Stardust
It Is What It Is
Lilly and the boys had a couple of days to themselves, enough time, but still, the first thing, Louis did, when they entered their apartment, was abandoning his suitcase and call his Mum.
“Louis, seriously?” Harry called after him, exasperated by the mess. He’d said that he wanted to call his Mum, but Harry had thought he’d at least take care of his suitcase. Instead, it was Harry who took Luis suitcase together with his own to the bathroom to start the washing machine. If he didn’t do it now, they’d completely forget about it, and get their washing done in a week or so when they needed some of their clothes.
“Hey, Mum, it’s me,” Louis said as soon as she picked up. He fell down on top of his bed, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As much as he liked being on the road, there really was no place like home, and his own bedroom.
“So, you’re back in London. How was it?” His Mum’s cheery voice warmed his heart. It was about time that he saw her again. And so he told her about New York, about the VMAs, the premiere and everything else.
“Say, there’s this girl working with Paul, and she was with us in NYC, but she’s originally from Doncaster, and I think I know her.”
“What’s her name?”
“Lilly Wilde. She moved to London with her mother when she was still quite young, and her biological father died in a car crash a few days ago. He was also from Doncaster, and his parents want to bury him there.”
“But not Charlie Hoyle?” his mother asked in disbelief.
“I don’t know his name.”
“It must be Charlie, that’s the only person I know about.” He could hear his mother breathe in deeply. Okay, he was definitely on to something here. “I knew him quite well back then, when you were born. His wife Therese was a good friend of mine, and you and her daughter Lillian went to preschool together. You always refused to call her Lilly.” She laughed a little at that. “But when Charlie left her and Lilly, she decided to start over somewhere else and broke off contact with everybody from Doncaster. She doesn’t have family here, except for Charlie’s parents, and they’re not very nice people.”
“Are you serious?” Now he finally knew why he’d thought that he’d seen her before. She’d really been a part of his life.
“Can you give Lilly or her mother my number? I’d love to talk to her.”
“Sure. No Problem.” Louis got up from his bed. “I’ll call you again tomorrow, okay? I’ve got somewhere to be in a bit.”
After he’d hung up, he quickly showered and dressed. He didn’t bother to shave, because he kind of liked the way he looked. When he knocked on Harry’s door, he only heard a muffled “yes”. Harry was lying on his stomach on his bed, his head propped on a pillow, phone in hand. The smile on his face told Louis that he was texting with Natalie again. They’d stayed in contact during their stay in NYC, but it was much easier now that they were back in England.
“I’m heading over to Lilly’s place, wanna come along?”
“You miss her already?” Harry teased, putting his phone down for a minute.
“No. Yes. No! I just talked to my Mum and she was friends with Lilly’s Mum. We went to preschool together.” Louis sat down on the edge of Harry’s bed, a little smile on his lips. “That’s why she looks so familiar.”
“No way!” Harry exclaimed, his eyes widening. “So, you’re heading there to tell her.”
“And give her mother my Mum’s phone number. This is probably not the best timing, but when I get there, I can distract her a little bit. It worked in NYC and on the plane.”
“You like her, don’t you?” Harry sat up and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Maybe.” Louis shrugged his shoulder. How could he answer that if he wasn’t sure himself? “I want to know more about her, and even though she might not admit it, I think she could use someone to talk to right now. Wanna tag along?”
“No, no, that’s your thing. You can tell me all about it when you get back, okay?” Rolling onto his bed, Harry looked at him. “And you’re right, she could really use someone to talk to, or just be there for her.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later.” With these words, Louis left Harry alone again and got in the car. He knew Lilly’s address from Paul, and it was not that hard to find. It was a beautiful two-storey house with a front yard that led around the house to an even bigger backyard. The car Lilly had gotten from Paul for work was parked next to what Louis assumed was her mother’s car.
He checked his hair in the rearview mirror before he got out of the car. He hated to admit it, but he was nervous for some reason. When he rang the bell, he tried to stand still instead of fidgeting around. A big man opened the door for him, and he knew immediately that this was Jonathan. If he hadn’t grinned at Louis, he would have been intimidated.
“Hello, my name is Louis,” he introduced himself with a smile. “Is Lilly home?”
“Sure, come on in.” John held the door open wide to let Louis in. “She’d in the backyard with the twins and her mother. Just follow me.” He led the way through the living room and out onto the porch. Lilly was seated on the floor, her hair not in a ponytail, ripped jeans on her legs and a washed out t-shirt with the logo of The Who right in the middle of it.
“Someone’s here to see you, Lil,” Jonathan said, making her eyes dart from the twins towards the door. When she saw Louis, her eyes widened in shock. He had to grin at that, because this was just what he’d expected.
“Hello Lillian,” he said, walking up to her. He held out his hand to help her up from the floor. She hesitated a moment, before she took it and pulled herself up.
“What are you doing here?” Slowly she let go of his hand, aware that her parents were watching them.
“I thought you could use some company, some distraction.” Louis smiled at her, and took something out of his pocket. “And I wanted to give this to your mother.” He turned around and placed the piece of paper on the table in front of her Mum. “It is very nice to meet you again. My Mum wanted me to give you her phone number, so that you could call her. She’d love to get in touch with you again.” Looking at Therese Wilde, he realized that Lilly had the same eyes as her mother. “The name is Tomlinson now, but you might know her as Johannah Paul or Austin, I don’t know.”
Her eyes widened in recognition, and slowly a smile crept onto her face when she exclaimed: “Oh my God, You’re Johannah’s little boy. You looked familiar, but I never made the connection with the new last name.” Therese got up from her chair, rounded the table, and hugged Louis. Afterwards she held him at arm’s length to look at him. “I missed your Mum, but I wanted to put Doncaster behind me, and with it everyone there. It wasn’t one of my best ideas in retrospect.”
“Hello? Lilly to Mum. What the HELL is going on here?” Lilly made both of them turn around to her. The twins were playing with their cars again, and Jonathan was watching the whole scene in silence. Louis couldn’t help but smile, since he knew more than Lilly did.
“You two were in preschool together,” her mother started to explain, but she was interrupted by Lilly.
“What? I think I would remember that.” She crossed her arms over her chest, a scowl on her face.
“Not necessarily. He didn’t have the same last name back then and you always pronounced the “s” at the end of his name, so he called you Lillian. You two spend a lot of time together actually. You just tried to forget most of it, because it was easier that way.”
“And because you called me Louis, I always called you Lillian instead of Lilly.” Louis grinned from one ear to the other, happy that he’d finally found out what had been weighing on his mind so much.
Lilly slowly sat down and took a deep breath. So much had happened the past days and now this. She tried to think back, and there it was. An image from preschool with a boy that could have been Louis. The fact that she’d always pronounced the “s” in his name, and that he’d called her Lillian verified what they’d told her. This was one thing she could remember.
“Oh man,” she slowly looked up and tried to smile at them. “The world really is small. Even more so now.”
“You look like you should lie down, Lil,” Jonathan said with a worried expression. She looked a little pale. “Maybe have a cup of tea.” He turned towards Louis. “Would you mind taking her up to her room, Louis? It’s just up the stairs.”
“It would be my pleasure.” Louis looked at Lilly, worried as well, and slowly wrapped his hand around hers. “Come on.”
Lilly simply nodded and followed him. Louis walked up the stairs, opened the door and stood in the middle of Lilly’s spacious room. Before he looked around, he tried to lead her towards the bed, but she stopped, and instead led him towards the two big armchairs.
“I don’t want to lie down. I’d much rather sit here.”
Louis nodded and let go of her hand. She sat down in silence, and he didn’t say a word until he’d prepared a cup of tea for her and for himself. It had taken him a moment to find everything, but he’d managed, and he’d used that time to have a look around.
Lilly’s room wasn’t that girly, she had a lot of brown, blue and green colors, a little purple and red. There were a lot of photos on the wall where her desk was, some framed photos across the room. He didn’t have time to look at them up close, but maybe he’d get the chance.
“Thank you,” Lilly said, taking the cup of tea from him. Slowly she looked up at him and indicated the other armchair for him to sit down. Louis sank down into the seat, cradling his own cup of tea in his hands. “I’m sorry for my behavior, I’m just… I don’t know.”
“A little confused?” Louis suggested. “It’s understandable. I was just so sure that you looked familiar and when you said that you’re originally from Doncaster, I tried asking my Mum. Never in a million years did I think that I really knew you.”
“It doesn’t really make a difference, though, does it?” Lilly took a sip from her tea, feeling it warm her up from the inside. “I mean, we get along now, and we did back then. The only thing that’s changed, is that we have some history together, right?”
“Why would it change anything? I think you’re great! You’re easy to get along with and talk to, you’re beautiful, and you are great at your job. It’s just great to know that I didn’t imagine anything. And it’s awesome that we brought two friends back together.”
“Did you just say that I’m beautiful?” Lilly asked, her cheeks a little pink, a smile on her face.
“Was that everything you’ve heard?” Louis asked, a little embarrassed, but a grin on his face. “Yeah, you are beautiful, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.”
“Thank you,” she said with a smile. She didn’t think of herself as beautiful by any means, but she liked her body, her curves. It had taken her some time to accept the way she looked, but she’d done it with the help of her mother and Jonathan. They’d helped her accept compliments.
“So, what’s the plan now?” Louis asked to break the silence. Lilly knew that he was talking about her father’s funeral.
“We’ll go up to Doncaster tomorrow. I’m pretty sure my Mum is on the phone with your Mum right about now.” Lilly grinned at him, but that faded quickly. “I still can’t believe that he’s gone. I mean, not that he was really a part of my life, but it’s still unbelievable that I will definitely never see him again.”
Louis would go to Doncaster in two days as well, but he didn’t tell her that. Instead he said: “I know what you mean. Well, how about a film to distract you a little? It’s bad enough that you’ll have to think about this tomorrow.”
“Do you really have time for that?” Lilly sat up straighter. She’d love to spend more time with Louis, because she felt comfortable around him, happy.
“Sure. I don’t have any plans, and Harry is probably happy to have the apartment to himself for some time.” Louis leaned forward, unknowingly giving her a look at the tattoo across his chest. She’d gotten a glimpse of it before.
“Say, what does your tattoo say?” She pointed at his chest as he sat up straight again.
“Oh, you mean this?” He pulled down his shirt a bit to show her the full thing.
“Es ist unmöglich, sagt die Erfahrung, es ist was es ist, sagt die Liebe,” she said more to herself than to him.
“What was that?“ Louis asked her a bit confused by her sudden outburst of German.
“It means: It is impossible, says experience, it is what it is, says love. It’s from the poem What It Is by a German. Erich Fried. I really love this poem, because it’s so true. You cannot explain love.”
“It sounds beautiful, and you’re right. You really can’t explain something like love.” Louis slowly got up to have a look at her DVDs. “How about we watch Easy A?”
“Sounds good. But we have to move over to my bed for this.” She emptied her teacup and put it down before she got up and headed over to the bed. She propped the pillows up so that they could lean back against them. Louis put the DVD in and sat down next to her.
“I haven’t seen that film in a long time, but I love it. It’s really funny.” Louis leaned back, letting his eyes wander around her room again, before he looked at the TV. He couldn’t help but risk a look at her now and then. She looked peaceful, happy, that he felt immediately relieved. He liked seeing this look on her face a whole lot more than the look from the press conference, where she’d looked lost after the phone call. Not only because of the tears, her whole face had looked devastated.
Now, she looked like the girl he’d gone to NYC with. The death of her father was still weighing on her mind, but he was able to put her mind off things. After some time, though, he realized that her eyelids were falling down, and she was asleep next to him. Louis wanted to get up and let her sleep. She could probably use all the sleep she could get after the long flight and lack of sleep, but then he felt her hand on top of his. Her fingers curled around his, a smile was on her lips.
He watched her for a moment, then decided that he should stay. He didn’t want to entangle his fingers from hers, fearing that he’d wake her with the movement. Instead, he kept holding her hand in his, and watched the rest of the film like this.
“Louis, seriously?” Harry called after him, exasperated by the mess. He’d said that he wanted to call his Mum, but Harry had thought he’d at least take care of his suitcase. Instead, it was Harry who took Luis suitcase together with his own to the bathroom to start the washing machine. If he didn’t do it now, they’d completely forget about it, and get their washing done in a week or so when they needed some of their clothes.
“Hey, Mum, it’s me,” Louis said as soon as she picked up. He fell down on top of his bed, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As much as he liked being on the road, there really was no place like home, and his own bedroom.
“So, you’re back in London. How was it?” His Mum’s cheery voice warmed his heart. It was about time that he saw her again. And so he told her about New York, about the VMAs, the premiere and everything else.
“Say, there’s this girl working with Paul, and she was with us in NYC, but she’s originally from Doncaster, and I think I know her.”
“What’s her name?”
“Lilly Wilde. She moved to London with her mother when she was still quite young, and her biological father died in a car crash a few days ago. He was also from Doncaster, and his parents want to bury him there.”
“But not Charlie Hoyle?” his mother asked in disbelief.
“I don’t know his name.”
“It must be Charlie, that’s the only person I know about.” He could hear his mother breathe in deeply. Okay, he was definitely on to something here. “I knew him quite well back then, when you were born. His wife Therese was a good friend of mine, and you and her daughter Lillian went to preschool together. You always refused to call her Lilly.” She laughed a little at that. “But when Charlie left her and Lilly, she decided to start over somewhere else and broke off contact with everybody from Doncaster. She doesn’t have family here, except for Charlie’s parents, and they’re not very nice people.”
“Are you serious?” Now he finally knew why he’d thought that he’d seen her before. She’d really been a part of his life.
“Can you give Lilly or her mother my number? I’d love to talk to her.”
“Sure. No Problem.” Louis got up from his bed. “I’ll call you again tomorrow, okay? I’ve got somewhere to be in a bit.”
After he’d hung up, he quickly showered and dressed. He didn’t bother to shave, because he kind of liked the way he looked. When he knocked on Harry’s door, he only heard a muffled “yes”. Harry was lying on his stomach on his bed, his head propped on a pillow, phone in hand. The smile on his face told Louis that he was texting with Natalie again. They’d stayed in contact during their stay in NYC, but it was much easier now that they were back in England.
“I’m heading over to Lilly’s place, wanna come along?”
“You miss her already?” Harry teased, putting his phone down for a minute.
“No. Yes. No! I just talked to my Mum and she was friends with Lilly’s Mum. We went to preschool together.” Louis sat down on the edge of Harry’s bed, a little smile on his lips. “That’s why she looks so familiar.”
“No way!” Harry exclaimed, his eyes widening. “So, you’re heading there to tell her.”
“And give her mother my Mum’s phone number. This is probably not the best timing, but when I get there, I can distract her a little bit. It worked in NYC and on the plane.”
“You like her, don’t you?” Harry sat up and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Maybe.” Louis shrugged his shoulder. How could he answer that if he wasn’t sure himself? “I want to know more about her, and even though she might not admit it, I think she could use someone to talk to right now. Wanna tag along?”
“No, no, that’s your thing. You can tell me all about it when you get back, okay?” Rolling onto his bed, Harry looked at him. “And you’re right, she could really use someone to talk to, or just be there for her.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later.” With these words, Louis left Harry alone again and got in the car. He knew Lilly’s address from Paul, and it was not that hard to find. It was a beautiful two-storey house with a front yard that led around the house to an even bigger backyard. The car Lilly had gotten from Paul for work was parked next to what Louis assumed was her mother’s car.
He checked his hair in the rearview mirror before he got out of the car. He hated to admit it, but he was nervous for some reason. When he rang the bell, he tried to stand still instead of fidgeting around. A big man opened the door for him, and he knew immediately that this was Jonathan. If he hadn’t grinned at Louis, he would have been intimidated.
“Hello, my name is Louis,” he introduced himself with a smile. “Is Lilly home?”
“Sure, come on in.” John held the door open wide to let Louis in. “She’d in the backyard with the twins and her mother. Just follow me.” He led the way through the living room and out onto the porch. Lilly was seated on the floor, her hair not in a ponytail, ripped jeans on her legs and a washed out t-shirt with the logo of The Who right in the middle of it.
“Someone’s here to see you, Lil,” Jonathan said, making her eyes dart from the twins towards the door. When she saw Louis, her eyes widened in shock. He had to grin at that, because this was just what he’d expected.
“Hello Lillian,” he said, walking up to her. He held out his hand to help her up from the floor. She hesitated a moment, before she took it and pulled herself up.
“What are you doing here?” Slowly she let go of his hand, aware that her parents were watching them.
“I thought you could use some company, some distraction.” Louis smiled at her, and took something out of his pocket. “And I wanted to give this to your mother.” He turned around and placed the piece of paper on the table in front of her Mum. “It is very nice to meet you again. My Mum wanted me to give you her phone number, so that you could call her. She’d love to get in touch with you again.” Looking at Therese Wilde, he realized that Lilly had the same eyes as her mother. “The name is Tomlinson now, but you might know her as Johannah Paul or Austin, I don’t know.”
Her eyes widened in recognition, and slowly a smile crept onto her face when she exclaimed: “Oh my God, You’re Johannah’s little boy. You looked familiar, but I never made the connection with the new last name.” Therese got up from her chair, rounded the table, and hugged Louis. Afterwards she held him at arm’s length to look at him. “I missed your Mum, but I wanted to put Doncaster behind me, and with it everyone there. It wasn’t one of my best ideas in retrospect.”
“Hello? Lilly to Mum. What the HELL is going on here?” Lilly made both of them turn around to her. The twins were playing with their cars again, and Jonathan was watching the whole scene in silence. Louis couldn’t help but smile, since he knew more than Lilly did.
“You two were in preschool together,” her mother started to explain, but she was interrupted by Lilly.
“What? I think I would remember that.” She crossed her arms over her chest, a scowl on her face.
“Not necessarily. He didn’t have the same last name back then and you always pronounced the “s” at the end of his name, so he called you Lillian. You two spend a lot of time together actually. You just tried to forget most of it, because it was easier that way.”
“And because you called me Louis, I always called you Lillian instead of Lilly.” Louis grinned from one ear to the other, happy that he’d finally found out what had been weighing on his mind so much.
Lilly slowly sat down and took a deep breath. So much had happened the past days and now this. She tried to think back, and there it was. An image from preschool with a boy that could have been Louis. The fact that she’d always pronounced the “s” in his name, and that he’d called her Lillian verified what they’d told her. This was one thing she could remember.
“Oh man,” she slowly looked up and tried to smile at them. “The world really is small. Even more so now.”
“You look like you should lie down, Lil,” Jonathan said with a worried expression. She looked a little pale. “Maybe have a cup of tea.” He turned towards Louis. “Would you mind taking her up to her room, Louis? It’s just up the stairs.”
“It would be my pleasure.” Louis looked at Lilly, worried as well, and slowly wrapped his hand around hers. “Come on.”
Lilly simply nodded and followed him. Louis walked up the stairs, opened the door and stood in the middle of Lilly’s spacious room. Before he looked around, he tried to lead her towards the bed, but she stopped, and instead led him towards the two big armchairs.
“I don’t want to lie down. I’d much rather sit here.”
Louis nodded and let go of her hand. She sat down in silence, and he didn’t say a word until he’d prepared a cup of tea for her and for himself. It had taken him a moment to find everything, but he’d managed, and he’d used that time to have a look around.
Lilly’s room wasn’t that girly, she had a lot of brown, blue and green colors, a little purple and red. There were a lot of photos on the wall where her desk was, some framed photos across the room. He didn’t have time to look at them up close, but maybe he’d get the chance.
“Thank you,” Lilly said, taking the cup of tea from him. Slowly she looked up at him and indicated the other armchair for him to sit down. Louis sank down into the seat, cradling his own cup of tea in his hands. “I’m sorry for my behavior, I’m just… I don’t know.”
“A little confused?” Louis suggested. “It’s understandable. I was just so sure that you looked familiar and when you said that you’re originally from Doncaster, I tried asking my Mum. Never in a million years did I think that I really knew you.”
“It doesn’t really make a difference, though, does it?” Lilly took a sip from her tea, feeling it warm her up from the inside. “I mean, we get along now, and we did back then. The only thing that’s changed, is that we have some history together, right?”
“Why would it change anything? I think you’re great! You’re easy to get along with and talk to, you’re beautiful, and you are great at your job. It’s just great to know that I didn’t imagine anything. And it’s awesome that we brought two friends back together.”
“Did you just say that I’m beautiful?” Lilly asked, her cheeks a little pink, a smile on her face.
“Was that everything you’ve heard?” Louis asked, a little embarrassed, but a grin on his face. “Yeah, you are beautiful, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.”
“Thank you,” she said with a smile. She didn’t think of herself as beautiful by any means, but she liked her body, her curves. It had taken her some time to accept the way she looked, but she’d done it with the help of her mother and Jonathan. They’d helped her accept compliments.
“So, what’s the plan now?” Louis asked to break the silence. Lilly knew that he was talking about her father’s funeral.
“We’ll go up to Doncaster tomorrow. I’m pretty sure my Mum is on the phone with your Mum right about now.” Lilly grinned at him, but that faded quickly. “I still can’t believe that he’s gone. I mean, not that he was really a part of my life, but it’s still unbelievable that I will definitely never see him again.”
Louis would go to Doncaster in two days as well, but he didn’t tell her that. Instead he said: “I know what you mean. Well, how about a film to distract you a little? It’s bad enough that you’ll have to think about this tomorrow.”
“Do you really have time for that?” Lilly sat up straighter. She’d love to spend more time with Louis, because she felt comfortable around him, happy.
“Sure. I don’t have any plans, and Harry is probably happy to have the apartment to himself for some time.” Louis leaned forward, unknowingly giving her a look at the tattoo across his chest. She’d gotten a glimpse of it before.
“Say, what does your tattoo say?” She pointed at his chest as he sat up straight again.
“Oh, you mean this?” He pulled down his shirt a bit to show her the full thing.
“Es ist unmöglich, sagt die Erfahrung, es ist was es ist, sagt die Liebe,” she said more to herself than to him.
“What was that?“ Louis asked her a bit confused by her sudden outburst of German.
“It means: It is impossible, says experience, it is what it is, says love. It’s from the poem What It Is by a German. Erich Fried. I really love this poem, because it’s so true. You cannot explain love.”
“It sounds beautiful, and you’re right. You really can’t explain something like love.” Louis slowly got up to have a look at her DVDs. “How about we watch Easy A?”
“Sounds good. But we have to move over to my bed for this.” She emptied her teacup and put it down before she got up and headed over to the bed. She propped the pillows up so that they could lean back against them. Louis put the DVD in and sat down next to her.
“I haven’t seen that film in a long time, but I love it. It’s really funny.” Louis leaned back, letting his eyes wander around her room again, before he looked at the TV. He couldn’t help but risk a look at her now and then. She looked peaceful, happy, that he felt immediately relieved. He liked seeing this look on her face a whole lot more than the look from the press conference, where she’d looked lost after the phone call. Not only because of the tears, her whole face had looked devastated.
Now, she looked like the girl he’d gone to NYC with. The death of her father was still weighing on her mind, but he was able to put her mind off things. After some time, though, he realized that her eyelids were falling down, and she was asleep next to him. Louis wanted to get up and let her sleep. She could probably use all the sleep she could get after the long flight and lack of sleep, but then he felt her hand on top of his. Her fingers curled around his, a smile was on her lips.
He watched her for a moment, then decided that he should stay. He didn’t want to entangle his fingers from hers, fearing that he’d wake her with the movement. Instead, he kept holding her hand in his, and watched the rest of the film like this.
11/16/13