When You Let Your Heart Win
“Fucking, stupid, good for nothing, but to ruin my life, fucks!” Louis growled storming passed the living room and into the kitchen as he continued to rant about something.
“Babe?” I called from my spot on the couch.
“I’m fine.” He called back, he seemed calmer, so I took his word for it and I went back to searching for an outfit to buy or outfit ideas for the BRITs that were coming up here in two days. Louis was right. I wait till the last minute to decided on outfits for important things. “Fuck.” He growled again and made me jump, because now he was behind me.
“What?” I turned around and looked at him. “Don’t do that.”
“Sorry.” He rubbed his face and walked around and plopped down beside me. “I have to talk to you.”
“Okay?” I asked more than anything and turned my body sideways as my laptop stayed on my lap.
“About… damnit, about that.” He nodded towards my lap.
“The BRITs?” I asked following his nod, before looking back at him.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Even though I already told you I’m taking you…” He stopped and sighed. “Management wants me to take El.”
“What?” I spoke softly.
“I’m sorry. I feel like absolute shit even having this conversation with you. I really want to take you. This isn’t my doing, I swear.” He rushed as I replayed what he said in my head over again. ‘Management wants me to take El.’ Why? They’re broken up!
“It’s okay.” I whispered looking at my computer screen and clicking the x in the top right hand corner, closed it and pushed it off my lap, onto the couch cushion open between us. “Good thing you came in when you did, I almost bought something.”
“Damnit, Bear, I’m sorry.” He apologised moving my laptop to the coffee table and moved closer to me. “They want me seen out with her. To let everyone know I’m taking care of my responsibility.”
“Taking her to an awards show is really going to show that.” I rolled my eyes.
“It’s just another thing I can check off my list that Eleanor gets to do with you that I don’t.” I shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
“Bear?” He sighed as I got up.
“I have a headache, I’m going to go lie down.”
So for the past however many minutes or however many hours, I’ve been ranting. In my head, but seriously ranting. Louis has left me alone, which I’m glad, because I really don’t want to go all crazy on him, but it sorta makes me feel like he doesn’t want to be around and explain, even though I know the jist and don’t care. It’s hard to explain. He’s just not bothering to make me feel better or what not.
“I’m not taking El.” He said the second I walked out into the living room.
“You do know this is making me want to rip my hair out?” I groaned. This is the part of me where I don’t want to talk about it and obviously he does. Yay.
“I’m sorry.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “I’m not taking her, though.”
“If I can’t take you, I’m sure as hell not taking her.” He continued and walked up to me.
“So who are you going to take?” I asked, not really caring. Maybe he’ll go by himself, maybe he’ll take a random. Right now, I really don’t care. I’ve been in a piss poor mood because of this and him bringing it up again, it’s not going away, I just want food. All I came out for was some delicious, possibly highly fattening food.
“I’ll take Stan.” He shrugged grabbing my hands. “I’m not taking another girl when I got you.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
“I’m sorry.” He apologised for the millionth time in the past five-ish hours. Yeah, the clock reads half five. I’ve been ranting and stuck in our room for over five hours. Good going brain. Just take basically a full day away from me. It’s not like life is really long or anything.
“It’s fine.” I nodded again. “Have fun with Stan.”
“Babe, please don’t do this.” He whispered as his grip on my hands tightened.
“I don’t understand why they think shoving you and Eleanor into the public’s faces will make them think you’re taking care of your ‘responsibility.’ They do that, your fans might think you two are getting back together.”
“So?” He shrugged. “I’m not getting back together with her, Teddy. I don’t care if she’s having my baby or not, I got you. I only want you. Everyone with eyes knows that.”
“Management apparently doesn’t want you to have me.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what they want and don’t want.”
“You let Eleanor move in here.” I pointed out.
“And not long after she moved out into her own flat.” He reasoned.
“But you didn’t fight real long with them for doing that.” I fought back and he dropped his hands to his side.
“I…” He stopped and looked for the right set of words. “I liked her being here.” He admitted. “I liked waking up and knowing I get to see my baby grow day-by-day. Sorry for caring.”
“I… I didn’t think of it that way.” I whispered.
“Of course you didn’t!” He yelled. I’m guessing his patience with me finally hit the breaking point. Honestly, I’ve been waiting for this. At least now I’ll know what he’s really thinking and holding back. “All you think about is Eleanor moving her way back in on me. You never once thought we did, no, we are doing this for our daughter!”
“Okay. I’m sorry.” I whispered.
“Yes, I wish I was careful and wore protection with her every time, but I can’t take that back and I won’t let my daughter be raised without a father.” He continued. “I am so sorry that this hurts you, but what can I do, Teddy? Management thought it’d be a good thing for her to move in here, I did too, but then I didn’t like it because I knew you’d get wound up about it, and look at us now.” He laughed throwing his hands up. “She doesn’t even live here anymore and you’re still freaking out about it.”
“Sorry that I love you and want you to myself and not share you with your ex.”
“You’re not sharing me with her, Teddy.” He sighed. “You’re sharing me with Shay.”
“Okay.” I whispered. “Take El to the show.”
“No.” He growled.
“Then take Stan.” I raised my hands up in defeat. “Piss off me, piss off Management and possibly Eleanor in the process. I don’t care. I’m done caring whenever it comes down to us and Eleanor and award shows and date nights and whatever else there is that we do. I’ll just be the girlfriend that chills in the background while you have a merry old time with your little family you two made.”
“I’m going to Niall’s.”
“So you blew up at him?”
“More like he blew up on me, then I blew up on him.” I sighed and growled at myself. “What is wrong with me?!”
“Nothing.” He crouched in front of me quickly. “Teddy, there’s not.”
“Then why doesn’t Management like me? Why did Eleanor get pregnant once I got who, I think, I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life? Why is my life so fucking complicated and the only time I feel like I can breathe properly is whenever I’m alone, with Louis, in a different country away from everybody?”
“Where should I start?” He tried to joke moving to sit beside me.
“Go down the line.” I rolled my eyes as I put my elbow on my knee, laid my head in my hand and looked at him. “Don’t hold back. I can take it.”
“Alright.” He nodded. “I love you, remember that.”
“Yes.” I smiled.
“You’re a bitch.”
“Ouch.” I sat up straight. “Maybe I shouldn’t of said that.”
“But I wouldn’t want you any other way.” He ignored me. “You tell people what you think, when you think it. Everyone needs someone like that in their lives, babe, and Management, fuck, we all hate them and you’ve publicly, more than once, expressed how much you hate them over the three plus years we’ve been around.”
“They’re dicks. They think you boys can’t think and make decisions for yourselves.” I defended myself.
“No need to explain that to me, love. I understand.” He smiled. “And Eleanor got pregnant, because Louis and Eleanor are stupid. I’m no expert in relationships and all, but If you ask me, if you see that your relationship is about to do a massive dive into a pile of shit, you don’t try to save it with sex, let alone unprotected sex, that results in an unplanned pregnancy. Which is exactly what we got.”
“Do you think Louis should get back together with El?” I whispered.
“I see it how you see it, you and Lou are meant to be together.” He smiled. “This pregnancy… fuck babe, that was supposed to be you and only you. I know for a fact that Lou feels like complete shit about it. We’ve had countless conversations about whether he should give up and just be with you or if he should stay and help take care of Shay. But Teddy, as much as I hate seeing you hurt, I couldn’t let him leave Shay without a father, even if he choose to. Management would go ballistic, fans may stop supporting us, but he chose, all by himself, to help and stand by El. He was raised right, be happy with that.”
“I am.” I whined. “God, I love the fact that he’s being a man and taking care of what he causes, but Niall, this hurts so fucking much. There’s days where I wake up and don’t think I can do it anymore and then I just look at him and… fuck, I break just thinking about not having him in my life or just simply holding his hand every day.”
“Then stick with him because of that feeling.” He encouraged. “Things cannot get worse than what they already are, babe. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever.” He smiled nudging me. “Remember who told me that?”
“Yeah, me.” I snorted thinking about it. “The night you boys got voted off X Factor.” I laughed. “I have no idea why you listened to that. I was more upset than what you lot were.”
“I say it all worked out fine.”
“Yeah, you boys are more famous than Rebecca and Matt combined.” I agreed.
“I remember you having a massive crush on Matt.” He looked at me, practically telling me not to judge.
“He was a nice lookin’ fella.” I nodded, then sighed. “I should go home.”
“Yeah, you should.” He agreed.
“Pushy much?” I looked at him. “Got a hot date?”
“No, you just need to go home. Don’t yell at him, just talk.”
“I’m tired of talking.” I whispered. “I’m tired period.”
“Tired of what?”
“Everything.” I continued to whisper. “The drama Eleanor brought into my relationship with Louis, my parents, dropping out of Uni because I didn’t feel safe, you name it, everything that’s fucked in my life, I’m tired of it.”
“Your relationship isn’t fucked.” He said flinging an arm around my shoulders and leaned us back, making us practically lay down.
“You have a wide couch, mate.”
“I know.” He laughed.
“It’s like a bed.” I smiled.
“It’s pretty much shot.” He shrugged. “I should go to the shoppe before tour starts back up.”
“Can I tag along?” I asked looking up at him. “I can hold your crutches while you test ‘em out?”
“Sounds like a plan, babe.” He smiled and kissed the top of my head and left his lips there. “Just… just talk to him, Ted. He’s doing the best he can.”
“I know.” I mumbled. “Five minutes.”
“I’m not kicking you out.” He laughed. “You can stay as long as you want, but you will be sleeping at your house.”
“Afraid someone will injure your other knee?” I joked.
“This isn’t the kind of fight where you need to sleep in different houses.”
“I know.” I sighed. “I’m just not ready to go back just yet.”
“That’s fine.” He smiled. “Pizza and footie?”
“Derby.” He grinned.
“Of course.” I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, put it on and order us the whole menu plus desert, I gotta pee.”
don't you just love these fast updates?
you all are going to get addicted like crack
(if you're not already)
and i won't know if i can keep this up till the last chapter
let alone the next chapter
because i have not looked at how much i have for the next chapter already written
buttttt the next few chapters
you may want to kill me
because it's going to be a lot of drama
like more than this
so forgive me in advance, pwease
last time i'm going to address this matter
i don't care if you like Eleanor
she has done nothing to make me like her
she 'dates' Louis
let's declare her Queen
she's nothing important
this fandom didn't treat Dani like a Queen
same goes with Perrie
D and P, i have nothing against
they have jobs and made a name for themselves
this fandom doesn't know much, let alone anything about Sophia and most of us treat her like shit
(do you actually blame her for not letting us see her tweets or instagram pics though? i applaud Liam for keeping her out of the spot light and leaving their relationship extremely private. they might be the next Jay-Z and Beyonce', if i'm honest)
so what's the difference with El?
if you're going to judge my story because i don't like her
well then go right ahead and do that
i don't know why it's taken this long for someone to notice
but i'll be okay
i don't want to get into a big comment war over this
i'm not trying to change your opinions
and you won't change mine
so if you have something to say, please don't
i'm not trying to be rude, but honestly this is how it's coming out of my head and it sounds harsh from another point of view
if i pissed you off extremely, ignore this note (or from now on, if you need to, but i am done talking about real life Eleanor) but please continue reading
in the meantime
tell me what you think of this chapter
and what you think what's about to go down during the BRITs
sorry for the slight rant
love youuuus xxx