When You Let Your Heart Win
“Don’t. Don’t fucking cry.”
“I literally can’t believe you just said that to me.” She whispered in a horce voice.
“You don’t know what she’s thinking.” I retorted.
“Neither do you.” She snapped, which made me roll my eyes at her.
“I’ve spent more time with her than you, so I think I know more than you.”
“Then I don’t need to be here.” She whispered as she got up and walked away. And me, well… fuck. Being a twat right now isn’t something I should be doing at this precise moment. Or any moment that deals with Teddy, actually, but I don’t think she’s understanding all of this. I just became a father and she told me over and over again that she’s not going anywhere and to help El, I’m doing that and she’s not happy? I don’t get it.
“Oh, hello there.” Shay’s new doctor, who I met yesterday, while El was on the phone with, I’m guessing, her parents, said as she came almost nose to nose with Teddy, making me get to my feet quickly and to walk up behind Teddy until... “Your daughter is all ready.” For the second time in two minutes, fuck.
“She’s…” Teddy started, then looked behind her and at me. She was on the verge of crying and from the looks of it, a few already got passed her trying to stay tough act and that hurt me even more. I have literally never seen her cry until the night her parents kicked her out all those months ago and now, I’m lucky if I get a full day without her crying. Teddy Parker was always the bad arse. She's always kept her feelings hidden and kept locked in tight and I broke that. Honestly, I’m starting to think I’ve broken Teddy period. “Those two are the loving parents. Not me. I'm just the over emotional, bitch of a girlfriend."
“I think I’ll walk home.” She whispered before excusing herself and headed towards the stairs instead of the lifts. Once again, fuck.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset her.” Doctor Thomas apologised.
“That’s my fault.” I sighed and rubbed my face.
“She just… her appearance made me think ‘new mum.’” She laughed nervously and I just froze. “She also looked worried about little Shayla, so I just… thought… Mr. Tomlinson?”
“Yeah?” I mumbled.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah.” I nodded then turned back towards El, who was on her phone and tapping away like she was pissed at the world. “El?”
“What?” She snapped then looked up and around and saw there was a new person with us, but an original person was no longer with us. “Where’s Teddy?”
“She left.” I stood up straighter and looked away, slightly annoyed. How did she not hear our dispute or hear Dr. Thomas coming up and talking to me? “The doctor said Shay’s ready, let’s go get her and let’s get out of here.”
“Okay.” She nodded grabbing her bag and went to get up, but her phone dinged and she sat back down and groaned. “Go get her, will you? I’m in an important conversation.” She groaned without looking at me and kept texting whoever it was.
“Okay…” I looked at her once again, to make sure I was actually talking to the right person, then whenever I saw that I was, I turned back towards Shay’s doctor and went with her to get my little girl.
“I need to go to… uh, the store. Can you watch her for a little?” El asked, which made me look up at her, she was gripping onto her bag tightly with a worried look on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked removing the bottle from Shayla’s mouth to see how much she ate, before throwing her burp cloth over my shoulder, rearranged her and patted her back to get her to burp. “Sit down and relax, babe.”
“I…” She stopped and looked at me. “Babe? Really?”
“Oh… sorry.” I scrunched my face up. “Out of habit, I guess.” I shrugged then heard Shayla burp loudly in my ear, which made me laugh and look at her. “You reek, kid.”
“Can I go or not?” El asked getting irritated.
“What do you need to do?” I asked looking back at her.
“I… I’m still bleeding.” She threw her hands up then slapped her legs whenever they fell back to her sides. “I need tampons.”
“Teddy has some in the bathroom, I’m sure she won’t mind you borrowing one.” I laughed then laid Shay on my arm and began feeding her again.
“My doctor said I might need nappies.” She blushed. “I had quite a few stitches, so I may not be able to use a tampon.”
“Fine.” I rolled my eyes. “Hurry back. I’m sure she wants to spend time with you as well.” I said looking back down at Shay, who was starting to fall asleep, then back at El. “Then maybe we can talk about tour again and get a final schedule settled.”
“Right.” She nodded getting up and walked towards the front door, but stopped. “Hey, Lou?”
“Yeah?” I looked back up at her.
“Are we good?”
“We already discussed this at the hospital.” I nodded. “We’re good.”
“Good enough to be friends?” She asked quietly.
“Sure.” I shrugged, then scrunched my eyebrows together. “Where’s this coming from?”
“I just… it’s… I think it’d just be better if we co-parent as friends and not just co-parents.”
“He’s a twat.”
“You’ve said that. Like ten times.” I whispered and wiped my nose onto the sleeve of my jumper. One of my new jumpers. And I’m ruining it with my snot. Adorable.
So, I told Niall everything. And I mean everything. From what happened in Columbia to my miscarriage to what Eleanor said about me to Louis and I’s conversation working on four hours ago, and I wish I could say I told him that all with no tears shed. But we can’t always get what we want, now can we?
“He’s a twat.” Niall mumbled again, got up and walked out of the room, leaving me in a pretzel on his couch as he did whatever. Why’d I come here again? Oh, that’s right. He’s basically all I have left in town. Harry’s in LA, doing God knows what, with God knows who and Perrie’s on tour in the States. How I’d kill to have them to talk to, because they’d actually talk to me and make me feel better. Unlike Niall. “Here.”
“Honestly, I think you need this.” He cut me off and handed me a pint.
“Niall, it’s not ever four…”
“It’s five o’clock somewhere.” He lifted his eyebrows up and let them fall quickly. “Plus, it’s just to take the edge off. I hid the bottle, because you tend to drink whenever you’re upset.”
“I’m surprised I haven’t died from alcohol poisoning or became an alcoholic yet.” I snickered to myself and grabbed the pint from him before taking a whiff of it. Straight vodka. Not exactly what I should be drinking on an empty stomach, but what the hell. It’ll make my brain not think as much. Plus, what’s one shot. Tipping the shot back and grimacing at the burn it left, I felt slightly better.
Girls, if you ever have boy problems, go to a born and raised Irishman. They’ll give you a drink.
“Better?” He asked holding his hand out for my glass.
“For now.” I nodded handing it to him, just to watch him toss them, gently, onto his coffee table in front of us and propped his leg up.
“Can you perform with your knee?” I asked bringing my knees up to my chest and laid my head on my knee caps and looked at his scar.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Just gotta take it easy and all. Can’t fuck it up again.”
“Therapy’s going good, then?”
“Yeah.” He nodded again. “Jesus, the first few sessions were merciful. I wanted to just cut me leg off.” He laughed. “Could you imagine that?” He laughed again and made me smile. “Me jumping around with a prosthetic leg.”
“I think you’d be more bad arse.” I laughed slightly then we both fell silent.
“You need to go home.” He sighed looking at me.
“Got a hot date?” I snorted.
“No.” He laughed slightly. “You always say that.”
“And you always say I need to go back to Louis.” I whispered.
“But you need to, babe.” He sighed.
“You don’t have a bird coming over, so I’m going to be best mates with your couch for another hour or two.” I nodded then let my feet touch the floor again.
“He’s probably freaking out, babe.”
“No he’s not.” I snorted. “He hasn’t even bothered to text me.”
“Because he knows you won’t answer.” He threw back.
“He’s probably playing house with his new family.” I said ignoring what he said and slouched further into his couch.
“You’re his family, Ted.” He whispered and made me look at him. He was looking down at his lap, picking at the imaginary fuzz on his trackies with furrowed eyebrows.
“I don’t have a kid with him.” I snorted. “That miscarriage doesn’t count, either.”
“It was still a baby you two made.” He shrugged then after a minute or two, he scoffed.
“He’s a total fucking wanker.” He spat looking up at his telly, that was down on a low level of volume, but loud enough to hear what was happening and at the moment, they were showing the football scores and the top plays of the week. Nothing new in this house, if I’m honest. I bet this is the only channel he watches because of how obsessed he is with football. “He practically married you, then hid the fact that it was fake, then he got you pregnant and because of stress or those fuck its, made you miscarry. God…” He stopped and shook his head. His face was getting red and I started to get a little scared. I have never seen this lad pissed off this much. He always has a smile on his face. Always happy go lucky. “Then after you supported his dumb arse with all this, he treats you like that?” He snorted and shook his head again. “If I were him and had you…” Now I’m speechless.
“If you were him, wh-what?” I whispered.
“I sure as hell wouldn’t treat you like that.” He huffed. “You’re the most amazing thing that has happened to him and he keeps fucking up. If I were him, I’d do anything to keep a smile on your face. The only time I’d make you cry would be whenever I say ‘I do’ or you push out a kid that’d have my stupid crooked grin. You’d just be fucking happy. You, of all people, deserve that.”
“Oh.” I whispered and looked away from him and down to my hands. What and how do you respond to that with? I know ‘oh’ isn’t the right word or phrase either, but that’s all I had at the moment.
With that new information fresh on the brain, I don’t know what to do.
gotta love that Irish fella, huh? :)
anyways, I cut this short because I'm going home in like two-ish hours, then I'm going to New York this weekend, and I'm pretty sure I won't be around a computer, then I also thought this would be a good place to end this chapter, so here we be :D
soooo, did any of you check out Snake Eyes?
if you did, isn't it fantastic? :D
if you didn't, what the fuck are you waiting for? seriously go check it out
but yes, go read Snake Eyes and fall in love and be like me and demand chapters. just kidding, don't do that. it's rude and aggravating, but I can do it because I'm cool like that ;P
speaking of SE.... shout out to LTStyles92 herself for helping me with this while I was in my stressful state xD
but hey, we're on chapter 80 :O
in 85 days, this will be a year old :O
time flies when you're having fun, dudes (<-- lame)
right, so what do you think?
what do you think's gonna happen?
what do you want to happen?
still throw ideas at me :D
AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! (<--- sorry, I like comments and reading you all go crazy :P)
*whispers* go read Snake Eyes and comment/vote/subscribe on that awesomeness
ps, sorry for being lame. I've been up all night xD