No, No this cannot be happening! Gray started crying and getting angry at the same time. This was not the way her life was supposed to go. Gray felt herself getting angrier and angrier how stupid could she had have been! She started throwing the boxes of tests against the wall, screaming in anger.

“I’m so fucking stupid!” The papers and boxes scattered across the bathroom looking like a bomb went off. Gray threw her fists against the counter in frustration. She was so stupid and there was nothing she could do about it.

“God fucking damnit!” Gray fell to the floor in a heap of tears. Liam was going to hate her for this. She laid there sobbing when a pair of arms circled her. She couldn’t control it anymore, Gray’s eyes were completely blurred from tears and her body convulsed.
“Shh girl. You are going to make yourself sick,” Mila tried to soothe her. She rubbed Gray’s back as she cried into her arms. They sat together on the cold bathroom floor while Gray tried to put herself back together.

“He is going to hate me,” Gray whispered out. She was still on Mila’s lap with her hair covering her face.

“Oh no babe. He won’t hate you, I bet he will be very excited.” Mila wasn’t sure in her head. Liam was barely an adult right now, not like them. He loved Gray, but still loved to be a party guy like the rest. Children wouldn’t be the best choice for him.

“What am I going to do?” Gray still hadn’t moved from her position. She was worried if she looked at Mila it would be truth. All of this would be true. She would be a mom at some point this year, not married to anyone, without a job or a real address right now. What a great way to bring a child into the world.

“You are going to tell him and be strong,” Mila simply said. She had to, there was another life to worry about.

“How in the hell did I let this happen?” Gray finally sat up. She stopped crying and cleared her hair out of her face. Mila looked at her. Poor Gray, she looked worse than before.

“That is a good question, when DID this happen,” Mila questioned, raising her eyebrows. Gray and her talked daily while she was back in Chicago, even about their sexcapades. Gray sat there thinking. They have only had sex four times since she had been back due to having no other time to be alone. She realized it, their fun night in the arena.

“Oh god, it happened in the arena,” she groaned, throwing her head in her hands. That one out of the ordinary adventure lead them to this.

“Wait, when he threw you against the wall? That night?” Gray shook her head yes.

“Damn Gray, at least it was a good time.” Gray rolled her eyes, it was too early to joke about this. Heck, it was too early to even be happy about this. Gray wanted kids, but not for years, twenty six was too young. She couldn’t even think about being happy right now. Right now she had two things to get done. To tell Liam, and to figure out what she was going to do.

“When are you going to tell him,” Mila asked quietly. She could sense it was weighing on her right now. Gray was never the biggest person on confrontations, even when she was the one about to start them.

“I don’t know. I have to think this out right now.” Gray stood up, ready to exit the bathroom. She needed some time alone to figure this all out. Her life literally depended on this.

“Gray, you need to tell him,” Mila told her sternly. This was not the time to keep secrets.

“I know, but not tonight. I can’t tell him this before he goes on stage, he already has enough on his plate. I’ll tell him tomorrow, I think. We go to St. Louis then, that’s closer to home if I need to leave.” She shuddered at the thought. It scared her to think that was even a possibility right now. Truth be told though, it could certainly happen depending how Liam took the news. Mila gave her a look.

“Gray, you need to be an adult now.” That stung Gray, this was her problem. Yes, she ran away from a lot in life, but now someone else was depending on her.

“Yeah I get that Mila, ok? I know that. I just need to be alone.” Gray barked at her before turning and heading out of the bathroom. She left their room ignoring anything Mila said behind her and headed for the staircase. As soon as the floor door was shut the tears streamed down her face again. She sat down on the steps, burying her face in her arms. The shock was still hitting her. Gray’s fingers traveled over her stomach, she had a hard time believing there was someone in there, a little life for her to watch over.

Gray sat up, trying to control herself. She needed to find a way to be strong now, especially hiding them from Liam until tomorrow. It was a stupid choice, yes. She should just tell him then and there, but with a concert that night Gray had to wait. Those boys had enough on her plate besides worrying about her and her safety. Gray just prayed he took this well, he had to. Otherwise, Chicago would be her final destination.

“What do you think little munchin? Think your dad will be okay with this,” Gray whispered, running her fingers of her stomach again. She was beyond nauseous at this point and craved waffles like nobody’s business. Gray didn’t know if this was morning sickness or what, she really needed to read up on being pregnant. Gray sat back against the stairs and sighed. Mom. That was the new word she was going to be called. She wondered what her child would look like. Would it have Liam’s eyes? She hoped, he had the best eyes in the world. So brown and beautiful. Their child would be perfect with his eyes. Maybe they could have the perfect family, it was possible.

----

Gray got back to her room a half an hour later. After talking to her stomach for that long, she was exhausted. Liam was still sound asleep in bed thankfully. She climbed in next to him, cuddling up to his back and inhaling his scent. She wanted to be as close to him as possible right now, just to enjoy their time. Gray was still terrified to tell him right now. It scared her deep inside. Liam must have felt her in his sleep, he rolled around, pulling her body into his and tucking his chin on her head. Gray sighed, she could have cried right then and there. He was her everything, and soon it could all be pushed away.

Gray woke up later with the same nasty feeling as before. She was going to puke, that was a definite. She scrambled up from the bed and rushed to the bathroom right before it hit. Her whole body seized into the toilet. She sat back on the ground once she was finished, regaining her breath. This sucked, there was no way she could do months of this. Gray quickly cleaned up and brushed her teeth. Thankfully Liam was nowhere to be found. He was more than likely with everyone else downstairs for breakfast. Gray threw on a long sleeve shirt and yoga pants before heading down.

As soon as she reached the private dining room Liam’s eyes hooked into hers. He could tell something wrong, assuming she was still sick. Gray slid into the booth next to him, curling into his body. Everyone’s eyes were on them, especially Mila since she knew the one major secret.

“You ok,” Liam whispered to her. Gray closed her eyes and nodded her head. Speaking was out of the question. She either needed to eat as soon as possible or her butt would be running to the bathroom again.

“Coffee Gray,” Niall asked placing the steaming brown liquor in front of her. One smell of it and bile rose in her throat. Gray gulped it back, shaking her head aggressively at him. Niall pulled it back quickly, giving her a set of wide eyes. They all knew coffee was Gray’s life, if she didn’t want it something was wrong.

“Love, you need to see a doctor,” Liam told her sternly. Gray waved him off, signaling to the waitress to come over.

“What can I get you?!” It took all of Gray’s might to not roll her eyes. This lady was far to peppy for the morning.

“Chocolate chip waffles and hashbrowns, the chunky kind. And Ketchup,” Gray ordered out fast. All three sounded amazing. She could feel Mila staring at her from the other table. Gray ignored her, pretending she wasn’t there. The chippy waitress went back to the kitchen, leaving Gray to wait for her food.

“Gray, you sure you are okay? You look very white,” Harry commented from across from her.

“I’m fine, just working off the sickness.” God she hated lying to them all. Not only did she have to worry about how Liam was going to take this, she had to think of the boy’s too. All their lives connected together. She could see Niall and Harry taking it well, but Louis may have an issue. He liked this done a certain way, and this definitely wasn’t on the game plan. They still have at least five months of their States trip left, including Canada before they could even think about going back to the UK. That would be a long time with a pregnant lady. Gray tried to count up the months in her head. If this happened in February she was looking at a November/December birth. The guys would be in the States until at least the middle of December, not including a week off over Thanksgiving. Could she really manage to be a trophy fiancé while being eight months pregnant? There was no way that could even possibly work. The waitress brought her the two steaming plates of food and Gray dug right in. Those waffles tasted amazing. She continued to shovel it all in, only to see everyone staring at her when she was half way though.

“What,” she asked, her mouth practically filled with food.

“We know you love food, but not this bad,” Louis snorted from the other table. She blushed, right now she needed as much as she could get before she threw up again. Gray went back to shoveling it all in, not letting them bug her.

----

Liam knew something was up with her. He had been sick plenty of times before in his life and never once did he eat like that. Something else was going on but Gray wouldn’t fess up to it. She kept denying it when they were in their room, and even on the way to the arena. Mila pulled her away as soon as they got there not letting Liam have a chance to talk to her about it. She was so good at hiding secrets it scared him. They had a long bus ride to St. Louis tonight and Liam was determined to get it out of her.

“Mila, what? I want to freaking lay down and take a nap right now,” Gray groaned, her body wanted sleep so badly right now, not to here another motherly speech.

“He knows something is up,” Mila told her. Gray gave her a look.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve known that man for long enough. He continued to look at you the whole way here. It’s the look of fear and concern. You need to tell him before something else happens,” Mila pleaded.

“I get it Mila, I know. I am going to talk to him tonight, not now.” She wondered how Mila couldn’t get that through her thick skull. This wasn’t something you don’t say anything too. Mila threw her hands up and walked away. She really didn’t have time for those childish antics. Gray was being a complete fool. The first step in any relationship was communication. Right now she couldn’t even stand to be around her.

“Jesus,” Gray mutter under her breath. Mila needed to stay out of her business for once. Gray walked into the empty dressing room, ready to pick her couch to cuddle with. She turned off the lights and lay down, stealing the blanket from Liam’s cot. Her hand immediately landed on her belly without thinking. It still wasn’t real to her, and may never be. Less than twelve hours ago she was normal, now life just flipped her around and landed her on her ass. She fell asleep, clutching her belly like her whole life depending on it.

----

“Where’s Gray,” Perrie asked the boys. They had finished rehearsal not long ago and were sitting around on the stage talking.

“Where ever Liam is,” Zayn joked. He ran off the stage as soon as they were done to find Gray. Perrie left without even saying anything else. She picked up on it too, Gray wasn’t herself. Her fun party goer bestie could barely function without looking like she was going to puke or pass out lately. It scared her just as much as it scared Liam. She walked into the semi lit room to see Gray’s sleeping head rested in Liam’s lap. He had one hand on her shoulder and the other busy doing something on his phone.

“Hey,” Perrie whispered walking in. Liam nodded at her.

“Guess you had the same thought I did,” she smiled. Liam said nothing and looked down at Gray’s sleeping frame. Like always, she was smirking away in her sleep cuddled into him.

“Something is up with her,” he breathed out.

“There is, I’m going to speak to her about it later. Guessing she won’t tell you anything?”

“No, but she never likes telling me about the things are negative about her. You’ve seen that before.” Liam smirked, God she sucked at talking about herself.

“Go. You need to get your shit together for the show, I’ll sit with her,” Perrie said, waving him off. Liam looked down at his sleeping fiancé one more time before getting up. He re positioned a pillow beneath her head and pulled the blanket up higher. Gray moved around, he could sense she was looking for his body. A frown came over his face, but she quickly stopped moving and went into a deep sleep again. Perrie waited until Liam completely left the room before walking over to her.

“Gray, Gray wake up,” Perrie voiced, shaking her. Gray opened her eyes to see Perrie’s bright face staying back at her.

“What? What’s a matter?” Perrie picked up her legs and sat underneath them. It was time for some answers.

“What’s going on Gray?” The look on her face changed, Perrie knew something was up. Gray sat up and walked to the door and shut it. She didn’t want anyone to hear this conversation by accident. She stayed by the door, not sure if she could get herself to go by Perrie. Her hands shook and if felt like the room was ninety degrees.

“Gray, spit it out. You are making me freak out,” Perrie yelled at nervously.

“I’m pregnant.” The words fell out before Gray even had a chance to catch them. Every passing moment, the realization of being pregnant was becoming more normal for her. She was going to be a mom, it was too late to do anything else with it.

“You’re what.” Perrie looked like she had seen a ghost. She was picturing Gray to be sick with some sort of typhoid fever or an alien had taken over or in a sick way it could be cancer, but never being pregnant. That was way out of left field.

“I’m pregnant. I found out this morning.”

“Oh. my. God.” Perrie jumped off from the couch and wrapped her arms around Perrie for a hug.

“I cannot believe it! You, a mommy!” She yelled into Gray’s face.

“Shhh, be quiet,” Gray laughed. A smile came across her face. At least one person was happy about this. Mila didn’t seem to take the news well, but at least Perrie could make her feel good about herself.

“You haven’t told Liam, have you.” Perrie finally let go of her body, staring at her in the eyes. Gray shook her head no, unable to look her in the eyes.

“No wonder he was in here protecting you like a broken lamb. You need to tell him.” Gray rolled her eyes, of course he would be in here when she was sleeping. That man never seemed to leave her alone.

“I plan to tonight on our way to St. Louis. I’m scared Pea. What do you think he will do?” Tears welled up in her eyes.

“I’m not sure love. I don’t think he expected to hear that kind of news. I’ll be on the same bus and keep the boys away, then if he goes crazy I can come rescue you,” Perrie explained, trying to give her an uplifting smile.

“I’m terrified right now. Mostly about him, the kid part I am starting to come to terms with.”

“How far along are you?” Perrie asked.

“I have no idea. I’m assuming seven to eight weeks. I suck at keeping track of my period.” It was true, Gray could have been the worst girl ever right now.

"This is terribly exciting," Perrie gushed, hugging her again. It made Gray feel all warm inside. Perrie really was a great friend.

"Thanks Perrie," Gray smiled, wipping her eyes.

"Please. Come on, we have to go maintain our seats, I talked them all to letting us sit in the front." They both walked out of the room, heading down to the stage. All three of them, including Mila would be sitting out on the floor. There was only so much you could watch from the side.

"She knows," Mila whispered as she joined them backstage.

"Yup." Mila grabbed her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. Mila was happy for her, she just hated to see her friend go down a road like this. No one should ever be so scared to tell the father of their baby the news.

"You know I love the name Rebecca," Perrie chimed in from her other side.

"Bit too early for name picking," Gray laughed. It was way too early. She couldn't see the boys standing together down the hall. The girls stayed quiet as they approached them. Liam saw her immediately and walked over to him. She could see the look in his eyes as he pulled her away from the group where they could talk quietly.

"Tell me what is going on," he demanded. It made her nervous with his body so close to her and him using that tone.

"I will, we need to talk after on the bus. Not right now." Liam rubbed his hand over his face.

"I hate that you are keeping secrets from me." The words cut through her, she knew this was wrong, so wrong but what else could she do? If she could him now it would fuck over the whole concert. Gray wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing his forehead into hers.

"I promise, it's fine. You have to believe me, we will talk tonight." Liam pulled away from her making her feel stunned. He walked past the group and headed to the sound table leaving everyone to watch him. It killed her and made her even more nervous to tell him tonight. She could just imagine him walking away like that tonight. Perrie and Mila saw the sadness on her face and walked over. They led her away from the boys where she could wipe her tears in quiet.

"Don't worry Gray, everything in going to work out, I promise," Perrie told her, trying to cheer up.

"Having a hard time believing that," she mumbled out. They walked out to the floor, taking their seats on the box. Mila and Perrie sat on each side of her, protecting her from the world. Gray's arms went around her belly, protecting the little one inside her. Don't worry little love it, will be fine she thought to her stomach. At this point it was all she had to hang on to.

----

The show ended with a bang and the crowd was amazing for the guys. It helped Liam keep his mind off Gray, but not completely. Everytime he looked her way the thoughts kept coming back. She seemed to be happy dancing and laughing with the other girls so he knew it couldn't be as bad as he was thinking. It just killed him that she wouldn't be straight forward with him. They had come a long way but just didn't seem to be enough lately. As soon as they got on the bus he was talking to her, enough was enough.

"Okay Gray, just be honest. I'll keep the boys up front. If you need anything you just yell I will come a running." Perrie was pumping her up as they walked to were the bus was parked underground. The boys were already boarded, just waiting for the girls before taking off. Gray took a deep breath before marching up the stairs and into the bus. Liam was standing there waiting for her. He stared at her with a cold, blank stare. Gray shivered looking up at him, the inches between her height made her beyond nervous. He grabbed her hand without saying a word and dragged her to the back. The rest of the guys stared at them looking completely confused. Gray didn't even have a chance to explain before her back was pushed against the door and him staring at her.

"You need to tell me what is going on right now," he barked between his teeth. It was taking all his might to not get completely angry with her.

"Liam.." Gray couldn't find the words. The look in his eyes was terrifying her.

"Gray, please. Just tell me, whatever it is just tell me," Liam pleaded with her.

"I'm pregnant." As soon as the words fell out of her mouth, Liam's face went white. Gray was worried he was going to pass out.

"What," he could barely get the words out. Liam walked backward, flopping down to the couch. He was unsure he could even stand right now.

"I'm pregnant, I took a test this morning and it told me. I'm so sorry." She tried to stop the tears but didn't work. Tiny drops fell down her face, it was killing her to see him looking so sad.

"Holy shit." Both of them said nothing. Liam stayed on the couch and Gray still had her back pushed up against the wall. She was too scared to even go over to him.

"I'm sorry Liam, I really am," she choked out again. Liam shook his head but didn't look at her.

"Please." Gray began to cry harder. She just needed him to say anything at this point. Even if he said the most horrible things in the universe, it would be better then the silence.

"Liam, please just stay something, anything. I don't exactly know what to do right now and the look on your face is making me really scared," she sobbed to him. Gray covered her face with her hands, unable to control her body anymore. She shook in huge, wallowing sobs. Pretty sure the boys could hear her but she didn't care. Right now it was just about Gray and Liam.

"Love come here." Liam barely got the words out before she went running over to him. She crashed into his body and cried into his shoulder. LIam folded her body, bringing her knees in holding her in his lap like a child. Gray couldn't stop shaking, she didn't know how he felt, but at least he would touch her.

"I'm.. I'm.. so.. sorry," she sobbed into him. Liam ran his fingers down her back, trying to get her to calm down. This was a shock, never did he think she would spring this on him. They were always so carefully.

"It's not you fault. It's mine. What do we do," he whispered to her. Scared didn't even to belong to describe how he felt.

"I did this, I was so stupid and not thinking, I should of started my birth control again on this trip. I'm so fucking stupid," she answered. The sadness started to take over with anger in her again. Liam pulled her body in tighter.

"Have you been beating yourself up about this since this morning," he asked her. Gray shook her head yes. She still couldn't look at him.

"Oh Gray, you need to stop keeping secrets from me and trying to protect me. Am I extremely happy about this? No. Not at all right now, but you need to always tell me." Gray's tears started fresh again. Not at all happy? What does that mean?

"What are we to do right now,?" Gray finally looked at him. His comment struck a nerve in her.

"I don't know Gray." She pulled away from him and sat on the couch. This wasn't a time to be touching him, definitely not.

"Okay, well I'm pregnant with your baby. What do you want me to do?" Her voice got louder and louder.

"Gray, please don't shout at me. You just sprung this on me, give me a time to think," LIam told her, his voice filled with annoyance.

"Okay, well I have thought about it. I need to see a doctor, so while you re in St. Louis I'm going to drive up to my house and see one. Then, while i am gone maybe you can think about what you want," Gray spit back at her. Liam sat back and covered his face again. The shock of everything was becoming too much.

"Why can't you see a doctor in St. Louis?"

"Because my doctor knows me Liam. We haven't even told the world we are married yet, I don't need word of this getting out." Gray rolled her eyes in frustration, he of all people should know this.

"I don't like that Gray." He sighed. He may not be completely okay with this situation yet, but he wanted to keep her close.

"It's fine, not your problem. I'll deal with this and we can figure it out when we come back." Both of them sat there staring at each other. It was a stalemate. Neither of them were going to bend for the other side.

"Fuck this, I'm going to bed." Gray stood up and charged out of the back room. Perrie was right there in the doorway.

"Pea, just let me go to sleep." Gray brushed past her and walked down the short way to Liam's bunk. She slid in, shutting the curtain and put in both her earbuds. Screw the rest of the world right now. Perrie just continued to stand in the doorway staring back and forth between Liam's bunk and him sitting on the couch looking like his dog just died. She closed the door and sat next to him.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do?" Liam asked her. There were tears in his eyes.

"Be there for her." It was that simple. Perrie wrapped her arms around her while he cried on his shoulder.

"I'm so fucking freaked out right now," he sobbed.

"I know dear, but think about how she feels. It's just as scary for her."

"What do I do?" He asked, wiping his face on his shirt.

"You protect her like you always do, except you just have two people to look over," Perrie explained.

"She's leaving tomorrow to go up to her mom's for the day. Apparently she wants to see her doctor up there. How do I get her to stay?" This was news to Perrie. Gray was way too good at keeping secrets.

"You don't. She needs to see a doctor regardless. Let her go for the day and see her mom and just take a breather. It will probably make you stronger. Honestly." Liam knew she had a point. Gray had this new found sense of independence that he knew he had to let her have. It was the right thing to do, let her go but make sure she knew how much he loved her when she came back.

"Thank you Perrie. I'm going to go join her." He got up leaving Perrie there and walked to their bunk. Gray was sound asleep inside,but he could still see the tear streaked lines on her face. He gently pushed her body over and crawled in. He loved spending time with her in the bunk, it was so small they got to be extremely close with each other. Liam laid down and inhaled her scent.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too, even though I'm pissed off." Liam looked down, realizing she wasn't asleep.
Gray stared up at him with her big eyes looking fearful, it was killing him.

"You go tomorrow. When you come back, I'll be right here waiting for you, and it," he whispered rubbing her belly. It made Gray smile.

"I promise to do whatever you need Liam, even if that means leaving the tour."

"No, absolutely not.There is no way I would ever let you leave right now. I love you too much." Liam awkwardly bent down to kiss her lips. It was the most saddest kiss ever. Both of them were feeling completely worn out from their talk and everything that had to go with it.

"Gray, you listen to me. You are stuck with me until the end. No matter what, I will always love you." Gray smiled at him before cuddling into his side again. She knew he was being completely honest, but she worried what would happen months from now. Only time will tell.

Notes

Title Creds: "I Won't Let Go" by Rascal Flatts

I'm late getting this up, got an injury. I will try my hardest to get more up fast.

Love you all!! :D