When You Let Your Heart Win
"I don't know what to tell you, Teddy."
"I... what does that mean?" I whined. "Am I allowed to get pregnant by myself, with help or not at all?"
"Your doctors back home aren't wrong..."
"So I can't have kids." I nodded and felt Louis wrap an arm around my waist as I sat on the table at the doctors office.
"But they weren't right either."
"What?" Louis and I spoke at the same time.
"Please just... God I am so confused." I laughed looking up at the ceiling, pushing back the urge to cry.
"On your chart, it said you were sexually assaulted..."
"Yeah, and?" I spat and shrugged my shoulders.
"Bear..." Lou whispered.
"It's okay." My doctor smiled. "I understand the frustration and confusion you're going through." She nodded. "Just sitting here and having a conversation with you, I can tell your stressed. Stress on babies is not good."
"So you're saying that's why she lost the baby?" Lou asked.
"From my perspective, yes." She nodded. "But from you being stressed and going through what you've been through, it explains why you had the miscarriage."
"But my doctors back home?"
"With your permission, I'd like to run a few tests to see if what they saw was correct."
"What do they think they saw?" Louis asked.
"I don't know if they explained this or not, and if they didn't, they should've, but you could have a hole in your uterus."
"What?" I asked. "How? I'm 21 and I'm in perfect health."
"But you were sexually assaulted and they were more than rough with you. Things as crazy as that do happen."
"So those... men that raped me could be the reason why I can't have children?" I asked the urge to cry hitting me harder than before.
"You can have children, we'll just need to plug the hole, or holes, and monitor you two or three times a week to make sure what we use to plug the hole is staying put."
"So what are you saying exactly?"
"If your doctor back in England saw that, you miscarried because the baby fell through the hole."
"So you fill it, monitor me and I'm fine?"
"But if there's more than one?"
"We fill them, but if there's a lot, you may need to have a surrogate."
"We can take your eggs and transfer them into a healthy female." She smiled. "The baby will be yours, you just won't carry him or her."
"If I was an actress, that'd be fantastic, but I'm a normal person. I want to carry my children." My tough act going out the window.
"This is just a what if, Teddy." She rushed. "If there's more than six holes, it'll take longer to fix or more harder to fix and keep them filled."
"Okay." I sniffed.
"Do you want to go through these tests?" She asked handing me the box of tissues.
"Yeah." I nodded. "As crazy as this sounds, I want one of him come out of me." I laughed jerking my thumb towards Louis.
"Thanks, babe." Lou laughed tapping my side. "Love you too."
"Mhmm." I smiled looking at him, then back to my doctor. "Do whatever you need. Just... just give me him."
Since my doctors appointment yesterday, I've been happy, but at the same time I've been a little depressed. The results to my tests won't be back for a week or so, but with how my doctor explained and talked about what's going on, everything just looks like me being stressed out is causing everything and that's giving me hope. All I have to do is distress myself. Somehow.
"I'm having a wee!" I started to laugh but screamed whenever he burst in through the door.
"I've seen you wee before." He rolled his eyes as he stopped right in front of me. "After you're done, get ready."
"For what?" I looked up at him like he was mad. All he's been doing these past few days has been going into the studio and writing for the album, which meant I was stuck inside our hotel room all day and mostly night, because he comes back too late to do anything other than go to a club, but he's too tired to go out and party, so we stay in. Fun time we're having, LA. Fun, fun. But I can't complain because we're alone and spending time together.
"We got tickets to the LA Kings game." He held up the tickets with a big grin on his face.
"What are the LA Kings?"
"The NHL." He responded, his arm holding the tickets falling to his side and his smile fading.
"Ice hockey. You've watched a game before."
"Oh!" I nodded from my seat on the toilet. I'm starting to think we're a little too close. "Yeah, okay. Leave."
"I've seen you wee before, babe." He repeated.
"But I'm never wiped in front of you!" I pointed at the door. "Leave."
"Rawr." He held his free hand up like a claw and rawred at me.
"Don't act like a cat around me, Tomlinson!" I warned.
"What will you do?" He smiled sticking his head back in.
"I'll make you crawl around and act like one." I lifted my eyebrows and let them fall quickly.
"Role playing." He jutted his lip out and nodded. "I'll see if there's a costume shoppe anywhere close."
"Hurry up! We're gonna be late!"
Okay, I'm a fan of ice hockey, but I don't understand it. Why would someone find it thrilling to watch two people fight each other or throw another into the wall? It looks and sounds painful and I'm now glad Louis is in a band and plays football, occasionally. God bless the families, girlfriends and wives of these players, because if Louis did this, my anxiety would be sky high.
"Are you having fun?" Lou leaned over and whispered in my ear.
"Yeah." I nodded looking at him.
"Other than feeling bad for the bloke's getting hurt, it's sorta awesome."
"I think it's awesome too." He laughed looking down at the ice. "I wonder if I can go to a practice or..."
"Don't you even think about putting this on your résumé." I warned.
"What? Why not?" He frowned.
"You're lucky I'm letting you play football!" I slapped his thigh. "This looks more painful."
"So no go on one practice?" He frowned.
"If you want to continue to sleep in my bed, you're not stepping one foot onto that ice."
"Okay." The pout on his face will make any girl want to cry, but I'm keeping my game face on.
"I love you." I laid my head on his shoulder and looked up at him.
"Yeah?" He smiled.
"Yeah." I nodded. "I love you like a lot."
"Really?" He acted surprised.
"Mhmm." I nodded.
"I love you more than I love your bum." I teased.
"Wow." He looked taken back. "That's like... that's like a lot of love."
"Exactly." I smiled.
"That's a good thing then."
"Yeah, because I sorta love you too." He smiled and leaned in and kissed me softly. "More than your bum."
"Oh okay." I laughed, clearly not believing him.
"Babe, you don't know how much I love the fact that you wear knickers around and show off that bum of yours." He whispered close to my face.
"What guy hates that though?" I laughed.
"Alright, anyone would love to watch you walk around half naked, but I'm just saying, I love it, but I love you so much more."
"That's nice to know." I smiled.
"Always remember that." He whispered an inch away from my face.
"I will." I smiled and kissed him again quickly. "So you love me, yeah?"
"Totally." He nodded like his teenager self just saw his first pair of boobs. It was cute and made me laugh.
"Good. Go get me some chicken."
"Seriously?" He threw his head back against his seat and laughed.
"I'm hungry." I whined.
"If I'd let you, you'd eat the whole world." He shook his head and got up. "Chicken and chips?"
"Yup!" I sat up straighter with a proud smile.
"Don't move." He pointed at me.
"Oh no!" I wiggled in my seat. "I moved."
"Teddy..." He stopped, placed his hands on the arms of my seat and got in my face before continuing. "Don't make me spank you."
"But babe, that sounds like fun."
Eleanor’s POV - London, 14th of March 10:09 am
“You said you’ve been getting sick, lately?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I called about two weeks ago, but they said I should just watch what I eat.”
“Well whoever told you that, needs to go back to University and relearn everything.”
“What does that mean?” Lani asked.
“It could be bad, but not that bad.” She explained. “We just have to run some tests and make sure everything is okay.”
“Do we get to see her?” I asked softly.
“If you’d like, yes.” My doctor nodded and made me smile big and grab Lani’s hand. “Let’s just get some blood from you before we do anything.”
"I hate this part." I scrunched my face up and looked towards Lani as my doctor got whatever she needed to get take a blood sample.
"It's alright, love. Everyone hates this part. It's normal."
"I feel like a little girl wanting to hide behind her mum." I laughed at myself.
"Just think, if your test results come back clean, you get to go home." She smiled, which made me a little uneasy.
"And if they don't come back clean?" I asked.
"We'll get to that if it's needed." She smiled slightly. "I don't want to worry you."
"Too late." I mumbled under my breath. Who wouldn't worry whenever there's a chance something is wrong with your child? "Are you a mother?" I asked without really thinking.
"No I'm not." She shook her head and relaxed her posture.
"Then please excuse me whenever I say you have no idea how it feels to know something may be wrong with your child because of you."
"I'm sorry." She apologised to me, ignoring Lani. "You're right, I have no idea how you feel and I should've known to be more aware of your emotions." She explained then smiled and sat up straighter. "Let's get this out of the way and get this down to the lab, then let's see your little girl."
Once she took my blood, she stuck her head out the door and handed off the vile of my blood and whoever took it, took it to the lab to run whatever tests they needed as my doctor, Dr. Casey, set up everything, leaned me back and rubbed whatever that thing is called over my belly.
“Here she is.” My doctor smiled as everyone’s eyes went to the monitor.
“How big is she?” I asked, a big, proud grin plastered on my face as I watched my little girl on the screen, sucking on her fingers.
“She’s about six and a half pounds.”
“Is that good?” I asked moving my eyes to her quickly before moving back to the screen.
“Oh yes.” She laughed. “If she was smaller than five, we’d have to monitor her more, but she’s growing perfectly.”
"Does this mean there's a good chance her blood tests will come back clean?" Lani asked.
"There is, but we won't know for sure until we get the results back."
"Alright, love." Doctor Casey sighed walking back in the room, looking at, I'm guessing my chart and took a seat.
"What does it say?" I asking biting the inside of my cheek.
“Have you been having severe headaches?”
“Okay.” She nodded as she wrote something down on my chart. "On a scale from one to ten how bad?"
"Seven and a half." I shrugged.
“Okay." She nodded. "You made this appointment because you said you’ve been getting sick? Even after that 'doctor' told you to watch what you eat?”
“It’s on and off, yes.” I nodded.
“And your feet and hands are swelling more than usual?”
“How about your face?” She asked looking between the two of us. “Have either of you noticed?”
“I don’t really look in the mirror anymore.” I sighed. “My face got big once I started to gain weight.”
"She is slightly bigger, but not that big." Lani thrown in.
“Okay.” She wrote something down again. “Vision loss? Blurriness or double vision?”
“Only whenever I have a headache.” I nodded.
“Well love, looks like we have to go ahead and admit you to Royal.”
“What? Why?” Lani asked looking at her. “Is the baby okay?”
“The baby's fine, but the looks of it, Eleanor here has a case of preeclampsia.”
“What is that?” I looked between the two of them with a worried look.
“We didn’t really pay attention to it before, but with your blood pressure as high as it is, it threw us some red flags.”
“Is that bad?”
“Yes, but not extremely harmful to the baby or to you."
"What does that mean though?" I asked getting a little upset.
"That means call the father and gather your family, because in a day or two, you’ll have your baby in your arms.”
“What?” I squealed. “I’m only eight months pregnant.”
“Love, we have to induce you before your condition gets any worse.” She explained with a slight laugh before she got up and left for me to gather my thoughts.
“Wow.” Lani whispered.
“I’m going to be a mum.” I mumbled in disbelief.
“You’re now just realising that?” She laughed at me.
“I thought I had another month to prepare.” I admitted. “Oh my God! Lani, I’m going to be a mum!”
“Breathe, babe. It’s okay.” She stood in front of me and grabbed my shoulders.
“No it’s not!” I sat up straight and started to panic. “I haven’t straightened everything out with Louis and Teddy and my parents are away on holiday. And Ma...”
“Don't worry about that." She shook her head. "I’ll call everyone and tell them this is really happening. Max will be the first person I call.”
“No!” I yelled and watched her look at me with confusion. “We’re not really… friends… anymore.”
“Oh.” She softened her facial expression. “I… wow babe, I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”
"It's fine." I shook my head and looked at my hands.
"What happened between you two?" She asked, I bet with pity thrown all over her face, but I didn't dare to look up at her. "You two were like inseparable."
"When I got pregnant, he... he didn't like that... he didn't like the fact that he was losing his friend that liked... to party."
"El, he has oth..."
"Lani, drop it." I cut her off.
"Sorry." She apologised, a little taken back. "I'll go call everybody."
Louis’ POV - Los Angeles, 3:32 am
"Hey Louis, it's Lani."
"Yeah, I know. I do have your number." I rolled my eyes.
"Let's not be an arse."
"Alright, sorry, what's up? You know I'm in LA and we have an eight hour time difference? I was sleeping." I yawned into the phone.
"Yeah, well sleep doesn't matter right now, so get on a plane and get back to London."
"Why?" I snorted. "We're in here to write for the album. If El wants me there because she doesn't know my every move, she'll have to get over it."
"One, you're an arse. Two, this isn't about Eleanor wanting to know what your 'every move.' And three, I'm calling because you need to get to London because we're on our way to Royal because El was diagnosed with preeclampsia and is being induced. So put whatever is up your arse aside, call your mum and get here because your daughter will be here in a day or two." And she hung up but I couldn't remember how to move my arm to put my phone down.
"Babe?" Teddy mumbled, still half asleep, and cuddled up behind me and pressed her chest up against my back. "What's wrong?" She asked and kissed between my shoulder blades whenever I didn't answer.
"I'm going to be a dad." I mumbled finally moving my phone from my ear to laying on the bed in front of me.
"We know that, boo." She giggled and pulled my shoulder and made me lay on my back.
"Relax." She whispered and feathered kisses all over my chest and made her way up to my neck. "You'll be an amazing daddy."
"Within the next two days." I agreed and her lips froze on my my skin. "El's on her way to the hospital now and I don't even want to go get on a plane." I laughed. "Why don't I want to get on a plane and see my daughter be born?"
"Babe, you should be there."
"I know." I nodded and looked down at her. "I just… let's just go back to sleep for a few hours then we can go."
"I just want to lay here and hold you for now." I cut her off and wrapped my arm around her and pulled her so close, she was on top of me, without being on top of me. "I love you."
"I love you." She looked up at me and kissed my chin. "You can do this, boo."
"If I have you." I laughed softly as I looked at the ceiling. "Sorry I'm ruining your slight holiday."
"You're not ruining it." She shook her head and whenever I didn't accept it, she leaned up on her elbow, grabbed the side of my face and turned my head towards her. "You're not." She whispered. "I had fun here, I really did. Now we just have to go back home and wait for you to become a daddy."
"Who isn't with you." I huffed closing my eyes whenever she shushed me and lifted her hand to my hair again and pushed it back.
"Either way I love you. Nothing will ever change that."
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