“This isn’t an excuse. I’m going to be honest okay, but you won’t like it. Everything I said earlier was true,” now I wished he had lied. It hurt so bad what he said and the words rang through my mind.
Listen okay; she is nothing, a distraction. She can’t compare to Perrie. Second place. If Penelope isn’t good enough then you aren’t either. My eyes welled with tears but I blinked them back.
“But,” Zayn added noticing my tears, “Spending the hours that you were in there alone almost killed me. Yeah, you may not be as good as your sister but I still love you.” Zayn clasped his hands with mine and I was torn.
Slap him around the face, don’t be weak! He hurt you, now it’s time for revenge; spoke the devil in my head.
Everyone deserves a second chance. He just said he loved you and you love him too, and you know it, the voice of the angel in my heart was louder and more persuading. I was not the person to hurt myself or anyone unless it was needed. I couldn’t damage Zayn, never. “I love you too,” I whispered before strolling closer to the man that made my heart pound. “But if I’m going to be with you, I need to know I can trust you. Can I?” my voice changed from calm to hyperventilating. It was obvious that my heart was broken and thoughts of going through that pain again made me panick. Zayn pulled me closer to him so much that my ear was pressed against his heart. The sound of it thumping slowly under his ribs calmed me down so my breathing slowed.
“It’s okay Penelope, I promise to be there for you, come on. Let’s go home. Ellie has been freaking out, the police have been at her door all day,” I suddenly felt awful and guilty. It was my fault that she had to deal with this hoo-ha and I couldn’t even be there to give an explanation.
~Niall’s pov~
Days flew past in a rush of excitement. By now Ellie was eight and a half months pregnant and was about to go into labor any day. Penelope and Zayn where still on their trip in Paris and I couldn’t help but feel jealous. “What’s wrong?” Harry asked me in his soft accent that gave me goose bumps. I rubbed my arm to sooth the spots and answered with,
“Nothing, just thinking about…everything,” Harry had been very distant with me since the night Ellie lost her memory. He wouldn’t kiss me like he would usually do and I was too scared to try. It made me think that Harry had lost his memory too. Although Ellie’s returned in half an hour and then it had been weeks. “Harry, do you still remember me?” I had been holding that question in for too long. It was going to be asked some day, I just needed to get the worst over and done with. Harry, the boy who I loved dearly, the boy with mesmerizing eyes and the curliest hair, stood silently and just looked to the floor. This made me worry dearly and it was obvious something was wrong.
“No, it’s not that. You know that I used to live on the streets?” this was all new to me. He had a mother and Robin, Marcel and I. Though I had been in his life for around two years. I shook my head, eyes wide with shock. “Well I did and I used to know this girl-Dylan-she was very sly…and dangerous. We used to…drug deal together for money and now she wants me to get her some meth otherwise she’ll…she’ll…she will kill you,” tears filled Harry’s eyes but my body was frozen. I kept telling my body to move and comfort the one I loved but it took extreme force. I managed to unfreeze my legs and wrap my arms around my lover. His body was shivering and loud sobs escaped his mouth.
“It’s okay, Harry I’m here. As long as I’m alive and with you everything is okay. And I plan to live forever with you. One thing, I’m next to invincible because of what I am and we have each other, we are strong enough,” my comforting didn’t seem enough to stop his painful tears him and soon I had to pull him from my grasp. I faced him and wiped his tears. “Now listen to me, it’s not like you to cry over something like this. Sure I’m touched to know that you love me so much but she is a girl. Stand up to her and she’ll run like an old alley cat being barked at by a dog. We are dogs, to some people anyway, just let me come with you and we’ll get rid of her,” my heart thumped as I edged closer to Harry. Thank God we were alone in his apartment. It would save me the shame if he turned away from my slow and petrifying kiss. It seemed like forever until our lips met. It was relieving that he hadn’t moved away in disgust. If this woman was going to kill me then we would need to spend as long as we could together.
“I’m still getting the meth. If she won’t back off then that’s all we can do, and I mean we can’t give her something fake for she will test it in front of us. Even if I do get the stuff then she will always want more, she will never leave unless we kill her. It’s her game, to kill unless she gets her money and medicine. If I give it to her she will keep on coming. It’s either you die or I carry on giving her the drugs. Standing up to her won’t do anything my love,” he whispered when the kiss ended. It came as a shock of his words. Harry was so scared that he had given up on hope. Yet it pleased me that he had called me his love.
“No! No! No! You won’t give up on hope! There is us, you and me. No bitch is going to destroy that! I swear I will kill her for doing this!” my blood boiled so much that I had to clench my fists to stop my actions. It really angered me that some girl could upset Harry so much that he would give up! I stepped away from Harry. My eyes traced his lips, optimism filling my eyes. It had been weeks, months even, since I had kissed Harry and that one before, was nothing. I needed to tell Harry now.
“You’re not the only one who had a rough childhood you know,” the horror took over my eye sight and I regretted saying those words.
“No, what happened, Niall?” Damn Harry for being so caring. I had to let him know sooner or later.
“Greg, my brother, left to join the army age twelve which made me alone to get bullied at school. I soon got depressed and I went to the chemist with my mother to get some anti-depression pills. They worked for a while but soon faded away. I needed more relief and the only thing that helped was self harming. At first I was fine with scratching until I bled a small amount or my skin went raw. But…” I drew my jumper over my head and dumped it on the floor. My top half was not bear, reveling scars that covered my chest, arms, wrists and stomach. “The pain soon disappeared as well. So I moved onto cutting, knifes, scissors…anything with a blade. After a while, a long time as you can see, it wouldn’t work. The deepest cut just wouldn’t stop the hurt inside so I decided to feel adrenaline. I opened my window and jumped. Before I could grab onto something I was falling, and fast. I remember my body hitting the ground and my head pounding making me cry. But then it was dark and soon after I felt my life slipping away. Until suddenly my chest felt like the ribs were breaking it was being pushed so hard. Electrical shock pumped around my system.
“Harry, it turned out I died that day. I’m not saying you went through less pain then me, but our childhoods both have one thing in common. I have to live with my ugly scars and now it is coming back for you. I would be dead today, not even exist to you if the doctors had given up. They were about to when I woke. I believed, they tried and guess what-it worked. I believe in God you see and when I woke I wondered why he had stopped me from dying. But when I met you, I knew why. He had something beautiful planned for my future. And I love you too much to let you go,” I finished my story but my brain was too busy torturing me with images to notice to hot tears falling from my eyes…or Harry getting closer.
I staggered back a little-so much that I fell against the wall-at Harry’s touch. He didn’t seem shocked at this for he came closer…and closer…and closer until his chest was pressed up against mine. My heart thumped with fresh excitement and adrenaline. Small sweat droplets appeared at the top of my forehead but my eyes never left his. The sparkled under the small light in the room and I was so absorbed that I didn’t notice his hands getting closer to my hips until they made contact. A sweet sensation filled my area. I shook hard for I was scared, I had no idea why, was the way I felt so new to this? Harry must have slept with someone before and I may have came close with Ellie, but we never went the whole way. Would Harry really be taking my virginity? The thought pleased me.
* * *
My lips were pressed against Harry’s chest when my eyes fluttered open. Hands wrapped around each other and I felt Harry pressing soft kisses into my hair. “Morning,” he whispered, detecting my small yawn. I sighed and moved so I could see Harry’s face. Beautiful, just as expected. I combed my fingers through his chocolate curls and kissed his fore head. I smiled as the memories of last night came in remembrance. It wasn’t just the sex; it was the words he had said. He had promised not to give up. I rested my chin on his shoulder for five minutes before un-tucking my arms and sitting up. I was completely lost for words; they got stuck at the end of my pink tongue.
“Harry, thank you, for last night. For everything,” he smiled when I thanked him but no reply came from his mouth. Had I upset him?
“Do you know you talk in your sleep, Niall?” that’s the answer to my previous thought. I had said something, hadn’t I?
“Is that why you are upset?” I replied with a question. He seemed shocked and then hurt by my suggestion.
“Upset? No! Last night was the best night of my life. It over takes the night we first got together, the night I first actually slept since age three. It was just that you said something in your sleep…” Harry’s voice trailed off so that meant I must’ve said something bad or wrong or something that made Harry act this way.
“What did I say, it has to be something bad to make you like this,” I stroked the side of his face and then his lips. We were both still un-dressed but it didn’t matter. Harry now sat up and pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist before gently kissing under my ear.
“You said a load of thank yous’ and then, just before you woke up you mumbled very quietly that if you lost me then you didn’t know what you would do with your life. It really showed that you loved me Niall, and I love you too. I won’t ever love again if I lose you,” he smiled and kissed me on the cheek. When he pulled away I nuzzled me head under his neck. I felt so close to Harry, like I could tell him everything and anything. We stayed like that for a while and then I decided it was time to dress. I un-wrapped Harry’s arms from my waist and got off his lap before placing some boxers on. I opened one of the drawers from the set and pulled out some shorts and a white vest. I decided I would let me arms show, Harry had given me confidence. I smiled in his direction before walking into the bathroom to change and get ready.
Once dressed I brushed my teeth and gelled my hair to the side, side because it got in my eyes unless I did that. When I stepped out of the bathroom Harry was dressed in a short sleeved jumper and some cropped trousers. He flashed his sparkling teeth in my direction before turning and walking out of the bedroom. I stood not sure whether to follow or give him some space. In the end I decided to walk out the room and attempt to find Harry. He was in the kitchen boiling the kettle and munching on a piece of toast. “Niall there is something else you don’t know,” he said while hauling himself upon the kitchen counter. “I have Attention Deficit Disorder, ADD for short. It means I need attention to feel safe or I hyperventilate or pass out or anything. Plus, if that wasn’t enough I have to take medication to control my behavior and I struggle to concentrate without it. Still want me? Sill wish to love this freak right here?”
Harry was getting in that situation where he hates himself. A situation that I had been in plenty of times. I would always give him attention, never wouldn’t have. I would accept him for his disorder and everything. I would be there to help him and love him. Forever.
“I still love you, what kind of relationship would it be if I left you because you reckon you are imperfect. To be honest, I think that ADD just makes you more unique, more you. Listen though, if we are going to work, then you need to trust me. I’ll always be here, from twelve in the morning to twelve at night. Whenever…wherever. Promise,” it seemed that every secret was now coming out into the open. I had told Harry all of the worst parts of life and now he has told his.
“God has made a work of art. Niall…I literally don’t know what I’d do if you ever went out of my life,” Harry pulled me into a breath taking kiss. I kissed him back and it was a machine working progress for about ten minutes. Until I had to pull away for air. I knew that we would only kiss again.
~Ellie’s pov~
Bubbles roamed all up the side of my arm, to be honest I felt bubbly myself. My due date was in…two days and I was making the most of the freedom. Marcel-my loved one-had gone out…somewhere. I wasn’t sure where he had gone but he had seemed depressed lately. When I try to kiss him he pulls away and when I ask he just replies with nothing and walks away. It’s starting to break my heart a little bit; it throbs inside my chest when I find his lips so glum and emerald eyes so watery. I couldn’t do anything and my mind was filling up with tearful possibilities. When I was younger and went through that stress stage my mother always ordered me for a bath and I always felt better afterwards. I tilted my head back and allowed me hair to soak in the steamy water; just thinking about Marcel erased my bubbly feeling. Tears suddenly filled my eyes and I sank deeper into the water.
My face was now covered with the boiling and misty liquid. I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow myself to rise and breath and it felt so peaceful to think about something else than all the depression. Marcel going into such sadness wasn’t necessary at this point in life, especially now. More tears speared from under my eye lids and I felt my life slipping, slowly not needing the breath anymore. Under the darkness of my eyes, everywhere seemed to deepen. My bathing suit was getting uncomfortable and felt as if someone was yanking at it. I wore one for I used to imagine I was in a Jacuzzi. Oh, how I wished to be back a little girl again. Everything was just fine, yeah my sister was annoying and my brother may have tortured my life a bit but I was young. I didn’t have to worry about my baby or a wedding going wrong.
I felt in peace and young. Unlike now…when I feel at risk of the baby and Marcel leaving me or even my life ending now. Yet I still stayed under until a piercing pain began in my head. Ignore it Ellie, my inner demon told me, which always meant do the opposite. I tried to pull myself up and out of the bath but I felt so weak. I kept trying and eventually I could feel my arms. With deep force I moved them and clutched the edge of the bath but something wasn’t right. Instead of it feeling cold and hard it felt so soft and bouncy. I had to seek and find out the explanation. My eyes fluttered but everything was a blur. I blinked a few times and everything cleared.
I suddenly felt so puny again, and why was I in a…hospital? My loving mother gripped my hand and was practically screeching something to mid air. She was young again, so beautiful and young. Her hair still dyed a gorgeous blonde but her natural brown roots killing them. My mother’s body was just as plump as I had remembered. She was wearing some black leggings and a green top. They looked as if worn for days and her eyes were underlined with purple and were so baggy. I didn’t think she had slept for weeks. I opened my mouth to speak but my throat felt so dry and the words got stuck. I decided to search somewhere else. But more horror just arrived.
My sister, Lillie was sobbing her poor heart out. She looked younger and yet older than my memory recalled. Everyone did in fact my brother looked about seventeen. His eyes were bloodshot and cheeks pure read. His hair greasy and scruffy and skin paper white. Lillie looked the same apart from Joshua looked stunned and she kept sobbing. I felt guilty, as if I had done something terribly wrong. I was always causing the family pain. I felt my face and stared at my hands. I felt my stomach and it was penny flat. I suddenly looked and felt too young to have had sex…or to have been carrying a baby. Had that life…all been a lie…my imagination? Tears filled my eyes and my sister reached for a red button. That’s what it looked like underneath all of my salty tears.
A couple seconds later a handsome looking male entered the boxed room. He wore a stethoscope around his neck and a white coat. He must’ve been a doctor-yet he looked as if he had just stepped out of a story. “What up now Ms. Goodson?” The Doctor asked and then eyed me.
“Where is Marcel and Harry and Niall? What about my baby and Penelope? Gary, is he still in jail? Where is Marcel?!” I rambled on, panicking slightly as my breathing accelerated. I watched as their faces twisted with confusion.
“Ms. Goodson, I don’t think you understand,” soothed the gorgeous man, “you’re only thirteen.”

Notes

Hi, it's Ellie!

I just wanted to let you fans know that this book is coming to a very sad end x I won't be writting anymore stories for a little bit afterwards for school had just started for me xx Thanks for reading and I promise more books are on: www. wattpad.com/home. Go to their and search, Little_author_101. Look at her books, their mine! :) xx Couple more chapters of this and then FINISHED!!

Many thanks x

Ellie x