I really loved visiting my mom. She made everything seem better.

Of course I was bummed out that my sister wouldn’t be able to drive down from where she went to school at the University of Florida but we had talked on the phone and as soon as she got a chance I was flying her out to London to visit me.

I was still feeling pretty crappy from practically racing out of the hotel this morning in hopes of avoiding Cameron and having to deal with the hurt look on his face at me not having invited him to meet my mom.

I just... didn’t think it was appropriate.

Okay no that’s crap.

It would have been much more appropriate for Cameron to come rather then Harry but... it was Harry.

Besides my mom knew everything going on and I didn’t want her to let anything slip to Cameron. He really didn’t deserve to hear anything like that from anyone other then me and my mom had a tendency to say a lot of things she shouldn’t sometimes.

“So we’ll see you at the show tomorrow right? The others will be happy to see you, Lydia.” Harry said as we both stood by the door saying goodbye to my mom after spending the whole day with her. We had done a bit of cooking, mostly her and Harry while I watched, and chatting, mostly retellings embarrassing stories about my childhood that Harry loved a little too much.

“Of course. I’ll be the oldest One Direction fan in the arena I’m sure.”

“And our favorite.” Harry grinned charmingly at my mom who laughed out loud.

“You are so full of it, Styles.” She reached over and pinched his cheek before kissing it and pulling him into a hug. “See you tomorrow sweetie.”

She then turned to me.

I could tell by the look in her eyes what she was trying to say to me. My mom knew me way too well sometimes.

“It’ll work out baby. “ She whispered in my ear when she wrapped her arms around me. “Everything always does.”

I just smiled tightly at her and kissed her cheek. “See you tomorrow mom.”

“Yes you will and I expect to meet your boyfriend.”

A guilty pang and a look from my mom. “Um.. you will. Promise.”

After those parting words I couldn’t make it into the awaiting van fast enough.

“That was fun.” Harry concluded as we pulled away from the curb.

“Yea. I like days like today. My mom is my best friend.”

Harry pouted next to me and bumped my shoulder. “I thought I was your best friend.”

“Stupid.” I looked at his face and laughed. “You know what I mean.”

Not nearly long enough later we were pulled up outside our hotel.

Already a small group of fans were posted outside. I slid out and wasted no time walking into the lobby. It was one thing to be seen with the boys walking out of a venue or performance, it was quite another when you were seen randomly with only one. I knew with Harry around they weren’t really interested in talking to me anyway.

I knew Harry had stopped, there were only a few girls and they were being relatively tame, he was sure to talk to them for a few moments so I didn’t stop to wait for him.

As soon as the elevator doors opened I saw a person sitting right outside my suite door. As I neared I realized it was Cameron. He still hadn’t noticed me since his head was resting on his bent knees.

I squatted down to his level and ran my fingers through his hair. He instantly snapped his head up.

“Hey.” He rasped out. It sounded like he had been sleeping there. That broke my heart a little.

“Hi.”

“How was your mom?” He asked giving me a small smile.

“Good. You want to come in.” I nodded towards my door and Cameron stood up, dusting his pants off as he did.

We both silently walked into the room, shutting the door behind us.

“So, what did you do today?” I asked trying to lighten the mood that was slightly heavy, something that was very unusual for us.

“I did a lot of thinking.”

My eyes widened and my mouth hung open. That was never good.

Oh god I can not be rejected again.

Even as I had that thought a part of me was slightly happy at it. I wouldn’t have to feel this guilt anymore.

And then I felt like a selfish bitch again because I didn’t want to be alone and I couldn’t believe I was happy at Cameron possible thinking this wasn’t worth it.

“You’re thinking pretty hard over there.” Cameron smiled and nodded towards me.

I need to step back a bit. I was jumping to conclusions and I didn’t even know what he had been thinking about.

“So... um... what where you thinking about?” I asked to clear it all up.

Cameron sighed and dropped himself on to the bed, patting the space next to him. “Us.” He said as I finally sat.

To say I was nervous was an understatement, and I was also a little confused by what I wanted to come out of this.

“Oh...”

“It’s not really bad Dawn, I’m just....” He sighed then turned his body to face me, I kept my eyes on my hands resting in my lap.

“Why didn’t you want me to meet your mom today?”

I was expecting this question, but I still didn't have a valid reason to give him. “I... I don’t know Cam.”

“Do you not think this is going anywhere?” He waved his hand between us and raised his eyebrow questioningly.

The truth was I hadn’t really thought of it. As of lately all I could really think about was my persistent feelings for Harry and how I could possible get ride of them. I knew it was wrong to use Cameron in that way but I did have feelings for him at some point, maybe if I just stuck it out a bit longer the newer feelings would go away and those feelings for Cameron would still be there. It wasn't like I didn’t still like Cameron anyway, I just liked someone else a bit more. Hopefully not for long.

“I do think this is going somewhere...”

“Good because I really want it to go somewhere.... I-“ He stopped and looked down at his hands nervously before looking up at me with the most sincere, adoring look in his eyes, it nearly took my breath away. “I think I’m falling in love with you Dawn. I know we’ve only officially been seeing each other for a few weeks but we’ve known each other for a lot longer and I would be lying if I said I didn’t start falling for you from the very beginning. I know its fast but-”

I cut him off by waving my hand. He looked terrified. All I could do was gape at him and blink.

As I watched him bite his lip and look pleadingly into my eyes I kept hearing a little voice in my head repeat. He wants you Dawn.

While another voice kept shouting that this was wrong. It was wrong to lie and it was wrong to use people.

But he wants you.

And Harry didn’t.

The shouting voice remind silent at that. Even it was speechless at the pain that thought brought.

He wants you.

“I... I love you too Cam.”

Apparently I had become a liar.

Maybe I would love him, though. Maybe in a few weeks or months or years I would wake up and the feelings I had for Harry would be a memories and I would realize I was in fact in love with Cameron. For a while I thought that might be where things were going anyway, before that stupid kiss that ruined it all.

Was it really so wrong if I said it a bit early, if it might end up happening anyway?

I knew it was, but I was trying my damnedest to not think about it as Cameron instantly placed his soft lips over mine.

I used to enjoy this but right now I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t even bare it for too long. I pulled away a lot sooner then I normally would but Cameron was on such a high from our declaration of love he didn’t even notice.

His hands reached up to brush my hair away from my face as his eyes stared searingly into mine.

“I love you.” He repeated.

“I love you.” I responded slowly.

If this was some romantic movie and I had actually been sure of my answer this would have been a swoon worthy moment, with us both looking into each others eyes, his hands cupping my cheeks and mine rested on his shoulders. But this wasn’t any of that and to me it just sounded uncomfortable, Cameron didn’t even register my hesitance.

“There was something else,” He spoke as one of his hands dropped to lace his fingers with mine. “What are we going to do after the tour?”

I froze.

I lived in a whole other country then Cameron. This would be pushing the limits of long distance, but I had just latched myself onto him for the long haul with my untruthful words.

“I dunno.” I breathed out.

“We could do the long distance thing. See how that works out.” Even he sounded unsure.

And then I had an out of body experience.

It was one of those moments when your mouth starts moving and words tumble out with out consulting your brain and the whole time all you can think is, shut up, shut up, stop talking. That was what happened as my mouth opened and the next four words floated out.

“Or I could move.”

What?

Why would I even think that? I didn’t want to move.

My whole life was in London.

Then as quickly as that thought came to me I realized that my whole life in London revolved around Harry and One Direction, and my unconscious declaration made a little more sense to me.

If I left, even for a little bit, it might help me get over these feelings. It couldn’t possible help them any staying in my routine of constant contact.

I could still work for the boys and live here. I only ever was of any actual use when they were on tour, they could get anyone to do their hair for talk shows and appearances. It would be strange to not see them everyday but if it helped my sanity, was it really the wrong decision.

I looked over at Cameron, even he looked a bit stunned by my words.

I wasn’t sure if they were also a lie or if I meant them yet.

“You would do that?” He sounded as shocked as I felt in saying them.

“Maybe.” I sighed and released his hand to rub my eyes. “Can we just keep this to ourselves for now? I don't want to have to explain it to anyone just yet. I don‘t even know if-” I stopped myself. there was no telling what would come out of my mouth next. My internal filter didn’t have a great track record in this conversation so far.

“Dawn I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do or you aren’t ready for. It was just a question, we can figure something out later, we still have time on this tour.”

If only he knew how much of what had been said in the last few minutes I wasn’t ready for, how much had gone on in the last few weeks even.

“You’re right, we don’t have to decide now. We can talk about it later.”

I was sure I was saying that more to myself then to Cameron.

Notes

Oh Cameron.... so yea... Dawn's in a pickle. I hope you guys like it and let me know what you think okay? <3