The Mess We Became
Hiding
My eyes nervously searched the lobby of the hotel as I hastily marched up to the desk where a nice looking older lady sat typing away at her keyboard.
I knew I had at the very least a few minutes before the boys bus pulled in bringing them to the hotel after there radio interview.
As soon as the lady saw me approach her eyes crinkled while she greeted me happily.
“What can I do for you dear?”
“Um... I’m with the Clayton party.” I threw out the code name our rooms were reserved under. She nodded understandingly before placing her long fingers back on the keys.
“What’s your name?” She asked smiling up at me.
“Um actually I was going to ask you if there were any other rooms, not on the same floors, that were available?”
She gave me a funny look as she started to type.
“There is. Is there something I could help you with?”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally something was going my way. “Do you think it would be possible for me to book one of those rooms?”
Again she gave me a strange look. “Ma’am if you’re with the Clayton party you should already have a room.” She informed.
“I know. I just...” I bit my lip and looked around nervously again. I must look like a crazy person to her. “I just really need one of those rooms. Both rooms will be paid for. I just need another room.”
She must have sensed my desperation as she nodded and clicked away again before asking me my information to reserve it.
“What name will it be under?”
“Um... Wylie Grey.” I said after a second to think. I didn’t want to be found and I highly suspected that they wouldn’t go looking for a room booked under my dogs name.
“Ok. Its all set.” She said sliding a paper my way to sign along with my credit card.
“Can I make one more request?” I decided I needed to cover my ass just incase.
“Of course.”
“Can you please make a note that absolutely no one, including the rest of the Clayton party, is to know my room number and under no circumstances can they receive a key, and please do not let anyone know I have checked in at all?”
Again I was sure I was being labeled as a psycho in her mind will all my request but she smiled and nodded no the less. “Of course ma’am.”
I nodded and grabbed my key, practically running towards the stairs.
Just as I was rounding the corner to be out of sight I heard the noise level rise outside and a group of familiar boys walk in, lead by a particularly stressed looking curly headed boy.
My sick curiosity got the better of me.
I hid my body behind the wall as I peeked at them as they marched up to the front desk I had just vacated. From my spot I could hear them perfectly over the noise outside.
“Excuse me, ma’am, we’re with the Clayton party. I was needing to know if someone by the name of Dawn Grey had checked in yet?” Harry asked desperately as the lady behind the counter looked subtly in my direction as she typed.
“I’m afraid not.” She answered to which Harry’s whole face fell.
“Are you sure?“ He asked anxiously. She nodded.
He spun around to look at the others sadly. “Where is she?”
I had to bite my cheek to keep from saying anything. He looked so devastated and a very familiar part of me, the part that was loyal to Harry no matter what, wanted to comfort him.
I had to stay strong and not go to him. I needed to figure out what I wanted.
With out a second thought I pulled away from the wall and ran up the stairs until I reached the fourth floor. The rest of the tour was spread out amongst the seventh and eighth floors.
I hastily slipped the key in the slot and shoved the door open, before slamming it shut behind me. I would have to heavily tip some bellboy to bring me my bags from my other room unnoticed later.
As I fell into the bed I let everything finally catch up to me.
My chest heaved and tightened with all the pain and stress and hurt I was feeling.
My talk with Cameron hadn’t gone exactly how I had envisioned, not that I had much of an idea how it would go to begin with.
Cameron’s green eyes, the very first thing I ever noticed on him, slowly swept my face as he bit the inside of his cheek.
“Dawn.” Zach exclaimed gleefully, Cameron either didn’t tell the others or they didn’t care judging by their happy faces staring up at me as the bus started to pull away. “I was just thinking of calling you. Would you like to hang out with us tonight? We’re going out.”
I knew what going out to them meant, they were going to get white boy wasted. “Um...” I looked down at Cameron who still hadn’t said a word. My hands rubbed nervously against my leggings at his staring eyes. “I’m underage in the states.” I answered Zach lamely still locked in my awkward staring competition with Cam.
“No worries. My buddy owns a club in Jersey. He’ll serve you. You can ask our British friends if they want to come too.” He answered with a cheeky grin.
“I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you.” I said pulling my eyes away for a second to look at Zach and give him a weak smile.
When I looked back at Cam he was pushing off the sofa. “Me and Dawn are going to talk.” He announced grabbing my elbow and gently pulling me into the back room.
I went to open my mouth and begin to speak but Cameron held a finger up and pressed his ear against the door.
Satisfied that no one had followed us to listen he turned to look at me with a sad expression as his toned arms crossed over his chest.
“They don’t know. I didn’t know if I should tell them. I didn’t even know if there was anything to tell.”
I stared at him as my mouth opened and closed a few times as I tried to think of what to say.
I decided this was a bad idea after all.
Cameron sighed and walked past me to take a seat.
I turned and sat next to him. “I’m sorry.”
“He’s in love with you.” Cameron answered simply like it was just common knowledge.
My eyes widened. Did everyone know but me?
“I’m a lot smarter then I look.“ Cameron took my expression in and laughed bitterly. “It’s the way he looks at you. Like today. The whole time I was in the room, his eyes were on you and when they weren’t they were on me judging if I was going to put you in any kind of danger. Like he was ready to jump across the bed and tackle me if I made a move towards you. Actually that look didn’t just start today, its just that today I actually thought he might follow through.”
I stared opened mouthed at him which he chuckled at.
“My question for you is, do you love him?”
I looked at my hands as tears sprang to my eyes. I didn’t want to do this anymore.
“I-I don’t know.”
Cameron looked at me for a long time before nodding. “Do you love me?”
A sob escaped my lips. I couldn’t lie to him again and I knew he would hate me when I told him the truth.
“I don’t... I don’t think so.”
He licked his lips before biting it and looking away. “Do you even what to be with me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore.”
I felt my heart drop right out of my chest. I couldn’t blame him at all for hating me, at that moment I hated me.
After a long torturous moment, Cameron looked down at his hands and spoke. “I wish you hadn’t told me you loved me.”
“I know.” I sobbed again, reaching my fingers up to swipe the tears leaking down my cheek. “I’m such a horrible person. You don’t deserve any of this because you are amazing and I completely understand if you never want to speak to me again.”
Cameron kept bobbing his head as I rambled on and when I was done he just kept staring at his hands.
“I fell in love with you and I can’t change that.” Clamping his eyes shut he turned his head slightly towards me. “I can’t lie and say that I’m not hurt, but I still care about you. I‘m pissed that you would lie to me but you can‘t help the way you feel just like I can‘t help the way I feel.”
I nodded at his words not bothering to dry the tears as I stared at him.
“What I need you to do is to figure out what it is that you want. If its me then we can work this out... and if its,” He swallowed hard and I knew he was trying to hide how upset he was. “If its him then I’ll understand.”
A fresh round of body retching sobs escaped my lips at the memory.
He was so understanding, a little upset, but mostly he just wanted me to figure it all out. I owed it to him to do so, even more then I owed it to Harry or myself because Cameron had been completely innocent in all this.
I must have laid there for hours just letting my mind go over every last detail of not only the last few weeks but of mine and Harry’s entire friendship.
I couldn’t believe how naive I was, how stupid I must have looked to all my friends.
I blindly reached for my phone out of pure instinct, it wasn’t until I had it held over my face that I realized I had no one to call. Everyone I thought would never lie to me managed to be part of the best kept secret of the last few years of my life.
My eyes landed on the small message icon on my screen, the number 45 situated over the tiny envelope.
I rolled my eyes at it. I knew who they were from but I still opened it anyway, apparently I liked to torture myself.
Dawn I’m sorry.
Dawn please talk to me.
Where are you? I need to know you’re ok.
Please D just answer your phone.
The messages went on and on. I stopped about midway through, not being able to read through my tears.
I needed a break from my thoughts. I needed to not be here anymore.
I needed a drink.
Setting my mind to that I quickly looked up the number I needed before calling. I just hoped Cameron wouldn’t mind but honestly I had been selfish for so long, what was one more night.
“Hey Zach.” I greeted as soon as he answered. “I think I might just take you up on that offer... if it still stands?”
A few hours later found me leaning against the bar at Zach‘s friends club.
Cameron, who had been okay with me joining, understood I needed to relieve some stress and said he would be a good friend and let me do so. He stood beside me, keeping to his word of just being friends as he bought me my drinks.
Reason number 103 Cameron Quiseng is too good a person for me.
As I brought my Malibu and Diet to my lips for another sip I caught Cameron looking over my shoulder in concern.
I knitted my eyebrows together in question.
He nodded behind me. “Um don’t look now, but I think you’ve been spotted.” The words sounded like they hurt him to say and it only made me feel like such a horrible person all over again
I turned slowly to glance in the direction Cameron had indicated. My stomach already doing flips. I knew what he meant, I just had to look to confirm.
On the other side of the club, chatting with the drunk versions of Zach and Michael stood One Direction and company, but more importantly, Harry, who was staring searingly straight at me.
I turned back to the bar before leaning over the counter and making eye contact with the bartender.
“I need whiskey. Lots and lots of whiskey. American Honey shots please.” I practically begged the man as he smiled in understanding and nodded.
I knew I had at the very least a few minutes before the boys bus pulled in bringing them to the hotel after there radio interview.
As soon as the lady saw me approach her eyes crinkled while she greeted me happily.
“What can I do for you dear?”
“Um... I’m with the Clayton party.” I threw out the code name our rooms were reserved under. She nodded understandingly before placing her long fingers back on the keys.
“What’s your name?” She asked smiling up at me.
“Um actually I was going to ask you if there were any other rooms, not on the same floors, that were available?”
She gave me a funny look as she started to type.
“There is. Is there something I could help you with?”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally something was going my way. “Do you think it would be possible for me to book one of those rooms?”
Again she gave me a strange look. “Ma’am if you’re with the Clayton party you should already have a room.” She informed.
“I know. I just...” I bit my lip and looked around nervously again. I must look like a crazy person to her. “I just really need one of those rooms. Both rooms will be paid for. I just need another room.”
She must have sensed my desperation as she nodded and clicked away again before asking me my information to reserve it.
“What name will it be under?”
“Um... Wylie Grey.” I said after a second to think. I didn’t want to be found and I highly suspected that they wouldn’t go looking for a room booked under my dogs name.
“Ok. Its all set.” She said sliding a paper my way to sign along with my credit card.
“Can I make one more request?” I decided I needed to cover my ass just incase.
“Of course.”
“Can you please make a note that absolutely no one, including the rest of the Clayton party, is to know my room number and under no circumstances can they receive a key, and please do not let anyone know I have checked in at all?”
Again I was sure I was being labeled as a psycho in her mind will all my request but she smiled and nodded no the less. “Of course ma’am.”
I nodded and grabbed my key, practically running towards the stairs.
Just as I was rounding the corner to be out of sight I heard the noise level rise outside and a group of familiar boys walk in, lead by a particularly stressed looking curly headed boy.
My sick curiosity got the better of me.
I hid my body behind the wall as I peeked at them as they marched up to the front desk I had just vacated. From my spot I could hear them perfectly over the noise outside.
“Excuse me, ma’am, we’re with the Clayton party. I was needing to know if someone by the name of Dawn Grey had checked in yet?” Harry asked desperately as the lady behind the counter looked subtly in my direction as she typed.
“I’m afraid not.” She answered to which Harry’s whole face fell.
“Are you sure?“ He asked anxiously. She nodded.
He spun around to look at the others sadly. “Where is she?”
I had to bite my cheek to keep from saying anything. He looked so devastated and a very familiar part of me, the part that was loyal to Harry no matter what, wanted to comfort him.
I had to stay strong and not go to him. I needed to figure out what I wanted.
With out a second thought I pulled away from the wall and ran up the stairs until I reached the fourth floor. The rest of the tour was spread out amongst the seventh and eighth floors.
I hastily slipped the key in the slot and shoved the door open, before slamming it shut behind me. I would have to heavily tip some bellboy to bring me my bags from my other room unnoticed later.
As I fell into the bed I let everything finally catch up to me.
My chest heaved and tightened with all the pain and stress and hurt I was feeling.
My talk with Cameron hadn’t gone exactly how I had envisioned, not that I had much of an idea how it would go to begin with.
Cameron’s green eyes, the very first thing I ever noticed on him, slowly swept my face as he bit the inside of his cheek.
“Dawn.” Zach exclaimed gleefully, Cameron either didn’t tell the others or they didn’t care judging by their happy faces staring up at me as the bus started to pull away. “I was just thinking of calling you. Would you like to hang out with us tonight? We’re going out.”
I knew what going out to them meant, they were going to get white boy wasted. “Um...” I looked down at Cameron who still hadn’t said a word. My hands rubbed nervously against my leggings at his staring eyes. “I’m underage in the states.” I answered Zach lamely still locked in my awkward staring competition with Cam.
“No worries. My buddy owns a club in Jersey. He’ll serve you. You can ask our British friends if they want to come too.” He answered with a cheeky grin.
“I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you.” I said pulling my eyes away for a second to look at Zach and give him a weak smile.
When I looked back at Cam he was pushing off the sofa. “Me and Dawn are going to talk.” He announced grabbing my elbow and gently pulling me into the back room.
I went to open my mouth and begin to speak but Cameron held a finger up and pressed his ear against the door.
Satisfied that no one had followed us to listen he turned to look at me with a sad expression as his toned arms crossed over his chest.
“They don’t know. I didn’t know if I should tell them. I didn’t even know if there was anything to tell.”
I stared at him as my mouth opened and closed a few times as I tried to think of what to say.
I decided this was a bad idea after all.
Cameron sighed and walked past me to take a seat.
I turned and sat next to him. “I’m sorry.”
“He’s in love with you.” Cameron answered simply like it was just common knowledge.
My eyes widened. Did everyone know but me?
“I’m a lot smarter then I look.“ Cameron took my expression in and laughed bitterly. “It’s the way he looks at you. Like today. The whole time I was in the room, his eyes were on you and when they weren’t they were on me judging if I was going to put you in any kind of danger. Like he was ready to jump across the bed and tackle me if I made a move towards you. Actually that look didn’t just start today, its just that today I actually thought he might follow through.”
I stared opened mouthed at him which he chuckled at.
“My question for you is, do you love him?”
I looked at my hands as tears sprang to my eyes. I didn’t want to do this anymore.
“I-I don’t know.”
Cameron looked at me for a long time before nodding. “Do you love me?”
A sob escaped my lips. I couldn’t lie to him again and I knew he would hate me when I told him the truth.
“I don’t... I don’t think so.”
He licked his lips before biting it and looking away. “Do you even what to be with me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore.”
I felt my heart drop right out of my chest. I couldn’t blame him at all for hating me, at that moment I hated me.
After a long torturous moment, Cameron looked down at his hands and spoke. “I wish you hadn’t told me you loved me.”
“I know.” I sobbed again, reaching my fingers up to swipe the tears leaking down my cheek. “I’m such a horrible person. You don’t deserve any of this because you are amazing and I completely understand if you never want to speak to me again.”
Cameron kept bobbing his head as I rambled on and when I was done he just kept staring at his hands.
“I fell in love with you and I can’t change that.” Clamping his eyes shut he turned his head slightly towards me. “I can’t lie and say that I’m not hurt, but I still care about you. I‘m pissed that you would lie to me but you can‘t help the way you feel just like I can‘t help the way I feel.”
I nodded at his words not bothering to dry the tears as I stared at him.
“What I need you to do is to figure out what it is that you want. If its me then we can work this out... and if its,” He swallowed hard and I knew he was trying to hide how upset he was. “If its him then I’ll understand.”
A fresh round of body retching sobs escaped my lips at the memory.
He was so understanding, a little upset, but mostly he just wanted me to figure it all out. I owed it to him to do so, even more then I owed it to Harry or myself because Cameron had been completely innocent in all this.
I must have laid there for hours just letting my mind go over every last detail of not only the last few weeks but of mine and Harry’s entire friendship.
I couldn’t believe how naive I was, how stupid I must have looked to all my friends.
I blindly reached for my phone out of pure instinct, it wasn’t until I had it held over my face that I realized I had no one to call. Everyone I thought would never lie to me managed to be part of the best kept secret of the last few years of my life.
My eyes landed on the small message icon on my screen, the number 45 situated over the tiny envelope.
I rolled my eyes at it. I knew who they were from but I still opened it anyway, apparently I liked to torture myself.
Dawn I’m sorry.
Dawn please talk to me.
Where are you? I need to know you’re ok.
Please D just answer your phone.
The messages went on and on. I stopped about midway through, not being able to read through my tears.
I needed a break from my thoughts. I needed to not be here anymore.
I needed a drink.
Setting my mind to that I quickly looked up the number I needed before calling. I just hoped Cameron wouldn’t mind but honestly I had been selfish for so long, what was one more night.
“Hey Zach.” I greeted as soon as he answered. “I think I might just take you up on that offer... if it still stands?”
A few hours later found me leaning against the bar at Zach‘s friends club.
Cameron, who had been okay with me joining, understood I needed to relieve some stress and said he would be a good friend and let me do so. He stood beside me, keeping to his word of just being friends as he bought me my drinks.
Reason number 103 Cameron Quiseng is too good a person for me.
As I brought my Malibu and Diet to my lips for another sip I caught Cameron looking over my shoulder in concern.
I knitted my eyebrows together in question.
He nodded behind me. “Um don’t look now, but I think you’ve been spotted.” The words sounded like they hurt him to say and it only made me feel like such a horrible person all over again
I turned slowly to glance in the direction Cameron had indicated. My stomach already doing flips. I knew what he meant, I just had to look to confirm.
On the other side of the club, chatting with the drunk versions of Zach and Michael stood One Direction and company, but more importantly, Harry, who was staring searingly straight at me.
I turned back to the bar before leaning over the counter and making eye contact with the bartender.
“I need whiskey. Lots and lots of whiskey. American Honey shots please.” I practically begged the man as he smiled in understanding and nodded.
Hey ladies. Thank you for reading this fic and the sequel is called The Mess We're In. Let me know what you girls think <3
9/6/13