Do The Stars Shine Out For You?
Chapter Thirteen
The second the car pulled up to the curb, I pushed open the door and climbed out. I tightened my hands around the strap of my bag and didn’t wait for Harry before I shoved inside, opting for the stairs on my way up to the flat he shared with Louis.
I made it all the way to the white door with a fancy silver number plate and wrapped my hand around the handle before I realized I didn’t have a key, and Lou was staying with El and wasn’t inside.
So I turned and leaned against the wall and waited, pressing the shuffle option on my iPod.
I didn’t here the ding of the elevator as it opened on this floor, Harry walking out silently like a ghost. I didn’t see him until he passed right in front of me, throwing a cautious glance in my direction like I was something to be feared. His keys jingled as he twisted them in the lock, throwing the door open and waiting for me to walk in first.
Even when we were mad at each other he was still the perfect gentleman.
I walked in and made myself at home on the couch, kicking off my sandals and twisting my legs into a pretzel. I pulled out the ear buds in the middle of 1901by Phoenix, watching Harry as he made his rounds about the flat.
He pulled off his jumper and hung it on a coat rack, slipping off his trainers by the door. A clang as his keys hit the granite counter top in his kitchen, a few clicks as he switched on the lights.
Then he came into the living room and sat in a chair opposite from me, hands clasped. He brought them to his mouth for a few brief moments before leveling his gaze at me. It almost hurt to look into his eyes; his emotions were displayed so strongly and prominently there, like a pair of screens displaying everything he was thinking.
“Carly,” Harry started, but then stopped. He seemed lost. “How… serious are you about this?”
My heart sunk down into my stomach. “About what?”
“About us.”
“Harry, I…” I wanted to say more but the words got stuck in my throat. I opened my mouth and nothing came out.
“Am I just a fling to you? Date a celebrity for a few months and then go on your merry way back to America? Is that why you don’t want us to be acknowledged to the press? Or even your parents? Hell, you haven’t even admitted it to the lads and we’re around them all the time. I can’t read your mind, Carly, but if it’s not me you want then we can’t continue this.”
My body grew rigid. I stared down at the wood flooring, which was shiny and not marked up with even a shoe scuff. “You know very well why I can’t tell my parents,” I said lowly. Anger was bubbling inside of me, like setting a pot of water on a stove to simmer.
“You speak to your mother every week. You have a good relationship with her. Not once have I heard you mention me. Not once.”
“It’s not that simple, Harry!” I was getting up now, dragging hands through my hair. At this rate, I was going to go bald.
“Why? Why isn’t it simple? A little, ‘Hey, mum, I have a boyfriend,’ would be nice. Letting me talk about you in interviews, because God fucking knows that that’s all people ask me about! Who’s the girl, Harry who’re you dating, are you really not single anymore, they’re all driving me mad, Carly!” He paused, catching his breath. “I want to tell the world about you, but I can’t. I have to pretend you don’t exist and it fucking hurts, alright?”
“So they can sic your fans on me like I’m something to be hunted? So they can overturn every rock and figure out everything about me? So they can blow up my Twitter feed telling me that I’m ugly, that they hate me, that I don’t deserve you? I already have all of these things in my head, Harry, they’re alwaysin my head! I don’t want to be reminded of it every day of my life!” I shot back at him, feeling that fissure widen. A layer of tears blurred my vision, brimming up behind my eyelids. My voice wavered, faltering. Harry and I did not fight.
“I’m not asking you to put your life on a silver platter for the entire world to see,” Harry responded slowly, anger contorting his voice into ugly sounds.
“The press doesn’t even know my name and Owen already found me, Harry! It doesn’t matter if you aren’t asking me to, because it’s happening anyway!”
“You haven’t told me a goddamn thing about Owen, how am I supposed to help you? I care about you, Carly. I want to be able to protect you. Stop trying to keep me from doing that.” He was seething, fists clenched.
“Who said I wanted help?” Words I didn’t mean were falling out of my mouth. I needed to stop, but I couldn’t. I was shutting down again, I could feel it.
A few tears began to roll down my cheeks, hot against my skin. Harry’s glare faltered for a moment.
What were we even arguing about? Why were we angry? Why couldn’t I just let Harry do what he wanted instead of fighting him on it?
A sob wrenched out of my throat as I thought about Owen and what he did to me, and what he might plan to do now that I was with Harry. I’d seen him do horrible things to people, I never thought I’d see those things happen to me.
You’re gonna regret this, Carly.
I looked up at Harry, who seemed panic-stricken. “Hold me,” I choked out, and he rushed over and I stepped forward and fell into his strong arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I said, repeating myself over and over again. “I’m scared and I don’t know what to do about it. Scared of Owen, scared of how I feel, sometimes I just want to go to sleep and never wake up if it means I don’t have to feel like this. I don’t want to hurt you.” I hiccupped and wiped a hand over my eyes, coating my fingers in black mascara streaks.
“It’s okay, love. We can do this.” Harry pulled back and made me look up into his eyes, cupping my chin in one of his hands. “How about we start over, yeah?” I blinked at him, confused. “I’m Harry Styles. Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
I laughed, a real one. “Hello, Harry Styles. I’m Carlineae Gordon. Call me Carly. And I would love to be your girlfriend.”
Harry smiled brightly, and then his lips connected to mine, filling my veins with electricity and reminding me of the very first time we kissed in Carah’s kitchen, ages ago. He bit down gently on my bottom lip and I gasped, after which he gladly took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. I became less and less aware of our surroundings as my back hit a wall, Harry’s hands inching down towards my hips. His hands were warm as he slipped them beneath my shirt, toying with the bottom fabric of my bra.
I lifted up my arms and ran my hands through his soft curls, tugging on a few bits, causing him to moan into my mouth. My pulse was racing and I could feel his heart pounding out of his chest. My legs wrapped around his waist, pulling me up to his height.
Suddenly Harry pulled away, leaving me breathless with a serious look in his eye. I raised an eyebrow.
“I love you,” he breathed, and it felt as if my heart jumped up into my throat. Did I love Harry? Is that what this feeling was, love? Was it love that was making me feel like this?
“I…” I hesitated for a moment, but then I felt confident. “I love you, too.”
He grinned widely before bringing his lips back to mine with renewed passion. As we kissed, I didn’t once doubt my words.
I am most certainly in love with Harry Styles.
I made it all the way to the white door with a fancy silver number plate and wrapped my hand around the handle before I realized I didn’t have a key, and Lou was staying with El and wasn’t inside.
So I turned and leaned against the wall and waited, pressing the shuffle option on my iPod.
I didn’t here the ding of the elevator as it opened on this floor, Harry walking out silently like a ghost. I didn’t see him until he passed right in front of me, throwing a cautious glance in my direction like I was something to be feared. His keys jingled as he twisted them in the lock, throwing the door open and waiting for me to walk in first.
Even when we were mad at each other he was still the perfect gentleman.
I walked in and made myself at home on the couch, kicking off my sandals and twisting my legs into a pretzel. I pulled out the ear buds in the middle of 1901by Phoenix, watching Harry as he made his rounds about the flat.
He pulled off his jumper and hung it on a coat rack, slipping off his trainers by the door. A clang as his keys hit the granite counter top in his kitchen, a few clicks as he switched on the lights.
Then he came into the living room and sat in a chair opposite from me, hands clasped. He brought them to his mouth for a few brief moments before leveling his gaze at me. It almost hurt to look into his eyes; his emotions were displayed so strongly and prominently there, like a pair of screens displaying everything he was thinking.
“Carly,” Harry started, but then stopped. He seemed lost. “How… serious are you about this?”
My heart sunk down into my stomach. “About what?”
“About us.”
“Harry, I…” I wanted to say more but the words got stuck in my throat. I opened my mouth and nothing came out.
“Am I just a fling to you? Date a celebrity for a few months and then go on your merry way back to America? Is that why you don’t want us to be acknowledged to the press? Or even your parents? Hell, you haven’t even admitted it to the lads and we’re around them all the time. I can’t read your mind, Carly, but if it’s not me you want then we can’t continue this.”
My body grew rigid. I stared down at the wood flooring, which was shiny and not marked up with even a shoe scuff. “You know very well why I can’t tell my parents,” I said lowly. Anger was bubbling inside of me, like setting a pot of water on a stove to simmer.
“You speak to your mother every week. You have a good relationship with her. Not once have I heard you mention me. Not once.”
“It’s not that simple, Harry!” I was getting up now, dragging hands through my hair. At this rate, I was going to go bald.
“Why? Why isn’t it simple? A little, ‘Hey, mum, I have a boyfriend,’ would be nice. Letting me talk about you in interviews, because God fucking knows that that’s all people ask me about! Who’s the girl, Harry who’re you dating, are you really not single anymore, they’re all driving me mad, Carly!” He paused, catching his breath. “I want to tell the world about you, but I can’t. I have to pretend you don’t exist and it fucking hurts, alright?”
“So they can sic your fans on me like I’m something to be hunted? So they can overturn every rock and figure out everything about me? So they can blow up my Twitter feed telling me that I’m ugly, that they hate me, that I don’t deserve you? I already have all of these things in my head, Harry, they’re alwaysin my head! I don’t want to be reminded of it every day of my life!” I shot back at him, feeling that fissure widen. A layer of tears blurred my vision, brimming up behind my eyelids. My voice wavered, faltering. Harry and I did not fight.
“I’m not asking you to put your life on a silver platter for the entire world to see,” Harry responded slowly, anger contorting his voice into ugly sounds.
“The press doesn’t even know my name and Owen already found me, Harry! It doesn’t matter if you aren’t asking me to, because it’s happening anyway!”
“You haven’t told me a goddamn thing about Owen, how am I supposed to help you? I care about you, Carly. I want to be able to protect you. Stop trying to keep me from doing that.” He was seething, fists clenched.
“Who said I wanted help?” Words I didn’t mean were falling out of my mouth. I needed to stop, but I couldn’t. I was shutting down again, I could feel it.
A few tears began to roll down my cheeks, hot against my skin. Harry’s glare faltered for a moment.
What were we even arguing about? Why were we angry? Why couldn’t I just let Harry do what he wanted instead of fighting him on it?
A sob wrenched out of my throat as I thought about Owen and what he did to me, and what he might plan to do now that I was with Harry. I’d seen him do horrible things to people, I never thought I’d see those things happen to me.
You’re gonna regret this, Carly.
I looked up at Harry, who seemed panic-stricken. “Hold me,” I choked out, and he rushed over and I stepped forward and fell into his strong arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I said, repeating myself over and over again. “I’m scared and I don’t know what to do about it. Scared of Owen, scared of how I feel, sometimes I just want to go to sleep and never wake up if it means I don’t have to feel like this. I don’t want to hurt you.” I hiccupped and wiped a hand over my eyes, coating my fingers in black mascara streaks.
“It’s okay, love. We can do this.” Harry pulled back and made me look up into his eyes, cupping my chin in one of his hands. “How about we start over, yeah?” I blinked at him, confused. “I’m Harry Styles. Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
I laughed, a real one. “Hello, Harry Styles. I’m Carlineae Gordon. Call me Carly. And I would love to be your girlfriend.”
Harry smiled brightly, and then his lips connected to mine, filling my veins with electricity and reminding me of the very first time we kissed in Carah’s kitchen, ages ago. He bit down gently on my bottom lip and I gasped, after which he gladly took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. I became less and less aware of our surroundings as my back hit a wall, Harry’s hands inching down towards my hips. His hands were warm as he slipped them beneath my shirt, toying with the bottom fabric of my bra.
I lifted up my arms and ran my hands through his soft curls, tugging on a few bits, causing him to moan into my mouth. My pulse was racing and I could feel his heart pounding out of his chest. My legs wrapped around his waist, pulling me up to his height.
Suddenly Harry pulled away, leaving me breathless with a serious look in his eye. I raised an eyebrow.
“I love you,” he breathed, and it felt as if my heart jumped up into my throat. Did I love Harry? Is that what this feeling was, love? Was it love that was making me feel like this?
“I…” I hesitated for a moment, but then I felt confident. “I love you, too.”
He grinned widely before bringing his lips back to mine with renewed passion. As we kissed, I didn’t once doubt my words.
I am most certainly in love with Harry Styles.
Notes
wooo another update! Happy holidays everyone!There won't be an update tomorrow because I have to do family stuff (plus the doctor who christmas special!!!!!)
Last note, I've noticed the rating for this story keeps getting lower. If you don't mind, could you please leave a comment for suggestions I could use to improve the story so it'll go up again? Thanks!
8/3/13