Emily's POV

i can hear everyone running about around me but i cant see them all that is visible is a long expanse of darkness. Is this what it feels like. What it feels like to be so close to death. Like monkey bars on a playground if i let go i can just fall . Slip away . End all possible suffering in the future . Make it so that i never have to hurt again . I can hear them crying . Begging for me to wake up . It sounds like my mom and my friends .Probably Staining the bed sheets around me hoping for my eyes to open .

But i don't think i want them to open them this time i think its my time i dont want to die yet i dont want to live .

no one wants to die.even people who want to go to heaven dont want to die to get there.and yet death is the destination we all share.no one has ever escaped it. And that is how it should be ,because death is very likely the single best invention of life
it is life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new .
-Steve Jobs


that was my favorite quote throughout highschool because everytime i thought about suicide or cutting my self this made me feel a little better about my self.

-----------
*flashback*

"you fucking whore! I bet you've slept with every fucking softmore in this god damn school." Shayla spat at me .

i pushed past her and ran into the bathroom locking my self in there . I pulled my pencil sharpener razor out i my pocket . And placed it against my wrist.

"whore." I pulled it across my skin .
"slut."i pulled it across my skin going deeper this time .
"fatass"i bent over the toilet and gagged until i threw up .
"worthless" i held the razor against my skin pulling it all the way up my forearm .screaming out in sheer pain.

i hated my life an everything about it .

*end of flashback*

-----

my life was never easy i dont understand why but people just never seem to like me . I never did anything to anyone yet everyone seemed to hate me .

-----

*flashback*

i picked up my phone and logged into my twitter

Hoe

slut

bitch

attention whore what the fucks your problem you're pregnant already your only 18 you slut

poor niall you probably got pregnant to trap him in a relationship.

i hope you and your baby dies you worthless skank .

stay away from niall you dot deserve him you piece of shit

i hope you commit suicide yould be sound everyone a favor

i hope you get hit by a car ,bitch.

*end of flash back *

every day every waking minute of my life is pure hatred full of spite and torture , nows my chance to escape .
If i just let go . .... And so i did i let go the voices that i was hearing slowly fading away and the sound of my heart monitor ending in one long continuos beep that didn't end but my life has I've finally slipped away ,away from the names, away from the hate , away from every fucking minute of my life that felt like hell . Dieing isn't how i thought it would be i feel more trapped in my own body than set free maybe heaven really doesn't exist but if it does i hope I'm on my way there .

"Emma baby?" it sounded like my dad. Maybe i really was in heaven maybe ..... Maybe in heaven conversation was held through thought . But wouldn't that mean he could hear me?

"dad" i thought hoping he could hear me .

"You can't die baby , i know your life's been rough but its turning around , you've got a boyfriend now baby I've seen the way he looks at you , he loves you . Just because I'm not there with you physically doesn't mean I'm not still there in your heart. and if you don't stay for him then you have to more people that wont survive without you. " he spoke , i haven't heard his voice in ages sure i got money from him in high school by that money was just saved to give to me because he died on my 5th birthday only Victoria and ally know that i haven't even told Niall . But maybe dads right i shouldn't leave right when things are looking up .

"but dad how do i go back?" I think again.

"just open your eyes ." And with that i did . I opened them to a long white sheet pulled over my head which i took off i really did almost die... I heard the long beep on the monitor reset . And doctors running all around me trying to get me situated . Although i was all alone in the room none of my family no friends not even Niall. Which is odd because i thought i heard her crying.... More and more doctors and nurses came running into the room carrying Iv's and blood . Followed shortly by..... Niall . He ran over to me and wraps me in the longest and tightest hugI've ever been in .

"don't ever leave me again baby i thought i lost you ."niall said tears streaming down his face .

"i stayed for one reason only and that was for you ,i love you niall ."i said looking up into his eyes .

"I love you too ." He replied tucking some lose hair behind my ear.

Notes

Well this made me cry a lot and i mean like my bedsheets are completely stained and i went through easily half a box of tissues
if you haven't already please do

RATE
COMMENT
AND SUBSCRIBE

-Emma