Fire Hazard
but where are you tonight?
[i]3:00 AM,
Wednesday
13 December, 2012[/i]
The silence filled my ears coldly, I faintly heard cars swooshing by on the snow covered roads. My eyes wide open, while I laid on the mattress that rested against the cold wood flooring. I gazed around our studio like apartment, a tidal wave of shame barreled right through me as I realized how poor we really were. My two jobs were just enough to pay our utilities and rent.
His job was supposed to buy our food but I knew what it went to instead, it fed his addictions. Just the word made my skin crawl, I knew that's where he was right now giving in to his vices, wasting valuable money on something worthless and a potential killer. Who was I to judge when I wasn't going to stop him?
I was tired of trying. He never listened. It was always a huge fight and the time and energy could be used else where. Like worrying if the hospital was going to call me, or maybe even the police. It wouldn't be the first time.
Trouble was his hobby. His true joy in life. Perhaps even his calling in life.
Leaving me to clean up his entire mess. Without a single drop of gratitude and that was fine I guess, at least I knew he loved me he told me every night he strolled in late. Smelling like the pub down the street. But he wasn't a drinker. Oh no. He patronized the back room of the bar, where they sold all of the heavy drugs. I was sure he did more than one and I was fairly certain one day I'll get the call he passed out and never woke up.
Fright and pain caught my throat as I wondered if tonight would be that night, I tried to read the clock on the wall. I calmed when I realized that this was early for him to return. I had nothing to worry about for right now. So I closed my wary eyes in an attempt to catch up on my sleep when the phone at my side began buzzing against the floor.
Making a loud 'burr' sound repeatedly. I groped the ground until I had the device in my hand, I checked the caller ID to see that blonde head of Irish hair shine on the screen of the phone. I didn't hesitate to pick up, knowing he went out with them.
"Hello?"
"[i]Jaz, we need your help getting 'im up the stairs...[/i]" Niall informed me without so much as an apology for waking me.
I could hear him babbling in the background so I knew he was alive. In which case I decided that if they wanted to take him out, ignoring my warning, then he and them were on their own.
"Sorry Ni, but I'm sleeping."
"[i]I'm sorry I woke you but he can barely stand on his feet without Haz and myself 'elping 'im out we really need you Jazzy,[/i]" the blonde boy actually sounded quite desperate, I could hear him say something to him in hopes of getting him to quiet down. I shook my head he clearly didn't know what to threaten him with to shut him up.
"Then let him sleep outside," I told him, feeling bad as soon as it left my mouth.
"[i]It's not like he's a stranger for fuck's sake, He's your husband Jazmine![/i]"
"...Don't remind me," I mumbled softly as I began to put on warm clothes. I knew I was going to give in because I wouldn't let him get sick out there. I just needed to release my frustration somehow. I stumbled about the room looking for a pair of suitable shoes so I wouldn't get frostbite.
"[i]I'm sorry Jaz,[/i]" Niall said in return.
"For what Niall? I'm on my way down try to get him inside the building," I dodged his sympathy quickly, I couldn't deal with knowing that everyone knew our relationship wasn't as strong as it was when we were younger. I mean how could it be with his habits? He wasn't that way when we eloped with just our friends as witnesses. He was clean with a dream of becoming a rock star.
I always thought that maybe his dream was what ruined him in the first place. I watched the band toil away countless hours writing music and studying ways to improve their sound. At one point I thought they were going to make it, get signed to a major American label. But he ruined that too, because he was so nervous he just had to clear his mind. Had to go get a quick drink. Well he fucking blew it, he embarrassed the entire band and me. The scout told him to sober up and then he could make something out of them.
He took the comment as rejection and from there he snowballed in to chaos. Being married to him, hell even being friends with the bloke was a fire hazard. We never knew when he was finally going to combust because that one straw broke the camel's back. All five of us were always on our toes when it came to him.
We even had a system going so we always knew where he was when he left. Haz even went as far as to check on him at the bakery they both worked at, to make sure he was sober. We couldn't afford the loss of his job, even if he kept most of the money to himself. We used the slim amount to the last drop.
I hung up my mobile as soon as I heard that somewhat, high but melodic, voice. He was nearly yelling at the top of his lungs, we also couldn't afford to lose our flat because he had caused another problem with the other tenants. I winced in embarrassment as I checked around us to see if any of the neighbors had poked their heads out yet.
It was a pitiful sight to say the least as I watched the two boys, nearly dragging him across the, shabby carpeted, floor. He kept laughing about something, while Harry and Niall tried shushing him. He was a three-year-old who threw temper tantrums when they couldn't get what they want. I felt a tight ball of resentment in the pit of my stomach.
I loved this drug addicted loser, but sometimes it just gets to me when he's like this. How much am I supposed to put up with because of my love for him? The embarrassment, the fucking shame, the disgust. I was going to break if I didn't get away, but I didn't have the money for a divorce and without me no one would be there to care for him [b]all the time[/b].
I've left my job for him when he's had terrible withdrawals. Ones so bad that he couldn't get off the floor because his shaking was so persistent on keeping him there. Sometimes I can't help but look at my care as a bar maid would a drunkard's tab. It was ridiculous what he expected me do for him. Eventually my back's going to shatter from how much I bend over backward to keep his life somewhat stable.
"Look mate Jaz is here," Harry's deep voice sounded throughout the abandoned hallway.
His beanie clad head snapped up immediately and that majestic grin graced his lips, the grin that was reserved for me even when he was sober. It saddened me to see him like this completely helpless, but I was used to it. Those over used sayings were true about love. You would do anything for the one you love.
"MINNIE!" he shouted, I flinched as his voice echoed off the walls.
I moved forward and took him from the two boys, "I'll take it from here boys thanks for putting up with his arse."
"Are you sure Jazzy? He's dead weight tonight." the tall curly haired boy asked me genuinely concerned for the both of us I'm sure.
"Yeah I've done it before Haz," I mumbled, as I steadied my husband's arm around my neck.
"Night Jaz we'll see you in the morning," Niall told me before kissing my cheek, the other boy following suit quickly.
"Bright and early," I promised before they waved and exited through the front door. I sighed as I looked toward him and began to drag him toward the stairs.
"Come on babe," I mumbled to him, but I knew he was spinning inside of his own head. His eyes were open but he wasn't with me, his high was taking him over completely, removing him from reality which left me to all of the heavy lifting.
It felt like hours before I finally got him up to our floor. The fourth floor. I quickly pulled the keys out of my coat pocket and unlocked our front door, I got him inside first before locked the door behind us. I then led him to our 'bed' made out of sheets and a comforter, just minus the frame and box spring.
I pulled the beanie off his head and tossed it on to the floor beside his side of the bed, I ruffled his hair. Before I removed his holey Vans from his large feet, every step made without protest. He was so baked, that I became nervous, I took hold of his cheeks and looked in to his blue eyes. His pupils were dilated and the whites around his irises were completely blood shot. I sighed, my guess was, coke, or LSD tonight. Maybe both. He had to be tripping if he was this silent.
"Lou can you hear me?" I asked just loud enough for his eyes to shift toward me. I took that as a yes, so I gently guided his back to the mattress. As I went to the small kitchen to make myself tea and then maybe I would go back to bed. I don't think I could sleep with him tonight, not with how much pent up anger I had.
I waited for my kettle to sound before I poured the water in to my cup. It was then I took my mug with me in to the bathroom, I grabbed an extra pillow and blanket from the box I had put it in, I did one more check on my husband. When I found he was fast asleep and snoring I retreated to the make shift bedroom.
I finished off my tea and then settled in to the hard bathtub, it wasn't ideal. But we didn't have that many options.
I laid my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes, hoping that when I got up the next day,
That it would be better; Louis would realize he had a problem and want to get help.
Wednesday
13 December, 2012[/i]
The silence filled my ears coldly, I faintly heard cars swooshing by on the snow covered roads. My eyes wide open, while I laid on the mattress that rested against the cold wood flooring. I gazed around our studio like apartment, a tidal wave of shame barreled right through me as I realized how poor we really were. My two jobs were just enough to pay our utilities and rent.
His job was supposed to buy our food but I knew what it went to instead, it fed his addictions. Just the word made my skin crawl, I knew that's where he was right now giving in to his vices, wasting valuable money on something worthless and a potential killer. Who was I to judge when I wasn't going to stop him?
I was tired of trying. He never listened. It was always a huge fight and the time and energy could be used else where. Like worrying if the hospital was going to call me, or maybe even the police. It wouldn't be the first time.
Trouble was his hobby. His true joy in life. Perhaps even his calling in life.
Leaving me to clean up his entire mess. Without a single drop of gratitude and that was fine I guess, at least I knew he loved me he told me every night he strolled in late. Smelling like the pub down the street. But he wasn't a drinker. Oh no. He patronized the back room of the bar, where they sold all of the heavy drugs. I was sure he did more than one and I was fairly certain one day I'll get the call he passed out and never woke up.
Fright and pain caught my throat as I wondered if tonight would be that night, I tried to read the clock on the wall. I calmed when I realized that this was early for him to return. I had nothing to worry about for right now. So I closed my wary eyes in an attempt to catch up on my sleep when the phone at my side began buzzing against the floor.
Making a loud 'burr' sound repeatedly. I groped the ground until I had the device in my hand, I checked the caller ID to see that blonde head of Irish hair shine on the screen of the phone. I didn't hesitate to pick up, knowing he went out with them.
"Hello?"
"[i]Jaz, we need your help getting 'im up the stairs...[/i]" Niall informed me without so much as an apology for waking me.
I could hear him babbling in the background so I knew he was alive. In which case I decided that if they wanted to take him out, ignoring my warning, then he and them were on their own.
"Sorry Ni, but I'm sleeping."
"[i]I'm sorry I woke you but he can barely stand on his feet without Haz and myself 'elping 'im out we really need you Jazzy,[/i]" the blonde boy actually sounded quite desperate, I could hear him say something to him in hopes of getting him to quiet down. I shook my head he clearly didn't know what to threaten him with to shut him up.
"Then let him sleep outside," I told him, feeling bad as soon as it left my mouth.
"[i]It's not like he's a stranger for fuck's sake, He's your husband Jazmine![/i]"
"...Don't remind me," I mumbled softly as I began to put on warm clothes. I knew I was going to give in because I wouldn't let him get sick out there. I just needed to release my frustration somehow. I stumbled about the room looking for a pair of suitable shoes so I wouldn't get frostbite.
"[i]I'm sorry Jaz,[/i]" Niall said in return.
"For what Niall? I'm on my way down try to get him inside the building," I dodged his sympathy quickly, I couldn't deal with knowing that everyone knew our relationship wasn't as strong as it was when we were younger. I mean how could it be with his habits? He wasn't that way when we eloped with just our friends as witnesses. He was clean with a dream of becoming a rock star.
I always thought that maybe his dream was what ruined him in the first place. I watched the band toil away countless hours writing music and studying ways to improve their sound. At one point I thought they were going to make it, get signed to a major American label. But he ruined that too, because he was so nervous he just had to clear his mind. Had to go get a quick drink. Well he fucking blew it, he embarrassed the entire band and me. The scout told him to sober up and then he could make something out of them.
He took the comment as rejection and from there he snowballed in to chaos. Being married to him, hell even being friends with the bloke was a fire hazard. We never knew when he was finally going to combust because that one straw broke the camel's back. All five of us were always on our toes when it came to him.
We even had a system going so we always knew where he was when he left. Haz even went as far as to check on him at the bakery they both worked at, to make sure he was sober. We couldn't afford the loss of his job, even if he kept most of the money to himself. We used the slim amount to the last drop.
I hung up my mobile as soon as I heard that somewhat, high but melodic, voice. He was nearly yelling at the top of his lungs, we also couldn't afford to lose our flat because he had caused another problem with the other tenants. I winced in embarrassment as I checked around us to see if any of the neighbors had poked their heads out yet.
It was a pitiful sight to say the least as I watched the two boys, nearly dragging him across the, shabby carpeted, floor. He kept laughing about something, while Harry and Niall tried shushing him. He was a three-year-old who threw temper tantrums when they couldn't get what they want. I felt a tight ball of resentment in the pit of my stomach.
I loved this drug addicted loser, but sometimes it just gets to me when he's like this. How much am I supposed to put up with because of my love for him? The embarrassment, the fucking shame, the disgust. I was going to break if I didn't get away, but I didn't have the money for a divorce and without me no one would be there to care for him [b]all the time[/b].
I've left my job for him when he's had terrible withdrawals. Ones so bad that he couldn't get off the floor because his shaking was so persistent on keeping him there. Sometimes I can't help but look at my care as a bar maid would a drunkard's tab. It was ridiculous what he expected me do for him. Eventually my back's going to shatter from how much I bend over backward to keep his life somewhat stable.
"Look mate Jaz is here," Harry's deep voice sounded throughout the abandoned hallway.
His beanie clad head snapped up immediately and that majestic grin graced his lips, the grin that was reserved for me even when he was sober. It saddened me to see him like this completely helpless, but I was used to it. Those over used sayings were true about love. You would do anything for the one you love.
"MINNIE!" he shouted, I flinched as his voice echoed off the walls.
I moved forward and took him from the two boys, "I'll take it from here boys thanks for putting up with his arse."
"Are you sure Jazzy? He's dead weight tonight." the tall curly haired boy asked me genuinely concerned for the both of us I'm sure.
"Yeah I've done it before Haz," I mumbled, as I steadied my husband's arm around my neck.
"Night Jaz we'll see you in the morning," Niall told me before kissing my cheek, the other boy following suit quickly.
"Bright and early," I promised before they waved and exited through the front door. I sighed as I looked toward him and began to drag him toward the stairs.
"Come on babe," I mumbled to him, but I knew he was spinning inside of his own head. His eyes were open but he wasn't with me, his high was taking him over completely, removing him from reality which left me to all of the heavy lifting.
It felt like hours before I finally got him up to our floor. The fourth floor. I quickly pulled the keys out of my coat pocket and unlocked our front door, I got him inside first before locked the door behind us. I then led him to our 'bed' made out of sheets and a comforter, just minus the frame and box spring.
I pulled the beanie off his head and tossed it on to the floor beside his side of the bed, I ruffled his hair. Before I removed his holey Vans from his large feet, every step made without protest. He was so baked, that I became nervous, I took hold of his cheeks and looked in to his blue eyes. His pupils were dilated and the whites around his irises were completely blood shot. I sighed, my guess was, coke, or LSD tonight. Maybe both. He had to be tripping if he was this silent.
"Lou can you hear me?" I asked just loud enough for his eyes to shift toward me. I took that as a yes, so I gently guided his back to the mattress. As I went to the small kitchen to make myself tea and then maybe I would go back to bed. I don't think I could sleep with him tonight, not with how much pent up anger I had.
I waited for my kettle to sound before I poured the water in to my cup. It was then I took my mug with me in to the bathroom, I grabbed an extra pillow and blanket from the box I had put it in, I did one more check on my husband. When I found he was fast asleep and snoring I retreated to the make shift bedroom.
I finished off my tea and then settled in to the hard bathtub, it wasn't ideal. But we didn't have that many options.
I laid my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes, hoping that when I got up the next day,
That it would be better; Louis would realize he had a problem and want to get help.
Notes
New story hope you guys like it! I'm looking forward to this one. I think I can have some real fun with it![b]The guys:[/b]
[url=http://weheartit.com/entry/67835874/via/Corinne_Kochan]Harry[/url]
[url=http://weheartit.com/entry/67820044/via/Corinne_Kochan]Niall[/url]
[url=http://weheartit.com/entry/67819882/via/Corinne_Kochan]Liam[/url]
[url=http://weheartit.com/entry/67821750/via/Corinne_Kochan]Zayn[/url]
