It Takes Patience
Chapter 55: Made to Break
*Reagan’s POV*
My fingers went to type a reply and then deleted it. I want to respond, but I don’t know what to say. How do you tell someone you don’t feel the same way without hurting them? Is it even possible? My head starts to pound and I feel like I’ll be sick. Why does nothing ever go smoothly? I type quickly, something short to save myself some time before replying to H.
To: Peyton
Can we talk later? I’m kind of busy now.
From: Peyton
Yes of course, anytime you’re ready. Thank you for texting back.
“I’m fine H.” I smile at him and hope that the pounding in my head stops, but it only escalates. I can tell Harry is suspicious by the way that he looks at me. His eyes are piercing and if he looks any deeper, he’ll draw out the truth. This is neither the time nor the place for that discussion and the more I think about it, I highly doubt that discussion will have an appropriate time or place. Harry rubs my back and rests his arm around my waist and as the dinner goes on, he grips it tighter and tighter every time his mom’s wedding is mentioned. By the end of the dinner, Harry’s jaw was clenched and even though his eyes are not exactly as dark as they get when he is furious, they aren’t the light crystal that makes my knees weak either.
“Harry you’re squeezing my side too tight.” Harry’s eyes darted over to mine and when he let go he took a deep breath before speaking but his expression never relaxed.
“Sorry...” As everyone stood to leave the table after they finished their meal, I began to follow suit until Harry held my hand tight in his pulling me to sit back down.
“What’s up H.? I was gonna go talk to Laurie.” I owe her an explanation after all.
“We need to tell my mum about California tonight while she’s still buzzin off her dinner party being successful.” Harry’s tone was forceful and I knew that if he stayed this way, the conversation wouldn’t end well. My headache starts throbbing again as I sit back down at the table.
“I thought you already told her when you talked to her earlier? And shouldn’t we wait for people to leave first at least? This is way too soon. You just told her that we’re dating and now she’ll hate me for sure when you tell her you’re running off to California with me.”
“I didn’t and there’s no point in continually putting it off or it will never happen!” Harry whisper shouted at me and I let his hand go to massage my temples.
“Harry you need to calm down or no matter how early or late we tell her you’ll end up blowing up like last time. The whole thing will be a disaster!” Harry furrowed his brow and rolled his eyes at me as he stood from the table and began to grab dirty dishes from it and put them in the sink while his mom talked to Robin.
“Oh sweetheart you don’t have to do that I’ve got it covered. You should go dowstairs with your friends. I think they’re talking about going-”
“I need to talk to you.” Harry placed the last dish in the sink and then pulled out a chair for his mom to sit in opposite me. Anne looked at him with a disordered expression on her face as she sat, Robin sitting next to her. I began to rub my palms over my skirt to stop them from sweating. This is all too much too fast. Harry sits across from Robin and his eyebrows knit again before his mom grabs his attention.
“What is it you wanted to talk about Harry?” Anne places her hand over Robin’s and as Harry speaks his eyes land on their hands on the table.
“I’m going to California next week.” When Harry lifts his eyes back to his mother’s they share the same expression, complete disapproval.
“Harry no you’re not.”
“Yes. I am. I’ve already bought the ticket. It’s nonrefundable. Reagan leaves next week and I
need more time, we need more time.” Harry’s tone is vehement and I quickly put my hand on his knee to sooth him as if I am his aloe trying to sooth a burn. He places his hand over mine on his lap and squeezes it not so gently and I can tell that he is trying his hardest to keep his temper and whatever other emotions he is feeling right now in check.
“Harry! How could you do such a thing! You still have sessions that you have to go to! Leaving now would be so careless! You’re not ready for this! Not yet!” When Harry’s mother shouts his grip tightens again on my hand but his conduct stays the same.
“I was released I’ll do as I please now! There are such things as Skype sessions I’m sure I can manage that!”
“Harry hold on lad calm down, you’re mother’s just worried.” The grip gets tighter and I lose the feeling in the tips of my fingers.
“Robin, we’re good yeah? Stay the hell out of this and we’ll stay that way!”
“Harry! Don’t you speak to him like that! Apologize this second!” Too much, too much is going on and I’m stuck unsure of what to do like a dear caught in the headlights.
“I have nothing to apologize for! I’m old enough to make decisions without your input! I was just being polite to tell you that I’m going anyway. There’s shit either of you can do to stop it.” I finally find my voice not wanting this to go any further than it already has tonight.
“Harry please, you’re making it worse! Please try to calm down. I’m sorry Robin, Ms. Cox.” Robin looks at me sympathetically while Anne looks at me with anger plainly all over her face. I’m not sure who she is more put off by, me or Harry.
“I don’t need you to apologize for me Reagan! I’m capable of doing shit on my own! That’s what no one here seems to realize!” At this point I have to remove my hand from Harry’s grip or I’m sure one of my fingers would have snapped.
“Harold, lad you have to calm yourself. You’re going into frenzy.”
“Robin shut the FUCK up!” Harry rose abruptly from his chair causing it to fall backwards and he was physically shaking with anger. I stand with him and grab his face in my hands with my focused mode coming into play, forcing him to turn towards me. His irises were black and his face was tinted red to match the whites of his eyes. If he won’t calm down now I’m sure he’ll go into a manic episode much like the one he went into at the last dinner. His chest heaved up and down as he looked at Robin who was still in his seat holding hands with Anne now staring at Harry in shock. When I look at Harry again everything hits me at once.
“Harry, Harry look at me.” Harry’s eyes are still on Robin and he’s not budging so I decide to take a different approach.
“Harry, baby look at me.” Harry’s eyes soften the smallest bit, but I can still feel him shaking under my fingertips. He turns his gaze to me and I look back into his eyes making him focus only on me.
“It’s okay, but you have to calm down. For your own sake you have to calm down. Do you hear me?” Harry’ closes his eyes and nods his head yes while grabbing my forearms, but he doesn’t answer with words.
“Your meds love, did you take your meds when you came in the house?”
“No I was with you.” His tone is still rough but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was two seconds ago. Out the corner of my eye I see Gemma enter the kitchen and Niall, Liam, Zayn and Louis all standing in the kitchen door curious to see what is going on with their friend.
“Okay.” I picked up the fallen over chair and make Harry sit down and when I do Anne rises from her seat and goes to the medicine cabinet to grab the capsules for Harry along with a glass of water. She hands them both to me before she sits back in her seat and instead of the one pill I usually see Harry take, there are three different kinds here all for the sole purpose of calming Harry down. He takes the capsules from my hand and swallows all three of them first before drinking his water and taking a deep breath.
When he looks back at his mother he puts his hands out on the table with his palms facing up and she places her hands in his. He glares at Robin again before closing his eyes briefly then speaking.
“I have to go. I’ll be fine.”
“How can you say that? Look at how you just lost your temper Harold. You can’t miss taking your medicine! It’s so irresponsible.” Anne has concern etched into her face.
“She calms me down.” Harry gestures to me and I can see Anne glance in my direction before looking back at her son.
“I love her. It’s already done, like I said I was just letting you know about it.” Harry stood from the seat and grabbed my hand to stand with him. I’m glad that he told her, but I wish it would have happened differently. Anne looks at me and then back to Robin as Harry pulls me closer to him and begins to walk us out of the kitchen. I mouth another apology hoping it doesn’t land on deaf ears as I follow Harry out.
We got into the living room and Harry’s friends were close behind us. H. turned to me and I want to hide how upset I am with him for handling everything so poorly but I don’t know if I can. I decide that holding my tongue is the best thing to do for now until I know that he has calmed down more and when I see Laurie, Eleanor, and Perrie come out of the basement, I let Harry’s hand go and walk over to them.
“What happened like? What was the racket about? The boys wouldn’t let us come up until everything was calmed down.” Laurie spoke and the others leaned in to listen.
“Ughh Harry didn’t take his meds and went about telling his mom that he’s going to California with me for a little while the wrong way.” I spoke quickly and Laurie’s face contorted.
“We still have a while here I thought right? Two and a half weeks at least.”
“You do, I don’t. I was fired for seeing H. Someone found out and told Dr. Leerman, they revoked my visa. I leave next week.” Laurie, Eleanor, and Perrie all looked shocked. I didn’t know Eleanor and Perrie that well, but I wish I was able to develop the same relationship with them that Laurie had. Before anyone can say anything about the situation again, Liam breaks the conversation.
“Hey loves, we’re gonna go to the club and maybe a few bars to try to break up some of this tension in the air. We should still be celebrating Harry’s release right now after all.” Partying with Harry is the last thing I want to do right now, but I don’t want to make the scene more awkward and make him take me home.
We pile into separate cars, all the boys in with Niall and all the girls in with Perrie and I’m thankful that on the ride there’s not much else was mentioned about me and Harry. My head was spinning with so many different thoughts and ideas and the majority of them were negative. I felt as if I was getting pulled in every direction finding something true about every thought that made its way into my head. Yes I love Harry and yes I want this to work there’s no question about that, but at the same time is he ready for this? His mom was right. It was irresponsible for him to not take his medication and what if one day he forgets or refuses to take it when we’re there? He said I calm him down and I know I do to some extent, but what if one day it gets out of control? He has to take his medication. I can make him do that can’t I? Just set an alarm for it so he takes it the same time every day. Sometimes H. can be so stubborn and I saw that when he refused to apologize to his mother and Robin for flying off at the mouth. Would I be able to manage having Harry with me for the time he’s planning on staying in California for? I place my hands on my face and rub it vigorously before looking out the window. I’m spreading myself way too thin.
We stop at Louis’ and Zayn’s pub before we go anywhere else to get a few round of free drinks and by a few I mean enough to get us all drunk before we have to pay at the next stop. Tequila, rum, vodka, jaeger, and let us not forget the A-Bomb was all consumed in a short amount of time, too short of an amount of time. My headache from earlier is put at bay, but I know it will more than likely be back tomorrow along with tonight’s dinner. Niall calls for a cab to pick us up from the pub seeing as none of us are fit to drive and it transports us to our next destination.
“This is going t’ be sick! Have either of you ever been t’ M.O.S?” Niall slurs his words as he speaks making his Irish accent even more Irish than it already is.
“M.O.S?” Laurie and I reply curiously as close to unison that you can get from two wasted individuals.
“Ministry of Sound” Zayn chimes in and Harry’s eyes light up like a child at Christmas.
“You’re fucking with me?”
“Nope all for you Hazza! The place is sick! It’s massive, it guarantees a good time, and it’s loud! I guess you three can experience it for the first time together when we get there.” Harry smiles crookedly and then chuckles while rubbing his hands together in anticipation and the only thing I can think is how grateful I will be for the noise to drown out my thoughts.
When we to the enormous venue, there’s a line that wraps around the corner and it supposedly only opened half an hour ago. We don’t wait for long and when we get in The laser lights flash to the beat of the Deadmou5 song playing an the music is blaring so loud that the bass massages my legs and feet as we walk deeper into the club. Liam grabs my arm and shouts into my ear so loud that I think I may lose hearing in it, but then again if he was any quieter I wouldn’t have been able to hear him at all.
“Stay close to the group love! It gets pretty packed in here and we don’t want to lose anyone in the crowd!” I nod in agreement and make my way to Harry who immediately wraps his arm around my waist as we continue to maneuver through the immense crowd of people to find a space that’s not as packed. When we got to a spot, the boys went to one of the many bars to get us more drinks and I took the time to take it all in. The place was huge and while I was taking in my surroundings I could feel my ID fall out of my hand. Shit! As I looked along the ground around me hoping that it would be salvaged a hand came into sight passing it to me. When I looked up to thank him my green eyes were met with blue ones.
“Peyton?! What are you doing here?!” I took my ID and our fingers touched, but I noticed that Peyton allowed his to linger on mine longer than necessary. How is it out of all of the people and the size of the crowd that I still manage to run into Peyton.
“I could ask you the same! Is it not fate that you’re here and that I found you?!” Peyton screams and I search the crowd around me for Harry...or Laurie, or any of them. My heart rate excels when I notice no one familiar around me. Only Peyton.
“Who are you here with?!” I ask him still searching for Harry.
“I can’t hear you! Will you come outside with me and get some air?” I nodded my head yes hoping that when I went out the noise would let up and I could call Harry to find my way back to the group. Peyton grabbed my hand and led me out of the club after he told some people he was with that he was going to get some air. As I walked I continued to look but I couldn’t see him.
When we got outside we got our hands stamped to let us back in with the Ministry of Sound official seal and the air outside for me was thicker than the air inside. What do I say to him? It was only when Peyton began to talk outside that I heard him clearer. His words were mildly slurred and his breath smelled of whisky and mint.
“Reagan, this has to mean something.”
“What do you mean?” Peyton turned to face me while lighting a cigarette. I didn’t know he smoked.
“This, me seeing you here, the fact that I’ll be working in California when summer is up.” I shook my head coincidence maybe, fate far from it.
“Peyton I-”
“Kiss me.” I know that I was still drunk, but I hope that I was hallucinating too. I didn’t hear what I think I just heard.
“What?”
“Kiss me Reagan and if you still feel nothing I will never bother you about my feelings again.” I looked at Peyton and I don’t know if it was my inebriated state or hoping beyond hope that this would end it all, but I closed my eyes and placed my lips softly onto Peyton’s. He dropped his cigarette and slipped his tongue into my mouth. The whisky was now replaced by menthol and smoke and I couldn’t be happier when the kiss broke. I shook my head after it was over and the look on Peyton’s face was full of hurt.
“I’m sorry Peyton.” I dreaded the kiss. I don’t hate Peyton, but I don’t love him besides anything more than a friendship level. As I turned to go back into the club the bouncer was bringing out a very intoxicated Niall who began to spill his guts on the sidewalk. The rest of the group was close to follow all pointing and laughing at Niall as Laurie rushed up to rub his back.
“There you arrrre!... Oh sorry mate! I was looking for yous all over! Me and Niall had a shot contest...I won!” Harry’s words all ran together and it’s a wonder that he’s not in the same state as Niall. My nerves took hold and I could feel myself shaking. That was so close. If they had come out five minutes earlier I would have been shit out of luck. Louis called for a cab cutting the night short and we all piled in having to stop a few times for Niall. I couldn’t look at Harry and I know it’s because of the kiss I shared with Peyton moments before. At least now he knows. I don’t want anyone else but Harry but there is still air we need to clear before we leave for California.
“Are you going home?” I looked at him and asked a bit more firm than I should have.
“No, I wanna go wiv you.” Harry kissed my shoulder then smiled against it letting his lips dawdle there and when my eyes met with big bloodshot green ones all of the worries I had for the night washed away.
My fingers went to type a reply and then deleted it. I want to respond, but I don’t know what to say. How do you tell someone you don’t feel the same way without hurting them? Is it even possible? My head starts to pound and I feel like I’ll be sick. Why does nothing ever go smoothly? I type quickly, something short to save myself some time before replying to H.
To: Peyton
Can we talk later? I’m kind of busy now.
From: Peyton
Yes of course, anytime you’re ready. Thank you for texting back.
“I’m fine H.” I smile at him and hope that the pounding in my head stops, but it only escalates. I can tell Harry is suspicious by the way that he looks at me. His eyes are piercing and if he looks any deeper, he’ll draw out the truth. This is neither the time nor the place for that discussion and the more I think about it, I highly doubt that discussion will have an appropriate time or place. Harry rubs my back and rests his arm around my waist and as the dinner goes on, he grips it tighter and tighter every time his mom’s wedding is mentioned. By the end of the dinner, Harry’s jaw was clenched and even though his eyes are not exactly as dark as they get when he is furious, they aren’t the light crystal that makes my knees weak either.
“Harry you’re squeezing my side too tight.” Harry’s eyes darted over to mine and when he let go he took a deep breath before speaking but his expression never relaxed.
“Sorry...” As everyone stood to leave the table after they finished their meal, I began to follow suit until Harry held my hand tight in his pulling me to sit back down.
“What’s up H.? I was gonna go talk to Laurie.” I owe her an explanation after all.
“We need to tell my mum about California tonight while she’s still buzzin off her dinner party being successful.” Harry’s tone was forceful and I knew that if he stayed this way, the conversation wouldn’t end well. My headache starts throbbing again as I sit back down at the table.
“I thought you already told her when you talked to her earlier? And shouldn’t we wait for people to leave first at least? This is way too soon. You just told her that we’re dating and now she’ll hate me for sure when you tell her you’re running off to California with me.”
“I didn’t and there’s no point in continually putting it off or it will never happen!” Harry whisper shouted at me and I let his hand go to massage my temples.
“Harry you need to calm down or no matter how early or late we tell her you’ll end up blowing up like last time. The whole thing will be a disaster!” Harry furrowed his brow and rolled his eyes at me as he stood from the table and began to grab dirty dishes from it and put them in the sink while his mom talked to Robin.
“Oh sweetheart you don’t have to do that I’ve got it covered. You should go dowstairs with your friends. I think they’re talking about going-”
“I need to talk to you.” Harry placed the last dish in the sink and then pulled out a chair for his mom to sit in opposite me. Anne looked at him with a disordered expression on her face as she sat, Robin sitting next to her. I began to rub my palms over my skirt to stop them from sweating. This is all too much too fast. Harry sits across from Robin and his eyebrows knit again before his mom grabs his attention.
“What is it you wanted to talk about Harry?” Anne places her hand over Robin’s and as Harry speaks his eyes land on their hands on the table.
“I’m going to California next week.” When Harry lifts his eyes back to his mother’s they share the same expression, complete disapproval.
“Harry no you’re not.”
“Yes. I am. I’ve already bought the ticket. It’s nonrefundable. Reagan leaves next week and I
need more time, we need more time.” Harry’s tone is vehement and I quickly put my hand on his knee to sooth him as if I am his aloe trying to sooth a burn. He places his hand over mine on his lap and squeezes it not so gently and I can tell that he is trying his hardest to keep his temper and whatever other emotions he is feeling right now in check.
“Harry! How could you do such a thing! You still have sessions that you have to go to! Leaving now would be so careless! You’re not ready for this! Not yet!” When Harry’s mother shouts his grip tightens again on my hand but his conduct stays the same.
“I was released I’ll do as I please now! There are such things as Skype sessions I’m sure I can manage that!”
“Harry hold on lad calm down, you’re mother’s just worried.” The grip gets tighter and I lose the feeling in the tips of my fingers.
“Robin, we’re good yeah? Stay the hell out of this and we’ll stay that way!”
“Harry! Don’t you speak to him like that! Apologize this second!” Too much, too much is going on and I’m stuck unsure of what to do like a dear caught in the headlights.
“I have nothing to apologize for! I’m old enough to make decisions without your input! I was just being polite to tell you that I’m going anyway. There’s shit either of you can do to stop it.” I finally find my voice not wanting this to go any further than it already has tonight.
“Harry please, you’re making it worse! Please try to calm down. I’m sorry Robin, Ms. Cox.” Robin looks at me sympathetically while Anne looks at me with anger plainly all over her face. I’m not sure who she is more put off by, me or Harry.
“I don’t need you to apologize for me Reagan! I’m capable of doing shit on my own! That’s what no one here seems to realize!” At this point I have to remove my hand from Harry’s grip or I’m sure one of my fingers would have snapped.
“Harold, lad you have to calm yourself. You’re going into frenzy.”
“Robin shut the FUCK up!” Harry rose abruptly from his chair causing it to fall backwards and he was physically shaking with anger. I stand with him and grab his face in my hands with my focused mode coming into play, forcing him to turn towards me. His irises were black and his face was tinted red to match the whites of his eyes. If he won’t calm down now I’m sure he’ll go into a manic episode much like the one he went into at the last dinner. His chest heaved up and down as he looked at Robin who was still in his seat holding hands with Anne now staring at Harry in shock. When I look at Harry again everything hits me at once.
“Harry, Harry look at me.” Harry’s eyes are still on Robin and he’s not budging so I decide to take a different approach.
“Harry, baby look at me.” Harry’s eyes soften the smallest bit, but I can still feel him shaking under my fingertips. He turns his gaze to me and I look back into his eyes making him focus only on me.
“It’s okay, but you have to calm down. For your own sake you have to calm down. Do you hear me?” Harry’ closes his eyes and nods his head yes while grabbing my forearms, but he doesn’t answer with words.
“Your meds love, did you take your meds when you came in the house?”
“No I was with you.” His tone is still rough but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was two seconds ago. Out the corner of my eye I see Gemma enter the kitchen and Niall, Liam, Zayn and Louis all standing in the kitchen door curious to see what is going on with their friend.
“Okay.” I picked up the fallen over chair and make Harry sit down and when I do Anne rises from her seat and goes to the medicine cabinet to grab the capsules for Harry along with a glass of water. She hands them both to me before she sits back in her seat and instead of the one pill I usually see Harry take, there are three different kinds here all for the sole purpose of calming Harry down. He takes the capsules from my hand and swallows all three of them first before drinking his water and taking a deep breath.
When he looks back at his mother he puts his hands out on the table with his palms facing up and she places her hands in his. He glares at Robin again before closing his eyes briefly then speaking.
“I have to go. I’ll be fine.”
“How can you say that? Look at how you just lost your temper Harold. You can’t miss taking your medicine! It’s so irresponsible.” Anne has concern etched into her face.
“She calms me down.” Harry gestures to me and I can see Anne glance in my direction before looking back at her son.
“I love her. It’s already done, like I said I was just letting you know about it.” Harry stood from the seat and grabbed my hand to stand with him. I’m glad that he told her, but I wish it would have happened differently. Anne looks at me and then back to Robin as Harry pulls me closer to him and begins to walk us out of the kitchen. I mouth another apology hoping it doesn’t land on deaf ears as I follow Harry out.
We got into the living room and Harry’s friends were close behind us. H. turned to me and I want to hide how upset I am with him for handling everything so poorly but I don’t know if I can. I decide that holding my tongue is the best thing to do for now until I know that he has calmed down more and when I see Laurie, Eleanor, and Perrie come out of the basement, I let Harry’s hand go and walk over to them.
“What happened like? What was the racket about? The boys wouldn’t let us come up until everything was calmed down.” Laurie spoke and the others leaned in to listen.
“Ughh Harry didn’t take his meds and went about telling his mom that he’s going to California with me for a little while the wrong way.” I spoke quickly and Laurie’s face contorted.
“We still have a while here I thought right? Two and a half weeks at least.”
“You do, I don’t. I was fired for seeing H. Someone found out and told Dr. Leerman, they revoked my visa. I leave next week.” Laurie, Eleanor, and Perrie all looked shocked. I didn’t know Eleanor and Perrie that well, but I wish I was able to develop the same relationship with them that Laurie had. Before anyone can say anything about the situation again, Liam breaks the conversation.
“Hey loves, we’re gonna go to the club and maybe a few bars to try to break up some of this tension in the air. We should still be celebrating Harry’s release right now after all.” Partying with Harry is the last thing I want to do right now, but I don’t want to make the scene more awkward and make him take me home.
We pile into separate cars, all the boys in with Niall and all the girls in with Perrie and I’m thankful that on the ride there’s not much else was mentioned about me and Harry. My head was spinning with so many different thoughts and ideas and the majority of them were negative. I felt as if I was getting pulled in every direction finding something true about every thought that made its way into my head. Yes I love Harry and yes I want this to work there’s no question about that, but at the same time is he ready for this? His mom was right. It was irresponsible for him to not take his medication and what if one day he forgets or refuses to take it when we’re there? He said I calm him down and I know I do to some extent, but what if one day it gets out of control? He has to take his medication. I can make him do that can’t I? Just set an alarm for it so he takes it the same time every day. Sometimes H. can be so stubborn and I saw that when he refused to apologize to his mother and Robin for flying off at the mouth. Would I be able to manage having Harry with me for the time he’s planning on staying in California for? I place my hands on my face and rub it vigorously before looking out the window. I’m spreading myself way too thin.
We stop at Louis’ and Zayn’s pub before we go anywhere else to get a few round of free drinks and by a few I mean enough to get us all drunk before we have to pay at the next stop. Tequila, rum, vodka, jaeger, and let us not forget the A-Bomb was all consumed in a short amount of time, too short of an amount of time. My headache from earlier is put at bay, but I know it will more than likely be back tomorrow along with tonight’s dinner. Niall calls for a cab to pick us up from the pub seeing as none of us are fit to drive and it transports us to our next destination.
“This is going t’ be sick! Have either of you ever been t’ M.O.S?” Niall slurs his words as he speaks making his Irish accent even more Irish than it already is.
“M.O.S?” Laurie and I reply curiously as close to unison that you can get from two wasted individuals.
“Ministry of Sound” Zayn chimes in and Harry’s eyes light up like a child at Christmas.
“You’re fucking with me?”
“Nope all for you Hazza! The place is sick! It’s massive, it guarantees a good time, and it’s loud! I guess you three can experience it for the first time together when we get there.” Harry smiles crookedly and then chuckles while rubbing his hands together in anticipation and the only thing I can think is how grateful I will be for the noise to drown out my thoughts.
When we to the enormous venue, there’s a line that wraps around the corner and it supposedly only opened half an hour ago. We don’t wait for long and when we get in The laser lights flash to the beat of the Deadmou5 song playing an the music is blaring so loud that the bass massages my legs and feet as we walk deeper into the club. Liam grabs my arm and shouts into my ear so loud that I think I may lose hearing in it, but then again if he was any quieter I wouldn’t have been able to hear him at all.
“Stay close to the group love! It gets pretty packed in here and we don’t want to lose anyone in the crowd!” I nod in agreement and make my way to Harry who immediately wraps his arm around my waist as we continue to maneuver through the immense crowd of people to find a space that’s not as packed. When we got to a spot, the boys went to one of the many bars to get us more drinks and I took the time to take it all in. The place was huge and while I was taking in my surroundings I could feel my ID fall out of my hand. Shit! As I looked along the ground around me hoping that it would be salvaged a hand came into sight passing it to me. When I looked up to thank him my green eyes were met with blue ones.
“Peyton?! What are you doing here?!” I took my ID and our fingers touched, but I noticed that Peyton allowed his to linger on mine longer than necessary. How is it out of all of the people and the size of the crowd that I still manage to run into Peyton.
“I could ask you the same! Is it not fate that you’re here and that I found you?!” Peyton screams and I search the crowd around me for Harry...or Laurie, or any of them. My heart rate excels when I notice no one familiar around me. Only Peyton.
“Who are you here with?!” I ask him still searching for Harry.
“I can’t hear you! Will you come outside with me and get some air?” I nodded my head yes hoping that when I went out the noise would let up and I could call Harry to find my way back to the group. Peyton grabbed my hand and led me out of the club after he told some people he was with that he was going to get some air. As I walked I continued to look but I couldn’t see him.
When we got outside we got our hands stamped to let us back in with the Ministry of Sound official seal and the air outside for me was thicker than the air inside. What do I say to him? It was only when Peyton began to talk outside that I heard him clearer. His words were mildly slurred and his breath smelled of whisky and mint.
“Reagan, this has to mean something.”
“What do you mean?” Peyton turned to face me while lighting a cigarette. I didn’t know he smoked.
“This, me seeing you here, the fact that I’ll be working in California when summer is up.” I shook my head coincidence maybe, fate far from it.
“Peyton I-”
“Kiss me.” I know that I was still drunk, but I hope that I was hallucinating too. I didn’t hear what I think I just heard.
“What?”
“Kiss me Reagan and if you still feel nothing I will never bother you about my feelings again.” I looked at Peyton and I don’t know if it was my inebriated state or hoping beyond hope that this would end it all, but I closed my eyes and placed my lips softly onto Peyton’s. He dropped his cigarette and slipped his tongue into my mouth. The whisky was now replaced by menthol and smoke and I couldn’t be happier when the kiss broke. I shook my head after it was over and the look on Peyton’s face was full of hurt.
“I’m sorry Peyton.” I dreaded the kiss. I don’t hate Peyton, but I don’t love him besides anything more than a friendship level. As I turned to go back into the club the bouncer was bringing out a very intoxicated Niall who began to spill his guts on the sidewalk. The rest of the group was close to follow all pointing and laughing at Niall as Laurie rushed up to rub his back.
“There you arrrre!... Oh sorry mate! I was looking for yous all over! Me and Niall had a shot contest...I won!” Harry’s words all ran together and it’s a wonder that he’s not in the same state as Niall. My nerves took hold and I could feel myself shaking. That was so close. If they had come out five minutes earlier I would have been shit out of luck. Louis called for a cab cutting the night short and we all piled in having to stop a few times for Niall. I couldn’t look at Harry and I know it’s because of the kiss I shared with Peyton moments before. At least now he knows. I don’t want anyone else but Harry but there is still air we need to clear before we leave for California.
“Are you going home?” I looked at him and asked a bit more firm than I should have.
“No, I wanna go wiv you.” Harry kissed my shoulder then smiled against it letting his lips dawdle there and when my eyes met with big bloodshot green ones all of the worries I had for the night washed away.
I have read this story loads of times just wish you had finished it it is absolutely amazing. So so good
8/18/18