I watched them.

Cameron and Dawn.

They were just at the other table eating their lunch. It was such a normal thing, but something was different. They were sitting a bit closer, Cameron was looking at her a little more openly, they were the epitome of the word couple.

I was trying to figure out what had changed.

Just yesterday Dawn was dodging questions about why Cameron didn’t go with her to visit her mother and now they were sitting so close together they could quite literally be attached at the hip.

“It’s a bit creepy, just staring like that.” Louis leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Might want to tone it down a bit.”

I shook my head and looked down at my barley touched plate.

I was very tired. We had started the morning running from one radio station to another, with little rest time in between. I hadn’t really slept much the night before either. Dawn’s mum’s word echoing over in my head. Every time I thought I could sleep I would have images of Dawn in a lovely white gown walking down the aisle towards Cameron with me shouting that I loved her until my lungs hurt and her not even hearing me.

“I think I’m going to go up to the room.” I said after the memory of the dream made me loose what little appetite I had left.

I didn’t wait for a reply as I pushed the seat out, everyone looking at me as I did.

The path out of the small dining area lead my right by Dawn’s table.

For one short moment our eyes locked and I could have sworn I saw sadness flash across her face before she replaced it with a half smile and a wave my way.

I had just past the table when I heard another chair slid out. Dawn’s voice telling the people at her table she would see them later.

“Ok babe, I love you.” I could just make out Cameron’s voice as I kept walking.

I love you?

Really?

She wouldn’t reply to that, would she?

“I love you too.” It was faint, I just barely heard it, but it still made me freeze mid step.

Four little words.

Four little words spoken to someone else and my whole world crashed around me.

She loved him.

Everyone was wrong. She had gotten over her feelings for me. They were as fleeting as I suspected.

And suddenly I realized I wish I had been wrong. I shouldn’t have let this happen.

I should have done something.

“Harry?” Her soft voice sounding just behind me as her hand landed gentle on my shoulder. A part of me wanted to pull away while another part of me wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless in front of everyone until she told me she loved me.

I shut my eyes tightly and gulped. “Yea?”

I physically had to keep myself in place and ball my fist up, my palms itched terrible to do what I was imagining in my head.

“Can we talk?”

That was a really bad idea.

Us alone in a room with the way I was feeling. I didn’t even turn around as I answered. “Not right now Dawn.”

I needed to cool off first before I did something I would regret later, like kiss her without explaining myself.

I could hear her sputtering for something to say when my eyes spotted Jena making her way into the dining area.

Just the person I needed to talk to.

“I’ve got to go. I have to talk to Jena.” That time I did turn to look at her.

She looked stunned that I wouldn’t want to talk to her over Jena. I felt bad but right now it was what I needed to do. Sending her the best apologetic smile I could conjure up, I turned around and kept walking.

Jena smiled as she noticed me, but her smile quickly fell at the look on my face. It must have been a cross between hurt and anger because that was what I was feeling.

I was mostly just angry at myself for all the stupid decisions I had made in the last few weeks regarding Dawn.

“We need to talk.”

“Whoa, I was just-” I didn’t let her finish as I drew closer to her, gripped her arm and dragged her out behind me.

I didn’t stop until we were in the lift on our way back up to our floor.

“Hello Harry, how are you?” Jena spoke, with a hint of sarcasm, from the other side of the small space while rolling her eyes.

I looked at her through my lashes, my head tilted down as I was leaning on the railing.

“That’s normally how people greet each other, not the cave man approach you just demonstrated.” She said nodding in my direction when I didn‘t answer.

“Dawn told Cameron she loves him.” I blurted out, unable to keep it in any longer.

Jena’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “She told you that?”

“I heard her say it to him.”

Jena just stared at me.

When the doors opened, this time to our floor, she didn’t hesitate in following me to my room.

As soon as we were inside I sat on the edge of the bed and dropped my head into my hands. This was all my fault. If I had just said something.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t had plenty of opportunities. I had what I wanted right there in front of me and I just let it go.

I could see Jena’s feet through the gaps of my fingers as she stood in front of me. “What are you going to do?”

“I haven’t a clue. I’ve messed this all up.” I rubbed my face roughly before looking up at her and shrugging. “I thought I could get over it or at least pretend. But hearing her say that to him... it made it real. I really am loosing her.”

“Are you sure that you heard her say those exact words?” Jena still seemed doubtful. “I mean, I thought she still, you know, felt something, that there was still something there.”

“Well there isn’t. She said it clearly enough for me to hear.” I gulped as it echoed in my head. “I should have told her.”

“Harry-”

“No!” I stood up and began pacing. “I can’t remember a time that I’ve known her that I wasn’t in love with her, Jena. I have watched her date all these horrible men, held her when she cried, and all the while I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know how she felt. Then she tells me and what do I do? I run from it. I was scared of loosing her, but I'm loosing her anyway.”

I walked the length of the room a few times before looking back at her. “I knew he was different. I could tell. He looked at her differently, he talked to her differently. But somewhere in the back of my mind I thought it was just a fling that would be over after the tour ended-”

“Maybe it is...” Jena reasoned.

“It’s not.” I cut her off. “Dawn has always been consistent with one thing in all her relationships before, she never tells them she loves them. She thinks the word is sacred. She wouldn’t use it unless she meant it. He could be the one she ends up with, not me.”

“She tells you she loves you all the time.”

“Not since she confessed how she feels to me, because now it could mean something else and she doesn’t mean it like that. No matter how much I always wanted her to love me like that.” I was struggling to keep my eyes dry. I could feel the emotion building in the back of my throat but I was trying my hardest to keep it a bay.

“How am I meant to deal with this now? I thought I could but I can’t. What do I do now?” I looked over at her pleadingly. I needed someone to just tell me what to do, how could I fix this?

“Harry I don’t...”

Both of our heads snapped to the door at the loud knocking that cut her off.

I took a few deep breaths as Jena just watched on helplessly.

Sure that I wasn’t about to burst into tears I opened the door.

Dawn stood on the other side, arms crossed over her chest and a nervous look on her face.

Her eyes looked me over, then looking behind me at Jena, before falling back down to the ground in front of her. Her hands slowly rubbing her arms.

“Um... I’ll just come back later.” She finally spoke turning on her heel,

“NO!” I reached out for her arm holding her in place and spinning her around. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want her to go back to Cameron and tell him how much she loved him “Please stay.”

“You and Jena were talking. It’s cool. I’ll come back later.” She insisted.

“Actually,” Jena spoke from behind us. She suddenly appeared at my side, giving me a meaningful look. “I was just leaving. I’ll see you two later.” With a quick wave at the both of us she was gone.

Dawn looked over her shoulder in the direction Jena had left and then up at me, an unreadable look in her eyes.

“Lets go inside, yea?” I didn’t wait for a replay as I began to back into my room. Dawn followed silently.

For a few moments we both just stood in the room, neither one making a move to sit, or speak. I was afraid if I did she would run, she looked a little skittish.

“So, um, you and Jena?” Dawn was the first to break the silence but she didn’t look at me when she did.

“What?”

I was utterly confused.

“You two have been spending a lot of time together.”

“It’s nothing-”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. If you like her that’s fine. I’m... I’m really happy for you Haz.”

“WHAT?” I could feel my whole body go weak at her words. She couldn’t think me and Jena were secretly seeing each other. “Dawn that isn’t what that was?”

She shut her eyes tightly, biting her lip, before opening them to stare at me. “Then what was it Harry? You spend a lot of time with her. You go to her now, you used to come to me. What am I supposed to think?”

She looked upset, like she was struggling to keep her emotions in check and all I wanted was to wrap her in my arms and make this whole mess I had created go away. I wanted to start all over again.

“I don’t know, but I can tell you it’s not what you think, it’s not her...” I stopped before I finished that sentence.

“Then who?” Dawn demanded, tears welling in her eyes.

This wasn’t how I wanted to finally confess. Not with Dawn upset and my nerves getting the best of me.

I panicked, hesitating to come up with something to say.

“You know what, never mind.” she said throwing her hands in the air. “It’s none of my business and to be honest I really, really don’t want to know.”

As she backed away my heart ached for me to reach out to her, to stop her, but I couldn’t make my body listen.

“I’ll see you at the show.” She waved looking away from me. “Cameron’s probably wondering where I ran off to anyway.”

And those would be the words that sent sharp pains back threw my body as I watched her leave me for the man I had pushed her to.

Notes

Oh dear Harry.... let me know your thoughts kiddies <3