The Mess We Became
When
Have you ever had a moment when you had everything planned out, all the sacrifices and compromises calculated, and then in one instant you forget it all and just change your mind?
That was what happened to me the very second I opened my eyes to find Harry staring back at me in wonderment, like he was afraid if he breathed too close to me I would vanish.
He was a beautiful sight.
In that moment there was nothing I wanted to do less then leave him. Not that I was particularly keen on doing so to begin with.
Kissing him wasn’t even something I had to think about, it was like we were magnets and I was drawn to him, I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to.
And what a kiss it was.
All the knee weakening and explosions that I missed the very first time our lips met was present now times a million.
From now until the day I die no other kiss would ever compare to it, and I was pretty okay with the idea of never kissing anyone else ever again.
Harry was everything I ever wanted and he had been right there all along, he may have messed up by not telling me but so had I by not noticing sooner.
It was about when I had that thought that I realized I wasn’t going anywhere in the morning, I was staying here with Harry, forever if I could, because I was sure that I would literally die if I couldn’t see this face every day.
It would be a lie if I said I hadn’t been looking for a reason to stay from the moment I made the decision to leave, anyway.
Then he said those words and my heart broke at the desperation, the helpless pleading tone.
“Don‘t leave me.”
I almost wanted to cry at how vulnerable he sounded. His eyes begging me.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore.”
If you have never seen one of Harry’s genuinely happy smiles, not one he throws on for the cameras, but a full on dimple inducing, eye crinkling, teeth flashing, face splitting smile, then you are missing out.
I was lucky enough to witness it before but something about the one he was gracing me with right now made my heart want to burst in utter happiness.
There was a new tenderness added to it and something inside of me instinctively knew that I was the only one who would ever see this smile. It was mine.
I was glad I was still in his arms, it made kissing him again much easier.
He didn’t even hesitate as he breathed in deeply and responded to my lips working against his.
I didn’t wait for him to ask permission this time as I parted my lips and gave him the access I knew he wanted.
His big hands moved from my face down my sides, sending chills to every inch of my body, before they both pressed into my back pushing me flush against him.
My own hands found them selves in his soft curls, eliciting a moan as I pulled on them playfully making me smile into our kiss which he mimicked.
I was lost in him and I didn’t even care.
I was positive if the world ended right that second neither one of us would mind.
I knew we still had a lot to discuses but talking, or lack there of, is all we had been doing. Right now I needed this, to make up for all the time we had wasted and for every stupid decision we had made along the way.
I needed him.
When I began to feel a little too light headed I pulled away, keeping my eyes closed as his lips moved up to place a gentle kiss to my forehead.
“I love you Harry.”
Unlike the last time I had said those words to another person, I really and truly meant then with every fiber of my being and even though everyone told me he loved me, I couldn’t help feeling nervous as I waited for his answer.
It didn’t come.
Feeling every internal organ in my body fall, I opened my eyes to find his emotion filled eyes staring down at me with a soft smile on his face.
“I love you so much I can’t even began to explain it to you.” He finally replied placing a quick kiss on my lips. “And you better not ever think of leaving me again.”
“I’m so sorry Harry. I didn’t know what to do.” I said feeling the tears start to well in my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I felt like crying but I think it might have been the thought of how close I was to actually following through with my stupid idea.
“Why did you leave? I spoke to Cameron and he said you were looking for me and then you just left?” He pulled away slightly, the memory of me leaving affecting him. He was probably thinking about how close I had come to really leaving too.
I held my hands up to my cheeks and feel onto the mattress I had been restlessly sleeping on not that long ago, suddenly remembering exactly why I had left and realizing I didn’t know what was happening with that.
“I heard you tell Jena you wanted to be with her.” I looked up at him helplessly. “Is it true?”
Harry’s eyes widened dangerously as his hands shot up to his hair where he began to pull it in slight frustration. He clamped his mouth shut and closed his eyes taking a few deep breaths before looking down at me again.
“Are you kidding me? You are actually going to ask me that question right now?”
I looked down at my hands, I didn’t know what the right thing to say was. I knew what he wanted me to say but I still needed to hear him tell me it wasn’t true.
I felt more then saw him kneel down in front of me. His hands cupping my face again to force me to look into his green eyes.
“There is no one in the world I want to be with other then you. What you heard was me telling Jena what I was planning on telling you.”
I furrowed my brow as I took in his face, looking for any hint of a lie.
“Why would you need to tell Jena what you were going to say to me?”
Harry chuckled and gave me his famous lop sided grin. “Because you make me nervous Dawn. I didn’t know what to say to you and Jena was trying to knock some sense into me. I don’t like her like that, she was always just trying to help me figure out how to get you.”
Again I looked for dishonesty in his features and again I found none.
“Dawn, I am so sorry for messing this up so much. I shouldn’t have lied to you and I shouldn’t have had everyone else do so either. I just want you to know that I lo-”
I placed my hand gently over his lips stopping him mid sentence and smiling at him when his startled eyes locked with mine.
“I know. And I’m sorry for making it a hundred times worse. I over reacted because I was hurt and I never gave you a chance. I’m sorry for putting you through all this pain and I’m sorry for almost leaving you.” I pulled my hand away to wipe the tears that had started to escape my eyes. “You’re my best friend Harry, even if I love you more then that now.”
He licked his lips and pulled my hand off my face before replacing it in cleaning my tears. “You’re my best friend, and the girl I have wanted since I laid eyes on you. I can forgive everything if you can do the same for me.”
I just looked at him. How could I have been so lucky to have him fall in love with me? What had I done right in my life to deserve him?
“Of course I can Harry.” I said biting my lip as I finished.
He leaned back on his heels, staring at me with a stupid grin on his face that made me slightly nervous that he was going to shout that it was all a joke and he wanted nothing to do with me.
I needn’t worry, at least not about that, as his stupid grin shifted into a mischievous smirk so quickly I had no time to react before he was lunching himself at me and tackling me onto the bed.
His long fingers finding my sides and wiggling into them as I squirmed underneath is long torso, giggling like a lunatic.
“Harreeeeeeeee!!! STOP!!!” I wiggled around some more, trying to get out from under him, and pushed on his shoulders only causing him to take both my hands in one of his giant ones and hold them above my head as his other hand kept up his assault on me.
“Oh... my... god... Harry... I can’t-I can’t breath.” I said between giggling fits. “Oh my god. I’m gonna pass out. Please stop.”
He did stop, but he didn’t move. He just held him self there, above my body staring at me with the smile I had classified as mine earlier taking over his features.
“What?” I asked after a while of him just looking at me.
“I love you.”
I smiled. I don’t think I was ever going to get tired of hearing him say that to me.
Tilting my head up, I pursed me lips asking for a kiss which he gave me readily, my hands still held captive above me head.
With our lips still attached Harry flipped us so I was now straddling his hips, hunched over his torso, kissing him.
“I love you too.” I said breathlessly as I pulled away and dropping my body into the space next to him. His arm instantly wrapping around my back and pulling me into his side as my head rested just above his heart.
I let the sound of the steady beating and the warmth of his bocy lull me into a quiet peaceful state, here snuggle next to a boy I had spent too much time running from.
My fingers traced patterns on his chest as I thought of how content I was in this moment.
“You know I started to think about it on the trip back here from the states, do you want to know when I think I first fell for you? I mean I didn’t know it at the time but I’m pretty sure it was when I fell.” I said with a shrug.
Harry grabbed my hand, stopping it mid-heart shape.
“Tell me.”
I took a deep breath and let his fingers slip between mine.
“It was the first time I saw you with your mom.” I said craning my neck so I could look at his face and smile. “My mom always told me you could tell a lot about a guy by the way he treats his mother. You were still on The XFactor, I think maybe two live shows in. Right after the live taping, you were so sweet to your mom, not like most kids your age would have been, or at least no the ones I was used to. I remember thinking, that’s what I should be looking for, a guy like that who treats the most important woman in his life like that. We weren’t really super close back then, we had just meet but I still knew you were something special. How stupid was I to not realize I didn’t have to look for a guy like you when you were right there?”
Harry leaned down to place a kiss on my forehead. “I think I fell for you the moment I saw you. You were so bubbly and funny and sassy. I just wanted to be around you all the time. We used to arrive at the studio and I would count down the seconds until it was our turn in the makeup room. Cher used to laugh me for it.”
I laughed, now recalling how the feisty little singer used to tell me Harry was on his way in a sing song tone. I always thought it was because of the rumors going around the studio that we were an item back then that we both denied.
“I knew I was in love with you when Spencer broke up with you. I was torn between wanting to protect you from the world and wanting to find him and bash his face in.”
I laughed out loud at that. “Violent much?”
Harry shrugged. “He was a wanker.”
I nodded in agreement. “That he was, but I think everything turned out alright in the long run.” I said looking up at him.
His hand released mine and came up to brush my bangs from my face.
“I would have to agree with you.”
That was what happened to me the very second I opened my eyes to find Harry staring back at me in wonderment, like he was afraid if he breathed too close to me I would vanish.
He was a beautiful sight.
In that moment there was nothing I wanted to do less then leave him. Not that I was particularly keen on doing so to begin with.
Kissing him wasn’t even something I had to think about, it was like we were magnets and I was drawn to him, I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to.
And what a kiss it was.
All the knee weakening and explosions that I missed the very first time our lips met was present now times a million.
From now until the day I die no other kiss would ever compare to it, and I was pretty okay with the idea of never kissing anyone else ever again.
Harry was everything I ever wanted and he had been right there all along, he may have messed up by not telling me but so had I by not noticing sooner.
It was about when I had that thought that I realized I wasn’t going anywhere in the morning, I was staying here with Harry, forever if I could, because I was sure that I would literally die if I couldn’t see this face every day.
It would be a lie if I said I hadn’t been looking for a reason to stay from the moment I made the decision to leave, anyway.
Then he said those words and my heart broke at the desperation, the helpless pleading tone.
“Don‘t leave me.”
I almost wanted to cry at how vulnerable he sounded. His eyes begging me.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore.”
If you have never seen one of Harry’s genuinely happy smiles, not one he throws on for the cameras, but a full on dimple inducing, eye crinkling, teeth flashing, face splitting smile, then you are missing out.
I was lucky enough to witness it before but something about the one he was gracing me with right now made my heart want to burst in utter happiness.
There was a new tenderness added to it and something inside of me instinctively knew that I was the only one who would ever see this smile. It was mine.
I was glad I was still in his arms, it made kissing him again much easier.
He didn’t even hesitate as he breathed in deeply and responded to my lips working against his.
I didn’t wait for him to ask permission this time as I parted my lips and gave him the access I knew he wanted.
His big hands moved from my face down my sides, sending chills to every inch of my body, before they both pressed into my back pushing me flush against him.
My own hands found them selves in his soft curls, eliciting a moan as I pulled on them playfully making me smile into our kiss which he mimicked.
I was lost in him and I didn’t even care.
I was positive if the world ended right that second neither one of us would mind.
I knew we still had a lot to discuses but talking, or lack there of, is all we had been doing. Right now I needed this, to make up for all the time we had wasted and for every stupid decision we had made along the way.
I needed him.
When I began to feel a little too light headed I pulled away, keeping my eyes closed as his lips moved up to place a gentle kiss to my forehead.
“I love you Harry.”
Unlike the last time I had said those words to another person, I really and truly meant then with every fiber of my being and even though everyone told me he loved me, I couldn’t help feeling nervous as I waited for his answer.
It didn’t come.
Feeling every internal organ in my body fall, I opened my eyes to find his emotion filled eyes staring down at me with a soft smile on his face.
“I love you so much I can’t even began to explain it to you.” He finally replied placing a quick kiss on my lips. “And you better not ever think of leaving me again.”
“I’m so sorry Harry. I didn’t know what to do.” I said feeling the tears start to well in my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I felt like crying but I think it might have been the thought of how close I was to actually following through with my stupid idea.
“Why did you leave? I spoke to Cameron and he said you were looking for me and then you just left?” He pulled away slightly, the memory of me leaving affecting him. He was probably thinking about how close I had come to really leaving too.
I held my hands up to my cheeks and feel onto the mattress I had been restlessly sleeping on not that long ago, suddenly remembering exactly why I had left and realizing I didn’t know what was happening with that.
“I heard you tell Jena you wanted to be with her.” I looked up at him helplessly. “Is it true?”
Harry’s eyes widened dangerously as his hands shot up to his hair where he began to pull it in slight frustration. He clamped his mouth shut and closed his eyes taking a few deep breaths before looking down at me again.
“Are you kidding me? You are actually going to ask me that question right now?”
I looked down at my hands, I didn’t know what the right thing to say was. I knew what he wanted me to say but I still needed to hear him tell me it wasn’t true.
I felt more then saw him kneel down in front of me. His hands cupping my face again to force me to look into his green eyes.
“There is no one in the world I want to be with other then you. What you heard was me telling Jena what I was planning on telling you.”
I furrowed my brow as I took in his face, looking for any hint of a lie.
“Why would you need to tell Jena what you were going to say to me?”
Harry chuckled and gave me his famous lop sided grin. “Because you make me nervous Dawn. I didn’t know what to say to you and Jena was trying to knock some sense into me. I don’t like her like that, she was always just trying to help me figure out how to get you.”
Again I looked for dishonesty in his features and again I found none.
“Dawn, I am so sorry for messing this up so much. I shouldn’t have lied to you and I shouldn’t have had everyone else do so either. I just want you to know that I lo-”
I placed my hand gently over his lips stopping him mid sentence and smiling at him when his startled eyes locked with mine.
“I know. And I’m sorry for making it a hundred times worse. I over reacted because I was hurt and I never gave you a chance. I’m sorry for putting you through all this pain and I’m sorry for almost leaving you.” I pulled my hand away to wipe the tears that had started to escape my eyes. “You’re my best friend Harry, even if I love you more then that now.”
He licked his lips and pulled my hand off my face before replacing it in cleaning my tears. “You’re my best friend, and the girl I have wanted since I laid eyes on you. I can forgive everything if you can do the same for me.”
I just looked at him. How could I have been so lucky to have him fall in love with me? What had I done right in my life to deserve him?
“Of course I can Harry.” I said biting my lip as I finished.
He leaned back on his heels, staring at me with a stupid grin on his face that made me slightly nervous that he was going to shout that it was all a joke and he wanted nothing to do with me.
I needn’t worry, at least not about that, as his stupid grin shifted into a mischievous smirk so quickly I had no time to react before he was lunching himself at me and tackling me onto the bed.
His long fingers finding my sides and wiggling into them as I squirmed underneath is long torso, giggling like a lunatic.
“Harreeeeeeeee!!! STOP!!!” I wiggled around some more, trying to get out from under him, and pushed on his shoulders only causing him to take both my hands in one of his giant ones and hold them above my head as his other hand kept up his assault on me.
“Oh... my... god... Harry... I can’t-I can’t breath.” I said between giggling fits. “Oh my god. I’m gonna pass out. Please stop.”
He did stop, but he didn’t move. He just held him self there, above my body staring at me with the smile I had classified as mine earlier taking over his features.
“What?” I asked after a while of him just looking at me.
“I love you.”
I smiled. I don’t think I was ever going to get tired of hearing him say that to me.
Tilting my head up, I pursed me lips asking for a kiss which he gave me readily, my hands still held captive above me head.
With our lips still attached Harry flipped us so I was now straddling his hips, hunched over his torso, kissing him.
“I love you too.” I said breathlessly as I pulled away and dropping my body into the space next to him. His arm instantly wrapping around my back and pulling me into his side as my head rested just above his heart.
I let the sound of the steady beating and the warmth of his bocy lull me into a quiet peaceful state, here snuggle next to a boy I had spent too much time running from.
My fingers traced patterns on his chest as I thought of how content I was in this moment.
“You know I started to think about it on the trip back here from the states, do you want to know when I think I first fell for you? I mean I didn’t know it at the time but I’m pretty sure it was when I fell.” I said with a shrug.
Harry grabbed my hand, stopping it mid-heart shape.
“Tell me.”
I took a deep breath and let his fingers slip between mine.
“It was the first time I saw you with your mom.” I said craning my neck so I could look at his face and smile. “My mom always told me you could tell a lot about a guy by the way he treats his mother. You were still on The XFactor, I think maybe two live shows in. Right after the live taping, you were so sweet to your mom, not like most kids your age would have been, or at least no the ones I was used to. I remember thinking, that’s what I should be looking for, a guy like that who treats the most important woman in his life like that. We weren’t really super close back then, we had just meet but I still knew you were something special. How stupid was I to not realize I didn’t have to look for a guy like you when you were right there?”
Harry leaned down to place a kiss on my forehead. “I think I fell for you the moment I saw you. You were so bubbly and funny and sassy. I just wanted to be around you all the time. We used to arrive at the studio and I would count down the seconds until it was our turn in the makeup room. Cher used to laugh me for it.”
I laughed, now recalling how the feisty little singer used to tell me Harry was on his way in a sing song tone. I always thought it was because of the rumors going around the studio that we were an item back then that we both denied.
“I knew I was in love with you when Spencer broke up with you. I was torn between wanting to protect you from the world and wanting to find him and bash his face in.”
I laughed out loud at that. “Violent much?”
Harry shrugged. “He was a wanker.”
I nodded in agreement. “That he was, but I think everything turned out alright in the long run.” I said looking up at him.
His hand released mine and came up to brush my bangs from my face.
“I would have to agree with you.”
Hey ladies. Thank you for reading this fic and the sequel is called The Mess We're In. Let me know what you girls think <3
9/6/13