Little Things
6 months
It was August 21 exactly 6 months since the last time I cut. I don’t know why I kept them for so long but I did. But I made a promise that on the 6 month mark I would throw away my supplies for good. I held on for long enough. It was time.
I ask harry to come with me today. I know I was making a big deal out of this but to me giving up was this whole big ceremony of its own so I feel the throwing away of my supplies should have its own ceremony too. So I decided to burn them. But seeing as they are metal that doesn’t really work so we wrapped them in clothe [yes I realize I'm going a little over board but yah]. We walked to this woods area not too far from my house and to this place people call “the meadows” basically a place where people have bonfires and parties at night, but in the day time it is a peaceful beautiful place. And if you are there at just the right time in the afternoon, the light reflects off all the broken bottles and pieces of glass and makes the whole place shimmer. It makes what would usually be a disgusting hazardous place into my own personal happy place. The reason I decided to come here and burn them here is a lot of the times I was upset and couldn’t bear to be at home I would come here and I would feel safe.
We finally got through the brush and landed in The Meadows. I’ve only taken Harry here once so being invited back in was a huge thing for him. We walked over to where the bonfires are typically held and dug our own hole off to the side. I knelt down and closed my eyes, clutching my supplies for the last time before lighting a match and setting it aflame. I waited for the cloth to totally catch before setting it in the little hole and watching it burn. As I stared at the fire burning what once was a huge part of my life, instead of feeling sad or angry, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. I watched the last of the cloth burn leaving the razors burnt and battered, when all the sudden something caught my eye. A twinkle from a shard of glass then another, then another. As the sun poured over the Meadows more shards of glass glistened. I smiled and slowly stood up and turned to see Harry in awe. I smiled again and took his hand and we walked out of “The Meadows” leaving behind the soot-ridden razors, for good.
I ask harry to come with me today. I know I was making a big deal out of this but to me giving up was this whole big ceremony of its own so I feel the throwing away of my supplies should have its own ceremony too. So I decided to burn them. But seeing as they are metal that doesn’t really work so we wrapped them in clothe [yes I realize I'm going a little over board but yah]. We walked to this woods area not too far from my house and to this place people call “the meadows” basically a place where people have bonfires and parties at night, but in the day time it is a peaceful beautiful place. And if you are there at just the right time in the afternoon, the light reflects off all the broken bottles and pieces of glass and makes the whole place shimmer. It makes what would usually be a disgusting hazardous place into my own personal happy place. The reason I decided to come here and burn them here is a lot of the times I was upset and couldn’t bear to be at home I would come here and I would feel safe.
We finally got through the brush and landed in The Meadows. I’ve only taken Harry here once so being invited back in was a huge thing for him. We walked over to where the bonfires are typically held and dug our own hole off to the side. I knelt down and closed my eyes, clutching my supplies for the last time before lighting a match and setting it aflame. I waited for the cloth to totally catch before setting it in the little hole and watching it burn. As I stared at the fire burning what once was a huge part of my life, instead of feeling sad or angry, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. I watched the last of the cloth burn leaving the razors burnt and battered, when all the sudden something caught my eye. A twinkle from a shard of glass then another, then another. As the sun poured over the Meadows more shards of glass glistened. I smiled and slowly stood up and turned to see Harry in awe. I smiled again and took his hand and we walked out of “The Meadows” leaving behind the soot-ridden razors, for good.
7/11/13