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Perfectly Imperfect

Why me?

I love this feeling. I love the the pain, I love the way the blood trickles down my arm into the tub. I love the way the blood cuts my wrist in one swift move. I hate the fact im always being saved. I HATE THAT EVERYONE SEES ME AS PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.

***** To When It All Started******

"Rebbeca your up first" my drama club instructor said. We were all in the seats waiting to be called so we can audition for the play called " Fame" that was being held in 4 months enough time to prepare.

I stood up people snickering and whispering probably things about me but i blocked them out.

I walked up the steps and onto the stage where there stood a handsome guy. He had Blue Eyes that were just seductive,blonde hair and by his accent he was Irish. I stood there nervously and found out the guys name im audtioning with his name is Niall Horan. he was absolutely stunning.

"okay you guys may begin" I breath in and and out and start talking. Everything was going really smooth until someone shouted out.

"Loser!" then another word hit me

"Fat Ass!"

"Die Bitch"

"Two Faced"

"Cunt"

I had enough of all this i ran off stage and i didnt stop i couldnt all these words were just to much for me to handle. I sprinted out the double doors and i didnt care the glances people were giving me i just ran like there was no tommorow. I finally got home and ran up to my room. I shut the door and slid down tears rushing down my face I never felt so much hate in my life before it was just to much for me to handle. I stood up and went to my bathroom looking myself in the mirror. I had to do the one thing that i know would work so i did. I ran downstairs and into my fathers office. no one was there so it was perfect. i rummaged threw his drawers and finally found a box cutter i ran back upstairs and locked my bedroom door. i went to the bathroom and placed my wrist over the sink. I stared at the blade and without hesitation i sliced my wrist i screamed at the pain but i did it again. I couldnt help but want more. It worked all the pain Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and even Spiritually had dissapeared.

***** Later That Night*****

I was laying on my bed my wrist covered with a gauze. I was playing with the box cutter in my hands. my door opened so i quickly put it under my pillow. It was my mom.

" Hey mom" i said seeming casual.

"Hey honey listen your friend Louis is here and im going to be working late tonight so make sure he doesnt stay for too long" She said giving me the mother look.

"i promise" she kissed my forehead and left. my mom is a nurse and she has a late shift. My dad is accountant Manager and hes on a Buisness Trip. My brother well Is just my brother.

after awhile my door opened again and it was Louis my best friend since 9th grade. He smiled and i shot him one back.

" movie?" i asked he nodded and sat down. this was our normal hangout day we would watch a movie and talk shit about people.

" so how was the auditions?" he asked. I zoned out thinking aout earliers event.

" It was fun" i lied i didnt want louis to know anything... yet. I put on the movie Grease and we both just layed there staring at the screen.after awhile he spoke up.

"My head hurts " he grabbed the pillow and my eyes widened the box cutter shit shit shit is all i thought i was praying he didnt see it but god had other intentions.

"What is that." he asked and picked it up.

"Oh a box cutter i was opening a box earlier this morning" I said sounding truthful.

"let me see your wrists?" he said sounding worried.

"why?" i said sounding a bit to harsh and that was never my intentions.

"LET.ME.SEE.YOUR.WRISTS REBECCA"he said harshly.and picking up my arm taking off the gauze his grip was too tight and i hissed in pain.

His eyes widened at the sight my arm was puffy with lines.

"oh my god" he whispered tears welled up in my eyes

"rebecca" he said i couldnt look at him now that he saw the 5 scars representing the 5 words those people shot at me.

" look at me rebecca please" i turned my head slowly and met those gorgeous blue yes that have been leading me on in high school.

"please dont tell anybody" i manage to get out of ym mouth.

" i wont i promise but please dont hurt yourself like that anymore sweetheart your beautiful just the way you are dont let anyone tell you differently okay?" he asked i nodded my head.

" i promise i wont self harm anymore" but oh how i was lying. i knew there were more words to come that meant more cuts which will eventually lead to one possible answer.....

SUICIDE

*************

Guys hey so just finished so yeah but i know it sucks but please no hateful comments it takes time to come up with ideas so yeah and also this book is for all people who cut themselves.

DO NOT CUT YOURSELF

i know i cant stop you and all but really your beautiful just the way you are. who cares what other people think. i sure as hell dont just tell them to fuck off they hit u wop there asses thats how i was raised in this dominican family. so dont self harm because your not perfectly imperfect you are