Five Lovestories

After a few more clases were I actully learned a lot about musical history, Zayn who had been sitting next to me, grabbed my hand.

"I won't loose you this time." He smiled and squeezed harder.

It felt weird. Good weird. All week, I had been having Harry over me, controlling me, and being mine. I loved him, I still do, I thought. Severeal times, I had forgotten that it actually was a competition, so letting him go, and trading him into Zayn.. it was a different feeling. I just hoped it was a good and different. Because I still loved Zayn, I knew it. But was it enough? Enough to overpower my love for Harry? Was my feelings really stronger for Zayn than Harry? I guess I needed some time to think about it. I mean, at first in Harrys and my relationship I wasn't so sure it would work. My love for him grew harder and harder the longer we got into the week, maybe it was the same with Zayn? But it shouldn't have had to be that way. It should be something clear, something huge. A feeling that would hit me as soon as I layed my hand in his. I should've known straight away if Zayn and I was meant to be, right? But I didn't know. I had no idea. I only knew that his glistening eyes made my whole world spin, and that I wouldn't wanna do anything else than to run my hands through his hair. Was that love?
I had to hold my hand against my head to desperately think through the massive crowd we were walking out of. Stop comparing Zayn to Harry, I thought over and over again. Just enojoy what you have, and compare later, when his week is over.
When we finally were out of the crowd, I leaned against the railing with him in front of me. He looked into my eyes, and I looked into his. Even though I had promised myself to stop thinking about Harry, I just couldn't seem to stop. It was all so different, Zayns height for example. He wasn't as tall as Harry, for sure. He was skinnier, he had a different smell. I liked it, I did. Actually, I loved it. So why did my thoughts sound so bad?
Just stop, I thought and took a deep breath. I was thinking so much about it, too much. I was missing the center of my confused thoughts, Zayn, who was here, in front of me.
So, what should I do now? I thought. Kiss him? Hug him? Take his hand? Luckily, Zayn made that decision for me. He took my hand. Of course, I thought amused. If it was Harry, he would litterally threw himself over me, kiss the hell out of me, touch me everywhere. And that would only be in public.
Stop it already, I thought again with clenched fists. I needed to stop thinking about Harry, right now. I didn't need him, I could actually use a change. Harry was all over me, and Zayn was more withdrawn and calm.
Zayn held my hand all the way down to the cafeteria, until we got to a table. Then he shyly pulled it away, and down in his pocket. I decided to be the one to take the first "step".

"Can I get you anything?"

I realized quickly that my question sounded like something only a guy would ask, and I immediately regretted it. But Zayn gave me a smile that looked like a mixture of happiness and shyness.

"Uhm, no. It's fine, I'll get you something!"

Aww, I thought. He took the first step! Even though it kind of was.. half-true.

"Okay." I blushed. "I'll just go with a chicken."

Zayn nodded and jogged away to the counter. I saw how he pointed and talked, and how his perfect jaw moved up and down, so did the corners of his mouth. Why could he smile so effortlessly at her, and not me? Was it because he liked me, and that he had a tougher time smiling and talking because of that? If it was Harry, he totally would've..
I bit my teeth together hard. What was wrong with me? Why did I keep doing this? Why did I keep coming back to Harry, why couldn't I just stay away from him? I had Zayn now, he was mine now, and I was his. There was a reason I had fell in love with him, and nothing since then had changed. At least not my feelings for him.

"Hey, I got you chicken." Zayn said and put the plastic box in front of me.

"Thanks." I smiled and opened it.

"And.. I.. I got you this too, I don't know, I just thought.."

He held out a Starbucks in front of me, making me blush like crazy. If a guy buys you Starbucks without you asking for it, he's a keeper. I realized it was completely true, Zayn really was a real keeper. He was sweet, shy, adorable, he bought me things and he was just generally kind, gorgeous too. I released the nagging feeling inside of me when I realized I was right again. Zayn was litterally everything you wanted in a guy, why was I even considering anything? I blocked out everything, took a deep breath, and decided to only focus on Zayn. He had sat down by now, but I had still not thanked him for the Starbucks. So I put my hand on his, and gave him the sweetest smile I could squeeze out of me.

"Thank you."

Zayn lightly shook his head like "it was nothing", and gave me a just as sweet smile back, only he didn't have to put effort in it like me.

"How did you even know I liked this one? It's like my favourite!"

Not exactly true, but I somehow felt like I needed to say something like that.

"Oh, I just.. I guess I've been watching you.." He said low. "I don't know, that sounds pretty weird, but.."

"No, I like it." I interrupted.

Zayn looked up from the table with eyes filled of embarrassment.

"I'm really looking forward to this week with you, Zayn.." I said low.

"Me too." He said, with a shaky, but excited voice.

But then his facial expressions suddenly changed, and his eyes went from being sucked in deeply into my eyes to wandering down to the same spot in the table again. I knew instantly that wasn't a good thing, and I was even more sure when he started to scratch his hair, like he was worried about something.

"Look.." He started.

When that word was said, I couldn't be more sure. Something was wrong, and it was going to come out now. In the back of my head, I knew what it was about.

"I know you just turned your back at Harry.. I mean, this whole week-thing litterally only has one bad thing about it, and that is how quickly it ends, and how fast we're gonna have to adjust with you, seeing someone totally new.. I just.. Even though I am going to be forever thankful that I got the second week, I'm still a little upset about.. you know.. the fact that.."

"The fact that what?" I asked.

"The fact that I'm after Harrys week.." He said low.

"Why would you.. why would you be upset about that?" I asked, with no clue what he was talking about.

"Well, I just.. He is.. he is the girl-magnet, you know.. the charming one, the handsome, and dangerous one.."

"I still don't get what it has to do with this!" I interrupted.

"I'm not like him!"

I slowly winced back, removing my hand from his. This was the first time I had heard him raise his voice, and to be honest, I was scared. But to my surprise, I was also.. attracted to it. That feeling was so weird, I didn't know what to do with it, what to think.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scream at you.." He mumbled with a crooked smile.

"It's okay.."

"But.. I mean it.. I mean, it would be a lot different if my week was after Niall, or Liam, but Harry.. He's just the opposite of me, he's strong and attractive, powerful and sensitive.. He's just every girls dream-guy, so it kind of sucks being next to him, probably being compared and I just.. I can't compete with him, I just.."

"Zayn.." I said.

"No, I have a question, okay?"

I nodded.

"What.. what do I exactly have to compete with? I mean, just so I know.. Like, what did you guys do together? How far did you go? How much did you share, I wanna like.. Harry's always doing everything so perfect, so flawless.. Following his lead is probably for the best, because.."

"Zayn.."

"No, listen to me!" He shouted.

Second time he had raised his voice. Wow, I thought. I didn't know what was more overpowering, his sexyness, or the fact that he was scaring the shit out of me.

"I haven't.. I mean.. I'm not very.. experienced with girls.."

I was shocked. How couldn't he be?

"And obviously Harry is.. So I just need to know, okay?"

I sighed and put my hand back on his. At the end of the day, he was just worried, and not scary.

"I need you to listen to me.."

Zayns eyes shined as he nodded.

"I may have enjoyed the time with Harry, and gotten strong feelings for him, and leaving him was not exactly easy, but.. You know why I fell in love with you? It was because you're different, good different."

"Yeah, but.."

"You don't need to know a thing, Zayn. What me and Harry had was one thing, but what I'm about to have with you now.. It may become a whole different thing! So, if we are meant to be friends, which highly I doubt, we won't be nothing more than friends. If we're gonna kiss every five seconds because our lips can't stand to not be on each other, that's cool, same as if you only wanna hold hands and maybe give a goodnight-kiss. I don't care if you wanna have pizza on our room, or if you'd rather take me out on a fancy dinner. Love will guide us wherever we're supposed to be in life, whatever we're supposed to be. This is you and me, and I wanna write our story with you, not with Harry taking any part of it."

Zayn was quiet, but he finally nodded after my long explanaiton.

"I don't wanna talk bad about Harry, he's a lovely man and everything, but.." I said, after I had leaned in a little closer for him to hear my lower tone. "I'm glad to change to someone more like.. you."

Zayn smiled, for the first time with a smile that showed off all his teeth. That smile gave me the happiest feeling I had felt in a while.

"You don't have anything to be compared with, Harrys and my week is over and I'm more than excited to see what our week will be like."

After those words were said, I honestly wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him, or myself.

"I.. I love you, and I.. I begged you to be in this with us for a reason.." I said as my hand was playing with his short sideburns.

Zayn smiled big again.

"Every relationship is different, right?" I whispered and leaned in for our first officiall kiss ever.

Notes