Left, right, left, right, left, right.
I chanted this to myself as I ran, and got lost in the booming music that was playing. And even though I wished for my thoughts not to wander to Louis, they did. Whether it was his perfect eyes, or his perfect lips, or his perfect tanned skin, my mind only thought of him.
He hasn't called me. And I've quit trying. I figured that if he wanted to talk, he would. To say I've given him a few opportunities to talk would be an understatement.
Sam's been trying to cheer me up, and tries to get me to go out, sometimes even going to lengths like setting me up on a date, but it never works out. I always seem to have an excuse as to why I should not go out.
Christmas was tiring. I called my dad, and saw my sister, exchanged a few gifts, but nothing major.
And because I've been a complete social reject, Sam is forcing me to attend a New Year's party with her tonight. I have a feeling this will be so much fun. Please note the sarcasm.
When I concluded my run, I jumped into the shower, but not without playing music.
I sang along shamelessly, not even sparing a thought as to how awful I sounded.
But even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take all your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don't care
Even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take all your words and all you lies
Oh oh oh I really don't care
I shouted the words as loud as I could, and tried very hard to believe them. I don't care. I really don't care.
Within twenty minutes, I was dressed, and was wearing a frown on my face, while I waited for Sam to hurry up.
Of course, when she walked out, it was like a burning, bright light being flashed into your eyes. Her tiny little blue dress hugged her curves perfectly, and she had gained at least three inches from her heels. Her make up was perfectly done, and each lock was perfectly curled. I rolled my eyes.
"What?" She asked accusingly.
"This is a New Year's party. Not a strip club," I paused and eyed her for a moment. "Plus, I don't think Niall would approve of you going out in public like that."
Sam blushed but it did not faze her as she spoke, "Niall would gladly approve of this attire. Oh, and just a head's up, he's coming to this party." She spoke casually, but her eyes were alarmed. Because if the little Irish man was coming, then more than likely a hurricane will follow. And I'm not speaking literally.
I nodded once, and kept my face nonchalant.
Maybe I'll have the luck of not running into him tonight. Or maybe I will.
I still can't decide which scenario is better.
………….
The party was boring, and I instantly lost Sam in the chaos of it all. I was awkward. The whole thing was awkward. I didn't know any of these people, and didn't have anyone to talk to.
I was suddenly engulfed in a hug, large arms wrapping around my small frame. It was who the arms belonged to, for his hugs are legendary to the people. And I believe it's called a Horan hug.
I turned around with a grin on my face, and saw it being mirrored on Niall.
"Hey, M! How've ya been?" His thick Irish accent was slurring, showing that he'd already had a few.
"Oh, the same," I became awkward for a moment, because I wasn't sure how to answer his question.
How was I?
Was I doing good?
Was His absence so noticeable?
Was it so horribly painful not to see or hear from him?
I'm sure I knew every answer to each question. But I didn't like the answers.
Niall didn't seem to notice the slight hesitation in my words. His eyes were glued onto the swaying hips of my best friend.
I rolled my eyes at his cheekiness, then snapped my fingers in his face to regain his attention.
He blinked at me confused. I mustered all my courage, and asked him the question that had swirled through my brain for months.
"How's…uh, how's Lou doing?" My voice cracked, and I prayed that the alcohol would cover that up as well. Niall tilted his heads if pondering his answer.
And after long and painful moments of waiting, Niall finally gave me an answer. "he's fine. If you want to you can ask him. Last I saw of him he was in the kitchen." Niall's gaze had returned to my red headed friend, and my heart jumped out of my chest.
he was here.
Louis Tomlinson was here.
In the other room.
Should I stay? Or should I go?
Should I face the man who gave me his heart, only to have it crushed? Or should I cower away and take this as an opportunity to avoid the situation altogether?
As I was going over my options, my feet seemed to obtain a mind of their own, as they were walking towards the direction Niall pointed.
I didn't want to continue farther. This was stupid. He probably didn't want to see me.
A familiar laugh caught my attention and stopped me dead in my tracks. I whipped my head around searching furiously for him. Him and his beautiful eyes.
And I found them.
I found them glued onto another girl's eyes.
And they were laughing.
I never peeled my eyes away because I was praying nothing was going to happen.
But I was wrong.
Slowly, their faces were leaning closer and closer. Their noses touching.
My breathing hitched and tears began to pool. I was too focused to let them fall. my unbelieving eyes were blinking every so often to regain focus.
Not too long after their lips touched. And my heart shattered.
I watched, not caring who saw, as lips that I've kissed were roughly kissing someone else.
When they finally tore apart, key word finally, he smiled. He smiled, and she looked smug. And I wanted to puke.
A raging hate washed through me, and shook my whole body. How could he? How could he play me like that, and then turn around a snog someone else? That bastard.
I wanted to scream in frustration, but mostly I just wanted to run away and hide. To not be seen.
But our mental connection had never faded, and he turned his head to meet my gaze. We locked eyes for one painfully beautiful second.
And then I ran.
I hurried to the door, and tried to focus on the beginning countdown.
Five.
I pushed through the thick crowd, and slowly began to feel weary. Calm, and more reasonable (though unpleasant) thoughts dawned on me. Louis didn't mess this all up. I did. I did this to myself.
Four.
My legs grew tired but I had to keep going. I had to get out of here. The life of the party was too overwhelming. The walls seemed to cave in, crumbling around me, its intent only to bury me.
Three.
My thoughts were blurry and distant. And my voice was gone as I tried to scream for help.
Two.
I am fading. My mind has wandered to a distant land, leaving only shreds of sanity. Music and all other sounds were in the far back of my mind, keeping me from entering a peaceful state.
One.
My knees give way, and I am falling. Falling in a dark pit. I welcome it with open arms, hoping it will take me away from the hell that is reality. But it goes farther, and farther away from me. I growl in frustration, and feel myself being pulled back into the light.
The first thing I notice is the loud noises of the party. And then the strong arms that are lifting me on my feet. I open my eyes, and prepare myself to say something to the stranger who had deprived me of peace. And when I do, I see eyes. I see beautiful blue eyes. They're not light and soft, but dark. It was odd how they could both scorch and be warming. Especially since they were so close to ice rather than fire.
"What the hell, Mac?!" He growled. I was still in a state of shock and couldn't talk, so he continued. "You can't just…you can't do that! You can't show up, and look at me that way, and then fucking pass out in the middle of the street!" I turned my head around, and saw that I was, in fact, in the middle of a street. "You have no right to be angry with me for kissing her. You have no damn right."
I suddenly became angry at him, simply because he was angry. Who was he to tell me what rights I do and do not have?
"Louis…..who said I was angry? Huh?! Get off your high horse, and think for a minute. I rejected you. And I, quite frankly, don't give a damn who you kiss. For all I care, you could shag any and every girl in the city. But don't you dare, even for a minute, think that you can tell me what I can and cannot do or feel. You are no fucking better than anyone else," I spat each word with so much hate, it frightened me. But I kept going, "Just because you can sing, and you have money, doesn't mean you have any sort of power over me. You get me?" My chest was heaving, and I had him backed up to a tree. His eyes blazed with hurt, and I instantly regretted every word.
I shouldn't have said those things.
I should apologize, and I sh-
"You're right," His voice cut through my thoughts, and I looked up sadly at him. I am so ashamed. "Maybe you saying no was a good thing," Louis' face was cold, and blank. I took a step back. "I wish you the best, Maci. I really do." And with that, the beautiful man walked away from me. He never looked back.
People say life will go on. And it will.
They also say that if you truly love something you should let it go. And if was yours, it will come back. I hope with all my being that this is true. I'm not quite sure if what I feel for him is love, but I hope that sometime in the future our paths will cross again. Just so I can see the smile on his face. And see the beautiful eyes that take my breath everytime they meet mine.
I do know that just like the fading shadow of Louis, my feelings will fade as well. They will only be a distant memory as will Louis Tomlinson. Soon all he will be is the boy in the famous boy band. And that's how it should be.
I turned away from him, and all the memories he gave me. Leaving them in my dust.
And that's when the first tear finally fell.

Notes

Thank you so much for reading. I worked so hard on this chapter. It was definitely an emotional one for me to write.

Feedback and rates are much appreciated :)