When You Let Your Heart Win
Three weeks. Three full weeks of play dates with Eleanor and Shayla. Twenty-one full days of Eleanor hanging out at the house and letting Louis have his time with his daughter. It's what Louis wanted. I guess it's what I wanted as well, but now I really feel like I'm standing in the way. Of everything. I'm either in the way whenever it comes to feeding, burping, changing, bathing, anything Shayla related. I'm in the way. If El spills something, I can't think of cleaning it up without El already cleaning it up. If Louis needs Shay's pacifier and it's across the room, he'll get up, even if it'll disturb Shay, and get it himself or he'll have El get it for him.
If it wasn't for me being first in bed every night and Louis pulling me into his chest, I'd think I was just a friend visiting the trio.
It's what I wanted. I keep repeating that to myself. I wanted Eleanor to step up and be a mother and I wanted her to let Louis be the father he's supposed to be. I want him happy and he's happy, but it's not making me happy. It's making me miserable. And I hate it.
I guess getting what you want isn't what you always really want…
As of now, today is not a play date with El and Shay. It's a play date with Lux and I'm honestly happy about that. I have not seen Lux in what feels like forever and now is the time I am glad Harry is always in LA because God knows Lou and Tom would pick Harry over me and Louis. We need to mature. That's the only reason I can think of why we're usually never the first pick.
"Hmm?" I hummed as I laid Lux in our bed, fast asleep and cute as ever.
"El and Shay are coming over in about an hour." He said quietly and I spun around and pretty much glared at him. "What?"
"Why?" I asked walking towards him and pushed him out of the room before we woke up Lux. "You said today we'd just watch Lux."
"Yeah, but Shayla is my daughter and I'd like to see her." He said and tilted his head to the side some. "But El said she had to do something later, so I said to bring her over now and hang out for a little. What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I shook my head and walked passed him.
"Teddy, something's wrong."
"There's been something wrong, talk to me." He sighed and grabbed my hand, spinning me around to face him.
"I…" I tried to start, but I can't let him know seeing him being so friendly to El, so fatherly to Shayla has me contemplating a lot of shit in my head and if I tell him that now, he'd say I'm over reacting or that he's doing what I said would happen. My big mouth is at it again. I know I said El could come over and spend time with Louis and Shayla together whenever she or Louis wanted, I know and I get that, but seriously, now it just seems like I should not be here. "Never mind. It's nothing. They can come over, I'll watch Lux."
"What? Babe, Shay is like a month old, she won't do much, I can help with Lux too." He laughed. "Even El can help with Lux. She's a handful these days."
"It's fine." I shook my head. "I wouldn't want to interrupt your family time.
Three weeks ago, I don't know why, but we were good. I dealt with Louis being with Shay, but something changed along the way and I hate that. Why can't we be happy whenever we get what we want? Why does everything feel wrong whenever I look at him with Shayla?
"Hey baby girl." Louis smiled as El walked in the front door. This time she knocked, then walked in. It's some sort of progress but still pisses me off.
The second Louis heard the slight knock, he was off his bum and running towards the door just to take Shay out of El's arms and to give her little kisses all over her, making me smile but then again break slightly more inside, and I once again have to repeat to myself this is what you wanted.
"Hey Teddy." Eleanor smiled walking fully into the house, around Louis, and set her things down in a corner.
"Hey." I mumbled as I went back to colouring with Lux. Staring at Louis right now will just make me want to take Lux and run far away from this place, but I can't.
"Yeah, baby?" I laughed looking at Lux.
"You're a big girl." I teased grabbing her cup and got to my feet. "You're like ten now, get it yourself."
"Hey, babe, wanna make Shay a bottle while you're in there?" Louis asked, catching me off guard, which made me look at him like he had ten heads, then looked towards El, just to find her nose in her phone. "Babe?"
"Huh?" I shook my head. "Sorry." I laughed at myself, to make it look like I wasn't shocked as hell he asked me to do something Shay related. "Yeah I'll make it." I forced a smile and turned back around and walked into the kitchen, replaying that scenario in my head a few more times as I got Lux her juice and fixing Shay's bottle, laughing at myself once or twice at how silly I'm being for being so surprised he asked me to make his daughter a bottle.
"Hey?" Louis said, making me jump, as he walked into the kitchen.
"Hmm?" I asked spinning around just to become face to face with him. "Whoa." I laughed and stepped back a few steps.
"What's wrong?" He asked stepping along with me.
"Nothing." I shook my head. "I'm just doing what you asked."
"Yeah, but you're spacing out."
"Sorry, I'm just thinking stupid shit." I shrugged and went to get Shay's bottle as the microwave beeped.
"You're a horrible liar, Teddy." He scolded and grabbed my arm before I got too far. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I rolled my eyes. "Why does there always have to be something wrong with me?"
"Do you want El to leave?" He asked. "That's it, right? You feel in the way."
"It doesn't matter." I huffed because he knows me so well.
"Babe, I'm fine." I stopped him and handed him Shay's bottle. "Go feed your daughter. Lux wants her juice."
"Okay." He sighed following me back into the room, me retaking my spot on the floor with Lux as Louis took Shay back from El and sat on the couch. El's face going back to her phone once she didn't have to keep Shayla entertained.
"Thank you again for watching her, Tom has rehearsal and neither of us could keep her entertained." Lou rushed walking in the living room. "Oh, baby Shayla's here." She cooed and walked over to Louis, who was still holding her as she slept. "Damn, mate, she's cute, how'd you do it?"
"Thanks." He snorted and looked down at his daughter. "She's gonna give me grey hair when she hits 13."
"Tom is already losing his because Lux is such a babe." She agreed scratching the top of Lux's head. "Ready, punk?"
"Ya." She nodded and grabbed her little back pack.
"She had a nap around noon, slept like an hour or so, then drank all of our juice." I playfully glared at Lux. "She wasn't hungry when I asked, so she'll be needing something here soon."
"We'll go now." She shrugged. "She always does that and I don't know why."
"Maybe she doesn't like Teddy's cooking." Louis joked from the couch, making me flip him off behind my back, causing him to snicker. "Love you, too, babe."
"Can I come with?" I asked.
"What? Babe, why?" Louis asked getting up and placing Shay on the couch before coming up beside me.
"I haven't seen Lou much, I wanna catch up some." I shrugged. "You said Shay won't do much, so you'll be okay."
"I'm not worried about taking care of my daughter by myself." He huffed. "We haven't talked about earlier."
"We can after I get back." I rolled my eyes. "I won't be long, we're just gonna grab a bite."
"Bu…" he started but stopped himself and went to sit on the couch again. "Alright, see you when you get back."
Two days later
"I don't know why I feel like this." I growled as I grabbed my drink and swirled it around. "He's great with her, he's getting his time with her, yet I'm still bitching."
"You're still getting used to it, Teddy." Sophia smiled sympathetically at me.
"Babe, you're being as strong as you can in this situation." Perrie agreed. "If I was going through this, I'd be glad I travel for a living. I wouldn't be able to handle it and you're doing so well."
"Yeah, okay." I snorted and looked around the restaurant we were having lunch at. Louis was back in Donny. Jay and Dan are off making sure their wedding is gonna be the best of the best and Louis volunteered to watch his younger siblings. He invited me to tag along, but after the past few weeks we've had, I needed another girls weekend and I'm glad Louis didn't protest as much. I even offered him to take El and Shay so Jay could have time with her granddaughter, but El was going back home for the weekend. She would if she could, but she had set plans, but I didn't believe a word of it. As of late, I don't believe a word she says anymore. She went from being excited to be a mum to being distant to being good at it to being distant again. I don't understand the bird and however Louis dealt with her for so long is beyond me.
After we ordered our meals and several drinks, we were slightly buzzed, well Sophia and I were, and having a good time. The food was great, the drinks were made excellent and the gossip was even better. These girls are seriously the ones to go to whenever you're life has hit a speed bump and can't get over it because the back end is too heavy.
"Isn't that El?" Sophia asked covering her mouth, as she still had some food in her mouth and trying to be polite about it.
"Where?" Perrie asked as she turned to look around the restaurant, I doing the same.
"In the corner with that bloke that needs to get a better wardrobe." She snickered as I spotted them.
"Perrie, is that…"
"Max?" She finished for me. "Yeah, babe, that's totally him."
"I thought they didn't talk anymore?" Sophia asked as I turned back around and slumped back against my chair.
"Once Eleanor got pregnant, they had a fallout." Perrie shrugged. "Guess they're mates again."
"Oh, she brought the baby." Sophia smiled which made me look back at them just in time to see Eleanor pass Shay to Max and to watch his face go from terrified to pure adoration. The face Louis has when he holds Shay, the face Dan has when he holds Ernie or Doris, the face of a father.
"This is weird." I huffed turning back around and downed my drink. "I'm really starting to hate that bitch."
"Oh, babe, you always hated her." Perrie nodded rubbing my hand.
"I need another drink."
"Teddy, don't." Perrie sighed.
"I'll get soda." I rolled my eyes. "I just literally need another drink."
bitchy Emily time
if you guys want the next chapter, you. gotta. work. for. it.
yes I understand that I left you guys hanging for three months without a chapter
but I didn't get any comments motivating me during those three months
so i'll post the next chapter whenever I feel like you guys deserve it
right now i'm thinking 30+ good comments about this chapter
(and I find that very simple since there's over 10,000 of you who read this every update. i'm still lame and check my views/subs/votes)
those comments not including replies and double commenters. if you have something to add after you post a comment, edit your comment and add too it
call me a bitch, okay, I am, but I want to know what you're all thinking
I was gone three months, yes, i'm back posting chapters, please stop with the 'OMG YOU'RE BACK' comments that are literally just that
throw 'em at me
unrelated story talk
are any of you going to the boys' Pittsburgh date?
if so, MEET UP WITH ME!
my sister doesn't want to spend 'outrageous money' on floor 2 seats, so i'm going by myself and don't wanna seem like a fucktard being there by theirself :/
also, no comments on what I or you think about the whole Zayn situation. he's human. he has girl friends (<-- there's a space there for a fucking reason). people always fucking assume shit. believe in Zayn's word and not how shit looks, 'kay? 'kay
are you guys ready for the next chapter? ;)