When You Let Your Heart Win
"You think so?" I smiled down at Shay. She's wide awake, her bum is freshly changed and she just finished her bottle, so I propped her on Louis' pillow beside me so I could eat my breakfast Louis made me before we go find him, or advising to go talk to him, and I'm sitting here, lamely talking to a baby. A baby who is a week old and can't respond but occasionally fart and grunt back at me. All of this, me being alone with Shay, well Shay being around me period, it makes me think that this would be my life in a few months if I didn't lose that baby and I honestly don't know how I feel about that. "Alright, bug, let me put on pants then we can go find that stubborn man we both know and love." I sighed and got up and pulled on a pair of Louis' sweats quickly before prancing back to Shay and picked her up, cradling her to my chest and walked out of the room into probably a disaster flick. "Oh look who I found, miss stinky pants. An older version of you but more stinky." I smiled walking over to the couch where he was sitting, watching the telly, not turning to look at us or to acknowledge the fact we just walked in the room, so I just walked over to him and plopped down on his lap. "Yup, he's stinky. And moody. We should do something. He can't be in this mood all day."
"What are you doing?" He asked, trying not to laugh, but he failed. Mission accomplished.
"Trying to break the ice, I guess." I shrugged and looked at him.
"What ice needs to be broken?" He asked and looked back at the telly.
"Sorry I said… what I said." I apologised and turned Shayla, so she wasn't looking at my chest anymore, but now Louis and the side of me. "I guess I'm jealous."
"You have nothing to be jealous of, Teddy." He huffed.
"Yes, I do." I nodded down to Shay. "She gave you her."
"And someday, so will you." He fought. "Just because I have a daughter with someone else doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have any more kids with someone other than her."
"I know." I whispered. "I just… I'm sorry." I apologised again. "Yes, El is a bitch but she wouldn't lie about this and I just need to keep things to myself."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do!" I yelled, without yelling too loud. "You didn't like what I thought this morning, so I need to keep things that will upset you to myself."
"Just because you say things that upset me doesn't mean I don't want to hear them."
"You're so bipolar!" I shook my head and looked down at Shay.
"Now you're pissed." He snorted.
"What am I not allowed to tell you then, Louis?" I asked looking at him. "Don't tell you I think Shay looks nothing like you and to take another DNA test? I'm sorry. That's what I think and I'm sorry that hurt your feelings or whatever it hurt to piss you off. I can't be perfect."
"I don't ask you to be." He laughed. "I'm sure as hell not."
"You are to me." I whispered grabbing Shayla's hand and feeling her squeeze my finger lessened my anger towards her father. "I'm sorry. You're obviously not going to take another test, I get that, but that doesn't mean I'm the bad guy and want you to go through shit. I want to make the shit smooth."
"What?" He laughed.
"Bad example." I nodded and bit my lip. "Alright, roller coasters! Every roller coaster has it's bumps and twist and turns and ups and downs and I don't want that for you. I try my hardest to make it smooth sailing…"
"Now you're talking about sailing."
"Stop." I laughed and slapped his chest.
"I know what you mean, I'm just teasing." He smiled and wrapped one arm around my back and the other on my lap, placing his hand on mine where I supported Shay's bum. "Sorry I over reacted."
"Sorry I'm a bitch and think the worst in El." I shrugged and looked down at Shay. "I guess there are some of you in her."
"She has my jaw."
"And Eleanor's nose." I snorted. "Poor little baby, we'll get you a nose job before you start school."
"Teddy…" he stopped and laughed. "That's terrible."
"So is that nose." I giggled.
"I'm sorry." I giggled and grabbed Shay and held her up in the air. "Sorry for making fun of your nose, bug." I apologised to her and kissed her cheek before laying her back how she was.
"God that looks so good on you." He sighed laying his head on my shoulder.
"What does?" I laughed and tried to move away from him, but he kept his grip on me and kept me close.
"You holding a baby." He whispered. "You smiling with her. Fuck, I didn't think you'd be this okay with it and now…"
"Someday this can be replaced with ours." I shrugged and looked down at Shay. "She's innocent, I can't hate an innocent baby. She didn't ask to have a father who isn't with her mother."
"Thank you." He whispered looking at me. "Seriously, I'm sorry for everything. Somehow, someday I will make this up to you."
"I just want you for the rest of my life." I whispered looking back at him. "It's not much to ask."
"That can be sooner than you think, bear."
"Do you know when El is coming to get her?" I asked ignoring what he said and changing the subject.
"Sometime today." He sighed and laid his chin on my shoulder and watched Shay. "I'll call her here soon, then we can go do something."
"Shay can come with us."
"No, we need to hang out. Just us. No stress. No work. Just me and you."
"Okay." I nodded. "What do you want to do?"
"Well for one, we need to go to the market and get food." He snorted. "We're practically out of everything but formula."
"Ohhh, sounds yummy." I giggled.
"I don't think we're entertaining." He whispered.
"Why's that?" I whispered back, just to watch him nod towards my arms, Shay's eyes were now drooping, meaning we have to be quite on the banter and let her sleep. "Oh." I laughed softly. "That's understandable. She's a baby and babies sleep a lot."
"So you're a baby too?" He asked.
"Mhmm." I nodded and scooted my bum until it touched the couch cushion, rearranged Shay, so she was laying on my chest again and laid my head on Louis' lap.
"You're my baby." He whispered messing with my hair. "Don't ever forget that."
"Never, daddy." I giggled.
"Don't." He shook his head. "You know what that does to me."
"Call El and tell her to come get Shay and you can remind me."
"In here." I said quietly but loud enough for her to hear.
"Good afternoon." Eleanor smiled walking in. "Where's Shay?"
"Right here." I nodded down towards Shay and Teddy sleeping.
"Oh ain't that cute." El cooed and pointed her phone at them.
"What are you doing?"
"Taking a picture." She smiled as I heard the click. "So cute." She giggled and taped away. "She won't mind if this goes on Instagram, will she?"
"Maybe." I shrugged and grabbed Bear's head and slowly got up and put a pillow under her head before picking up Shay. "I'll change her before I wake up Teddy."
"We need to talk to you."
“We?” She laughed.
“Yes, we.” I repeated. “Just sit down, I’ll be a second.”
“Let me do it.” El said walking over to me and I have to admit, I was a little shocked. After Teddy, basically drilled that El is pretty much doing everything in her power to ignore her motherly duties, I noticed she was right. Hence to what we’ll be talking about. Even though it’d be less stressful and less drama for Shayla to stay with Teddy and I, I know that won’t make things completely better. Yes seeing Teddy with Shay today was beautiful. She’s come around a lot since we found out Eleanor was pregnant and I couldn’t appreciate that or her more because she’s putting her feelings aside and standing by me.
“Babe?” I whispered crouching down beside Teddy’s head as El took Shay to her nursery to change her. “Baby Bear, wake up.”
“You always do this to me.” She whined and rolled over onto her side then jumped and looked down at her chest. “Where’s Shay?” She asked then looked over the side of the couch, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Stop laughing at me.”
“Sorry, babe.” I smiled. “El has her in the other room.”
“Yup.” El said walking in, looking motherly, all smiles being thrown towards her daughter. “Did she keep you up last night? You look exhausted.”
“I had too much to drink last night.” Teddy shook her head then sat up.
“Oh.” She nodded, most likely holding something back before sitting down on the opposite couch as I got out of my crouching posture and moved up to the couch beside Teddy. “Anyways, you two wanted to talk? What’s up?”
“We’re doing this now?” Teddy asked looking at me.
“Why not?” I shrugged. “We gotta get it out of the way.”
“Oh my God, you’re pregnant!” El gushed and put Shayla down in her carseat and went to stand up.
“I’m not pregnant.” Teddy huffed, making El sit down quickly with a frown.
“Oh.” She mumbled. “Sorry.”
“I…” Teddy started but then stopped and looked back at me.
“I’ll do it.” I sighed then looked at El. “Do you want Shay?”
“What?” She laughed.
“This isn’t a joke, El.” Teddy whispered. “You’re not around.”
“She’s like two days old.” She laughed. “I was with her all the time at the hospital…”
“But the second you got the call saying she was fit to be released, you didn’t stop what you were doing and go get her.”
“I”m not finished.”
“You knew there was a good chance she was going to get released yesterday, but you decided to call us to get ready, then be hours late. You could’ve told us what you were doing and it was going to take time, but you left her there.” Teddy finished.
“We had this conversation already.” El shook her head. “And I’m sorry, again, that my mind has not registered that I am a mum and I don’t come first anymore.”
"Do you want me to adopt her?" Teddy asked, catching us both off guard.
"You're not around." Teddy whispered. "She needs a mum and you find everything in your being to not be around her."
"No." El stood up and shook her head. "That's my daughter! I'm her mother!"
"Then act like it." Teddy fought but kept her voice calm. "I don't want to step on your toes, but they need to be stepped on. You've been a shit mum since she was allowed to come home. I hurt your feelings yesterday and the second Louis said go home, without Shayla, you left."
"Okay." She snapped then looked at me. "Do you agree with her?"
"No, do you agree with her?"
"Yes." I nodded. "I like having time with her since I'm leaving soon, but you haven't been around when you could."
"Teddy doesn't want me around."
"I didn't say that."
"You don't have to."
"Yes I don't like you but I have to deal with you. Lou is a part of Shay and you're a part of Shay, so I have to deal with it."
“Are you doing this just to make his fans look at you as some perfect angel?” She laughed.
“This has nothing to do with his fans.” Teddy huffed. “This is about that little girl whose mother doesn’t seem to want to take care of her. I’m willing.”
“I’m not letting you adopt my daughter.” El shook her head and started to pace the room.
“Then please be around her more.” Teddy pleaded. “You’re allowed to bring her over here and you’re allowed to stay while she spends time with Louis. We were friendly around Christmas and I don’t mind being friendly now, I just will never be your friend.”
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes, making Teddy scoff and sit back and cross her arms. “Now what?”
“You’re not open to this.” I spoke up. “You’re copping an attitude.”
“You’re saying I’m a horrible mum!”
“You are!” Teddy yelled sitting up straight, causing me to grab her arm, just to make sure she stayed beside me and didn’t attack her like she did all those months ago back at the club. “You have not proven shit to us since you’ve both got out of the hospital. Yes you’re ‘not used to it’ but you shouldn’t be practically ignoring her at all costs. She’s the perfect little baby, she had us up most of the night, but the second we brought her into our room, she slept through the night. You need to realise that she likes being talked to while being fed or whenever she’s wide awake or to tap her bum whenever she fusses because she feels like your attention isn’t fully on her anymore.” Teddy ranted and I saw clearly. Clearer than before, that if El gave over custody, Teddy wouldn’t back down. She’d be the perfect mum. Doesn’t matter if it’s not biologically hers, she’d make the child feel like it was. And I get that for the rest of my life.
“I’ll get better.” El croaked. Me just staring at Teddy and thinking how perfect she is, I didn’t noticed how much her words affected El. They affected her enough to cause her to cry. I’ve seen El cry because Teddy had said something that hurt her feelings probably once, now twice, and the first time, I understand why. We were all drunk and Teddy threw every derogatory word she could think of at El and it hit hard. And I guess the same goes for now, but this hit ten times harder. “I’ll be around before you leave for tour…”
“Come with us.” Teddy whispered. “Jay is planning on bringing the twins to a few shows, Lou and Tom did it and still do it and Lux is so smart and active. Just because we’ll change timezones doesn’t mean anything.”
“I can’t.” She shook her head and sat down. “I don’t want her to travel that young. Whenever she’s older, yes we’ll come out, but not now. Please understand that.”
“And please understand that I’m her father and I have some say in this.” I spoke.
“No you don’t.”
“How don’t I?” I laughed, actually wanting to hear this.
“Uh… the family court will side with me. No child, at any age should be moving from country to country as much as you do. She needs a stable home.” She cooked up and I would laugh, but she has a point.
“Fine.” I held back and started to take a stand. “When you find it that she is old enough to travel, she’s coming on tour. You can come with us. I’m not going to let you be without her for so long, that’s not why I’m doing this. She needs to be around me. You wanted me in her life and here I am and I’m not going to stand back and watch you not let me see her because I travel. If that’s your main reason why she can’t come, then why were we even together in the first place? I’m not going to quit my job just because I have a family.”
“I understand that.” She nodded and wiped her face. “I’m sorry. I’ll be around more and when She’s a month or two, we’ll come out.”
“How about when they’re in England?” Teddy asked. “It’s just what, Manchester and London this time around?” She asked looking at me.
“If I’m honest, I don’t know a single place we’ll be.” I laughed. “But we would be crazy to not go there, so when we’re in England, bring her out. You don’t have to be at the show or if you want to, you can be in a booth or back in the dressing rooms where it’s not loud. We can work this out, El.”
“I know.” She nodded. “When you get back or it gets closer, we’ll talk about it.”
“I’m sorry that I blew up on you.” Teddy whispered an apology.
“No.” El shook her head. “I needed to hear all of that. I’m not being the best mum I can be and she can go on tour and not be around the noise. I was always around the noise, so I just thought… nevermind.” She shook her head again. “Want to set up a get together now?”
“Why don’t you go home and get to know your daughter on a one on one level more?” I advised. “You deserve to be free of our faces for a day or two after we practically just chewed you a new one.”
“Where to next?”
"Let's go in here." I smiled pulling his arm and walking into the candle store. "Mmm." I hummed at the smell we were greeted with.
"That smells like chocolate cake." He sighed and took another whiff as I did the same.
"You're welcome." I said in a high pitched tone and walked to the counter."
"Hiiii." I smiled. "The candle you're burning now, it's chocolate cake, right?"
"Double fudge chocolate cake, yes." She nodded and corrected me with a smile.
"Right." I smiled. "Can I have four, please? The big ones?"
"Four?" Louis asked walking up straight behind me. "Teddy, why four? Our house isn’t that big."
"Perrie will go bonkers for this, so I'm buying two for her and two for us."
"Oh." He snorted.
"Here you go." The lady came back to the counter. "They come in a box of four, so you can just have the box."
"Oh, thank you."
"Is this all?"
"Oh my God, Louis!" And I was cut off by a shriek.
"Hi, girls." He laughed like he was nervous then looked at me. "I'll be back." He smiled slightly then walked over to the three girls.
"Looks like I'm sticking around for a little." I smiled. "Can I keep these here while I look?"
"Sure, love. Take your time." She nodded and stepped back and did what she was doing before we came in.
"Babe?" I smiled walking up to Louis and the girls.
"Yeah?" He laughed and looked over at me.
"I'm going to look around. Any sent you'd like?"
"Get whatever you like, Bear." He shrugged. "I'll most likely like whatever you like."
"Okay." I laughed and looked at the girls. Who were staring at me. With unreadable faces. "Hi." A hi and a hey were thrown back, but a scoff was also thrown, so I took that as my cue to walk away and continue to shop before I potentially got my hair ripped out, but Louis had other plans. “What are you doing?” I whispered.
“Stay and chat for a little.” He said before he grabbed a sharpie and a book from one of the girls. “What’s your name, love?”
“Lila.” She smiled.
“Cute name.” He smiled back and wrote a little note and signed his name before reaching out for another piece of paper or something to sign.
“Teddy I saw El’s post of you and Shayla on Instagram today.” One, who scoffed at me when I walked up, smiled like a snot.
“What picture?” I asked looking at Louis.
“She snapped a picture of you and Shay taking a nap when she came to pick her up.” Lou shrugged like it was nothing, but this isn’t nothing. His fans are going to take that in a completely different way.
“You took her boyfriend, so now you’re trying to take their daughter too, classy.” Called it.
“Right.” I nodded and backed up. “I’ll be over there.”
“Bear?” Lou sighed looking at me, half pleading for me to stay and the other half to not let it get to me, but it did. I knew people would think I’m trying to replace El in every single way. This fandom is really cruel whenever they think they need to be.
“It’s fine.” I smiled still backing away. “Be nice to them and stay and chat, I want to look for more candles anyways.”
eight days. EIGHT DAYS since you've had an update
please applaud me because this hasn't happened in soooooo long
but i'm actually happy with this chapter :)
it's been awhile since i've said that, if i ever did, but yeah, i am :)
but yes, what do you think?
do you think Teddy was too harsh to Eleanor? not harsh enough?
what do you think's gonna happen?
think El is gonna step up and be the mother she should be?
let me know because everything will be reavealed sooner than you thiiiiink :)