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Little Things

To Be or Not To Be

Zayn P.O.V

“Zayn you need to tell her how you feel. Your real feelings.” Alex said to me as I smoked my second cigarette. This whole situation stressed me more than ever.

“I can’t. I'm just the 'good friend' I said quoting the words she used "I guess thats all I'll ever be. I set myself up that way i guess. Besides She’s in love with Harry. Telling her I'm in love with her is not going to change anything. It’s just going to confuse her.”

“At least she’ll know.” She said plainly. “You’ve been in love with her ever since I could remember. Can I ask you something? Why did you give up the last few weeks of your relationship with her? Why did you push her away?”

“Because I’m not boyfriend material. I wasn’t ready to be in that kind of relationship yet. I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. And besides she was still heartbroken over Harry. I felt like she was only with me because of it.”

“Even if that’s how it started that’s not how it ended. Not for her. She really liked you, on the border of falling for you, moving past Harry. If you hadn’t let go she wouldn’t have left you.”

“I know I realize that now Alex!” I said exasperated.

“I know this is hard for you-”

“Yah Alex it is! Because she is always going to be in love with Harry. End of story.”

Jazz P.O.V

So for the next week or so I stayed far away from the boys. I felt terrible for using Zayn like that. I just needed to distance myself from all of them. I hurt Zayn worse than I have everyone hurt before. He has done nothing but look out for me since day one. I just need to stay away from all of them for a while. Or all I’ll do is because more damage.

Throughout the week whenever one of the boys tried to talk to me I made up some bullshit excuse and left. The only person I have talked to is Alex and that wasn’t even working out in my favor because I kept feeling like she was disappointed in me. Just tried to keep to myself. Then the dreaded came, Junior Retreat.

Every year at my school each class goes on a retreat to some rec center and does bonding exercises. And this is great and fine and all but both Zayn and Harry are group leaders. I just prayed I wasn’t in either of their groups.

So I got to the rec center and checked myself in and received my little name tag that told me what group I was in. I asked around and thankfully I wasn’t in any of their groups. I was with Liam and some other senior girl I didn’t know really well.

Now we did some fun activities throughout the day. I even got up and talked about cutting. After this whole ordeal I ended up relapsing. I felt horrible right after but one of the main reasons that I had started was I felt like was being a bad friend. And after using Zayn like that I couldn’t feel like a worse one.

The exercise that affected me the most was the last one we did. They started playing music, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. They handed out paper about the size of an index card and told us to write something on it that had been holding us back from being who we were meant to be. I wrote down cutting. After being clean for 3 months then relapsing I was so mad at myself. I wanted to give it up, for good. After we wrote down our thing we were to bring them to the middle of the circle where they put them in a pot and burned them. After I brought mine up I turned around and Alex was standing behind me. I don’t know what came over me but I started crying. It was the kind of crying that started out with a couple tears but quickly turned into hysterics. After a few seconds she pulled away and pushed me into another body. I shakily inhaled and smelled a smell I wasn’t expecting. I look up with tear ringed eyes and found his eyes, eyes I wasn’t sure I was ready to look into in such a vulnerable state. I’d never seen his expression so serious. Those green eyes looked as if they were blinking back their own tears and I buried myself into his chest.

Harry brought me over to some chairs and had me sit down. I curled up into and watched the fire burn. I saw my teacher throw my paper into the fire and I and I cried like I never have before. I felt like something inside me had died. Harry pulled me tighter into him and let me cry myself out. Once everyone’s papers were in the fire they waited until they had all burned to ash before putting the fire out. As the lights came up and the music stopped I wiped my eyes and sat up. I got up and started to put my chair away and went in search of some napkins. I turned around and Harry was holding a few in his hand. I took a couple and wiped my eyes again and blew my nose.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

“You’re beautiful.” He said brushing my hair out of my face. I rolled my eyes at him and he smirked. He went to pull away and I put my hand over his to keep it on my cheek. I wasn’t ready to let this moment end.

“Jazz I know I don’t deserve it but could you maybe think of us getting back together?” he said with desperation in his eyes.

“Harry-”

“Look before you say no just listen to me. I broke up with you for your sake. I know that sounds odd but I had to make sure I was fully invested. I know I broke your heart but Jazz I’m in love with you. I have never felt like this about anyone not even Rylan. Seeing you cry right then made me cry. I never cry, ever. I’m sorry for hurting you so badly but I need you Jazz. Please.” His eyes pleading for forgiveness. I know I should of thought about it more I should of turned away from him and never gave it a second thought but somewhere inside me I needed him too.

“We can try again.” I said bringing my eyes to meet his.

“W-we can?” he said the biggest smile spreading across his face. He picked me up and spun me around. I giggled when he set me down and he kissed me.

“I love you Jasmine Elizabeth Mercer.”

“I love you too, Harry Edward Styles.”

Zayn P.O.V.

I had been watching Jazz all day. I knew immediately what she was going to write down. I watched her walk up to the pot and hand in the piece of paper. She turned to Alex and I could tell she was crying. I got up and made my way over to her when I saw Harry come up behind her and pull her into a hug. He led her back to the seats and held her as she cried her heart and soul onto his t-shirt. I sat back down and watched them. I watched her hurriedly slide away when the music ended. He followed her and started to talk to her. I already knew he was telling her he was in love with her. I could just see it in the way he was acting. He was frantic and hurried and quite honestly a mess. He had been since the night he dumped her. She smiled and I knew she had said yes. I watched them kiss and walk off hand in hand thinking that this whole time it should be me. But I knew he is what she needed or at least wanted. I couldn’t bear to ruin this for her. All I care about is if she is happy. And this is the happiest I have seen her sine the day he asked her out the first time. And that’s all that mattered.

Notes

Comment and tell me what you think!! I love your feed back! Tell me are you team harry it team zayn????!?

Comments

AWWWWWW, I know, ita super sad that its over, but that ending was so cute! <3
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! This can't be the end!!!! WHY!?!?!?!
honestly, please update this, I'm actually dying.
turtlegirlkirk turtlegirlkirk
7/10/13
Im gonna have to cry becuz ur not updating .... :'(
little_old_me little_old_me
7/8/13
ummmmm PLEASE UPDATE I'M DYING