We walked in the door and I went straight to the bedroom and put my suitcase down. I started to change into my pajamas when Harry knocked on the door.

“Can I come in?” he asked

“It’s your room do what you want.” I said pulling my hair into a ponytail.

“Jazz-”

“I’m really tired I'm going bed. Could you shut the light off when you’re done please” I said pulling up the covers and turning towards the wall. I heard him sigh and a few minutes later felt him climb into bed. He hovered next to me unsure what to do before he sighed again and turned over and shut off the light.

LINEBREAK

I woke up to feel Harry's arms around me. I quickly untangled myself and got out of bed. He groggily stirred and asked “Why you in such a hurry to get out of bed?”

“Just don’t feel like spending the day in bed.” I said gathering clothes and getting ready.

“Jazz can we talk about last night please.”

“What do you want me to say? That I'm mad? Yeah I'm fucking pissed. That you ruined my one vacation? Yeah you did. That I don’t believe for a second you didn’t go up there to check up on me, cuz I don’t. Is that what you wanted hear?”

“Jazz I'm sorry-”

“Yah you always are.” I pull my ponytail tighter grab my bag and walk out of the apartment.Sped walked out of the building and got into the car. I pulled out and tried to think of somewhere to go. I just wanted to be alone. I drove until I ended up at this park I always used to go to whenever I needed to think or just needed some peace and quiet. I wonder why I stopped coming.

You’ve stopped a lot of things since you and Harry started dating. That little voice in the back of
my head said. I sat on my favorite rock that sat right next to a pond and combed through my brain trying to remember other stuff I used to do before me and Harry got together.

“Jazz?” I heard a voice behind me.

“Zayn what are you doing here?”

“Harry’s going nuts trying to find you. I figured you would end up here sooner or later.”

“I don’t think I ever even told him about this place.” I said looking around.

“Really? That’s odd.”

“How so?”

“This is your place, when you brought me here it was the first time I felt you open up to me, first time I felt close to you. This is like letting someone in to your own sacred sanctuary. I thought you would have showed him.”

“I just kinda forgot about it. He made me forget about a lot of things I love.”

“What do you mean?” he said sitting next to me and pulling out his pack. He offered me one and I shook my head, then as he was putting back I changed my mind and took one.

“Like smoking for instance. He made me quit when I actuality I love to smoke. Like I love smoking and I'm saying without being addicted. Everything felt right with a cigarette in my hand.” I said taking a big drag. “And coming here! I came here almost every day and now I can’t even remember when the last time I came was. And hiking, I always would hike and I don’t remember when the last time I went hiking was either. And god I haven’t written anything in months. Or read anything! You remember how much a book worm I was I would go through a book a day and I haven’t been able to read in forever. What happened to me?” I said inhaling more smoke.

“Honestly I think you’re depressed.”

“Hmmm what makes you say that?”

“Come on Jazz you haven’t been yourself in a long time. You’re always angry or tense and all your smiles seem forced. You constantly look like you’re about to break down. You have lost all interest in the things you absolutely love. I don’t remember the last time I saw a smile reach your eyes or a laugh sound genuine.”

“Really?” I tried to think back. “Me neither.”

“I think you are so depressed because or your relationship. I know I'm the last person that should be saying this but as someone who loves you I hate seeing you this way. I was fine leaving you two be when your happy but honestly Jazz you’re not happy anymore are you.” I shook my head and sobbed, I don’t even remember what part of the conversation I started crying.

“Let me ask something. Do you even love him anymore?”

“No.” I said before I could even think of the question. My hand flew to my mouth and my eyes widened. I couldn’t believe what I had just said. I sobbed harder at realizing it was true, I didn’t love Harry.

“Oh please don’t cry. Come here.” He pulled me in and let me cry myself out. I looked up at him as he wiped away some of my tears and he leaned in. I jumped up and shook my head.

“What?”

“Zayn I can’t do this. Even though all that just happened I'm still with Harry. I can’t cheat on him. I need some time to figure out everything.” I turned and jogged my way back to the car before he could say anything else.