When You Let Your Heart Win
'I'm going to take a shower.'
Those were the first words Louis had spoken to me since we left the hospital. I really don't understand why he's being so silent and not talking to me right now. From past experiences, if me and the person I'm dating don't talk, we start to fight, then we start to lie to each other, then we break up because of those lies and I really don't want that to happen between Louis and I. I like to think we have a stronger relationship than my past relationships, but this one is starting to feel like those.
After I made myself a cup of tea and got ready for bed, Louis was still in the shower and it made me all the more nervous. Now he's trying to let out his frustrations and thoughts while he's in the shower, besides talking to me about it.
"I'll be out in a minute, Teddy." He sighed behind the curtain and right there, there's my breaking point.
I may be coming off too strong or too needy, but communication is a big thing in relationships and I don't really want this relationship to turn for the worst, again, so I threw my hair up and undressed myself all in the matter of seconds and jumped in with him.
"Talk to me, boo." I whispered wrapping my arms around him from behind as tight as I could.
"I said I'd be out in a minute." He mumbled.
"And I don't believe you." I fought and moved around him to look at him. He was on the verge of crying.
"Do you want to go back to the hospital?"
"No." He shook his head.
"Then what's wrong?"
"That's the problem, Teddy." He growled. "I don't want to go back to the hospital."
"Why?" I frowned.
"I don't know." He laughed stepping a step back. "I just had a daughter and I don't want to be with her. How fucked up is that?"
"It probably hasn't sunk in yet, babe." I shook my head and stepped closer to him and placed my hands on his waist. "Give it more than a few hours."
"You know all I thought about whenever she was born?" He asked, and I shook my head. "'What is Teddy thinking?' That's all I cared about. You."
"What's wrong with that?" I frowned.
"I just watched my daughter be born and I cared more about you than her. I didn't even hesitate whenever El told us to go home. I'm already a horrible father." He ranted and at his last sentence, he lost it. He slid down the wall and sat on the bottom of the tub with his hands in his hair, gripping tightly.
"Baby, don't say that." I whispered crouching down in front of him and tried to lessen the grip he had on his hair. "It's okay. You just need to give it time."
"I can't do this." He shook his head and looked up at me. "I literally can't."
"You haven't even tried." I fought. "Babe, we fought over this from the second we were told she was pregnant. Don't let everything we went through be for nothing."
"We're both being selfish." He shook his head. "I'm making this about you and you're making this about us."
"I..." What do you say to that? I'm not trying to make this about us, I'm just trying to get him to see the bigger picture; if he leaves Eleanor and Shayla high and dry, all of our fights would've been for nothing. He spent months trying to make me okay with this, when in the end, when Shay's here, he wants to run. I don't know how else to put it other than that and that he's terrified. "Louis..."
"Just... don't." He shook his head and got up and got out, which made me get up as well, but I stayed in the shower just staring at the wall and replaying everything in my head.
"You know what?" I asked turning the water off and stepped out quickly. "You're an arse."
"Me?" He laughed.
"Yes you, you idiot." I huffed. "You have a little girl now and you're being a little bitch. This isn't because of me, it's because of you. You're terrified I'm going to leave you, well open your eyes Louis! I'm here! I'm not going anywhere because I fucking love you!"
"That's the thing, Teddy!" He yelled back. "You love me but there is a time where enough is enough!"
"I'm not leaving you!" I yelled as loud as I could. "But you leaving her… I couldn't stay."
"Why?" He laughed. "You hate that El had my baby."
"What if that was me?" I shrugged.
"We wouldn't be in this position." He spoke quietly.
"I don't fucking care!" I yelled. "You're a dad. It doesn't matter to who it's with, learn to deal with it. You're still the idiot I fell in love with. Just because things don't go our way doesn't mean we back out of it."
"You left me earlier remember?"
"Because you faked our wedding!" I yelled pushing him whenever he stepped closer to me. "I'm sorry but I couldn't be with someone who faked something and let me believe it for so long."
"Yet you're with me now."
"Because I fucking love you!" This fight is going off topic and I know this needs to be said and out in the open, but this isn't about us right now. It's about his family. "You grew up without a father for a period of time, Louis."
"I know that." He whispered leaning up against the counter.
"Now put how you felt about that into a little girl. She has a chance to have a father, yet you're choosing to leave because of me?" I choked on the own words. "I won't let you do that. I don't care who you got pregnant. If you won't do that to me, don't do that to El."
"Okay." He rushed towards me and lifted my face to his. "Please don't cry." He whispered.
"You're scaring the living shit out of me." I fought. "If you can just so easily give up and leave El and Shay, what's stopping you from doing that to me if we ever have a baby?"
"Don't worry about that." He shushed me. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He continued to speak softly as he pushed some of my hair that started to fall in my face away. "I'm sorry I made you this upset."
"You're the first person to ever make me cry." I whispered leaning my forehead against his chin. "I seriously hate that."
"So do I." He whispered pulling back to look me in the eye. "I swear I will work on that." He said swiping the pads of his thumbs below my eyes. "The only time I get to make you cry is whenever it's good. Anytime else, I allow you to punch me in the balls." He smiled at his own joke, which did make me laugh.
"Don't say that." I shook my head. "You'll be getting punched in the balls more than you suspect."
"I promise I'll aim for not making you this upset." He shook his head. "I promise to do better."
"Have faith in yourself." I whispered pushing myself against him. "You're an excellent big brother, you can be an excellent father."
"Okay." He nodded looking me in the eyes. "I love you."
"I love you." I smiled leaning up to kiss him quick and soft, but whenever I went to pull away, he spun us around and pushed me up against the counter and kept my lips to his. "No... Louis, stop." I mumbled and pushed him back.
"What?" He frowned.
"I just… I just want to go to bed." I whispered looking around the bathroom for a towel, and whenever I found the only one in here was around Louis' waist, I huffed, picked up my shirt and knickers I had on before and walked back to our bedroom while I threw my shirt over my head.
"What?" I asked turning around and covering my bottom half with my knickers again.
"Why are you getting dressed?" He whispered.
"Because I'm in the mood to wear clothes to bed tonight." I shrugged and got into bed and faced away from him.
"I'm sorry." He sighed, probably shaking his head before he turned off the lights and jumped in behind me and pulled me up against his chest. "I love you." He whispered in the back of my head.
"I love you." I whispered back.
"To the stars and back?"
"To the stars and back."
So Louis is struggling with fatherhood? Is he going to warm up to baby Shay? Any predictions?
You get to vote on the title of the sequel. The choices are "All I Have to Give" and "Wanting it All"
PLEASE submit a vote on the sequel title!!