I Loved You First
Chapter Three
“Harry, you shouldn’t be here,” I murmured, trying not to look at him. But I caved. He was wearing this loosely fitted white shirt that showed off even more tattoos on his arms that he never had before. He was wearing what looked to be like the same jeans and shoes from before. He had a bandana tied around his head with his hair pushed back behind it. He looked more beautiful than I remembered. But that thought was only in my mind for a minute. “How did you even get my number? And my address?”
“I tortured Niall. Don’t be mad at him, he just didn’t want to be tickled anymore. Can I come in?”
“Harry, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Sam could come home anytime now.”
He shrugged and walked past me anyways and sat on my couch. “It’s not like we’re doing anything. I just want to talk.”
I closed the front door and sat down beside him. “About what, Harry? I’ve heard what you had to say.”
“Elaine, I know you’re never going to forgive me or forget about what happened, but fuck, I want you back in my life. I don’t care how. Even if we just send one word texts to each other once a month. I just want you as a friend again.”
“You really, really, hurt me. You know that?”
He slipped his shoes off and pulled his feet up on the couch so he could support his head on his knees and wrap his arms around his legs. “I know I did, Elaine. I know. And I’ve felt like shit since. I know I can’t have you back as a lover, but I at least want you back as a friend, you know? I’m not going to leave you again. And I’m willing to do anything to prove it to you.”
“Anything?”
“Yeah, Elaine.”
“Post a Twitter update that says ‘I love the smell of butt.’”
He shot me the most confused look on his face. “Wait, what?”
“You heard me. Post that to your millions of followers.”
“I don’t…uh..”
“You said anything, Styles. Or were you lying?”
He signed and pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing something. “…There. It’s posted, see?” He flashed the phone at me.
I started to laugh, and Harry just started to smile at me. “What are you smiling at?”
“I haven’t heard you laugh or seen you smile in a long time. You light up a room when you smile, you know.”
I shook my head as I felt a vibrating coming from my pocket. I had a text message from Sam.
Sorry, babe. I’ll be home in 5.
“Shit, Harry, you have to leave. Now,” I commanded, standing up and pulling him off of the couch.
“What, why?”
“My boyfriend knows about our past and really doesn’t like you. If you want to see me again, you need to just leave.” I opened the door and he started to walk out.
“Will you at least text me?”
“Yes. I promise. Just go, please.”
He smiled at me and got into his vehicle. I watched as he drove off, and I could help but think to myself about that. Did I make the right decision bringing Harry back into my life? How was I going to tell Sam about this? Should I even tell him?
As soon as Harry was out of sight, Sam pulled into the driveway. He walked up to me while I was still standing in the doorway.
“Is there a reason you’ve got the door open, standin’ here when I pulled up?”
Yeah, my ex-boyfriend who you hate was just in the house, I said in my head.
“I was just waiting for you to get home. I’m sorry about what I said,” I lied.
He pulled me in by the waist and kissed my forehead. “So am I love. Let’s go to bed.”
He walked in and I shut the door behind him. “I’ll be in the room in a few minutes, I’m just going to watch some telly.” He nodded at me and went into our bedroom and shut the door behind him as I sat down on the couch and turned on the television.
I was watching this game show for a good ten minutes when all of a sudden Sam busts open our bedroom door and comes stomping into the living room.
“Really, Elaine? Really? I fucking thought you were done with Harry fucking Styles!”
I stood up and started to slowly approach him. “What are you talking about, Sam?”
“I was looking for something in our wardrobe and I found a box I had never seen before, and when I open it, I see this shit!” He was holding a picture that Harry and I had taken in a booth on one of our dates.
“It’s just a memory box, Sam. And that’s just a picture. He’s not the only person in there. You need to calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down. That’s not the only thing in there and you know it.” He then pulled something out of his pocket that I forgot I still had.
The promise ring Harry gave me.
I started to shake. I had never seen Sam that mad before in my life. “Sam, I can honestly say I forgot that was in there. I made that box a month after I started university. That was a long time ago.”
“Save it, Elaine. You need to decide whether you want me or him. When you decide, give me a call.”
He threw the photo and the ring on the ground and started to walk out the door, but I grabbed his arm to stop him. “Sam, please stop! You aren’t even listening to me!”
He quickly pulled away from me. “Shut up. Just stop. Like I said, when you decide, call me.” He then walked out the door and drove away.
I fell to the floor and began to sob. Why did I put that ring in the box? Why did I forget that box was in our shared wardrobe? I obviously knew I wanted to be with Sam, but it felt nice to have Harry as a friend again. I didn’t know what to do, so when I calmed down a little bit, I called Rose. She didn’t answer. So I called again. And she didn’t answer.
Not caring that I was still in my tank and shorts, I put on shoes and grabbed my keys. I needed to talk to her. I couldn’t talk to Niall or Louis because I know that they’d want me to just be with Harry. I needed Rose. I needed my best friend.
When I got into my car, it wouldn’t crank. I kept trying, and trying, but it just wouldn’t crank. I tried for twenty minutes, but it just wouldn’t start.
That is when I resorted to calling Louis for a ride, but he was out of town with Eleanor. Then I called Niall, but he was at a football match.
And then I only had one person left I could call for a ride. And they said they would take me. I picked up the ring and photo, set them on a table, and then I walked out the door.
---
“Thank you…for the ride,” I mumbled to Harry as we drove to Rose’s house.
“You’re welcome. So are you going to tell me what was wrong?”
I didn’t tell Harry anything that happened between Sam and I, I just told him I couldn’t get a hold of Rose and needed a ride. “What are you talking about?”
“I know when you’ve been crying, El. And when you called me, you had just got done crying a river.”
“You know me way too well. It’s a little scary,” I said with a chuckle.
“Hey, you know you’re the same way with me. Now spill.”
I sighed. Even though Harry just now re-entered my life, he still knew so much about me that I knew I could talk to him about anything. “Sam found an old picture of us in this memory box I have that has a bunch of old pictures of me and friends and he blew up. He left the house.” I wasn’t going to tell him about the ring. I felt like if I did, it he would change the subject.
“He left?”
“He said I have to decide between you or him.”
Harry’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, and even though it was dark, I could tell he was frowning. “I’m just going to assume you chose him.”
“Harry, I love Sam. I do. And I want to be with him. But I want to be your friend. I’m going to get him to come to his senses. I promise that.”
His grip loosened and he let a soft smile form on his face. “I appreciate it, Elaine. I really do.”
After driving for a bit, we finally pulled onto Rose’s street.
“It’s that one,” I said, pointing to one of the houses.
“The one with the green car in the driveway?” he asked.
“Yeah, wait, wait, what the hell?” I looked at the car as we pulled into the drive way.
Rose didn’t own a car.
“What is it, El?” Harry asked as he put the car in park.
“Harry ….that’s Sam’s car,” I murmured. “What could he be doing here?”
“Maybe he’s here to get advice on how to handle this. Or maybe he knew you’d be here, you know?” he answered.
“I guess so,” I replied. “Just stay here. I’m going to tell them we’re here and I’ll come back out and get you, because I want them both to meet you.”
He nodded and I got out of the car. I never rang Rose’s doorbell or knocked, and I didn’t plan on doing it now. I opened the door and walked in to an empty living room. Then I walked into her kitchen, which was also empty.
“Where could they be?” I asked myself. Then I heard a noise coming from her bedroom. I walked back there and opened the door.
“Hey, what’s-“
“Oh my fucking god, Elaine-“
“Save your shit, Sam. Save both of your shit. You two are fucking disgusting and I hope you both rot in hell you fucking cunts!”
I then ran out of the house and into Harry’s SUV.
“Am I going in? Or- wait, wait, what’s going on? Why are you crying?”
“Just drive! Take me home!”
Harry pulled out of the driveway and started for home. He didn’t say anything to me; he just put his hand on my knee and rubbed it with his thumb. He knew I’d talk when I was ready. It was a little comforting to know he still knew what to do when I was upset.
When we pulled up to my flat, we just sat in silence in his car for a few moments before I finally spoke.
“They were having sex, Harry. Rose and Sam were having sex.”
I started sobbing again. He unbuckled his seat belt and pulled me into his chest. He started rubbing my back just like he used to when I would cry. We just stayed in that position for a good ten minutes before I finally pulled away just enough to see his face. His eyes were watery.
“Why are you crying, Harry?” I asked.
“Because I can only imagine what I put you through, Elaine. It fucking kills me to know that I made you feel like this once.”
“Harry, you didn’t have sex with who I thought was my best friend when we were together. Who knows how long that has been going on! That explains why she would always stay over even when I left….Why am I good enough for no one? Why am I such a damn loser?”
Harry put his hands on my shoulders and faced me straight toward him. “Elaine Anne Calhoun, you are not a loser. You don’t deserve someone who treats you like that. You are beautiful and strong. You deserve a man who will love you no matter what. You are fucking perfect. And I mean it.”
And that’s when I did it. I pushed myself forward onto Harry so our lips crashed together. When I realize what I did, I quickly pulled away and looked at Harry, who was surprised. But he pulled me back in and kissed me again, but this time, it was more passionate. And it stayed like that for a long time before I finally pulled away.
“Come inside with me,” I said softly to him. We got out of the car and I took his hand and led him inside. He shut the front the door behind me and pushed me against it, putting his hands over my head on the door so I was trapped there. He pressed his lips against my neck with such force that I couldn’t help but let out a small moan. He then picked me up by my bum and I wrapped my legs around him. We kept our lips together until he finally took me into my bed room and threw me down on the bed. He then took off his shirt and I did the same.
He stared at me for a while before a mischievous smirk formed on his face.
“I’m about to make you scream my name so loud that they’ll be able to hear us from there.”
“I tortured Niall. Don’t be mad at him, he just didn’t want to be tickled anymore. Can I come in?”
“Harry, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Sam could come home anytime now.”
He shrugged and walked past me anyways and sat on my couch. “It’s not like we’re doing anything. I just want to talk.”
I closed the front door and sat down beside him. “About what, Harry? I’ve heard what you had to say.”
“Elaine, I know you’re never going to forgive me or forget about what happened, but fuck, I want you back in my life. I don’t care how. Even if we just send one word texts to each other once a month. I just want you as a friend again.”
“You really, really, hurt me. You know that?”
He slipped his shoes off and pulled his feet up on the couch so he could support his head on his knees and wrap his arms around his legs. “I know I did, Elaine. I know. And I’ve felt like shit since. I know I can’t have you back as a lover, but I at least want you back as a friend, you know? I’m not going to leave you again. And I’m willing to do anything to prove it to you.”
“Anything?”
“Yeah, Elaine.”
“Post a Twitter update that says ‘I love the smell of butt.’”
He shot me the most confused look on his face. “Wait, what?”
“You heard me. Post that to your millions of followers.”
“I don’t…uh..”
“You said anything, Styles. Or were you lying?”
He signed and pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing something. “…There. It’s posted, see?” He flashed the phone at me.
I started to laugh, and Harry just started to smile at me. “What are you smiling at?”
“I haven’t heard you laugh or seen you smile in a long time. You light up a room when you smile, you know.”
I shook my head as I felt a vibrating coming from my pocket. I had a text message from Sam.
Sorry, babe. I’ll be home in 5.
“Shit, Harry, you have to leave. Now,” I commanded, standing up and pulling him off of the couch.
“What, why?”
“My boyfriend knows about our past and really doesn’t like you. If you want to see me again, you need to just leave.” I opened the door and he started to walk out.
“Will you at least text me?”
“Yes. I promise. Just go, please.”
He smiled at me and got into his vehicle. I watched as he drove off, and I could help but think to myself about that. Did I make the right decision bringing Harry back into my life? How was I going to tell Sam about this? Should I even tell him?
As soon as Harry was out of sight, Sam pulled into the driveway. He walked up to me while I was still standing in the doorway.
“Is there a reason you’ve got the door open, standin’ here when I pulled up?”
Yeah, my ex-boyfriend who you hate was just in the house, I said in my head.
“I was just waiting for you to get home. I’m sorry about what I said,” I lied.
He pulled me in by the waist and kissed my forehead. “So am I love. Let’s go to bed.”
He walked in and I shut the door behind him. “I’ll be in the room in a few minutes, I’m just going to watch some telly.” He nodded at me and went into our bedroom and shut the door behind him as I sat down on the couch and turned on the television.
I was watching this game show for a good ten minutes when all of a sudden Sam busts open our bedroom door and comes stomping into the living room.
“Really, Elaine? Really? I fucking thought you were done with Harry fucking Styles!”
I stood up and started to slowly approach him. “What are you talking about, Sam?”
“I was looking for something in our wardrobe and I found a box I had never seen before, and when I open it, I see this shit!” He was holding a picture that Harry and I had taken in a booth on one of our dates.
“It’s just a memory box, Sam. And that’s just a picture. He’s not the only person in there. You need to calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down. That’s not the only thing in there and you know it.” He then pulled something out of his pocket that I forgot I still had.
The promise ring Harry gave me.
I started to shake. I had never seen Sam that mad before in my life. “Sam, I can honestly say I forgot that was in there. I made that box a month after I started university. That was a long time ago.”
“Save it, Elaine. You need to decide whether you want me or him. When you decide, give me a call.”
He threw the photo and the ring on the ground and started to walk out the door, but I grabbed his arm to stop him. “Sam, please stop! You aren’t even listening to me!”
He quickly pulled away from me. “Shut up. Just stop. Like I said, when you decide, call me.” He then walked out the door and drove away.
I fell to the floor and began to sob. Why did I put that ring in the box? Why did I forget that box was in our shared wardrobe? I obviously knew I wanted to be with Sam, but it felt nice to have Harry as a friend again. I didn’t know what to do, so when I calmed down a little bit, I called Rose. She didn’t answer. So I called again. And she didn’t answer.
Not caring that I was still in my tank and shorts, I put on shoes and grabbed my keys. I needed to talk to her. I couldn’t talk to Niall or Louis because I know that they’d want me to just be with Harry. I needed Rose. I needed my best friend.
When I got into my car, it wouldn’t crank. I kept trying, and trying, but it just wouldn’t crank. I tried for twenty minutes, but it just wouldn’t start.
That is when I resorted to calling Louis for a ride, but he was out of town with Eleanor. Then I called Niall, but he was at a football match.
And then I only had one person left I could call for a ride. And they said they would take me. I picked up the ring and photo, set them on a table, and then I walked out the door.
---
“Thank you…for the ride,” I mumbled to Harry as we drove to Rose’s house.
“You’re welcome. So are you going to tell me what was wrong?”
I didn’t tell Harry anything that happened between Sam and I, I just told him I couldn’t get a hold of Rose and needed a ride. “What are you talking about?”
“I know when you’ve been crying, El. And when you called me, you had just got done crying a river.”
“You know me way too well. It’s a little scary,” I said with a chuckle.
“Hey, you know you’re the same way with me. Now spill.”
I sighed. Even though Harry just now re-entered my life, he still knew so much about me that I knew I could talk to him about anything. “Sam found an old picture of us in this memory box I have that has a bunch of old pictures of me and friends and he blew up. He left the house.” I wasn’t going to tell him about the ring. I felt like if I did, it he would change the subject.
“He left?”
“He said I have to decide between you or him.”
Harry’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, and even though it was dark, I could tell he was frowning. “I’m just going to assume you chose him.”
“Harry, I love Sam. I do. And I want to be with him. But I want to be your friend. I’m going to get him to come to his senses. I promise that.”
His grip loosened and he let a soft smile form on his face. “I appreciate it, Elaine. I really do.”
After driving for a bit, we finally pulled onto Rose’s street.
“It’s that one,” I said, pointing to one of the houses.
“The one with the green car in the driveway?” he asked.
“Yeah, wait, wait, what the hell?” I looked at the car as we pulled into the drive way.
Rose didn’t own a car.
“What is it, El?” Harry asked as he put the car in park.
“Harry ….that’s Sam’s car,” I murmured. “What could he be doing here?”
“Maybe he’s here to get advice on how to handle this. Or maybe he knew you’d be here, you know?” he answered.
“I guess so,” I replied. “Just stay here. I’m going to tell them we’re here and I’ll come back out and get you, because I want them both to meet you.”
He nodded and I got out of the car. I never rang Rose’s doorbell or knocked, and I didn’t plan on doing it now. I opened the door and walked in to an empty living room. Then I walked into her kitchen, which was also empty.
“Where could they be?” I asked myself. Then I heard a noise coming from her bedroom. I walked back there and opened the door.
“Hey, what’s-“
“Oh my fucking god, Elaine-“
“Save your shit, Sam. Save both of your shit. You two are fucking disgusting and I hope you both rot in hell you fucking cunts!”
I then ran out of the house and into Harry’s SUV.
“Am I going in? Or- wait, wait, what’s going on? Why are you crying?”
“Just drive! Take me home!”
Harry pulled out of the driveway and started for home. He didn’t say anything to me; he just put his hand on my knee and rubbed it with his thumb. He knew I’d talk when I was ready. It was a little comforting to know he still knew what to do when I was upset.
When we pulled up to my flat, we just sat in silence in his car for a few moments before I finally spoke.
“They were having sex, Harry. Rose and Sam were having sex.”
I started sobbing again. He unbuckled his seat belt and pulled me into his chest. He started rubbing my back just like he used to when I would cry. We just stayed in that position for a good ten minutes before I finally pulled away just enough to see his face. His eyes were watery.
“Why are you crying, Harry?” I asked.
“Because I can only imagine what I put you through, Elaine. It fucking kills me to know that I made you feel like this once.”
“Harry, you didn’t have sex with who I thought was my best friend when we were together. Who knows how long that has been going on! That explains why she would always stay over even when I left….Why am I good enough for no one? Why am I such a damn loser?”
Harry put his hands on my shoulders and faced me straight toward him. “Elaine Anne Calhoun, you are not a loser. You don’t deserve someone who treats you like that. You are beautiful and strong. You deserve a man who will love you no matter what. You are fucking perfect. And I mean it.”
And that’s when I did it. I pushed myself forward onto Harry so our lips crashed together. When I realize what I did, I quickly pulled away and looked at Harry, who was surprised. But he pulled me back in and kissed me again, but this time, it was more passionate. And it stayed like that for a long time before I finally pulled away.
“Come inside with me,” I said softly to him. We got out of the car and I took his hand and led him inside. He shut the front the door behind me and pushed me against it, putting his hands over my head on the door so I was trapped there. He pressed his lips against my neck with such force that I couldn’t help but let out a small moan. He then picked me up by my bum and I wrapped my legs around him. We kept our lips together until he finally took me into my bed room and threw me down on the bed. He then took off his shirt and I did the same.
He stared at me for a while before a mischievous smirk formed on his face.
“I’m about to make you scream my name so loud that they’ll be able to hear us from there.”
10/30/13