Stardust
In Loving Memory
Doncaster was more or less new to Lilly. She’d forgotten most about it to build up a new life in London, so seeing everything here, brought back memories. Mostly memories of her and Louis together. How could she have forgotten about something like this? Thinking about Louis, also brought back the previous day, when they’d been so close and she’d felt her heart race. His face had looked so serious, not like he usually looked at her. She’d tried to think about him as just a friend, but yesterday had made that a lot more difficult. She’d been too aware of him, of her desire to put her lips to his.
“No,” she mumbled to herself, into her pillow and pressed her eyes shut. She didn’t even want to think about this, about him. She just wanted to go to sleep and get it over with the unreal so that she could go back home and sleep in her own bed for a few nights before she headed out to tour first the UK, then America. It wasn’t long until they would leave again.
For tonight, Lilly was alone, because her mother spent some time with Louis’ Mom. Lilly hadn’t wanted to accompany her. There was too much on her mind as it was, so meeting Louis’ mother tomorrow at the funeral was more than enough for her.
She eventually fell asleep around eleven, because she was so exhausted. She’d hardly slept the night before because of her nap, and she hadn’t eaten anything. Maybe her appetite would return, when she was back in London.
She might have fallen asleep, but she woke up a couple of times during the night until she was finally woken by her mother because I was time to get ready. Breakfast was no option for Lilly, because she’d only throw up. Maybe she’d eat later that day, or before they drove back. She knew that her mother wanted to stay a little longer to catch up with Louis’ Mum, but she had to get back to London, talk to Jonathan and see her brothers again. That would calm her down.
With her bags packed, dressed in black boots, a black dress, thick, dark blue wool jacket, and her hair pinned up, she left the hotel, put her bags in the trunk of the car, and got inside. Her mother didn’t ask her any questions; she just took Lilly’s hand, when they arrived at the cemetery. Lilly left all the talking to her mother. What could she possibly say? She didn’t know anybody here, and the people she did know, she didn’t want to talk to.
Quietly, she stood next to her mother during the whole ceremony. She didn’t shed a tear while standing there. There were so many people crying for her father, who’d known him better than she had, so she felt like a complete fraud standing there amidst these people crying for a man who would rather drink and drive somewhere in Manchester than raise his daughter.
“I’ve got to get away from all this,” she said quietly to her mother before the first people came over. There was a little party to be held at her grandparents’ house, but Lilly didn’t feel like going there. “I’ll just take a walk and come to the car later.”
“Are you sure, you’ll be fine, honey?” Her mother asked, worry wrinkling her brow. She hugged her daughter after she’d nodded and let her go. It was the best for Lilly, she knew that. And in a case of emergency, she could still call her daughter.
Lilly didn’t know where she was going. Her feet just kept on going by themselves until she reached a bench beneath a tree. It seemed familiar, calmed her down, so she sat down and let her gaze wander over the park, the little stream and the children playing in the distance. Again and again, she breathed in deeply, feeling more at ease with every breath she took. It was just such a calm place, so calm that she didn’t even feel the cold, and her wool jacket wasn’t keeping her that warm.
“I thought I’d find you here.” She heard a familiar voice next to the bench. When she turned to see who it was, she froze.
“What are you doing here?” Her eyes widened, as she asked Louis this question. Okay, this was Doncaster, but he was the last person she’d expected to find her.
“I wanted to visit my family, so I came here. When I arrived, my Mum said she was on the way to your father’s funeral. I got changed and followed her.” He was standing in front of her in a proper black suit with a white dress shirt. A big grey coat was keeping him warm, as well as a red scarf. “I didn’t want to disturb your time here, but when you walked away, I got worried. We’ve been here as kids a lot, so I figured you might come here.”
So that’s why it calmed her so much. That’s why her feet brought her here. She’d been glad to spend some time away from Louis because of the turmoil his closeness had created in her two days ago. Seeing him now, though, made her rather happy. Out of all the people she could see here, he was the one she really wanted to be with.
Slowly Louis sat down next to her and watched her. It took him some time before he opened his mouth again and asked: “How are you feeling?”
“Sad,” she simply said, turning around to face him again. “But I’ll be okay. There are a lot of people there who were closer to him. I just don’t want to cry anymore. Yes, it’s sad that I lost him, but he was hardly there for me.”
“I know what you mean.” Louis reached for her hand, and gripped it tight. This was becoming their thing: Holding hands. “Have you had anything to eat today?” Lilly didn’t say anything. She only shook her head slightly, not willing to admit it out loud. “How about yesterday?”
Lilly’s silence told him all he needed to know. Her hand was freezing cold, and so was she probably. Her hand was shaking slightly, so Louis let go of it. He stood up and took off his coat to put it around her shoulders. With big, sad eyes Lilly looked up at him.
“Aren’t you cold, Louis?” She wanted to take off the coat immediately again, but Louis sat down quickly and put his arm around her to keep her from doing that.
He indicated his scarf as he said: “I’ve got this, and I’m not cold. You, on the other hand, are freezing. We should get you inside, get you a cup of tea and something to eat.”
Only thinking about food, made Lilly queasy. Maybe, she’d be able to eat something, but she’d rather start with a cup of tea. But most of all, she wanted to go home.
“Lou, I just want to go home. I want my house, my family.” She turned her head towards him to realize that he was only inches away with his face.
Louis looked in her eyes and leaned his head against hers for a moment. He’d come here to visit his family, but he’d see his mother in a few days anyway. He stayed like this for a moment, before he straightened, and said: “Tell you what. We’ll get some tea to take with us, get your stuff and then I’ll drive you to London.”
“Nonono, you can’t do this!” Lilly stood up. This was not what she’d wanted. She just wanted to get in her Mum’s car and drive home. “You came here to be with your family.”
“They’ll understand. We’ll get your stuff, I’ll drive you home and make sure you eat something. You can call your mother and tell her that she can stay with my Mum for another day or two.” Lilly was still staring at him, so he added: “I’ll see them soon and I’d feel much better if I took you home. You need rest.”
Oh, he didn’t know how much rest she really needed, and that he was part of the reason for her sleepless nights. And he wouldn’t hear it from her.
“Come on, let’s go!” Louis held out his hand to her, and led her to his car when she took it. She didn’t really have a choice, did she? On the way to Louis’ parents’ house, Lilly called her Mom. She wasn’t that convinced at the beginning, but she trusted Louis to take her home safely and she sounded a lot more cheerful at the prospect of spending some more time with her friend.
Louis asked her to stay in the car and warm up a bit more. When he returned, he pressed a paper-cup with hot tea into her hand and handed her some crumpets. This would have to do until they reached London, and it was something Lilly might actually eat right now. She looked down at the tea and warmed her hands on it.
When they got to Lilly’s grandparents’ house, Louis didn’t let her leave the car as well. He made her tell him what she needed out of the car, took the keys from her and got her belongings. Was he scared that she’d run away once she got out of the car?
Lilly took a long sip from the tea, but couldn’t bring herself to eat a crumpet yet. Halfway to London, though, she managed to eat one and a half. More wasn’t possible. They didn’t talk much while they were in the car. But when Louis wanted to ask her something, he didn’t get a response. When he looked over at her, he saw that she was asleep. She looked so peaceful, so vulnerable. Why did she always let her guard down around him, around the guys and fell asleep?
Granted, it was good for her right now, and she didn’t even wake up when Louis opened the passenger door in front of her parents’ house. He didn’t want to wake her up, so he scooped her up and carried her to the door. Shortly after he’d rung the bell, Jonathan opened him.
“I got a call, so I know all about it,” he said with a lowered voice, because he didn’t want to wake Lilly. “How long has she been asleep?”
“A little more than an hour. She had tea and ate more than one crumpet. I’ll just bring her to bed.” Louis entered the house.
“Louis?” Jonathan said, making Louis turn around to him. There was a relieved smile on his lips when he said: “Thank you. For everything.”
Louis simply smiled at him before he walked up the stairs. Carefully he opened the door to her room and walked straight to the bed where he put her down. She must have really been tired, because not even that woke her up. She was still wearing his coat, but Louis pulled up the covers anyway. For a moment, he watched her, but then he turned and walked down the stairs. He still had to get her belongings out of the car.
“No,” she mumbled to herself, into her pillow and pressed her eyes shut. She didn’t even want to think about this, about him. She just wanted to go to sleep and get it over with the unreal so that she could go back home and sleep in her own bed for a few nights before she headed out to tour first the UK, then America. It wasn’t long until they would leave again.
For tonight, Lilly was alone, because her mother spent some time with Louis’ Mom. Lilly hadn’t wanted to accompany her. There was too much on her mind as it was, so meeting Louis’ mother tomorrow at the funeral was more than enough for her.
She eventually fell asleep around eleven, because she was so exhausted. She’d hardly slept the night before because of her nap, and she hadn’t eaten anything. Maybe her appetite would return, when she was back in London.
She might have fallen asleep, but she woke up a couple of times during the night until she was finally woken by her mother because I was time to get ready. Breakfast was no option for Lilly, because she’d only throw up. Maybe she’d eat later that day, or before they drove back. She knew that her mother wanted to stay a little longer to catch up with Louis’ Mum, but she had to get back to London, talk to Jonathan and see her brothers again. That would calm her down.
With her bags packed, dressed in black boots, a black dress, thick, dark blue wool jacket, and her hair pinned up, she left the hotel, put her bags in the trunk of the car, and got inside. Her mother didn’t ask her any questions; she just took Lilly’s hand, when they arrived at the cemetery. Lilly left all the talking to her mother. What could she possibly say? She didn’t know anybody here, and the people she did know, she didn’t want to talk to.
Quietly, she stood next to her mother during the whole ceremony. She didn’t shed a tear while standing there. There were so many people crying for her father, who’d known him better than she had, so she felt like a complete fraud standing there amidst these people crying for a man who would rather drink and drive somewhere in Manchester than raise his daughter.
“I’ve got to get away from all this,” she said quietly to her mother before the first people came over. There was a little party to be held at her grandparents’ house, but Lilly didn’t feel like going there. “I’ll just take a walk and come to the car later.”
“Are you sure, you’ll be fine, honey?” Her mother asked, worry wrinkling her brow. She hugged her daughter after she’d nodded and let her go. It was the best for Lilly, she knew that. And in a case of emergency, she could still call her daughter.
Lilly didn’t know where she was going. Her feet just kept on going by themselves until she reached a bench beneath a tree. It seemed familiar, calmed her down, so she sat down and let her gaze wander over the park, the little stream and the children playing in the distance. Again and again, she breathed in deeply, feeling more at ease with every breath she took. It was just such a calm place, so calm that she didn’t even feel the cold, and her wool jacket wasn’t keeping her that warm.
“I thought I’d find you here.” She heard a familiar voice next to the bench. When she turned to see who it was, she froze.
“What are you doing here?” Her eyes widened, as she asked Louis this question. Okay, this was Doncaster, but he was the last person she’d expected to find her.
“I wanted to visit my family, so I came here. When I arrived, my Mum said she was on the way to your father’s funeral. I got changed and followed her.” He was standing in front of her in a proper black suit with a white dress shirt. A big grey coat was keeping him warm, as well as a red scarf. “I didn’t want to disturb your time here, but when you walked away, I got worried. We’ve been here as kids a lot, so I figured you might come here.”
So that’s why it calmed her so much. That’s why her feet brought her here. She’d been glad to spend some time away from Louis because of the turmoil his closeness had created in her two days ago. Seeing him now, though, made her rather happy. Out of all the people she could see here, he was the one she really wanted to be with.
Slowly Louis sat down next to her and watched her. It took him some time before he opened his mouth again and asked: “How are you feeling?”
“Sad,” she simply said, turning around to face him again. “But I’ll be okay. There are a lot of people there who were closer to him. I just don’t want to cry anymore. Yes, it’s sad that I lost him, but he was hardly there for me.”
“I know what you mean.” Louis reached for her hand, and gripped it tight. This was becoming their thing: Holding hands. “Have you had anything to eat today?” Lilly didn’t say anything. She only shook her head slightly, not willing to admit it out loud. “How about yesterday?”
Lilly’s silence told him all he needed to know. Her hand was freezing cold, and so was she probably. Her hand was shaking slightly, so Louis let go of it. He stood up and took off his coat to put it around her shoulders. With big, sad eyes Lilly looked up at him.
“Aren’t you cold, Louis?” She wanted to take off the coat immediately again, but Louis sat down quickly and put his arm around her to keep her from doing that.
He indicated his scarf as he said: “I’ve got this, and I’m not cold. You, on the other hand, are freezing. We should get you inside, get you a cup of tea and something to eat.”
Only thinking about food, made Lilly queasy. Maybe, she’d be able to eat something, but she’d rather start with a cup of tea. But most of all, she wanted to go home.
“Lou, I just want to go home. I want my house, my family.” She turned her head towards him to realize that he was only inches away with his face.
Louis looked in her eyes and leaned his head against hers for a moment. He’d come here to visit his family, but he’d see his mother in a few days anyway. He stayed like this for a moment, before he straightened, and said: “Tell you what. We’ll get some tea to take with us, get your stuff and then I’ll drive you to London.”
“Nonono, you can’t do this!” Lilly stood up. This was not what she’d wanted. She just wanted to get in her Mum’s car and drive home. “You came here to be with your family.”
“They’ll understand. We’ll get your stuff, I’ll drive you home and make sure you eat something. You can call your mother and tell her that she can stay with my Mum for another day or two.” Lilly was still staring at him, so he added: “I’ll see them soon and I’d feel much better if I took you home. You need rest.”
Oh, he didn’t know how much rest she really needed, and that he was part of the reason for her sleepless nights. And he wouldn’t hear it from her.
“Come on, let’s go!” Louis held out his hand to her, and led her to his car when she took it. She didn’t really have a choice, did she? On the way to Louis’ parents’ house, Lilly called her Mom. She wasn’t that convinced at the beginning, but she trusted Louis to take her home safely and she sounded a lot more cheerful at the prospect of spending some more time with her friend.
Louis asked her to stay in the car and warm up a bit more. When he returned, he pressed a paper-cup with hot tea into her hand and handed her some crumpets. This would have to do until they reached London, and it was something Lilly might actually eat right now. She looked down at the tea and warmed her hands on it.
When they got to Lilly’s grandparents’ house, Louis didn’t let her leave the car as well. He made her tell him what she needed out of the car, took the keys from her and got her belongings. Was he scared that she’d run away once she got out of the car?
Lilly took a long sip from the tea, but couldn’t bring herself to eat a crumpet yet. Halfway to London, though, she managed to eat one and a half. More wasn’t possible. They didn’t talk much while they were in the car. But when Louis wanted to ask her something, he didn’t get a response. When he looked over at her, he saw that she was asleep. She looked so peaceful, so vulnerable. Why did she always let her guard down around him, around the guys and fell asleep?
Granted, it was good for her right now, and she didn’t even wake up when Louis opened the passenger door in front of her parents’ house. He didn’t want to wake her up, so he scooped her up and carried her to the door. Shortly after he’d rung the bell, Jonathan opened him.
“I got a call, so I know all about it,” he said with a lowered voice, because he didn’t want to wake Lilly. “How long has she been asleep?”
“A little more than an hour. She had tea and ate more than one crumpet. I’ll just bring her to bed.” Louis entered the house.
“Louis?” Jonathan said, making Louis turn around to him. There was a relieved smile on his lips when he said: “Thank you. For everything.”
Louis simply smiled at him before he walked up the stairs. Carefully he opened the door to her room and walked straight to the bed where he put her down. She must have really been tired, because not even that woke her up. She was still wearing his coat, but Louis pulled up the covers anyway. For a moment, he watched her, but then he turned and walked down the stairs. He still had to get her belongings out of the car.
11/16/13