It wasn’t super late when we got through with our game of truth or dare, but the boys were tired so we set up all of our beds in the living room and went to sleep. Harry’s was right next to mine and at first we were snuggled together, but eventually he fell asleep and ended up more towards his side. I might have fallen asleep for a while, but I felt wide awake. I wanted to ask him why he acted the way he did, and I guess I could have, but I wanted to wait until we were by ourselves.

I sat up and looked around at everyone sleeping. Just when I considered lying back down again, I heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I grabbed my phone to use as a light and slowly walked crept around the corner. As soon as I saw that it was Zayn, I walked in. “Hey,” I said as quietly as I could in order to not wake anyone up.

“Oh, whoa, hey Megan,” he said with a laugh. “I didn’t see you.” He was looking in the refrigerator but closed the door. “Do you want anything?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just have some water. Want some?” I nodded without really thinking about it. “I’ll get it,” I told him.

“I got it,” he insisted. I was contemplating on asking him about Harry when he handed me my drink and said, “Want to talk about it?”

“About what?” “You’ve obviously got something on your mind. You can talk to me about it if you want.”

I set my glass on the counter and sat down on a stool and he did the same. “Do you know why Harry wouldn’t answer Louis’ question?”

“Honestly Megan, he wouldn’t want me to tell you.”

“But Zayn - ”

“But I’m going to tell you anyway,” he added. “You know he’s always wanted to be a singer, right?”

“Of course.”

“Well, the boys and I have been talking about trying out for the X Factor. Everybody is convinced they’re going to do it except Harry and I.”

“Why doesn’t he want to? He knows I’d support him.”

“That isn’t the problem. He knows that you’d support him, but he doesn’t want to you to. He doesn’t want you to encourage him because he doesn’t want to make you go through that.”

“Go through what? Him being happy and pursing his dream?”

He got closer to me and spoke quieter. “I’m sure you know just as much as I do that even if he tries out, that doesn’t mean he’ll make it. And even if he does, and even if he goes far, that doesn’t mean he’ll suddenly be super famous. But this is Harry. He’s thinking about all of the possibilities. And the fact is, if he does go far, and if he does do well, he could end up being far away from you for long periods of time. Sure, after the show you could go with him to concerts and stuff, but he sees that as being in control of your life. He wants you to go to college or whatever else you want to do and he doesn’t want to be the reason you don’t. He doesn’t want to be like your….” he hesitated as if questioning whether or not he should have even began that sentence.

“Like my mother,” I said, finishing it for him.

“He loves you Megan, and he just wants the best for you. I mean, yeah, he does want to be a singer, but he’d rather stay here with you. You just got settled in here and he can’t imagine taking all of that away now.”

“Thanks, Zayn.” We hugged before he looked at the time. “I guess we better go back to sleep now.” I nodded in agreement. He started to walk away, but I called out, “Hey,” and he came back. “Yeah?”

“Why don’t you want to try out?”

“I don’t know…don’t get me wrong, I love to sing, I just don’t know if I want to like, be famous, you know? I’m only considering it for the experience. Plus I kind of just want someone to tell me if I can sing or not,” he told me with a laugh before walking away again.

Instead of telling him to come back, I walked beside him. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t try out because I’m telling you this, but never doubt if you can sing, because you can. You really can.”

---

The next morning we woke up early and had an amazing breakfast. Yeah, not really. For some reason we thought it was a good idea to have everyone help make breakfast together which of course was a complete disaster food wise. It took us twice as long to make very little food that actually tasted good, but it really was twice as fun.

I know that the main reason it didn’t go well is because there were simply too many people cooking at once, not to mention how silly everyone was acting, but I was distracted as well. I understand where Harry is coming from on one hand, but at the same time, I feel like he’s completely wrong. I just really needed to talk to him. But of course, I didn’t have time or privacy.

A bit after breakfast we went to the Mall of America. We were divided into different groups a lot of the time and had a lot of fun, but I still never managed to be alone with him. I probably wouldn’t have wanted to talk to him about it then anyway but still. Despite having fun, I couldn’t shake off the negative feeling I had.

Once we were back home all we hung out and watched tv and talked for a while since we were so tired. At one point Harry fell asleep and the boys were going to do something to him but I stopped them. Just when I was considering letting them since come on, it would have been pretty funny, he woke up. The confused look on his face as we all laughed was so adorable.

The rest of the night was pretty casual too and before I knew it, the day was over. The next day started with a smaller and calmer breakfast experience. Then after a while Louis suggested playing football. They offered for Chloe and I to play too even though that would have made the team uneven, but I decided to keep score instead. Chloe isn’t a sports person but she tried anyway. She tried so hard.

She was on the team with Louis and Liam. But despite never having played American football much less British football her team beat Harry, Niall, and Zayn. “We should have won that,” Niall said while the other team cheered. “Aw, come on Nialler,” Louis told him with a smile. “We established the rules from the beginning.”

“It’s okay, Niall. We’ll get them next time,” Harry said as he put his arm around him. “I did pretty good though, didn’t I?” he asked. “Remember how I scored that one time?”

“Of course, that was great buddy. I’m proud of you,” Niall replied. He gave him a hug and Louis rolled his eyes then said, “Well, I scored two times, so…” and walked away. The rest of the boys and Chloe followed except Harry and I.

He walked over to me with a fake frown. I copied him and said, “Aww, come here, it’s okay.” I hugged him and he laughed. “Sorry, I’m a bit sweaty.”

“It’s fine,” I said. “And I saw you score too. I was very proud, babe.”

“Well in that case, I won after all.”

We hugged again and he gave me a quick kiss. I was looking around to make sure we were alone when he said, “I guess I’ll go take a shower or - ”

“Harry,” I said, stopping him. “Umm…” For some reason I couldn’t think of a good way to get the conversation started. “You should try out for the X Factor. You need to.” Getting straight to the point was all I could think of.

“Megan, don’t.”

“I’m serious. I know you want to, you know you want to, everyone knows. There’s no reason you shouldn’t.” “There are plenty of reasons,” he argued.

“Name one that doesn’t have to do with me.”

“As longs as one reason involves you, it doesn’t mater if there are any more. Now come on, let’s go inside.” He started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm. “I want you to.”

“I’m not doing that to you.” “Doing what? Going after your dream? Being happy?” I asked.

“I get why you’re saying this, but you don’t understand, babe. Everything is finally perfect. You have a family, you have a home, and now you can do whatever you want. And so can I…with you. That’s my real dream, okay? Being where you are. We only have one year of high school left and then we can go to college together.”

I shook my head as I stared at the ground. “That isn’t what you want and that’s not what I want for you.”

“I’m not going to do that to you. I’m not going to choose your life for you. I’m not going to be like her. Isn’t that part of the reason why you’re here? So you can choose what to do with you’re life? What do you think will happen when I leave? I know you too well. You’ll follow me.”

“Do you even hear yourself right now?” I said getting louder and more frustrated. “You’re saying you want to let me choose my future but you’re telling me that I’m going to college. I’ve never even said that I want to for sure. Did you ever think that maybe the life I want and have planned for myself involves you doing what you love?”

“You’re doing the same thing by assuming I really want to try out in the first place. Don’t you understand that - I’m sorry. Look, I don’t want to fight about this. You can believe what you want, but I’m not going to do it.”

“I’m not through talking about this,” I said.

“Well, I am.” I looked to the house as he headed that way just in time to see the blinds from the window quickly close. They were watching.

I watched him as he closed the door behind him and considered following him. Instead I walked across the small bridge that leads to the second mini house. I went inside and locked the door behind me. The silence in that small space hit me hard. I sat down on the floor, put in my headphones, hit shuffle on my music, and tried to block out my thoughts of him only to have the song he wrote for me, “Don’t Let Me Go” play.

Notes