When You Let Your Heart Win
The second Louis turned off the car when we got to the doctors office, I started to get majorly anxious. Whatever is about to be said inside is either going to break my heart or make me so confused.
“Hmm?” I snapped my eyes towards him.
“Everything’s going to be fine.” He smiled reaching over and grabbed my hand.
“I know.” I nodded. But secretly, I wish I knew what part he meant; everything with us is going to be fine, if I’m going to be a mum with someone who I’m not with anymore or what. Like yes, we had a good morning, but things in my life, they tend to go to shit whenever I become happy again. And right now, I’m happy. So forgive me if I’m slightly off.
“Hey?” He whispered squeezing my hand. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“What if I am pregnant?” I asked not taking my eyes off the offices’ front door.
“Then we’re going to be a family.” He responded, which made me look over at him just to see him smiling.
“But don’t you think this is wrong?” I asked as I watched his smile slowly fade.
“If I’m pregnant, you have two girls pregnant at the same time, that makes you look like someone you totally aren’t and I really don’t want your fans or Management to jab at you because of this.”
“I don’t care what anyone thinks, Teddy.”
“So you won’t mind fans not supporting you?” I looked at him, waiting for him to say no, but it never came.
“If they don’t see that I’m happy with you and ready to start a family with you, then that’s their own damned fault.” He scrunched his face up.
“Okay.” I whispered looking down at our hands. That isn’t what I wanted to hear him say about his fans, but hearing him still say he’s happy with me and wants a family with me, it made me slightly happy, but all the more scared for this appointment. We’re okay right now, but what about in an hour? What about whenever we go home and I still can’t get over the fact we’re not legally married?
“We need to get in there, babe.” He whispered knocking me out of my thoughts once again.
Once I got out of the car and started walking towards the doors, I kept thinking the worse and how I just wanted me mum here with me and nobody else. It’s strange, but I swear my gut is telling me something is about to go wrong.
My brain kept me in my thoughts so intensely, the next thing I knew I was sitting in a chair, with my knees bouncing, as I waited for my name to be called.
I think I’m about to die from anxiety.
"Teddy?" I heard a voice softly call, snapping my head in the direction it came from and gulped.
"Right here." I mumbled getting to my feet and when Louis stood up to come with me, I turned to him. "Can you… can you stay out here?"
"I don't mean to be rude and it’s nothing against you, I just... I have a feeling you shouldn't be in there."
"But what if you're pr..."
"Then I'll have them come get you." I cut him off. "Please?"
"I..." He stopped and sighed heavily before he sat back down. "I'll be right here."
"Thank you." I leant down and kissed his cheek.
"Yeah." He nodded and looked upset. "Go before they get pissed."
“I swear if anything is in this belly, you’ll be dragged back.” I tried to get him to smile. It didn’t work. “Love you.” I threw out there and saw a small smile form before he responded back with the same words I used.
“Morning, love.” The nurse smiled whenever I walked towards her. “How are you this morning?”
“A nervous wreck, if I’m being honest.” I faintly laughed as I walked through the door and waited for her to shut it.
“Quite alright.” She nodded. “We get that a lot here, but we’ll take care of ya.” She continued to talk about little nothings the rest of the short walk to my doctor’s room before handing me a cup and ordered me to go wee in it. My least favourite part about being a girl. Someone needs to event a better way for a girl to do this or give us bigger and wider cups.
When I was done, I washed up and walked back into the room, to see my nurse sitting in a rolly chair humming along to some song that was faintly playing throughout the office. I’m glad she’s calm and nothing in her life is freaking her out.
“All done?” She looked up at me as the toilet door clicked shut quietly behind me.
“Yeah.” I smiled handing her the cup.
“Thank you.” She smiled the stuck a sticker on the top and placed it on the counter. “Go ahead and jump up on the table and take off your jacket for your blood sample.” Oh God. Now I wish I had Louis in here. “Do you like needles, love?”
“Not one bit.” I shook my head and almost fainted whenever she pulled out the syringe. “Oh God.” I blabbed looking away quickly.
“Don’t worry, it’ll sting for a second, if that, and it’ll be all over and done with.” She said kindly. “See? All done.”
“What?” I looked back at my arm, I now had a cotton ball from the spot she took my blood and she was placing another sticker on the tube she just filled. “Wow.” I laughed a little. “Last time I had blood taken from me, it hurt more.”
“You just have to do it at the right time.” She smiled. “Plus, when someone’s afraid of needles, you just talk to them while you do it.” She shrugged. “Works everytime. Sit tight, love. I’m going to go run these to the lab and Dr. Trevor will be in in a few minutes, in the meantime, put this gown on and I hope you get the answers you came here looking for.”
“Thank you.” I smiled slightly as I grabbed the dressing gown from her before she grabbed my wee cup and my blood and left the room.
Anxious metre has just went up another million notches. Maybe I do need Louis in here.
So this doctor's appointment didn't go as I pictured. It wasn't supposed to tell me I was pregnant, but it sure as hell wasn't supposed to tell me that. This is just another thing to go wrong in my life. I am prone to failure or disappointment.
The second I walked back into the waiting room and saw Louis perk up, I felt even more terrible. I have no idea how I’m going to tell him this and just thinking of his reaction is making me want to run over to him and cry on his shoulder. But I can’t and won’t do that here. This is not the time or place to make a scene.
"Let's go." I whispered walking towards the exit.
"I don't want to talk about it here, Louis. Let's just go." I shook my head.
“Are you pregnant?” He asked, totally ignoring the part where I said I didn’t want to talk about it here.
“When we get home, we’ll talk.” I all but growled.
"Bear?" He pulled my hand and swung me back against him.
"Stop." I whispered and tried to push him away. "Louis?"
"I love you." He ignored my pleads and pulled me in for a bone crushing hug. Annnd here comes the tears.
"Can we just leave?" I croaked whenever he pulled me in for a hug.
"Want some ice cream?"
"I want my bed." I shook my head as he moved and wrapped an arm around my waist and started to walk us towards the car again. Good thing there's no paparazzi following him today. They’d have a field day with this.
"Do you want pizza?" He asked while he helped me up into the passengers seat of his car.
"I just want to go home." I growled, pushed him back some and closed the door myself. Major bitch, Teddy just may make an appearance today.
"Can we not right now?" I whispered looking out the window.
"Alright." He sighed as he turned the car on, backed out of the parking lot and headed back towards my house.
To say the drive back was tense, is the wrong choice of words. And that is my fault, but everything in my life isn’t going how I hoped it would. I’m not pregnant, which I’m okay with since Louis and I aren’t in the best of terms. Like yes we’re talking and on the verge of ripping each others clothes off and getting back together, but at the same time we’re not together right now and who knows if we will ever get back together because of trust issues on my end and because of what I was just told. Then there’s Eleanor. Well fuck, she’s just a big slap in the face with what I can’t have.
“Can we talk about this now?” He whispered the second he turned the car off. I didn’t understand why he did that until I looked out the windshield and saw that we were back at my house.
“I…” I stopped and looked over at him. “I can’t.” I shook my head. “Not now.” I whispered.
“Are you hurt?”
“Only my heart.” I whispered again and got out of the car and walked up and into the house.
The second I stepped in the door, my mother’s laugh was heard. If I wasn’t in such a horrid mood, I’d be happy to hear that, but my mood is complete and utter shit, it annoyed more beyond words, other people’s happiness is going to piss me off for a while, so I let the screen door slam loudly, but leaving the main door open for Louis to come in.
“What?” I snapped walking closer to the living room.
“Is everything okay?” She called out again before I walked into the living room just to find my mum sitting on the couch, drinking tea and laughing with Eleanor.
“Fucking perfect.” I scoffed at my mother.
“Teddy?” She stood up and looked confused.
“Save it.” I shook my head and ran up the stairs to my bedroom.
“What happened?” I heard my mum ask.
“She hasn’t told me yet.” Louis replied with a sigh before I slammed my door shut, slid down it and buried my head into my hands and cried. Again. Another day I will spend crying. Perfect.
“Teddy?” My mum knocked on my door quietly.
“Your father and I are going out to dinner.”
“Have fun.” I hiccupped bringing in a shaky breath.
“Do you want me to send Louis up?”
“No.” I whimpered. “I want to be by myself for awhile.”
“Baby, you’ve been by yourself for the past two weeks.”
“I don’t care.” I fought.
“Okay.” She sighed. “Call me if you need anything.”
“I won’t.” I snorted. “Have fun with daddy, though.”
“I love you.”
“Love you too.”
After I heard my parents leave, I heard Eleanor trying to have a conversation with Louis downstairs. And when I say ‘tried’ I really mean she tried. She’d say something, reply worthy and he’d just reply with a ‘yeah’, ‘mhmm’, ‘that’s nice’ or ‘okay’ kind of response. If I wasn’t in such a mood, I’d smile and laugh about it, but right now, I just want to wallow. And stuff my face. Yes, that’s what I should do. That and only that. So, I rolled out of bed, the same way I’ve been since the day I got here, and walked downstairs. The second I hit the last step, El was looking my way as Louis was on his feet and walking towards me before I could say a word.
“You okay?” He asked, which I shrugged, not really in the mood to talk, like could you blame me? I’m a shit person. As I walked passed him to go into the kitchen, he followed, I wasn’t surprised, but whatever, he’s showing he cares. “Bear?”
“What?” I somehow managed to croak out, my voice so scratchy and hoarse, it didn’t even sound like me. I really need to stop crying. Like give me more than two days apart, life.
“What happened earlier?” He asked as I searched for something to eat.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I shook my head. “I’ve been cooped up in my room all day and I want to eat something and go back to my room. So in the meantime, what do you guys want for dinner?”
“Why don’t I make us something?”
“Because I need to keep my mind busy.” I replied, shut the pantry door and turned to look at him. He looked worried and stressed. I hate that look.
"Bear, please talk to me.”
“Are you hurt?”
“Are you pregnant?”
"Dammit, Louis! I don't want to talk about it right now!" I yelled just as Eleanor wobbled in.
"When I want to talk about it, you'll be the first to know. And it'll be the time when that stupid bitch, who ruined my life isn't around!" I continued to yell and headed for the door.
“Teddy, babe, stop.”
“Make your own damn dinner.” And with that, I walked out the door and slammed it behind me.
That's not how I exactly wanted to handle things, but whatever. What's done is done. There’s no going back.
LADIES AND GENT, LOOK!!!!!!!
I'M NUMBER ONE AND NUMBER TWO ON THE POPULAR'S PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
LIKE I DON'T HAVE TO TYPE IN LOUIS TOMLINSON ANYMORE
OR GO SEARCHING THROUGH THE PAGES TO SEE WHERE I'M AT ANYMORE
BECAUSE MY ASS IS ON DEE TOP! (<---- lame-y lame LAME) (<---- even lamer)
LEGIT WHENEVER I GOT TOLD I WAS ON THE FIRST PAGE, I THOUGHT I'D BE LOWER
BUT I'M NUMBER ONE AND TWOOOOOOOOOOO!
but really, thank you
you all made me bawl my freaking eyes out
but because of that, here's a chapter
then before the night is over, there'll be another one up
happy Emily is your favorite Emily isn't it? ;D
anyways, what do you think?
are you ready to kill me again?
if so, chapter 68 will make you happy ;)