Hi Ho London! They had been there permanently for a week now and Gray felt like she was in Cloud Nine. Sure, it was still beyond freezing for being February but it didn’t matter. Spencer and she were on their own for the first time in their lives. Gray signed a lease over the internet because she left Chicago to a small two bedroom flat there. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but it worked. They both had space and a home and on the plus side, it was completely far away from where the boys lived. Did she plan it that way? Yes. It was a childish move, but it would cause less stress for everyone. Today was the day she finally met her new boss and start this show off.

“Come on little lady, it’s time to put on a good show.” She dressed them both warm and headed it out. The nerves were there, but not as bad as Gray thought they would be. The air was so fresh in London, you could breathe it in and just find yourself happy right away. Gray loved every part of it. She rode the subway through town until she landed at the front doors of Alvin Dailer Publishing. Gray took one last breath of the fresh air and walked in.

“Hi, I’m here to meet with Martin Asher,” she nervously said the gentleman at the front desk.

“Sixth floor, take the elevator up on the right.” His eyes didn’t even look away from his computer screen. What a chump. Gray shook him off and headed over to the elevators. She wasn’t going to let some front desk loser stop her buzz. The ride was quick and she headed through the double glass doors to Martin’s office.

“Hi, I’m Gray Cameron here to see Martin.”

“Hello, I’ll let him know you are here, have a seat.” Gray recognized that she was the same voice she spoke to over the phone. Soon a short, older man came up from the back and stuck his hand out to her.

“Hello Gray, I’m Martin so glad you got here safely. If you want to follow me we can get started,” he spoke kindly to her. Gray grabbed her large purse and Spencer’s carrier before following her.

“Who is this dear,” he asked making faces at Spencer.

“My daughter Spencer, she is a good girl so she should be quiet today,” Gray explained. Martin took a sharp left in the hallway and Gray followed.

“We actually can check out our daycare center first, we just completed it about four weeks ago. They are open from seven in the morning to ten at night on the weekdays. Feel free to bring her in whenever you need to while you are out shooting.” Gray followed him into the large room where an adult and three kids were sitting. It looked like a great place, very friendly and open.

“Hello, I’m Suzanne,” the teacher announced. Gray smiled at her, enjoying the friendly attitude of them all.

“Why don’t you leave her here and we can start the paperwork.” Gray left her, even though her body screamed for her not to, but she knew it had to be done. Spencer had been just her family all this time so it was a weird change for Gray. She followed Martin back to his office and got started with it all. Papers after papers had to be signed since she moved across the pond. After two hours of mindless learning, signing and talking she was ready for a nap.

“That was the last one Gray, sorry it took so long. How about you have an extended weekend and come back on Monday. We can get your first assignment going,” Martin told her. Gray wanted to scream inside. That was four days of anything she and little one wanted to do. Party on! Gray said her goodbyes and picked up Spencer before heading out. Even for being cold and dreary, the weather was beautiful. The sun was high in the sky making everything light up like Christmas.

“How do you feel about a walk love,” she asked her sleeping daughter as she snapped the seat in the stroller she brought. Gray took a left as she exited the building, just willing to go wherever she felt. They jetted down the sidewalk as her phone rang. Niall? Why was Niall calling her? Gray quickly answered wondering what was up.

“Niall?”

“Hey Gray! What are you doing,” he cheerfully responded. Gray laughed at him, leave it to Niall to call for no reason at all.

“I’m walking, what you are doing,” she laughed back.

“Walking? Isn’t there like a blizzard going on in Chicago right now,” he questioned. He was right, the mother of snow storms was hitting her hometown making her enjoy London even more.

“There is, but I’m not in Chicago anymore.”

“Where are you?”

“London.” Shit, the words flew out of her mouth before she even had a chance to respond. That was her secret she wasn’t willing to share yet. Damn that Niall and his swift moves.

“You are here! Wait, what? Are you meeting Liam or something,” he questioned. Crap, she had to talk herself out of this one.

“No, God no. I work here now, it’s recent and just haven’t gotten around to telling everyone,” She explained trying to keep it casual. The less attention she drew to the conversation the better. He would blow it all off that way.

“Cool, I’m going to call you one day so we can eat.” Gray breathed a sigh of relief, it looked like her plan worked.

“Eat? Yeah sure, sounds great Niall. I’ll talk to you later.” Gray quickly said her goodbye and clicked the call off. She prayed that she dodged a bullet with that one, Niall wasn’t always the quickest about spreading information, and she just hoped it would last.

----

Something was wrong, definitely wrong. Gray paced the room for the thousandth time trying to console Spencer. They had a fun week, spending time going out in town before Gray started work. She made it through her first day and now was in this situation. She had been screaming off and on for the past seven hours, which wasn’t like her. Spencer was a happy baby, definitely never upset like she was now. Gray was at her wit’s end trying to find a way to calm her daughter down. Nothing was work at this point and they had been up almost all night. Bottles, warm bathes, trips through their small hallway inside and Spencer seemed to hate it all.

“Baby I know you hate me sweet girl, I’m so sorry but I have to put you down while I call grandma, okay?” Spencer responded in another wail while Gray set her down in the crib. Her screams exploded through the room making Gray’s hands shake. She quickly grabbed her phone and dialed her mom.

“Gray,” Gloria sleep clogged voice answered on the second ring. Shoot, Gray forgot about the time change still, it was the middle of the night in Chicago.

“Mom, I’m sorry but there is something wrong with Spencer,” she cried into the receiver. Spencer’s voice still rang through the hallway.

“Gray, what’s wrong with her,” Gloria asked, clearly sounding wide awake right now.

“I don’t know, she just won’t stop. She cries then calms down but then starts all over again. It’s been going on for hours Mom! I’ve done everything, please just tell me what to do, please,” Gray begged with her. She was so frantic, to the point of hyperventilating Tears ran down her face having to admit it all to her mom. She was supposed to be the American Wonder Woman in London.

“Sweetie, calm down. If you stay calm she stays calm that is the number one rule. Ok? Just take a deep breath.” Gray followed orders taking more than one giant breathe in and out.

“When was the last time she went potty, “Gloria asked. Gray thought about it, she changed her diaper twice but they really weren't wet.

“Probably ten ish last night when where it was full,” Gray explained. God that seemed so far ago now that she could think somewhat straight.

“Honey, she is probably sick and dehydrated. You should take her to the hospital to get checked out.” Gray held in a gasp. Hospital, she was barely in London long enough to set up a doctor here. Where even was one?

“Mom I don’t even know where is! I suck at this, I can’t be a good mom to her.” Gray sobbed while she fell to the ground. The weight of moving and having her daughter scream for hours on end was catching up to her.

“You can call someone Gray, you can do this. You aren’t a bad mom, just one that is tired. Call Liam.” Was she nuts?

“I can’t, he doesn’t want to speak to me, you know that,” Gray told her with a small voice.

“Nonsense. Do you really think he would forget you that fast? And his daughter?”

“I can’t, I’ll get her there mom, don’t worry.” She hung up with her mom and checked on Spencer again. Gray peeked her head over the side, not wanting to upset her again. Spencer was there, staring up at the ceiling, but finally seemed to be calm again. Gray could breathe, she could do this. She was a good mom damnit! Now who to call. Perrie was out of town, that she remembered from the last time the spoke and.. Niall! Niall she could call.

----

“Whoever decided morning vocals is an idiot,” Harry grumbled from the side of the couch. The boys had to do ‘touch ups’ on their album, singing parts they didn’t fit. Most of them were sleeping on the couch while Niall was in the booth.

“Shut it off,” Zayn barked as a phone went off on the table. Liam opened his eye to see Niall’s phone moving about. He reached out and had to do a double take. Why the heck was Gray calling him? Liam quickly stood up and headed to the corner.

“Gray,” he questioned when he answered.

“Niall – wait, you aren’t Niall.” He heard her voice trail off. She must have realized who it was.

“Gray, what’s wrong? Why are you calling Niall?” The line went quiet.

“No, it’s nothing. Just tell him I’ll call him back later,” she responded while her voice shook. Liam could tell it wasn’t nothing, something was going on. The nervousness was very apparent as she breathed hard into the phone.

“Gray no. Tell me what’s going on,” he ordered. He didn’t want to play games right now, she needed to start talking.

“Spencer’s sick, I need to bring her to the hospital but I don’t know where.” Liam’s heart immediately started to beat faster.

“What do you mean? Just go to your normal one,” he told her.

“No Liam, I can’t. I-I don’t live there anymore. I’m in London now.” The blood left his body. He felt like he could pass out at anytime. How could she be here and he didn’t even know it? Why, why was she here? Now it all made sense on why she was calling Niall, he knew. He knew and didn’t tell Liam. His blood boiled just thinking about it.

“Where are you,” he barked to her. It came out harsher then he wanted.

“No, it’s fine. I can tell you don’t care, goodbye Liam,” she huffed back to him.

“WAIT! Stop, please Gray, just tell me where you are and I’ll come, please.” He pleaded with her.

“39 Bloom St.”

“Okay, I’m coming Gray, I’m coming.” Liam hung up Niall’s phone quickly and grabbed his jacket. He slammed Niall’s phone into the table, not caring if it broke or not. How dare he not keep Liam in the loop. That was his child and Gray. Both of them mattered to him, even if he was still giving him their space. Especially now with them being in the same time zone as him.

“Shut it Liam, we are trying to sleep,” Louis groaned from one of the couches.

“I’m leaving, I’ll be back later. Let Niall know he is dead,” Liam threatened to him. All of them popped their heads up with wild expressions on their faces.

“What? Where are you going,” Harry asked. Liam groaned at all of them, he didn’t have time for small talk at this point.

“To Gray. Did any of you know she lives in London now? If you do tell me now,” he warned.

“No mate, news to us. What’s going on? Is she okay,” Louis commented from the couch.

“No. I’ll be back later.” Liam sped out of the room, not giving the boys a chance to respond. Their album didn’t matter anymore like it used to. He let Gray down far too many times because of it. Look where that got him, broken hearted and alone. Now, his Gray was here and needed him. There was no doubt in his mind that he wouldn’t let her down again.

----

As soon as Gray hung up with him, Spencer started all over again with the crying. She couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her child and it was terrifying Gray. What if something was seriously wrong with her? Gray wouldn’t be able to live knowing her daughter could be falling apart in front of her. She took the angry child and wrapped her tightly in her seat, waiting from Liam to show up.

“I know sweet girl, we will get you better. Dad is coming,” Gray said as calmly as she could. It killed Gray to ask him. They were done, over with, he shouldn’t have to be her knight in shining armor anymore. She was supposed to be this strong, independent woman but that all came crashing down. Of course her fairy tale life of living in London alone couldn’t come true. What mother doesn’t even know where a hospital is? This was wrong, so wrong. It was a mistake for her coming here.

“Gray! Open up.” His voice outside the door made her heart beat like crazy. After all this time, he still had the same effect on her. Gray knew that he would always though. Even not being together they were still connected. She opened the door to see his dark, smothering eyes looking at her.

“Hi,” her voice barely responded.

“Hi Lo.. Gray. You ready, how is she?” Gray’s heart fluttered hearing him almost call her love again. She needed to get it together.

“Upset, I don’t know what’s going on Liam. I’m sorry, I just didn’t know what to do.” Her face looked like it was going to start bawling at any second. Liam was dying inside, all he wanted to do was comfort her and Spencer at this point.

“Don’t worry, let’s just get her to the hospital.”

The ride over was long and painful for both of them. Neither of them knew what to do or say, it was just an eerie silence filled with Spencer’s whimpers. Gray fidgeted with her hands as they pulled into the parking area.
“I made a call on the way here so we won’t have to wait,” he told her, almost stuttering. This was the one time Gray was happy he could use his celebrity status. Liam carried Spencer’s seat in as Gray stayed a couple steps behind. She wished this awkwardness would go away. They were here for her daughter, not to work their own issues out.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Falon, come with me.” He was a tall, slim man who seems to have a no nonsense personality. It made Gray feel even more nervous. He led them into a small white, sterile room and closed the door.

“What seems to be the issue,” he asked.

“She won’t stop crying. I’ve tried everything to get her happy but nothing seems to work. She will bawl her eyes out for a while, then sleep and start the process all over again. I didn’t know what else to do,” Gray explained. Why did it feel like she was in trouble, yet again? Dr. Falon said nothing more and started checking over Spencer. She wiggled under his touch but thankfully wasn’t screaming her head off. Liam kept moving his attention between Spencer and Gray. Both of them looked so frail. It took all his might to just stand there and not touch Gray. There was so much to talk about and he just wanted to make her understand. Liam thought about that day over and over, practically obsessing about it. He was wrong, so unbelievably wrong for making her cry and for both of them treating each other so poorly. It was crystal clear to him though.

He still was in love with her, and hadn’t stopped.

“I can tell know your daughter has a left double ear infection and a spout with Bronchiolitis. It’s a good thing you brought her in. She is going to need rest and antibiotics for a while, but I’m not worried that she won’t have a full recovery,” Dr. Falon explained, knocking Liam out of his thoughts.

“Oh thank god,” Gray breathe out, her baby was okay.

“I’ll be back with her prescriptions. Take some steam showers with her, those do the trick also.” He left fast, leaving just Gray, Liam and Spencer in the room again. Gray picked up her daughter, holding her close as she tried to fight back the tears.

“Oh sweet girl I am so sorry,” she whispered to her, swaying in her spot. Liam watched from the other side of the room, not exactly knowing what to do. He needed to be there as her father but right now he felt left out of place. God he had missed so much just because he was an ass. This was his family and he just left them high and dry, pretending like they didn’t care. It was killing him inside.

“Gray, I –“, he started before she cut him off.

“I know, as soon as he comes back we can go. I’m sorry for bugging you while you were working,” she told him back, not even looking at him. It was always work for him, nothing else.

“No Gray, that’s –“ The doctor walked in, cutting off his sentence again. Liam’s fists were bawled at his side with frustration. He needed to tell her so badly but the chances kept slipping by.

“Ten days with this and she should be good to go. Any other issues call the number,” he firmly spoke to him. It was pissing Liam off, her could clearly tell it was making Gray feel uncomfortable. Dr. Fancy Pants needed to knock it off.

“Thank.. thank you. I appreciate it,” Gray responded back to him. He nodded and left the room quickly, leaving them alone. Gray got Spencer settled back in her seat and gave Liam a small smile.

“Think that’s the fastest emergency room visit I’ve ever gone though.” Liam’s face grimaced. She had been in hospitals way too much sense knowing him. Every time was his fault too and he knew it.

“You ready,” Liam asked. She nodded and followed him out of the room. They stayed quiet again in the hall, not wanting to put the effort into small talk. At least she had the nerve to walk next to him this time, but making sure to keep the distance. Things were so up in the air with him, it was horrible. How could she ever let herself act like such an adolescent? Making him feel like shit and ultimately sending him to the hospital just because Gray couldn’t control her own emotions.

“Glad to see your hand looks better,” she mentioned as he started the car. Liam looked down at it, seeing the faint line of a scar that ran across the top of his hand.

“Thanks.” He drove away while Gray continued to look out the side window. Thankfully Spencer was quiet again, but right now she just wanted to get home as soon as possible. Liam pulled up to the curb and front of her building and shut off the engine. Gray took it as a sign to get the hell out of there.

“Thank you Liam, I really do appreciate your help,” she told him quickly. Inside, she just had to get inside. He unfortunately didn’t get the moment and quickly jumped out too.

“Oh no, that’s fine. We are good,” Gray told him, trying to get him to stay there. Besides, she knew he had things to get back to.

“No. I’ll walk you up,” he responded firmly. Damn him. Couldn’t he just take the hint and leave again? He was so good at it after all. Gray huffed and quickly moved into the elevator.

“Thank you for calling me Gray. I’m glad I could help.” His hand nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“Uh yea, no problem.” What else could she say to that.

“How long have you been in London?”

“A week, I’m working here.” Less details the better, Gray. The elevator doors opened and she briskly made the walk to her door. Her hands shook as she put in the key, she could feel him standing so closely behind her. They walked into her living room and Liam finally had a chance to look again. It was a small place with not much there. His mind immediately went to the flat he purchased for both of them. It would have been so much better than the cardboard box she was in now.

“Well I won’t keep you, thanks again,” Gray said, clearing her throat. Liam bit his lip, not waiting to let her she him smile. She acted so nervous it was beyond adorable. He gave Spencer a kiss in her side and walked to Gray.

“Always Gray, if you need anything especially since you live so close now, I will always help. Even if it’s not about Spencer.” He hoped she heard the hint, and understand he was telling the truth. Liam would come running for anything at this point just so he could be close to her. Liam smiled before walking out of the door and heading it click behind him. He got in the elevator feeling very indifferent. His wish came true by seeing Gray again but it killed having to leave with so much that hadn’t been since.

“Hey Liam!” Her voice shouted down the hall making him look up. Liam quickly held his hand out to stop the elevator doors.

“Yes?” She fidgeted with her hands again making Liam smirk.

“If you ever wanted to visit.. visit Spencer I mean, just let me know,” Gray yelled back. Liam felt like he could have done cartwheels down the hallway.

“That would be good. Maybe the boys and I could come one day,” he offered. Gray smiled and shook her head before going back into her apartment. Finally, finally he could smile without worrying about what she would say. This is what he wanted, just one more chance to change their future.

----

“Eh! He’s back,” Louis shouted as Liam walked about into the room. They were all still at the studio but more awake this time. Liam shook off his coat and joined them at the table. His eyes drilled into Niall.

“I’m sorry man, I thought you knew. I thought everyone did,” he explained. Oh Niall, always dense.

“It’s fine, I understand,” Liam said back. His anger from the morning had disappeared. The need to beat Niall to a pulp had diminished.

“So, what was the big deal,” Zayn asked, the boys had been putting together ideas since he left.

“Spencer was sick, but she will be fine. The doctor gave her some medicine.” Each guy stared at him with their eyes wide. They needed a lot more details then that.

“And,” Louis asked.

“And nothing. We went and went back to her place. Although she told me I could visit Spencer anytime, you all included,” Liam responded.

“That’s it? Nothing else at all? No magical moments,” Harry shouted from the side. They all expected to hear another story of how they got back together.

“Sorry lads, that’s all I have,” he said with a sad face. They all groaned back at him.

“Liam you are an idiot. Why didn’t you tell her everything you told us!” Louis had a point. He had been going on for weeks talking mainly with Zayn and Louis about how he felt. That night, the day they had the explosive fight, was the worst mistake of his life. Liam knew he should have never let it get that bad, nor treat her the way he did. It was a horrible way to treat her. Gray had just cornered him at the wrong time that night, he was already tired and had been fighting with management about getting time off for a mini trip to Chicago. Their argument was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“I don’t know. I tried, honestly but both times I got cut off. I don’t know if I should even try, she seems to be in a good place right now.”

“Don’t care, do something! You have to try,” Harry yelled from the corner. He normally wasn’t so vocal, but it was a time to show it to Liam.

“What am I supposed to do? Call her and pour my head out,” Liam sighed. Things were never that easy.

“Anything you can do. Give it one shot, if she does nothing you can move on,” Louis pleaded with him. Liam thought about it, Louis was right, he had to try. He stood up quickly and looked around.

“Does anyone have any paper?” Cheers went around the room.

----

Three days later and Spencer seemed to be back to her normal self. She still wasn’t completely happy like usual, but Gray knew once the meds were completely done she would be fine. It couldn’t have come at a better time since she needed to get back to working. Martin was completely fine with her taking another day or two off to be with Spencer, which Gray was thankful for. She could really tell that she hit the motherload when it came to a good company.

“Mail time,” she cooed to Spencer as she went through the pile on the floor.

“Bills, bills and bills. Spencer being an adult sucks. Never grow up okay.” The small baby cooed and slobbered a response.

“Exactly, good girl. Listen to mommy.” Her phone started ringing next to her.

“Hello.”

“Half of team Gerrie, I miss you,” Perrie shouted over the line. Gray immediately cracked up remembering that horrible nickname they were given.

“Hey Pea, I miss you too!,” Gray responded.

“Good, now when were you going to tell me you were in London. Last time we talked you left it out,” Perrie pouted over the phone.

“I see a little bird with lots of tattoos and black hair got to you.” Gray rolled her eyes, they always had to spread the gossip.

“He did indeed. I didn’t believe him at all until he told me how Liam came over.” Gray knew what she was doing, hinting for more information like usual.

“It was nothing Perrie, just a minor heart attack with Spencer, that’s it,” Gray told her sternly.

“Mhm, sure it was. Listen, I’m coming over tomorrow, that work for you? I have time to spare and I need to see both of you.” Gray balanced the phone on her shoulder and continued to go through her mail. One envelope made her stop right there. There was no return address but she knew that handwriting from anywhere. Liam? Why did Liam send her mail?

“Works for me, I’m home by five. Listen, I have to go, I got something, see you tomorrow.” Her hands shook just holding it. The envelope felt like a bomb in her hands just waiting to go off and explode in her face.

“See you. Until tomorrow!” Gray hung up the phone not even wanting to question her about what Perrie just said. She quickly made sure Spencer was okay on the floor before sitting back and resting against the foot of the couch. Her fingers gently ripped open the envelope while her heart felt like it was in her throat. This letter could be anything. Court papers for child custody, a letter telling her to completely leave his life and never return, or it could be redemption for them both. She took a deep breath before unfolding it and start reading.

Dear Gray,
I want to start this letter telling you that everything you will read is completely honest and directly how I feel. I am not making any of this up. To start off with, I am a coward. I tried to express my feelings to you when we were at the doctors, and in the car, and standing in your apartment but I couldn’t. I’m ashamed to say that you still make me incredibly nervous, after all this time which made me act like a cold, careless schoolboy.

With that, I want to tell you I am sorry. Sorrier then you ever know. I have been filled with guilt ever since that night. I should have never treated you the way I did and I’m not sure what came over me. You are not, and never will be a horrible mother, I was just angry. Mostly at myself for forgetting you and missing out being with you. It was stupid of me to think I could work that hard and still expect you to be there with me every night. I should have never of done that. I should have been with you every night, not letting a second go by without seeing your face, your beautiful eyes and holding you without ever letting go. You are it for me, the only one I could ever want and I let you pass through my fingertips. I will never forgive myself for letting that happen.

I’ve thought about that night every day since you left and I know one thing is for certain. I want you Gray. I want every part of you back in my life. I want to love you and spend the rest of my life with you and never let a day go by where I don’t get to see your face and hold you. I want my daughter back too. I have missed too much of her life already. I want to be there for both of you, no matter what the cost. I am more than willing to not resign my contract with the band next year just so I can be with you. I hope you understand what I am saying Gray, but I am still in love with you and never stopped. You are my soul and my life. I live just to be with near you and spend every moment trying to make you smile and laugh. I love your laugh and miss it dearly. I cannot live without you no matter how hard I try.

I know this letter is putting more stress on you then you wanted and I am sorry for that. Pretty sure you are probably crying right now too which made me even more sad. I cannot handle you crying Gray, it kills me inside to see you so upset. I want to be there to wipe away every tear I made fall. I love you Gray, I love you more then anything else in this world and there is nothing I wouldn't do to be with you again. This will be the last time I contact you about us, I'll still get in touch when it comes to our daughter. I don't want you to over think this and get pushed into something you didn't want. You can come to me with your choice on your own terms, I just wanted to let you know where I stand. Just remember I'll love you until the last moment I will ever had and will always hope to be with you again.

Liam

He was right, Gray was crying like a complete animal when she finished. It was to the point where she could past out from the lack of oxygen. No more how hard she tried she couldn't get herself to stop. All this time she thought he was done with her, and didn't want her back. She actually got herself to believe that he didn't want her anymore and he would move on. The move to London wasn't for him, it never was, but at the same time she was drawn here. They always had that connection between them, unable to fully pull apart.

Gray folded up the letter and placed in back in the envelope. She had to think, really think on this and decide if being with Liam again was really the right choice. They had been through arguments and breakups so many times it was starting to become a natural trend. Now with Spencer around she couldn't do that to her daughter. Gray came from a broken home, she knew how it felt. No way could she do that to Spencer, it wouldn't be right.

----

Gray was on number twelve of the letter reading. She told herself last night to put it away and look again when she could think but of course that didn't work. She read it four times last night and the rest today. Now as she made dinner for her and Perrie her eyes drifted back to the letter on the table. He always had a way with words being a songwriter, but this time it hit her deep. He really did love her just like he did when they were first together. Nothing ever changed. Tears ran down her face thinking about it all.

"I'm here baby girl," Perrie cheered and knocked at the door. Gray quickly walked over, trying to wipe the wetness off her face. She opened the door and Perrie immediately frowned at her.

"Love, what's wrong." Gray motioned her in and closed the door before talking.

"Nothing, it was the onions. Give me a hug it has been too long," Gray responded squeezing her close friend tight. She needed the support right now.

"Gosh I cannot believe you are here and I cannot believe you didn't tell me," Perrie spat back, playfully slapped in her arm. Gray rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the kitchen.

"I know, i was keeping it mum. Come on, food is almost ready," Gray told her, stirring the sauce of the Alfredo. It smelled delicious and about the only thing she could make.

"So what's up? Fill me in on life, I feel like we haven't spoke in forever," Gray laughed nervously. She stirred the sauce again before turning around. Perrie was never this quiet.

"Earth to Per.." Her voice trailed off when she saw Perrie reading Liam's letter. Crap, Gray forgot to stash it away. She could feel the blood drain from her face.

"Oh my god Gray, this is beautiful." Perrie looked up at her with her own tears in her eyes.

"There isn't any onions, is there? This is why you were crying," Perrie whispered making Gray even more nervous. She was never that quiet when it came to Liam. Gray shook her head yes, not wanting to speak yet.

"So what did you tell him?"

"I haven't said anything yet, I just got it yesterday," Gray explained. She drained the noodles and threw them in the sauce. It just a reason to turn her back on Perrie. She knew the speech was coming, she could feel it.

"You haven't spoken to him? Are you mad!" Perrie shouted. Yup, there it was.

"I needed time to think and figure out what I wanted to do Pea. Either way it's a big decision," Gray explained. It was true, she wasn't ready to face the truth yet.

"You have got to be joking me. Here the man you cannot live with you just spilled everything to you and you stay quiet." Perrie waved her hands in the air in frustration. Sometimes Gray was so dense.

"That's it though Perrie, I can live without him. Look at me, I just uprooted me and Spencer's life without his help. Maybe I don't need him back," Gray responded.

"My god, you really are mad. I know you still love him Gray, I'm not stupid. You want to see Liam and be there with him. Don't even try to tell me it's not true, every time I say his name you catch your breathe, I see you to do," Perrie spoke. Gray blushed, she had a point. His name always triggered something involuntary in her body.

"Okay, you have me there but maybe we are just in two points in our life Perrie. Sometimes it's best for things to just sail away." Gray's arm flew in the sky trying to prove her point.

"You are at two points. You here wishing for him and Liam at his flat wanting you. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. What are you waiting for Gray? I can tell you are saying everything right now." Damn that Perrie for picking up on things so easily. This wasn't way the night was supposed to go. If Gray wasn't such an idiot and left the note out they would be fine. Dinner, laughs and call it a night. Simple fun.

"I just don't know what I want to do yet, I have to think." Gray bent over the table and laid her hand against her arms. She heard the chair screech against the floor and felt Perrie's arms hugging her back.

"Stop thinking and just go with it Gray," Perrie softly told her. Gray couldn't keep it anymore, like usual the tears streamed out of her eyes. So was just so sick of crying when it came to Liam. No person in their right mind would continue with this. They would call it done with a relationship and move on. Gray just couldn't, there was just something with him that her body refused to give up. Her brain said no but her boy said yes. She wanted to walk away, to say forget it all, but it just wasn't an option.

"Gray, do you still love him," Perrie asked. Gray shook her head yes, not wanting to admit it out loud.

"Do you want to be with him?" She picked up Gray body and made her look her in the eyes.

"Come on Gray, use your words," Perrie smiled at her.

"I do, but I'm just scared Perrie," Gray choked.

"Oh sweetie, of what?" Gray wiped her eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm herself down.

"I'm scared that if I get back together with him, in six months we will just be doing this all over again. We are on our three breakup. I cannot do fourth, it will break me," Gray cried to her.

"Well then don't let a fourth happen. You fight Gray, you fight for what you want, and never stop fighting. You are a strong woman, you can do this," Perrie cheered her on.

"Ok." A smile erupte over Perrie's face.
"Okay you will try and make this happen," she asked. Gray gave her a smile back and nodded. Thank God! Perrie gave her another hug and slid her hand in the pocket of her sweatshirt. She knew what she did was wrong, but it needed to be done. Perrie stopped the recording and smiled. Soon Liam would hear it all.

Notes

Title Creds: "Hand on Heart" by Olly Murs

Second time trying to post this, last night the website deleted his whole letter, and that's the best part! Mark my words, this puppy will be done by Tuesday.. okay Wednesday at the latest. I know you all want a triology but I don't see that happened. But the spin off will be coming!

I'll be putting both Side by Side and Protect You, Protect Me on Wattpad too if you want to find them there. Thank you too to those who explained 'ship' to me. I feel like a fool :)