Breaking All The Rules (Larry Stylinson)
Chapter eight
*Louis' POV*
I hadn't expected today to go this way. I wanted to hang out with my gang in the park for a while and just chill out but then the Surenos had to show up. That fight with Harry took me completely by surprise and I felt kind of bad about it afterwards. I began to think I might be gay and the thought disgusted me. I called Brittany over to put my mind at ease but all it did was confirm my suspicions.
Then I went to the grocery store to try and get my mind off of things. I actually almost forgot about everything that had happened until I turned that corner too fast and smashed into Harry's cart. Seeing him there didn't help me one bit. It actually pissed me off pretty badly. Not to mention the embarrassment from forgetting I had to take everything home on my skateboard. When he offered to help me, of course I didn't want him to. I didn't want to seem helpless. But I ended up letting him help me anyway. If I hadn't, none of this would have happened.
He helped me bring my things home and I let him inside which was a stupid decision. I knew it was stupid but I did it anyway. That's why I took my time putting my groceries away; I wanted to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. I guess that didn't really work out as I'd hoped.
When I saw him sitting on my couch, I knew I wanted to see him there more often. I was in the middle of that thought when he told me I'm gay. At first I thought it was just an insult but I could tell by the way he said it that he knew. There's no way he would have said it that way if he didn't know. It pissed me off a bit that I made it that obvious, especially when I just found out myself. It pissed me off so badly that I threw him to the floor. I know it was mean and I know he didn't really deserve it but I did it anyway. Maybe I thought violence would settle my nerves, maybe I thought it would help get things back to the way they were before I found out about my sexuality. I don't know what I thought but I knew I had to let my anger out somehow. Surprisingly, it took a lot less effort than I thought it would. After I threw him on the ground, I was pretty much okay. Pinning him up against the wall was just to scare him, really. I tried to look menacing but I knew he saw right through me.
The next time he told me I'm gay, I was angry again. But I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself. Angry that he was able to see through me so easily. Angry that I made it so obvious. I tried to take my anger out the only way I know how; by hitting him. That didn't go as planned, though. My hit was barely even a touch compared to what I did to him earlier. He knew I wasn't going to hurt him before I did.
At that point, I cracked. I didn't know what else to do so I kissed him. I kiss Harry and he kissed me back. I wasn't sure what I'd expected to happen but I definitely wasn't expecting him to kiss me back. I thought for sure Harry was straight. Maybe bi at most but the way he kissed me told me otherwise. In that moment, I knew I hadn't made a mistake by kissing him. The evidence was in my pants, and I'm sure in his, too.
When we pulled away, there was lust in his eyes. I knew for sure he had feelings for me and I didn't want to mess anything up by saying something. Then I remembered the gangs. I told him no one can find out about what happened, they can't find out about us. Harry said he liked the idea of there being an 'us' and that made my heart flutter. I had to make sure he wouldn't tell anyone, but when I was sure he'd keep quiet, I let my guard down.
He told me he was going to stay over tonight. I've never had a guy stay over night, even as a kid. I was never comfortable with it. But now that I know this new information about myself, I guess it's time to give it a try.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Harry surely knows what he's doing, he's probably known he's gay for a while. He's probably got guys lined up around the block waiting for him, waiting to get a shot with him. Experienced guys, probably. I've got no idea what I'm doing. Give me a girl and I could do it with my eyes closed but with a guy it's got to be a whole different experience. I don't even know what he wants to do exactly. Explain it to me? Show me? I'm freaking out just thinking about it.
When he leaves, I rush about trying to make everything look presentable. It doesn't make much sense, especially since he was already here and he's already seen my living room. But he hasn't seen my bedroom yet. I run down the hall and into my messy room. There are clothes everywhere and the covers are half off the bed. I get to work and have everything in good shape in 15 minutes. All of my clothes are either hanging up, shoved in drawers, or in my laundry basket. I hadn't realized how many dirty clothes I had until I started cleaning. My bed took me a minute or 2 to make and now it looks really nice and presentable. I'm proud of my work and jump in the shower. I have to be clean for when Harry comes back.
Under the warm running water, I start thinking and replaying what happened today in my mind again. I keep thinking about kissing Harry and the unexpected reaction I got out of him. Then I realize we hadn't really discussed what we are. I called us 'us' and he said he likes the idea of 'us' but are we together? Are we going to be fuck buddies like me and Brittany are? Were. Like me and Brittany were. I'll have to call her tomorrow and tell her we're done for good. I won't tell her why, but I've got to get rid of her. I'm sure Harry knows about her already and it's best to get her out of the way early. But I have no idea what exactly is going on between me and Harry.
I get out of the shower and dry myself off. I pull on a pair of boxers and some basketball shorts and take a seat on the couch in the living room. I turn the TV on and watch some random show that takes my mind off of everything. I don't wake up again until Harry knocks on the door.
I hadn't expected today to go this way. I wanted to hang out with my gang in the park for a while and just chill out but then the Surenos had to show up. That fight with Harry took me completely by surprise and I felt kind of bad about it afterwards. I began to think I might be gay and the thought disgusted me. I called Brittany over to put my mind at ease but all it did was confirm my suspicions.
Then I went to the grocery store to try and get my mind off of things. I actually almost forgot about everything that had happened until I turned that corner too fast and smashed into Harry's cart. Seeing him there didn't help me one bit. It actually pissed me off pretty badly. Not to mention the embarrassment from forgetting I had to take everything home on my skateboard. When he offered to help me, of course I didn't want him to. I didn't want to seem helpless. But I ended up letting him help me anyway. If I hadn't, none of this would have happened.
He helped me bring my things home and I let him inside which was a stupid decision. I knew it was stupid but I did it anyway. That's why I took my time putting my groceries away; I wanted to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. I guess that didn't really work out as I'd hoped.
When I saw him sitting on my couch, I knew I wanted to see him there more often. I was in the middle of that thought when he told me I'm gay. At first I thought it was just an insult but I could tell by the way he said it that he knew. There's no way he would have said it that way if he didn't know. It pissed me off a bit that I made it that obvious, especially when I just found out myself. It pissed me off so badly that I threw him to the floor. I know it was mean and I know he didn't really deserve it but I did it anyway. Maybe I thought violence would settle my nerves, maybe I thought it would help get things back to the way they were before I found out about my sexuality. I don't know what I thought but I knew I had to let my anger out somehow. Surprisingly, it took a lot less effort than I thought it would. After I threw him on the ground, I was pretty much okay. Pinning him up against the wall was just to scare him, really. I tried to look menacing but I knew he saw right through me.
The next time he told me I'm gay, I was angry again. But I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself. Angry that he was able to see through me so easily. Angry that I made it so obvious. I tried to take my anger out the only way I know how; by hitting him. That didn't go as planned, though. My hit was barely even a touch compared to what I did to him earlier. He knew I wasn't going to hurt him before I did.
At that point, I cracked. I didn't know what else to do so I kissed him. I kiss Harry and he kissed me back. I wasn't sure what I'd expected to happen but I definitely wasn't expecting him to kiss me back. I thought for sure Harry was straight. Maybe bi at most but the way he kissed me told me otherwise. In that moment, I knew I hadn't made a mistake by kissing him. The evidence was in my pants, and I'm sure in his, too.
When we pulled away, there was lust in his eyes. I knew for sure he had feelings for me and I didn't want to mess anything up by saying something. Then I remembered the gangs. I told him no one can find out about what happened, they can't find out about us. Harry said he liked the idea of there being an 'us' and that made my heart flutter. I had to make sure he wouldn't tell anyone, but when I was sure he'd keep quiet, I let my guard down.
He told me he was going to stay over tonight. I've never had a guy stay over night, even as a kid. I was never comfortable with it. But now that I know this new information about myself, I guess it's time to give it a try.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Harry surely knows what he's doing, he's probably known he's gay for a while. He's probably got guys lined up around the block waiting for him, waiting to get a shot with him. Experienced guys, probably. I've got no idea what I'm doing. Give me a girl and I could do it with my eyes closed but with a guy it's got to be a whole different experience. I don't even know what he wants to do exactly. Explain it to me? Show me? I'm freaking out just thinking about it.
When he leaves, I rush about trying to make everything look presentable. It doesn't make much sense, especially since he was already here and he's already seen my living room. But he hasn't seen my bedroom yet. I run down the hall and into my messy room. There are clothes everywhere and the covers are half off the bed. I get to work and have everything in good shape in 15 minutes. All of my clothes are either hanging up, shoved in drawers, or in my laundry basket. I hadn't realized how many dirty clothes I had until I started cleaning. My bed took me a minute or 2 to make and now it looks really nice and presentable. I'm proud of my work and jump in the shower. I have to be clean for when Harry comes back.
Under the warm running water, I start thinking and replaying what happened today in my mind again. I keep thinking about kissing Harry and the unexpected reaction I got out of him. Then I realize we hadn't really discussed what we are. I called us 'us' and he said he likes the idea of 'us' but are we together? Are we going to be fuck buddies like me and Brittany are? Were. Like me and Brittany were. I'll have to call her tomorrow and tell her we're done for good. I won't tell her why, but I've got to get rid of her. I'm sure Harry knows about her already and it's best to get her out of the way early. But I have no idea what exactly is going on between me and Harry.
I get out of the shower and dry myself off. I pull on a pair of boxers and some basketball shorts and take a seat on the couch in the living room. I turn the TV on and watch some random show that takes my mind off of everything. I don't wake up again until Harry knocks on the door.
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1/17/14