I am very good at keeping secrets.

If anything I would say I was the secret keeper of the band. More so then being the heart throb or the playboy.

From Niall’s kiss with Cher in our X Factor days, to Louis’ obsession with Jonas Brothers music.

I keep all these things to myself but one secret, one massive secret I sometimes keep so well I feel like I’m keeping it from myself. It was the biggest one I kept and the one I wanted to share the most.

It’s something I’ve kept to myself since being on X Factor. Back when I met the lovely Dawn Grey with her blood red hair and bubbly personality.

She was my best friend from the very start, aside from the other boys. She had a way of making me feel better and calm. Her laughter could always make me laugh no matter how I was feeling. She could read me like a book. All those reasons may have been why this secret began in the first place.

“Calm down Curly.” The familiar American accented voice spoke into my ear as I stood with my mates backstage. It was the finials and we were getting ready to go on stage and find out who had won.

Dawn stood in front of me with her calming smile and blood red hair pulled up away from her face, swiping a sponge with some sort of shine reducer over my face. “You guys did great and you’ve made it this far, that’s huge in its self. You are already a star. So breath.” She paused taking exaggerated deep breaths and waiting for me to join her then she patted her hand lightly on my cheek. “Now I’ve made you look as good as I can. I didn’t have much to work with.”

I laughed at her joke and looked down at all the scruffs on the painted black floors. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered how many of my friends who had been voted off had done the same.

“Hey.” She called dipping her head to catch my eyes with her pretty hazel ones. “It’s going to be okay no matter what happens on that stage tonight, alright?”

I nodded. Her words soothing my frayed nerves slightly. She always had that ability, form the moment I nervously set foot into the small hair and makeup room to find the bubbly American girl who would quickly become one of my closest friends here.

“Boys.” Simon’s voice called from just ahead. It was time to find out the out come of the voting.

One more look at Dawn who held up her thumbs giving me an exaggerated smile. I chuckled and leaned in placing a kiss on her cheek and following the others onstage.

The whole thing was a blur. Dermot announcing Matt’s name nearly went right over my head. My heart started to pound in my throat and I felt like throwing up. My eyes drifted to the side of the stage were all the crew had gathered to watch the results. They had all been with us since the beginning, I didn‘t want to disappoint any of them. My eyes searched for the familiar red hair as i clenched and unclenched my fist and when they finally spotted her she was looking right at me with a sweet smile and mouthed the word ’breath’. I nodded and turned to look at the ground once more.

“Rebecca.”

We were out. My stomach dropped. Instantly I looked to the side again spotting Dawn biting her lip with tears in her eyes. She managed a small smile before my attention was pulled away again.

Again everything past in a blur as the montage was shown. I honestly couldn’t wait to step of stage, I was struggling to maintain my composure as it was. As soon as we went to commercial I rushed off the stage vague aware that the others were following me calling my name. I smiled weakly at the people that offered their condolences, as if someone had died, knowing the others would stop to talk to them and leave me alone. I didn’t stop until I was in the empty hair and makeup room. The place I had the most fun in this studio. That’s where the tears of defeat, sadness, and frustration finally fell.

“Hey.” I knew she was going to follow me but at the same time I didn’t want to see her right then. I didn’t turn to look at her, even as she placed her small hand on my shoulder. I didn‘t want her to see me cry. “Do you have any idea of how freakin’ proud of you I am?”

“We lost.” I reminded her. Why would she be proud of that?

“So? It’s just a competition Harry. This isn’t it for you.”

“How do you even know that?”

She laughed and apparently annoyed by me not looking at her walked around me and hopped up onto the counter in front of me. Her face only registered surprise at my tears for a millisecond before her hand reached out to wipe a few away. “Because I know you. I know Louis and Liam and Niall and Zayn. None of you are done yet. You guys worked too hard for this to be it. And even if it was, which it’s not, you should be proud of what you’ve done here. You guys put your entire selves into this and you were amazing. Everyone out there knows it too.”

I searched her face looking for an indication that her words were insincere. I found none. She was looking at me with her wide eyes begging me to believe her, and I did. Something about her, about the tone she used, the look in her eyes. She meant it.

“Harry?” I turned away from Dawn to see Louis at the door looking at me in question. “Alright?”

I looked back at Dawn who flashed me her brilliant smile, a smile I had come to love over my time on the show. One I was going to miss seeing.

I decided right then that I was going to keep her. She was a great friend and I couldn’t image going back to a life that I wouldn’t see or speak to her on a regular basis.

“Yea. I’m better.”

Dawn patted my shoulder, leaned forward and kissed my cheek before hopping off the counter and grabbing my hand. “Come on. You’re band mates need your pretty little face.”

I grinned as she pulled me by Louis. “You think I'm pretty.”

She laughed loudly throwing her head back. “Shut up Curly.”

Yes I was most certainly keeping her.

She was always there to cheer me up, to set me straight, to keep me grounded. She was the first person I texted after my horrible experience on Red or Black. She stayed up with me all night as I read through the awful things people would say about me, telling me that I shouldn‘t listen and how wonderful she thought I was even when I didn‘t feel so wonderful.

She is my very best friend in an industry were friends are hard to find and I cherish her greatly.

When it came time to hire people to tour with us I insisted that we bring her onto the crew. Simon, always indulging us, agreed that it was better to have someone we were comfortable with and instantly had her signed up onto the tour. She was thrilled. She was young when she was on the X Factor and that was unheard of and at 19 being on a large tour, like ours turned out to be, was mind blowing for her.

When we moved to London I was pleased to find that we were quite close to her flat and as a result I spent a lot of my time at hers. I even had my own key.

Which is why, now on the day we were meant to fly overseas to America to start our North American tour, I was sneaking into my second home, her flat.

As I quietly shut the front door I padded over to the small crate in the corner bending down to unlatch it and looking down at the small white bulldog eyeing me with his nubby tail wagging.

“Hello Wylie. Where’s your mummy?” I whispered petting the puppy’s small head. As if he knew what I was saying he scurried off into the door that lead into the bedroom.

As quietly as I could I crept into the dark room spotting the bundle of bed sheets in the center of the bed and the light snoring coming from under the mess.

I smiled. How many times had I sat on that very bed watching terrible girly movies with her or horribly acted horror films?

Taking the final few steps I silently slid in beside the sleeping form of my best friend gently slinging my arm over her small waist.

“Go away Harry.” Her groggy voice rasped from beneath her pillow making me smile and nuzzle the back of her head with my nose.

“Time to get up Dee.”

“No. Leave me alone.” She whined snuggling deeper into her cocoon.

I began poking her sides making her wiggle around before sitting up and slapping her arms down at her sides. She looked adorable with her red hair in a wild mess atop her head and her sleep swollen face glaring down at me though narrowed eyes.

“What do you want Styles?”

I laughed at the use of my last name, something she did when she was annoyed by me. “We have a flight to catch in a few hours. Gemma is down stairs to pick up Wyile. You need to get ready.” I listed off for her watching as she looked over at her clock.

“Ugh fine. Could you please get Wylie’s things together while I get dressed. Tell Gemma to come up.”

I nodded and quickly sent a text to my sister telling her the coast was clear. She had allowed me to come up on my own knowing how Dawn was by no means a morning person. She basically sent me up to my doom and would idly sit down stair until it was over.

“Come on son.” I said to the small puppy that Dawn was now scratching behind the ears. “Come with daddy.”

“He’s my son Harry not yours.” Dawn spoke as she stood up and stretched causing her shirt to rise and a small sliver of toned stomach to show just above her sweats, when she was done she dropped her hands to her side and stuck out her tongue at me.

“I bought him for you so that makes me the father.” I said watching her turn and walk into the bathroom.

“Whatever.” She waved over her shoulder with a giggle.

I laughed as well reaching down to pick up the pudgy little puppy. “Don’t you worry, mummy and daddy aren’t fighting. You’re mummy is just mental.”

“I heard that.”

“Good, it means you’re not deaf.” I shouted back.

“Stop harassing her Harry.” My older sister chastised as I walked out of the bedroom. “Hand him here.”

I reluctantly handed the bulldog over to my sister watching as she kissed his head and continued on into Dawn‘s room were a few seconds later I heard Dawn shout “GEMMA!!”

While the two talked I busied myself collecting Wylie’s favorite toys and bowls as well as his food for his stay with my sister while Dawn and I were away. A few minutes later she stepped back out into the lounge and straight up to me.

“I promise I’ll watch your child.”

She leaned over towards me wrapping her free arm around my shoulder and kissing my cheek. “Have a safe flight and have fun on tour. Do not forget to call mum. I love you.” She said it all before pulling away and patting my cheek.

I nodded at her instructions thinking she was done. When she didn’t move I looked back into her eyes. “Anything else?”

“Please promise me that you will finally make a move this time around.” She pleaded.

My heart dropped. She couldn’t mean what I thought. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Sure you don’t. Like the rest of us don’t see the way you are around her.”

“Gemma.”

“Just think about it. She’s not going to be single forever.” She kissed my cheek once more before turning to the puppy that happily licked her nose as she walked out of the flat with the bag of his belongings. “Come on love, Aunty Gemma is going to spoil you rotten while mummy and daddy are away.”

A few moments later Dawn walked out of the bedroom pulling along her famous Spiderman wheeled case. She kept all the hair care products in that case. As she pulled it over to the pile of her mismatched luggage in the corner she placed her hands on her hips and looked around the room. I took that opportunity to look at her.

She was simply dressed but she made it look beautiful with her ripped jeans, white shirt with some sort of phrase on it and black Nike shoes. Her bright shoulder length hair up with her fringe in her face and her black square framed glasses settled on her cute little nose. She rarely wore them, rather choosing her contacts but I loved them.

Her eyes finally seemed to find what she was looking for as she rushed across the room and snatched up her new shark shaped backpack. Something new added to her eclectic collection. Dawn had a thing for weird random things, the more odd the better.

“Ready?” I asked noticing her nod to her self. I knew her well enough to know she was going over her mental check list.

“Yea. Lets hit the road.” She said sending me her crooked smile that always made my heart skip a beat.

As we walked out of her flat, her skipping in front of me towards the lift pulling her Spiderman case and her bigger black case while I dragged her pink leopard case and had her Union Jack bag slung over my shoulder, I sighed.

I had lots of secrets, one big one in particular. Maybe it wasn’t my best kept secret, seeing as a few too many people knew about it, but it was a fact that was kept from the one person I should have told, the one person I wanted to tell but was too afraid.

I was in love with my best friend Dawn, have done since I first laid eyes on her.