it, we had even gotten pretty close to it but I was always the one to hit the breaks on that.

It’s not that I didn’t want to have sex with Harry.

I was quite sure sex with Harry Styles would be an experience one would want to repeat over and over again. It was just... sex always ruined everything, at least for me it did. We were happy right now, it was fun and not complicated, sex would change that for sure.

I hadn’t slept with Cameron for the same reason.

And then there was the tiny, insecure voices that sounded an awful lot like a few ex’s of mine that were always telling me that I’m not good enough at it for him. What if we did sleep together and he finally realized I was terrible in bed... then what? I didn’t know if I could handle something like that... again.

Honestly everything about sex with Harry scared the living crap out of me.

“No.” I finally answered, my voice sounding faint.

Jena watched me for a moment trying to decide if she should say what she wanted to next.

“At the risk of sounding like a nosy gossip girl, why not?”

Again I could feel my cheeks heating up.

It was one thing to think about it and another to actually tell some one your insecurities but I knew if there was anyone in the world I could share them with it was Jena.

Besides she probably wasn’t going to let up until I told her something, might as well be the truth.

I took a deep breath and looked around the room. The boys were currently at their meet and greet and wouldn’t be returning for at least another half hour. I was in the clear there.

“Because Harry can have anyone he wants.” I said.

Jena tilted her head and frowned at me before opening her mouth to speak but I cut her off by holding a hand up.

“Right now he wants me but I’m also holding out on him. What if when I finally give in to him, he realizes he could do better?” I leaned up against the now empty counter and looked at my hands. “What if he can do better? Sex has always been the kiss of death for my relationships. Once I put out, they leave. I just... I don’t want that to happen with Harry. I am actually so deeply in love with him that I think if he were to leave me I might literally die.”

Jena took three quick strides to me and just stood in front of me staring at my face until I looked at her. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Harry is in love with you. He probably can’t remember a time he wasn’t in love with you. You can’t honestly think that he would be one of those guys that would bang you and leave. I’m pretty sure that kid is in this for the long haul.” She bit her lip before speaking again. “You should talk to him about this.”

I scoffed.

That was the last thing I wanted to do.

Harry had a lot on his plate and on top of that he has now taken it upon himself to worry about me. I was trying to make it as easy as possible for him. I didn’t want to be an added stressor in his life and unloading my deep seeded fears about our relationship just as he was about to embark on a six mouth long world tour was the last thing on the planet I thought I needed to do.

“Harry needs to focus on this tour, not on my problems.” I said jumping off the counter and walking by Jena.

“You don’t realize it yet but keeping this to yourself is only going to make more problems. He wants to know these things Dawn. That’s what he’s there for.” She stopped and tried a new approach. “If you two were still just friends and you were having these problems with someone else would you have gone to him?”

Damn. She got me.

She knew the answer to this already.

I would have, without a doubt, gone to Harry with these problems if they were about someone else, but the fact of the matter was they weren’t about anyone else and I was sure I would never have this much fear if it was someone else.

“It’s not the same.”

She began to protest but I was done talking about it. I didn’t want to spend my last day with my friend arguing about something I had already made my mind up about.

“Can we not talk about it anymore?” I said waving her off.

I head her huff behind me but she dropped the subject as requested.

We went back to our cleaning, my mind trying hard to dispel all the insecure thoughts floating around it as I tried to focus on the mindless task.

“There are carrots everywhere.” Jena chuckled as she began collecting the food off the floor.

I chuckled and began to do the same.

Earlier when we had first arrived at the venue a young, over enthusiastic girl had waved us over gabbing at a million miles an hour about how much she loved the boys and if we could take the gifts she had inside to them.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her the carrots were a played out joke with Louis as she beamed at us so I smiled and nodded. My mind quickly turning back to mischievous mode as we entered the busy halls as I told Jena my old habit of throwing the gifted carrots at the impish boy.

Jena quickly agreed with my plan and we both skipped into the dressing room hurling the food item at his head.

It was moments like those, where we were all laughing and playing around with each other, that I loved the most. These boys meant the absolute world to me and Jena was quickly becoming one of my closest friends. Things like that made it easy to forget all the worries and problems swirling around my over analytical brain.

“I’m hungry.” Jena whined holding her stomach and frowning at me, effectively pulling me out of my thoughts.

I laughed. She really was perfect for Niall. I looked down at my full hands and held it out to her. “Carrot?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Ew. No, those have been on the floor.”

I shrugged and tossed them into the trash. “We can head down to the green room. I heard there’s some yummy chicken salad and other equally yummy things in there.” I said wiggling my eyebrows at her.

She giggled and hopped over to me linking our arms and dragging me out of the room.

We skipped the whole way down the halls and into the massive, deserted green room.

Our eyes widening at the sight of the table pushed up on the far side of the room loaded down with all sorts of delicious foods.

“You’re a genius Dawn.” Jena gushed as she released my arm and rushed the table. I followed, my eyes locked on a mouthwatering chocolate cake I couldn’t wait to get a slice of.

For the next fifteen minute both of us sat in the empty room admiring every girls real true love, food.

“I should head back. I’ll need to get their stage make up ready.” I looked down at her face as I stood. She was holding a chip to her lips looking up at me with wide eyes. I knew she wasn’t ready to leave yet. “You stay here and try not to eat everything. Niall would never forgive you.”

She rolled her eyes and shoved me away as I giggled at her and waved.

I got halfway out the door when I was nearly knocked down by a very hard body.

I gripped the doorway to keep from falling and looked up to find a very apologetic looking Shane.

“I am so, so sorry.” He said holding his hands out to make sure I wasn’t going to tip over.

I pushed away from the wall as soon as I regained my balance and smiled. “No worries.” I rubbed my hands on my jeans and shrugged. “We’re even now.”

He beamed at me. “I guess we are.”

Silence passed as we both just stared, it was a little more then awkward.

I pressed my lips together in a tight smile and bunched my shoulders together before pointing over his shoulder. “I should probably go.”

“Oh yea. Yea. Sorry.” He stuttered out before a worried look took over his face and he spoke. “Hey Dawn. I’m sorry if I’m giving off the wrong vibes.”

I furrowed my eyebrow in question.

“Um, your boyfriend... he kind of... not so subtly let me know you were off limits. I just wanted you to know that ... I... um... I know that.”

I bite my lip and closed my eyes. I could tell by the way Shane was stumbling over his words that Harry more then likely was less the polite while doing so. Damn Harry. “No worries Shane. It was just a misunderstanding. Don’t even stress about it.”

He smiled weakly and nodded. “If you say so.”

“I do.” I confirmed. My mind thinking of all the ways I was going to skin Harry the next time I saw him. All I had done was speak to the poor sound tech. Harry had no right to make him feel uncomfortable on a tour he had to work on as well. “I really have to go though Shane.”

“Of course. See you around Dawn.” He said waving as I walked away.

I smiled evilly to myself. I wasn’t really all that mad at Harry just a little annoyed by him at the moment.

As I turned into the dressing room, plotting ways to make him pay for his over bearing possessiveness, I froze in my tracks.

Sitting on the counter top Jena and I had been organizing not 20 minutes ago sat the most beautiful arrangement of red roses. My mind instantly went to Harry.

Maybe I would let his annoying behavior slid.

I was normally an orchid or lily kind of girl but these flowers were stunning. All I could do was stare at them.

Then I noticed the note attached to it and a smile graced my lips. I quickly skipped over to snatch the envelop from were it was tucked away among the red roses.

I pulled the card out, not bothering to pick up what had slipped out as I read over the words in the vaguely familiar hand writing. As I did I felt all the blood rush from my face. I looked down slowly after rereading the note to find a picture facing up laying on the floor at my feet.

It was grainy and dark but I knew exactly what it was.

It had been taken right after the first show. Me and Harry were in his car locked in a kiss when we thought no one could see, over my face there was a heart scratched into the photo paper and next to me an ‘x’ had been scratched in multiple times over Harry’s face.

My heart stopped as I stood frozen looking down at the shot.

No fans could have taken it. No one was allowed into that parking lot with out an all access pass.

My eyes fell back to the card I was clutching.

How could you be with him?

I didn’t have much time to think any more on it as I heard loud voices coming closer. I quickly scooped up the photo and the note before shoving both into the pocket of my case.

My back was to the door as I squeezed my eyes tight and took a few deep breaths before turning just in time to see the boys and Jena enter the room.

Harry instantly knew something was up and I cursed myself for being so easy to read for him.

“Babe you alright?” He asked, worry etched into his face.

I smiled the best I could and nodded. “Yea. just....” I looked to the Spiderman case on the counter, eyeing the pocket that had the frightening letter before turning back to face him. “I’m just really stressed. Touring without Jena is going to suck.” I covered.

“Whoa. Pretty flowers.” Jena gushed eyeing the roses. “Where’d they come from?”

My mind began to panic as I tried to come up with an excuse for them to be here. “Um,” I looked at flowers and then at the boys. “The um venue directors sent them as a thank you.” I rushed out. I probably would have congratulated myself for the quick thinking if it wasn’t for the fact that I was a little freaked out by where they might have actually come from.

“That’s really nice of them.” Liam said with a smile.

Harry still eyed me suspiciously and all I could do was smile tightly at him. He must have known something was up but I would be damned if I told him this.

There was no way I was telling Harry about this. He was far to protective a person not to overreact and flip out about it. Not to mention the stress and strain it would cause him on this tour. If I wasn’t going to tell him about my insecurities about Jasmyn or our sex life for that reason, I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him about this.

Besides it was just two notes. For all I knew it was a worker at this arena and this was the last note I would receive.

I really, really hoped that was the case anyway.

Notes

And one more chapter just cause. Let me know what you think <3