“Thank you Los Angeles.” Niall shouted from beside me as we took our final bow.

Our first show of the US tour had gone off perfectly. My eyes happily swept all the faces in front of me trying to catalog this moment in my head. I loved this part of being in this band. Seeing all their faces.

With one last wave to the screaming fans we ran off the stage, still on a performance high.

People congratulated us on a good show, a few taking the time to shake our hands or hug us. I rushed past them as politely as I could in search of Dawn.

She had been in the process of telling me something before I was called away to sound check. From that moment on the rush of a normal tour day began and there was little time to talk.

I had seen her briefly in the dressing room where, when we weren’t getting ready for the show with Caroline or Dawn, we were being interviewed by local radio stations. I saw her again in the quick change but that all passed like a blur as she hurriedly dashed from each of us shouting out instructions to the new girl, Jena, as she went. I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk to her there with it being so hectic and the time restraint, but it did make me look forward to speaking to her now.

Smiling absentmindedly at the woman who had just patted my shoulder I rushed into our dressing room where I knew Dawn was helping Caroline sort our clothes from tonight's show.

Caroline wasn’t in the room, but Dawn and Cameron were. As soon as my eyes locked on them I wished I hadn’t rushed quite so fast to get there.

My smile fell along with my stomach as I watched Dawn’s hand lace into another man’s curly hair, pulling him closer into a kiss.

My hands shook while Cameron’s slid around Dawn’s small waist pushing her body into his.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do more, hit him or melt into non existence. All my hope from this morning evaporating before I could fully enjoy it. My whole body felt like it deflated.

It seemed like forever that I stood in the doorway of my dressing room watching him with his hands all over my best friend. When they finally pulled away I watched while Dawn’s slightly swollen lips curved into a smile and it shattered me.

“Harry!” Liam shouted announcing my presence to the previously kissing couple while coming up to the door behind me. It didn’t take him long to realize why I was so silent when he looked just over my shoulder at Dawn, who was looking at me in confusion. My face must have looked like I had just been stabbed, it felt like I had been anyway.

Dawn pulled away from Cameron, breaking my heart a little more when I noticed her hand in his.

My eyes drop down to their hands and stayed there. Even as I felt all eyes on me, I kept mine glued to those hands. One of which should be mine.

“You guys were great. It was a great show.” Cameron’s voice penetrated me green, jealous haze causing my eyes to glare up at him. He sounded much to pleased with himself.

What was it about him that she was so attracted to? Was it because he was funny? I could be funny. Was it because he was good looking? No, Dawn wasn’t shallow like that.

It was driving me mad. All I wanted to do was shout ‘What is it about him?’ but all I could do was stare.

I sensed Louis next to me, his eyes shifting from them to me. If anyone knew how I felt about Dawn it was Louis. He was the only one I had confided every last detail of my love for her to, every want and desire. And it was him who pulled me out of the room, even as Dawn asked where we were going.

Louis knew enough to know I couldn’t be in that room much longer with out breaking down. I knew I only felt this way because I had foolishly allowed myself to believe I could have hope for more just this morning. I should have known better.

“You alright mate?” He asked when we were half way to the van waiting outside, tomorrow it would be the busses but we still had one more show in LA. I was in such a state I didn’t even register the screaming fans as we made the short trip from the back doors to the van.

She wasn’t supposed to be kissing him. And so I told Louis that.

“Harry. I... I don’t know what to say to you to make this better.” He sounded genuinely upset with how broken I must have sounded.

I felt terrible for making him feel so bad about it. Not caring what it looked like to any wandering eyes I threw my arms around him and embraced him. I needed some form of comfort and although Dawn was normally the one to do so, right now I couldn’t imagine anyone else comforting me as Louis hugged me back.

“You should tell her. Let her know what’s going on. You never know maybe-”

I pulled away then, running my fingertips subtly under my eyes in case any of the emotions running through me had spilled over. I sniffed and shook my head. “No. She doesn’t need to know. It’ll just ruin everything.”

Louis looked at me with his brows knitted together. “You don’t think that watching her be with him is going to make it worse for you. They aren’t even together yet. If you tell her at least she’ll know and if-”

Again I cut him off, a little less gently this time. “NO! Drop is Lou.”

Louis kept staring at me as I glared right back at him, neither one moving an inch until the van door slid open.

Dawn’s head poking in making my breath hitch. “Hey why’d you run out like that?”

Her worried eyes were directed at me as were Louis’ insistent ones. “I was a little overwhelmed.”

It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the whole truth either.

“Oh. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” I answered quickly. It was the first time I actually didn’t want her anywhere near me. In fact I wanted her to be speaking to her at all.

Louis must have read my face because he told her as gently as he could that she needed to go. It was a good thing he did because at the moment I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t take my frustration out on her.

“It’s been a long day Dee. Harry isn’t feeling very well. Maybe you should ride back with-” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye as he trailed off.

I blocked them out and squeezed my eyes shut at the thought of what Louis was suggesting, but honestly having her here wasn’t any better.

“Um okay. I... I’ll see you later then, yeah?”

I nodded and Louis mumbled a yea back at her before I heard the door close.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said when I heard him take a deep breath, no doubt preparing to tell me what he thought I should do. Like a good mate he kept quiet letting me wallow alone, for now.

Not long after, I heard the others climb into the van before we took off back to the hotel. Liam asking Louis if I was alright.

Zayn leaned over to me placing his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry mate.” He said quietly when I opened my eyes to look at him.

I nodded not really having much to say. Behind him I could see Niall smiling apologetically. They really were all the best mates anyone could have. They knew with out me having to say a word how hurt I was by what I had just seen.

I remained silent the whole drive back to the hotel, walking as quickly as I could into the lobby and then up to the lift before anyone could ask any questions.

Just as the lift doors opened I noticed a second van pull up, Dawn was the first out followed by Cameron and the rest of Allstar Weekend.

Her eyes briefly landed on me through the glass doors, all the way across the lobby, as I backed into the lift.

She looked sad. I almost wanted to go and comfort her, she had no idea what was wrong with me and that wasn’t her fault. Logically, I knew that but as I watched Cameron come up behind her and pull her into his side I couldn’t help the anger that flared up inside of me. I’d much rather physically take it out on the bottoms of the lift and my empty room then verbally take it out on her.

I sighed in relief when the doors slid close just as Dawn began to make her way over towards it.

I was going to have to come up with some form of an excuse for my behavior tonight but right now I couldn’t be bothered with it.

When the doors opened again, this time to our deserted floor, I wasted no time marching to my suite and locking myself in.

As if the solitude was permission for my mind to race, all kinds of thoughts flashed in my mind. Why not me? Why couldn’t she have instantly been attracted to me like she was to him? What was it about him? What could I do to make her realize I was here?

All those time I could have just told her and I was too much of a pansy to do it. From the very first moment and all the moment in between. I should have said something.

“And this is the hair and make up room.” Mika, the stage hand, informed us as he opened a door to a small room.

Instantly the sound of laughter greeted us, causing my lips to curl up into a smile.

“ADAM!?” A very american feminine voice reprimanded while still giggling. “That is so wrong.”

“It’s the truth.” The older man said to the younger girl seated up on the counter where she was swinging her legs back and forth. As soon as her eyes landed on us she waved excitedly flashing a brilliant smile our way.

“Hiya. I’m Dawn you guys must be the heart throbs we’ve been hearing all about.”

“Adam, they’re all yours.” Mika said backing out of the room, leaving us with the two.

“Hello boys I’m Adam Reed, I’ll be styling you lots hair.” He eyed us all down for a moment before clapping his hands together and looking to Dawn. “Right then, you want to begin with a little trim.”

She happily jumped off the counter, letting her eyes wander over all five of us before she stepped up to me and ran her fingers through my hair. I nervously watched her as she unabashedly did so.

She was very pretty, with hazel eyes that were more green then brown, light skin with a light spattering of barely visible freckles over her cheeks and nose, and boldly colored red hair. When she smiled at me like she was I felt a small jolt in my stomach.

After looking into my eyes for a moment she dropped her hands to her side and spun around to face Adam while jerking her thumb over her shoulder. “I’ll take this one.”

When she turned back to face me she had broken out into a giant smile again. “Come on Curly let me make you beautiful.”

“I already am beautiful.” I joked.

Her eyes widened and an impressed smirk replaced her smile. “And modest I see. Come on kid, I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” She said dramatically, laughing at her own cheese line.

I found that I really liked her laugh. I wanted to hear it as often as I could.

I remember thinking how lucky I was to have been picked by her at that moment. Even later, I always thought of that as the exact moment we became friends. I’m sure everyone in that room knew how I felt for her in that moment, most just wrote it off as a crush. Young Harry fancying the young hair stylist, but nothing more.

They all thought it would eventually go away, especially when the girls started lining the streets outside the studio for us. It never did though, sometimes I wish it had. No, my feelings only got stronger over time.

I hated him. Spencer. He was a wanker, but Dawn didn’t seem to notice. Not the way he looked at her like he couldn’t wait to get her clothes off, or the way he would just as easily look at any other woman much the same way.

Louis told me to back off, that until there was doubt in Dawn’s mind that I shouldn’t say anything. Besides it wasn’t like I had any proof of my suspicions.

Somehow, I had ended up at her flat, hoping she was here and being disappointed when I found it deserted.

I should have left, but Eleanor was with Louis at our flat and I didn’t want to see or hear anything that was going on over there between the couple. Instead I sat on Dawn’s sofa with the TV remote in my hand, blindly clicked through the channels.

I had just landed on some cartoon when the door opened and then slammed shut. I jumped slightly and turned to look at what was going on, praying that I wasn’t about to be accosted with visuals of Spencer and Dawn getting frisky.

Instead what I saw was Dawn, face swollen and blotchy, eyes blood shot and a continuing river of tears streaming down her face.

When her tear-filled eyes finally landed on me she let out a ragged breath and swiped violently at the wetness on her face.

Without thought I jumped over the back of the sofa and rushed to her side pulling her into my body and holding her as her who frame shook with a heart wrenching sob.

“What happened?”

I vaguely made out the word ‘cheated’ through the sobbing and mumbling against my chest.

My head rested on top of hers as my jaw clenched and my fists grabbed onto her sweater.

Spencer. I hated him.

“Shh. It’s okay Dee. He is a fucking idiot.” I tried to sooth her, unclenching my fist and rubbing circles into her back.

That night as I listened to her cry all I could do was think of how different it would be.

If I had Dawn I would never do anything to risk it. I would make sure she was always smiling and not a single tear would fall from those beautiful eyes of hers. It drove me mad that he could just throw it away, didn‘t he realize how lucky he was.

And it was precisely on that night that I realized my crush on my best friend was so much more then just a crush. I was in love with her.

I should have told her, maybe not right then, but soon after. I would have been better for her then any of the others she dated after Spencer. Our friendship, however, was always what kept me away from the truth. If I told her and she didn’t feel the same, I would lose her. I couldn’t deal with that.

But I was beginning to find that this standing back and leaving her in the dark was just as difficult.

Rubbing my hands over my eyes for the millionth time since I had arrived into my dark room, I flipped onto my side and decided it was time I tried to go to sleep. I was sure Dawn would want some form of an explanation for why I blew her off tonight, and she deserved one. For now, all I could do was pray for strength and that sleep would wash away the images from the dressing room so I could come up with something in the morning.