When You Let Your Heart Win
It took me less than a day to miss him. And within the next hour, I was in his bed at his mum’s. Jay didn’t pry, bless her heart, and let me go to his room, no questions asked. Lottie and Fizzy came in within ten minutes to be there, chatting away like they always do, doing me the biggest favour ever and kept me laughing. You miss a lot in a day, let alone a month of not seeing someone. It felt good to smile and be around family.
I only stayed at Jay and Dan’s for two days until I couldn’t take it anymore. I was slowly drowning myself in my own head being there. Everything reminded me of Louis, but the more I stayed there, the bigger the feeling of we broke up built. And I didn’t understand it, so I packed my shit and went back to London and for the next few days, I hung out with Perrie. Her and the girls are about to start their Salute World tour and it’s honestly been nice. Nice to see the girls working their asses off to get this tour perfect. Just like the boys, but girl tours are always better. More colour, more sass and much, much more skin. With hanging with them, came the parting and boy do they party hard but it was just what I needed. I didn’t get hammered every night, but I got drunk enough where I didn’t go to sleep feeling like a complete idiot for not going to Mexico.
But, it’s been a week. A full week without Louis. Yes we talked and FaceTimed, but it wasn’t enough. I have never felt more unconnected with him than anything before and this isn’t how I pictured our time apart. This isn’t how I pictured getting my shit together by myself.
I’m a fucking mess and all I want is about 7,500 miles away. I am so stupid.
"Teddy?" He answered after the second ring and just hearing his voice, god it was Heavenly.
"He-hey." I sniffled. Not how I wanted this to go, but here we are, shocker, I’m a mess after hearing one word.
"Babe…" He stopped and sighed heavily. "God, don't let this be the conversation I think we're about to have."
"Can you come home?"
"Teddy, we're about to get on a plane to Chile."
"Please?" I whispered, slightly begging.
“Teddy, I’m not getting on a plane just to come face to face for you to break up with me.” He rushed out. “I’m not…” He stopped, taking a breath. “Just tell me right now….”
“I’m not breaking up with you.” I whispered. A little shocked that I was silent enough after he said the words ‘break up.’ “I just… I just want to see you.”
“Then fly out here.” He sorta whined. I couldn’t tell if it was an annoyed whine or a pleading one. I am so off and out of touch with myself, I’m fucking losing it. “ Bear? It’d be so much more easier.”
“I feel like a burden right now, I’m going to go.” I shook my head.
“Teddy, don’t do that.” He growled. “Can I call you when we get in the air? FaceTime even?”
“Are you coming to London?” I asked, sitting a little straighter. Hoping he had caved and switched his flight so quickly.
“Teddy, I can’t.” He sighed. “This is so last minute, babe, just fly out here.”
“I can’t…” I whispered dropping my attention to a loose string on my jumper.
“Teddy…” He stopped. “Teddy, pack your bags and get on the fucking plane.”
“No, listen to me.” He spat. “I love you so much. I would drop everything right now and come to you, but I can’t. I can tell you’ve been crying and from the press I’ve seen, you’ve been partying nonstop to get out of your head. I know you, Bear, you gotta relax and let yourself be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“Teddy, babe, your head is making you feel like everything is crumbling around you and it’s because you’re letting it. Fly out here. I’ll get the ticket sent to you, just get here and we’ll talk and everything will be fine. You’ll see.” He sounds so calm, I don’t understand him. Wasn’t he just about to rip my head off?
“That’s not what’s going on.” I huffed.
“Teddy, if you want to break up with me, it’s going to be in Chile. See you when you get here. I love you.” He said then hung up. He didn’t let me get a word in, let alone a goodbye, he just hung up.
I was still in disbelief when Louis texted me telling me to check my email, when I did, I saw it was the plane ticket to Santiago, Chile. The timing was so shit, I basically had to get packed within an hour and head out the door. Leave it to Louis to do that. He knows I won’t miss a flight when I get to see him. No matter how much of a twat I’m being.
I was honestly packed within minutes. Plus whatever I forgot, I could easily buy and at this precise moment, I didn’t care if I walked out of my house and onto that plane with just the clothes on my back. I just wanted to be with Louis. It was just going to take me fourteen hours to get to him.
When I landed, it was 4 in the afternoon and I was beyond tired. I didn’t even have to tell Louis that I made the flight let alone that I was in the same country as him again, and he still had a car waiting for me and the drive to the hotel was probably longer than the actual flight.
As Paul lead me into Louis’ room, he told me they were out getting lunch and should be back within the hour, I had my time to just be there and try to get my head back on straight. It’s maddening how one person can go through something traumatic and it not phase them, but with me, it only affected me because of who my boyfriend is. I guess I’m feeling how I think he’s feeling right now, it’s just my feelings are being shown by body language.
“Teddy?” Louis spoke softly, the click of the door following behind him, knocking me out of my head. Even though I’ve been dying to see him, I can’t move. I want to run up to him and squeeze him and never let go, but I am glued to this floor. What is wrong with me? "Bear?" He called out again, and I still stayed quiet. “What are you doing on the floor, babe?” I responded with a shrug as he sat down beside me, backs against the side of the bed, looking out the window at the city. I just couldn’t speak. I’m so happy to see him, but I’m just a vegetable. His body heat feeling good even though we’re not really touching, it’s just so relaxing that he’s here. In person.
“I’m so sorry.” I whispered after awhile. “I’m such an idiot.”
“You have no reason to apologise, Teddy.” He shook his head while he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. “How was the flight?”
“We don’t have to do small talk, Louis.”
“Then what you wanna talk about?” He asked back
"I… I just love you." I whispered grabbing his hand. "I would not of taken that God awful plane ride if I didn't." I laughed softly, which made his body jolt with a small laugh of his own. "I just… I couldn't wait another day to see you. I don't know why I stayed home. I'm stupid to think I could try to get my life back on track whenever you're the circuit of my life." I stopped and looked down at our hands, everything that I wanted to say getting off my chest. "I promise I won't do this shit again. If we fight, I'll go into a different room or if something gets in between us, we’ll fight through it but I promise I'm done doing that to you, to myself. It was complete torture and I don’t understand why I thought it’d be any different from the other times…” I stopped and took a deep breath and finally fully looking at him. His big goofy grin on his face, making me smile back and 100% better. “If I leave, it'll be for good and I don't ever see that happening, so get comfortable, pal, I’m here to stay."
“I’ve been comfortable. Your brain is just playing tricks on ya, bear.” He smiled pressing his lips to the back of my hand. “I can’t promise we won’t have our fights, but I do promise I’m not going to let you get away. I don’t care if it’s for a day or a week, we’re strong and we make each other stronger, believe it or not.”
“I do.” I smiled, laying my head on his shoulder and feeling peace. My mind not going in a million different directions. I knew he’d keep me sane, but I didn’t exactly think I’d lose my shit completely being away from him with small contact. I guess it’s because this time I’m not in Uni and have more time on my hands but I belong here with him. And that’s all I care about.
hi, hello, wuz up, long time no update
I'm an ass and I'm so sorry.
If you would like me to continue this story, please let me know. I can't promise fast as shit updates like before but if I get a lot of response, I could possibly pick this back up. I do love this story and I would love to continue writing the ending but I don't want to write for no one.
IF YOU'RE STILL HERE, I adore you to pieces. After everything with the boys, it's crazy. You are the real MVPs
I DID change my name, please don't be alarmed. BUT this is the ONLY site I have WYLYHW on now. Anywhere else is not me and I encourage you to report whoever would possibly update this as their own and/or possibly start writing their version of the story. I am the only person who has access to this story and it's going to stay that way. If I don't get around to finishing this story, just know I am sorry, and that's how it is.
BUT please if you're here, let me know what you think, I do apologize if it's not the same, I've had this chapter partially written for a million years. For real though, I'd love to hear from you guys. It's been so long <3