I looked around my bare apartment with sad eyes.

I had been back for all of two days and had managed to stay up all 48 hours of those two days packing.

Now everything except for the large furniture was away in boxes ready to be shipped back state side.

My entire life here in London packed in cardboard.

To say my mother was disappointed to find out I was moving back was an understatement. I was pretty sure I was looking forward to months and months of lectures and reprimanding. It was probably in my best interest to find an apartment as soon as possible.

I might just go straight from the airport to apartment hunting.

To be completely honest I didn’t really want to think about it.

I still couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that I was actually doing this. That I was legitimately running from Harry Styles. From my best friend.

Last time I was in this apartment with him we were happy and smiling. That girl would have never even thought about moving away, especially because of Harry.

Wylie scampered into the room giving one of his puppy dog looks.

That was another thing I was completely heartbroken about.

I had to leave him behind.

Who would have thought that relocating your pet from one continent to the other would be such a lengthy and costly process? I just couldn’t afford it.

So I had planned to spend as much time with my baby before taking the long drive from London back to Harry’s mothers house in Holmes Chapel, where I had picked him up a few days ago, and leaving him there with a note for Harry to look after our ‘son‘.

I felt like a terrible person for doing so but I had to do what I had to do. Staying here was bad for my mental and emotional health.

I dropped down onto my floor and sat with my legs crossed in Indian style as I picked my fat little butterball puppy up and squeezed my face up to his.

“I am going to miss you like crazy little guy. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.” I said placing a kiss on his fluffy little head.

I was dreading the next few hours, not to mention actually arriving at Anne’s home. By now I’m sure Harry had spoken to her and she was well aware of what was going on, unlike a few days ago when she was just confused as to why I was there so soon. I was grateful to Gemma and Anne for watching Wylie but I didn’t really want to hear them try to reason with me to stay.

And Harry.

He had been non-stop calling and texting me. I didn’t bother listening to any of the voice mails or reading any of the text messages, this was already hard enough as it was.

I almost contemplated getting a new number but I still needed this one for work. I was off the tour however I still did technically work for the boys and I had to have open lines of communication with Paul and Lisa, even if I was ignoring all the boys and their persistent attempts to talk to me. I needed to be reachable, at least until they received my resignation in a few days.

I rubbed my pets belly one last time before placing him back on the ground and sighing. “Alright buddy time to head out.”

I stood reached for my purse and keys, latching the lead to Wylie and grabbing the box of his belongings. I looked around one more time. Already the life I had built here was coming undone. First Wylie, then me, all the memories in this tiny little apartment I was so happy in would be gone.

This time tomorrow there would be nothing left.

My eyes swept the sofa, where I had sat countless times with Harry and the others watching sporting events and random television shows, to the kitchen Louis and Harry had made me dinner and in the process had dirtied beyond recognition, to my bedroom door where Harry had stood so many times trying to rush me when we were running late to meet up with the others at some club or another.

I was going to miss this place, but I was really going to miss the people that made this place so special.

“Come on baby.” I said tugging on the lead as I opened the door for the last time. I’d have to turn the key over to the realtor tomorrow morning before heading out to Heathrow.

After adjusting everything in the car, making sure Wylie was secure in the seat beside me, I took another look at me building feeling the tears well in my eyes.

This was really happening. I was really doing this.

Somewhere in the back of my over active imagination I almost wished for Harry to come running down the street like they did in movies. All out of breath and panicked thinking he wasn’t going to make it and begging me not to go. My imagination had me jumping into his arms sobbing and kissing every part of his face telling him I would stay for him forever.

But sadly this wasn’t a movie, this was real life and the only thing coming down my street was an older man shouting into a cell phone.

Deciding that I didn’t need to torture myself any farther, I placed the key in the ignition and started my almost three hour trip out to Cheshire. If I hurried I could make it back before nightfall and check into a hotel near the airport.

I needed to be out of sight before they arrived back tomorrow morning. We were literally playing country hoppers as I would be leaving just as they were arriving.

All throughout the drive I would find myself randomly wiping tears from my cheeks and poor little Wylie kept looking up at me and whimpering, having no idea why his mama was so sad.

At one point the little cubby dog crawled over the armrest and placed his little head on my thigh only making me cry more.

He was the last piece of Harry I had left and I was just pulling up into the driveway to give him up.

I rubbed his little head and tried my best to make myself not look like the miserable being I had become since returning two days ago.

With the last bit of willpower I had left I got out and opened the door to the back seat of the car, gripping the box in one arm and Wylie in the other.

Anne was already at the door giving me a sympathetic look. I always adored Anne, she was like another mom, but currently I wanted nothing more then to hand over Wylie and run.

I stood in front of her and she reached for the box. I had sent her a text message asking if she could watch my puppy until Harry arrived, which she had agreed to, so this wasn’t a surprise to her but she still looked utterly confused by my appearance.

“Are you sure about this, love?” She asked kindly.

I couldn’t speak, my throat had closed up long ago, so I simply nodded and cuddled Wylie closer to my body.

“You should come in for a bit of tea before you drive back?”

I began to shake my head in the negative but she reached her soft hand out to place over mine and gave me one of her motherly looks and I knew I didn’t really have a choice.

I followed her inside as she lead me to her spacious kitchen and began to make the tea she had offered. I still held my squirming puppy close to my chest, not willing to let him go just yet.

As she waited on the kettle, her phone began to buzz on the counter top. She looked at it quickly with a small sad smile then turned and eyed me.

“For the record I think you are making a mistake. I know you think I’m biased because Harry is my son but I can see how this is effecting you and I don’t think you’ve fully thought this through. I just don‘t want either one of you to hurt.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even look at her. I was too scared to.

“He loves you Dawn.” She said softly coming to sit next to me and place her hand on my back gently.

I nodded quickly.

“You should wait and talk to him.”

I still didn’t speak. All I could think about was what would be a polite way to make a break for the door.

“I know he-”

I finally managed to find my voice, although it sounded like I had been mute for ages as it rasped out.

“Anne, I really appreciate you doing this and I thank you for always being so kind but I really ought to leave now.” I slowly placed a kiss on Wylie’s head before getting out of the stool and placing him on her tiled floor. I hastily threw my arms around Anna and quickly hugged her, startling her. I sent her a sad smile that she returned just as sadly.

I don’t think she would ever understand how much I appreciated her not following me as I walked towards her door.

I would have made it out okay if it wasn’t for the little whimper I heard at me feet where Wylie was looking up at me, his little head cocked to the side like he was asking me where I was going without him.

My hand flew up to my mouth to hold in my own whimper as I looked helplessly at Anne.

She stared at me for a second before taking pity on my and walking over to pick up Wylie. I mouthed a thank you her way before waving and rushing out the door.

I was rather proud of myself for making it all the way to the car before I had a complete brake down.

I Think I sat there for a good fifteen minutes before I composed myself, fearing Anne would come out and forbid me to drive.

The whole way back I stared blankly at the roads, trying to keep my mind off all of the things I was leaving behind and the fear of starting over.

At one point I had to pull over at a service station because I had recalled one of the many times I had taken this very trip with Harry and how much fun we had and I couldn’t seem to regulate my breathing through the sobs that shook my body.

I realized I should probably make reservations for the night if I wanted to guarantee a room at one of the hotels tonight since the three hour trip was slowly turning into an over four hour trip. The sun had already begun to set.

I reached over for my purse and began to shuffle through its contents trying to find my iPhone.

I must have looked through the bag ten times before practically tearing my car apart looking for it. Almost an hour later I was 99.9% sure it wasn’t there.

I tried to think back to the last place I had seen it and when the memory came back I nearly began to cry again.

It was still in my room, charging. I had been so upset when I was leaving with Wylie that I had completely forgotten about it.

I had been ignoring it for so long that I didn’t even bother checking for it before leaving.

That meant I had to go back to that damn apartment.

I had to put myself through that torture again.

I almost considered just leaving it behind but something in me told me that I needed it. Maybe it was because, even if I was actively ignoring his calls, it was the only line of communication I had left with Harry.

Therefore I needed that phone.

I pulled back onto the road and began my trip back to the apartment to retrieve the stupid thing.

As I pulled up again, my eyes did a swept of the street, again my mind picturing the beautiful curly headed boy running up to meet me as I opened my car door and again I was sadly disappointed when there was nothing.

I almost wanted to laugh at myself if I wasn’t so miserable.

I trudged up the steps that lead to my apartment and placed the key in the familiar slot.

Again, instead of bare walls and lonely looking furniture I was greeted with memories of happier times.

I marched right through them and to my room, my eyes instantly searching for the device.

It turned out it had been knocked down into the space between the bed and the night stand, almost like it had been hiding from me. Stupid phone.

I sighed and dropped myself onto my naked mattress and just looked at the phone before throwing my tired body back onto the soft surface.

I was physically and emotionally drained.

It was almost maddening how my traitorous mind could instantly recall the scent Harry left behind as I buried my face into the bed.

With the scent came an image of his half asleep face, smiling that dopey ‘I just woke up’ smile at me as he teased me to get up and make him chocolate chip pancakes.

I was so lost in a world where I was whining about him being a better cook then me even as his long fingers dug into my sides, that I didn’t even notice as my thoughts began to morph into dreams, sleep finally deciding to take pity on me after a long 60 hours.

Notes

alright I am limiting these to one chapter a night since it is REALLY close to the end. So enjoy and let me know what you think.
Also this is Wylie if you want to see his adorable pudgy self <3