“Alright little lady, don’t you move,” Gray cooed to Spencer. It was finally Halloween and her baby looked completely adorable in her caterpillar costume. Definitely a good choice. She snapped more photos on her camera and her phone before stopping. She scrolled through the photos when her mom walked in, completely dressed like ‘Thing 2’ from the Cat in the Hat.

“Gray those are beautiful,” she gushed looking over her corner. Between the light hitting the wall of the backdrop just right and the way she positioned Spencer it was amazing.

“Thanks Ma,” she smiled back. Her daughter really was beautiful even though her daddy was a douche bag. Liam and her had barely spoken since their phone call, there was nothing to say. Gray couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want to be with them right now. The calls were short, only consisting of Spencer and Gray sent him pictures of her daily. Other than that, there was no communication.

“Go get changed, I’ll watch her. Your sisters are going nuts.” They were doing their annual trick or treating night, it was a tradition to them. Everyone goes trick or treating regardless of your age. Gray walked away and sighed, another thing Liam was missing. Gray shook off the dreary feelings and got dressed. Thing 1 of course, her and her mom had to theme it up. She threw on the blue wig and snapped a picture. Was it wrong for her to post it on Twitter just to make him jealous? Yes, it was. That’s what teenagers do, not adults but Gray didn’t care. She was still pissed off, and no one thinks straight when you are mad.

“Alright, I’m ready!” She shouted arriving in the room. Her and her mom looked like twins while Gillian was dressed as an evil doctor and Grace, well what was she?

“Grace, what are you,” Gray asked her. She had on a curly wig and a flannel shirt, it almost reminded Gray of the Bounty man it some way.

“I’m Harry,” Grace cheered. Gray immediately started laugh, of course she was Harry. After all this time Grace still had a big crush on him. It was beyond adorable.

“Alright, you pose, I need to send this to him.” Gray quickly snapped the picture and grabbed Spencer’s little body from the couch. She placed her in the stroller, making sure her body was covered and warm before they headed out. Grace and Gillian immediately ran ahead of them ready to snatch candy everywhere. Kids covered the streets with their parents running around and screaming. It made Gray smile, this is what her childhood always was and wanted that for her daughter.

“Do you think things will ever get easier,” she asked her mom out of the blue. Other then the issues with Liam, life had been better. She expected the press to drive her insane trying to get close to Spencer but not one person had bugged her. It probably helped she lived in a suburb while the guys were off somewhere else.

“Depends, if you want your life to be easier or not. You control it all Gray, you know this.” Gloria told her from the side of the stroller.

“What if you don’t know how to make it easier?” Gloria stopped on the sidewalk and stared at her.

“Then that is just called fear. I’ve seen you grow stronger and stronger since meeting him, don’t flake on me now.” Gloria took the reins on the stroller leaving Gray in her thoughts. Her mother had a point, fear was there. Really not knowing where her life was going scared her. She grabbed the camera around her neck and starting snapping pictures of her neighborhood. The kids, the decorations, all of it. Lately photography had been her happy place. After the crappy conversation with Liam she took it all out on her credit card purchasing a very expensive, yet tech savvy camera. Now it was her new toy. It felt nice to take her emotions out from behind the camera other then on a person.

----

“Gray, seriously these are ridiculous,” Mila exclaimed looking over the portraits Gray had thrown about on the table. It had only been a month but her obsession with it made her feel like she had a new high. Gray shot everything. Spencer, her sisters, random people at the mall and now started working her way outdoors. Spencer hit being a month old just a couple of days ago which felt Gray had a bit more freedom to get out of the house for a few hours while Gloria watched her.

“You think?” Gray still was unsure herself. They were nice photos but it was hard to tell if they pushed the envelope or not.

“Girl please. Do you see this? Normal people cannot do this.” Mila held up a photo Gray took just the day before. She was at a cemetery down the road snapping photos of the gravestones and she saw an elderly woman not too far from her. The women bent down kissing the stone and Gray snapped the photo at the right time. She didn’t realize how pretty it was until it got developed. She was going to get that picture to the woman for sure.

“I think I am just lucky,” Gray simply said, it was true. Mila rolled her eyes at her.

“Lucky, but talented. I call dibs for my newborn pictures.” Mila’s eyes smiled as she rubbed her hand over her growing belly. It made Gray smile inside, she remembered those times.

“I’m telling you, find a way to get these published before I do,” Mila warned. Gray saluted her before picking them all back up and placing them in the manila folder.

“How’s life,” she asked Mila. She hadn’t seen her since the day in the hospital when Spencer was born. Mila went out on the last bit of tour with Curtis to enjoy their time before flying was out of the question for her too.

“Pretty good, although I’m sick of being pregnant.” Mila groaned.

“Oh that part I do not miss! Curtis still sticking with Andrew,” Gray asked, laughing at her.

“God no, it went worse. He likes Neil. Neil sounds like a forty year old bald man. Disgusting,” Mila yelled out. Gray turned into a fit of giggles.

“You know you could just move that to Niall and life would be set,” she joked.

“Oh yeah, GREAT idea then I can have both of them fawning over my stomach. I think Curtis is worse than Liam. He got all the boys to not let do anything out there, and I mean anything, pretty sure I gained five pounds by sitting on my ass.” Gray smiled and looked away. She could of still been there too if none of this ever happened.

“Shit, I’m sorry Gray, I know that’s a rough subject,” Mila told her truthfully and grabbed her hand.

“No, it’s okay. It’s your life you should be able to talk about it,” Gray weakly smiled back at her.

“How bad has it been?” Gray looked away again. How do you say that it was complete shit, but in an upfront optimistic way? It just wasn’t possible.

“Enough to drive me somewhat insane at night. It’s been hard but I just keep my head up and smile.” Gray hoped it was enough to get Mila to believe her.

“Gray, be real. I’m not your mom or anyone else. I’m your closest friend who can see right through you. Be honest.” Gray sighed, at least she tried.

“I just have so much anger towards him Mila, it’s not healthy. I literally hate him for everything right now,” Gray told her.

“It can’t be everything, he gave you Spencer,” Mila fired back. Gray looked back to see her sleeping baby all tucked away in the play pen.

“That’s about it. I know everyone says they would never change their lives when it comes to their kids, but I disagree. Don’t get me wrong, I love her with everything I have, but God my life could have been so different right now. Mila, I gave up everything for him. Every possible thing I had and look where I am. Home again living with my mother, raising my child alone and out of a job. “ Gray started crying again. Mila stayed in her seat unsure of what to do at this point.
“You two love each other though Gray. Every relationship goes through hard times, look at me and Curtis,” Mila told her. It was true, after she had the fight with Gray way back when; she and Curtis were inches away from getting a divorce. It was a long road but they worked it out.

“You are right, I love him but I cannot guarantee I’m in love with him anymore. It’s the middle of November. I’ve seen him what, only once since August and if Spence would have stayed in until her due date I would of just seen him. He put his career over us, you know this. Everyone can see it they just refuse to bring it up around me. It’s not fair to me or Spence, we have to move on.” Mila gripped the table making sure she heard all of this correctly.

“Gray, what are you saying right now because to me it sounds like a prelude to a break up manual. Is that what you want? To split for good?” Her voice quivered as she spoke not wanting to hear the answer. This was different, Mila could feel it. They had gone through two breakups already but Gray was different now. Before she pretended to not care about him, act like he was dirt even though she still wanted to be with him. Right now though, his name sounded cold and callous coming out of her mouth.

“It could be a prelude, that is for sure.” Gray sighed and took a breath. This had been weighing on her heavily for days. How could she love a man she hated to even speak to right now?

“You just shut your mouth Gray Cameron. This isn’t right!” Mila sobbed uncontrollably next to her making Gray feel shocked. She never acted like this. Gray jumped up out of her chair and wrapped her arms around her.

“Oh Mila, don’t cry,” she said, trying to comfort her.

“I’m sorry but I just cannot understand this. Shit sucks,” she yelled too loud. Spencer awoke suddenly and started crying.

“Oh man, now I can’t even be around children,” Mila cried again dramatically. Gray got up and walked over to Spencer. She picked her up quickly, settling the baby in her arms and rocked her calmly back and forth. Spencer hiccupped some more but settled down.“Here, hold my baby then you can’t freak out so much,” Gray laughed extending her arms out to Mila.

“Sick joke,” Mila muttered, grabbing the child from her.

“Stay calm now. I’ve decided to go out there next month just to see. I’m not saying anything until then Mila, swear. We may stay together, we may break up. I just need to know if it’s worth fighting for or not. That’s all.” Gray kept her voice calm not wanting to upset her again. She just wanted to be honest. This was it, next month was the only deciding factor into their relationship.

“I just hope you know what you are doing Gray, it will kill everyone to see you get hurt.” Gray sighed again, this was way too much for an easy afternoon.

“There’s a chance it will happen, but right now it’s a chance I have to take. Lifes about taking changes right,” Gray tried to joke with her. Mila looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms and back at Gray.

“Life is about being happy, and feeling love. Simples as that.”

----

“Now, Spencer the trick to a great cake is to not overdo the batter. Get it wait and call it a day,” Gray spoke to the once again sleeping child next to her. She was in the kitchen getting cupcakes ready for Grace’s birthday tomorrow. After that is was Thanksgiving, one of Gray’s favorite holidays. Time to eat and shop, a perfect combination. She whipped up the batter more, throwing it into cupcake liners as the doorbell went off.

“Spence, you chill I got this one.” Gray wondered who it was as she walked through the house. The girls were at school and Gloria was at work, unless there was a package she didn’t know about. She threw open the door to see Zayn and Perrie smiling in front of her.

“Love,” Perrie screamed, throwing her body onto hers. Gray was taken back for a moment, none of them told her they were coming. Her eyes started to welt up as she hug Perrie’s frame tighter.

“What in the heck are you doing here,” she cried. Perrie took a step back checking over Gray’s body.

“To visit! I need to see my niece, where is she?” Her eyes darted around the room looking for any sign of a child.

“Kitchen.” Perrie zoomed by her forgetting everything else. Gray looked back at Zayn to see him blushing sheepishly.

“That was kind of you to visit,” Gray spoke softly to him. She was still surprised both of them were here right now.

“Just for the day, we are headed back to London tomorrow.” A light bulb went off in her head. OF course they were here, the boys were on break for a week before finishing up the last ten days in the northeast. Zayn could tell she figured it out, now it was time for the elephant in the room. IF he was here, why couldn’t Liam be?

“Come on in, I just have to put these cupcakes in the oven.” She walked away from controlling her breathing. She knew this was going to happen, Liam already took her a long time ago that he wouldn’t be able to come back during their break. She got it. They walked into the kitchen seeing Perrie already cuddling Spencer in the barstool of the breakfast bar.

“She is breathtaking Gray,” Perrie cried to her. Gray smiled, Spencer was one of a kind. She was starting to become more alert now as the weeks went on. It was amazing to watch her grow.

“She is my little lady,” Gray told her.

“Zayn can we make one? I want one so bad! Look at how cute she is,” Perrie gushed, showing off Spencer’s face to her. His face immediately went red and it looked like he was sweating. Gray bit her lip trying not to laugh at her.

“I suggest we wait. No offense Gray but a baby isn’t a good time for me right now,” he told her. Gray waved him off.

“No worries, I completely get you.” She put the cupcakes in the oven and joined the two at the table.

“So fill me in, how was the rest of the tour? No accidents I assume,” Gray joked.

“Not going to lie, very boring. Since you left it was just us lads, no ladies. I saw far too much on that bus,” Zayn told her, his body shuddering. Perrie giggled next to him holding Spencer tight.

“I miss you all because of that, good time me and her are coming over next month.”

“You are coming to London? No way! How did I not know this until now,” Perrie questioned her. Gray readjusted her body on the chair, she knew this could start a fight.

“I haven’t told Liam yet, that’s why,” Gray told them. Both of them stared back at her with blank expressions on their face.

“But you tell him everything,” Zayn whispered.

“We used to tell each other everything, which died a while back.” Lately their conversations have been null and void. She hadn’t fully spoken to him in almost three days.

“I don’t get you two, what is going on,” Perrie asked. Gray shrugged, she didn’t get them either.

“I think we are just falling apart. Our lives are on two different planets right now. He has his work, I have Spencer and my photography.” Perrie cut her off.

“Wait, what photography? That is this about?” Gray got up from the stool and walked to the adjoining room to get her book. She and Mila spent the afternoon putting her best pictures together to send out to publishing companies. She really did have potential.

“It became a side project with her but now it looks like a living,” Gray stated. Perrie and Zayn looked at the book together going through each photo separately. Gray took the opportunity to grab her camera and snap photos of them quickly while they sat together closely holding onto Spencer still. Perrie looked up at her and smiled.

“Gray, this is beautiful,” Perrie said showing the same picture Mila loved with the elderly woman and the gravestone. Gray blushed back at her.

“I think you are better than Tony,” Zayn commented, talking about their photographer on the tour. Gray sat back on the stool.

“It’s been fun doing it. I’m shipping out my portfolios tomorrow for some companies around the States.” She left out the comment about sending them overseas. When Gray finally decided to do this she went back and forth about sending them to some London companies but decided against it.

“Does that mean you are going to move,” Perrie looked at her with a shocked look on her face.

“Probably but it wouldn’t be anything different then living here, just another state.” Perrie pouted, handing the baby over to Zayn. She walked over to Gray, crushing her body with hers.

“You can’t leave Gray, Chicago is your home.” Was Perrie actually crying about this? What is the world coming to?

“Pea, this is no different than me moving to London,” she tried to point out.

“London would put you with our family.” She sobbed into Gray’s shoulder making her shirt wet. Gray held her back staring hard into her eyes.

“Perrie, no matter where I am in this world you are still in my family. We will visit, call and drive each other crazy because that is what we will do. So quit your crying and call me a bad name like you typically do,” Gray told her sternly.

“Whore.” She tried but her lips quivered as she held back the tears.

“That is why I love you Pea. Now let’s go out for dinner, I’m done with this stress.” Gray stood up stealing Spencer from Zayn and getting her settled in her carseat. The other two watched her from the side, somewhat in awe.

“You are strongest Gray, honestly don’t forget that,” Zayn quietly told her giving her a smile. Gray smiled back, it was true. She was strong as always.


----

“He-Hello,” she yelled into the phone trying to balance the groceries in her hand, Spencer’s carseat and the car keys. Winter hit Chicago like a beast making it unbelievably cold right then. She wanted nothing more than to get her daughter out of it. Last thing she needed what both of them getting sick.

“Hi is this Gray Cameron?”

“Speaking, how can I help you?” She settled Spencer down by kitchen and stripped off her winter wear. Her whole body shook feeling beyond cold. Damn you snow.

“Hi, I’m Roger Ainsley from Panameter Photos, you send your portfolio in to us not that long ago and I wanted to speak with you about it.” Gray plopped down hard into the chair next to her. This was a shock, she didn’t expect someone to call so soon.

“Hi Roger, well what can I help you with?” Gray tried hard to keep her breathing in check.

“We were very impressed with your abilities. There are some amazing shots in there. We have a job offer that will be opening up in the middle of February that I wanted to see if you were interested in. It’s entry level, mostly shooting for our calendars but I think with your talent it wouldn’t take you long to get publish in the primetime magazines.” Gray’s head felt dizzy. What he even being truthful right now? A real job doing something that made her happy was unbelievable.

“Well it’s definitely something I would love to look into,” she told him back.

“Fantastic. The job placement would be based out of our main office in San Francisco. We offer a $8,000 move in bonus but we can go through the logistics of that later. Our company cannot technically offer you the job until after the first of the year due to budgets but I wanted to let you know as soon as I heard. You have serious potential Gray, we want you on our team. I will email you all of the information for you to go over and think about it. Good day.” She hung up with him feeling like she just got hit by a Mac truck. How could one person get the best news matched with the worst news in the same sentence? San Francisco was far, farther then she thought she would have to move at this point. Yet, this was a job, a real dream job for herself. She would be a complete idiot not to take it. Gray threw her arm over her face.

“What do you think Spence? Stay here and freeze to death every winter or go to California and not know anyone?” She eyed the sleeping baby in the corner hoping she would magically talk and give her an answer. Right now Gray needed to figure out what to do with her life, and that meant telling Liam she was coming to visit, she just didn’t need to tell him everything. Gray picked up her daughter and headed downstairs, she didn’t need any part of her family coming home and hearing this.


“Hello?” No love, no breathing her name in the urgent way he does. Just a simple hello, enough to shatter her heart into tiny little pieces.

“Hey, good time to talk,” she asked. Mumblings and static came over the phone making her pull it back from her ear.

“Sorry, at the studio but yes, I have time.” Gray took a breathing.

“Can I come out there? Me and Spence? I was thinking the day after my birthday if that works for you, I wasn’t sure what your schedule was and didn’t want to be in the way..” Her voice trailed off. She smacked herself in the forehead for rambling so much.

“Gray, you know you can come out here anytime and I wouldn’t mind. Definitely come out, my mum will be ecstatic to hear this.”

“What about you Liam? Are you ecstatic too,” she quietly asked him. It came out like a whimper which made her even madder, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

“I am happy to always see you no matter what the circumstances,” he answered quietly back to her. The floodgates of her eyes started to open. He always did this, always knew how to make her upset without even trying.

“Gray, are you crying?” She moved the phone away from her mouth trying to control the sniffles.

“God yes. What happened to us Liam? Where did we go?” She heard him sigh through the phone.

“I ask myself the same question everyday wondering where I went wrong,” he told her. Gray wiped her eyes again fully knowing they were falling into her phone.

“I’m sorry, whatever I did I am sorry,” she sobbed to him. Gray heard him move more over the line, probably trying to find somewhere private.

“Love, please don’t cry right now, I cannot help you with that as much as I want to right now. Let’s talk about this, all of this when you come, okay? We will find a way to figure this out,” he explained to her. Gray was breaking inside, she knew he was seeing the positive while she was feeling the negative. Things never worked out easily.

“Okay, I’ll let you know our flight time. Goodbye Liam.”

“See you Gray.” She threw the phone down to the other side of the couch and cried her eyes out. Nothing was the same anymore, everything had changed. Her life was pulling her in every direction possible and Gray didn’t know where to go.

"I'm so sorry sweet girl, I tried. I tried to keep your family together baby girl. I'm so sorry." Spencer was fast asleep in her room no where near Gray, but she still felt the need to tell her, and the world. She laid down on the couch, curling into a ball and let the tears fall. Soon her sobs and the exhaustion of everything lulled her to sleep.

Notes

Title Creds: "Almost is Never Enough" by Ariana Grade. Love that song, fantastic to sing in the car.

Not sure where I was going with this chapter, hence it being shorter. It gets better next one. :)

Thank you for all the views on both stories! I looked at PYPM today and about squealed. 11,000 views is ALOT. I know there are other stories that are well over 100,000 already but I don't care, I love every view and every subscriber I have. Cute as a button, all of you. :)

Yup, I need sleep now.