When You Let Your Heart Win
The next morning, whenever I woke up, I didn’t even have to look up to know Louis was already awake. And to be honest, he’s been up most of the night. Every time I woke up, because my mind and body senses whenever something's wrong, he was still awake.
The only times that has happened is whenever he's mad nervous. For example, the night before his X-Factor addition, Hannah and I had to practically bore him to death just for him to fall asleep. Then the night of my birthday, he barely slept a wink because the next morning he would be finding out that he was going to be a father. And knowing I can't really do anything to make him feel better about everything, makes me feel worthless to him.
"You need to relax, boo." I whispered rolling up against him.
"Sorry that I woke you." He sighed heavily and kissed the top of my head.
"You didn't." I shook my head and looked up at him. "What are you thinking?"
"Are we okay?"
"Yes." I sighed snuggling as close to him as I could.
"You swear on everything you believe in?"
"Yes." I smiled lifting my head up and kiss the center of his chest.
"You're not going anywhere?"
"Since when have you been this insecure?" I ignored him and asked back.
"Since we came back from Cambodia." He whispered, which made me look up at him. Really look up at him.
"I forgave you, boo." I said, trying to make him feel better.
"I know." He nodded, his eyes not leaving the ceiling. "You just won't forget it."
"I can't." I whispered looking away from his face, before he put an even guiltier look on his face that I knew was coming. "I'm sorry."
"Do you want to go on a holiday?" He asked lifting his head up and in a cheerier tone.
"We can't." I shook my head, sat up and turned towards him. "Running away only makes things better for the time being."
"I know." He sighed sitting up and sat in front of me. "Let's just go. We don't have to go to anywhere far away. We can go to Paris..."
"Louis, Shay just got here, you have rehearsals and tour starts next month, we can't." I explained and watched a frown reappear onto his face. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine." He shook his head. "I have to learn going out of town doesn't work."
"Give everything time." I whispered crawling onto his lap and straddled him.
"I feel like I'm suffocating." He mumbled against my shoulder.
"I'm sorry." I spoke quickly and pushed myself off of him.
"No." He pulled his eyebrows together and pulled me back onto his lap and laid his forehead onto mine. "I didn't mean you."
"Okay." I said in a whisper and locked my hands behind his head.
"I feel like I have so little time left."
"Don't say that." I growled. "You're in perfect health, you loon."
"Until you leave me." He shook his head, which made me pull back and look at him. His eyes opening slowly. They were bloodshot. Telling me he didnt sleep a single second, because of everything.
"I don't know how else to tell you." I whispered pushing myself closer to him. "I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere."
"I'll always doubt that for the next 18 years." He laughed.
"You're not getting rid of me." I smiled. "So get used to it."
"If you leave, I won't blame you."
"Stop it!" I snapped pushing him back and with how tired he is, his body fell back against the mattress. "Relax and get that shit out of your head. You are stuck with me until you're on your death bed."
"Okay." He nodded and brought his hands up to his face and rubbed it. "I'm going to go take a shower."
"No." I shook my head and looked down at him.
"I need to wake up."
"No, you need to relax and get some sleep." I said moving my hands to his stomach and slid my hands against his skin softly.
"Want me to flip over?" He asked with a yawn.
"You're okay." I smiled leaning down and kissed the center of his chest again, then continued to run my hands over him.
"What do you want to do today?" He asked with a sigh, hopefully it was a sigh of relief and he's letting everything go.
"We can do this all day." I shrugged. "I don't mind taking care of you."
"You don't need to." He fought.
"You take care of me, I take care of you." I whispered laying down on top of him and kissed him.
"You're amazing." He smiled lifting his hands to push my hair out of our faces.
"Mhmm." I hummed in agreement, which made him laugh softly. "I love you."
"Say that again." He practically begged.
"I. Love. You." I whispered kissing both of his cheeks before kissing his lips once more with every word.
"Can I get that on paper?"
"I'll tattoo onto my body if I have to." I joked with a soft laugh. "Please don't feel like I'm leaving. I'm not."
"Everyone in my life leaves." He shrugged.
"My dad, oh my dad again, Harry..."
"Harry's still here." I fought.
"He's in LA every bloody chance he gets." He scoffed.
"I heard he bought a house." I sighed and watched him frown. "Sorry." I rushed. "Forget I said anything. Happy thoughts. Only happy thoughts. Think of puppies."
"Or you naked." He jutted his bottom lip out and nodded.
"Or that." I shrugged. "Whatever puts that beautiful smile back onto your face."
These past two days have been filled with visiting Shayla, finishing up the rest of wash, making sure Shay's nursery is ready for her whenever she comes over and keeping Louis busy and a smile on his face. It's been tough, but I've been dealing.
He's getting used to being there for Shay. Whenever we went to see her yesterday and he first saw her, he got the goofiest smile on his face. The smile of his that brightens up the darkest room, which let's be honest, it's the ICU for babies.
Shayla is in the ICU, but she's fine, so far. Her doctors wanted to have her in there just in case something happened and since I don't speak doctor, I guess it's because she was a month early and El had that preeclampsia thing, so I guess they're making sure she wasn't affected. Even though the tests they ran after she was born came out negative, they wanted to make sure.
If I ever have kids, I hope they'll stay in there for the nine months they're supposed to be.
"Yeah?" I called over my shoulder as I tucked our sheet under our mattress.
"El wants us to go with her to pick up Shay." Louis spoke closer this time.
"Okay." I nodded, then looked back at him. He was standing in the doorway to our bedroom with a smile on his face. "She's getting released?"
"Yup." He nodded.
"She was cleared of everything?"
"Yup." He nodded again.
"Do you want to leave now?" I asked.
"El said to give her a half hour." He said, which made me look at him like he was mad. "What?"
"What is she doing that'll take her a half hour?" I unintentionally spat.
"I don't know." He shrugged and walked up to me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I shook my head. "I guess whatever she's doing is more important than picking her daughter up from the hospital."
hiiiiiiiiiii! :) how are you all?
I literally wrote this in the past two hours, so i'm sorry if this is complete shit
but what do you think's gonna happen?
what do you want to happen?
drama is about to go down :)
I don't know if it's in the next chapter or the chapter after that, but it's coming
in a few chapters, i'm going to most likely jump time to the BIG drama, because i'm terrified since i'm not getting my usual comments, you're not reading this anymore, so yeah
tell me what you think :) xxxxxxx