Love Will Tell Us Where To Go

The plane ride to California went by slowly. Once I arrived and got settled in at a new cafe place, I began to charge my phone. Not that it really mattered. In LA it’s ten at night which means it’s midnight in Minneapolis. My flight is at one again and I’ll get back home at eight in the morning.

I ate because I knew that as soon as I got off the next plane the first thing I would do is go the the hospital. My dad will be picking me up so at least I have some help with my luggage.

As soon as I boarded my final flight, I fell asleep. As worried and anxious as I am, nothing can beat how exhausted I am. From the moment I went to my mother’s until now all I’ve felt is stress. I just want to be with him.

With full on jet lag, I ran up to my dad and hugged him tightly. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

“Have you heard anything new?” I asked checking my phone again. Still nothing from Chloe. And she’s in school right now. Great. “No sweetie, I haven’t. But don’t worry. The last thing I heard was he’s doing fine. I saw him last night too and - “

“How did he seem? Was he acting normal? What did he say?”

“I think he’s more concerned about you than himself.” he said with a slight smile. “He’s mad at himself too.”

“Let’s go.” I said suddenly wondering why the heck we were still standing in the airport. The drive to the hospital somehow managed to feel as long as the plane rides. That’s an extreme comparison, but still.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, it was clear that it was full. “We’ll have to park in the parking deck.” I glanced back to see how far away it was then back at the hospital mere feet away. “I have to go now. You know what room he’s - oh yeah, you saw him already. Stop the car.”

Without a word he did as I asked and as soon as he did, I got out and ran. Had I not been hyped up on adrenaline and had I not traveled nineteen hours to get here, I might have cared about what other people were thinking of me. That was not the case.

As I closed in on his door, a nurse approached me. “What’s your name?” I answered her despite being out of breath. “Megan Dawson. Um- Lawrence. I don’t know what my last name is right now.”

“Only one person has permission to see this patient.” she stated sternly. “No. You don’t understand.”

“Are you telling me I don’t know how to do my job?”

“No, all I’m saying is that Chloe, the other person allowed to see him, gave me permission to see him. And my dad. He saw him yesterday.”

“I wasn’t here yesterday but I do know that you are not allowed in that room. Chloe isn’t even the decider for who can see him. Now if you would please leave.”

I stormed off to the waiting area just a few feet away. There was only one other nurse around and she has her back towards me most of the time. As soon as that one that won’t let me go in is gone, I am going in that room.

I was prepared to wait a while, maybe even wait for my dad, but I didn’t wait. As soon as she left I hurried quietly into his room. My heart shattered at the sight of him lying in the hospital bed. I covered my mouth in reaction and with that came tears I have been holding back for so long.

He seemed so weak and fragile, I was afraid to approach him. Time was not on my side though, so I forced myself to walk up next to him. His eyes were closed and I couldn’t really tell if he was breathing. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. The monitor clearly shows his heart beat is fine.

Despite being unsure if I should, I gently took his hand in mine. They are so cold. It was then that I began to wonder why he hadn’t woken up yet. Surely me holding his hand should have done it. “Harry?” I said quietly. “Harry, it’s Megan. I’m finally here, love. Babe?” I gently stroked his shoulder but I got no reaction.

I know that I may have a slight tendency to freak out unnecessarily, but that didn’t stop me from doing it anyway. Worst case scenario after scenario flooded my mind. I was convinced he was in a coma and things has taken a turn for the worst.

That is until a different nurse came in. “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was in here.” she told me politely. “I just need to check on him so if you could step aside for just a moment.” I did as I was told before asking, “So…how is he?”

“Pretty good. It hasn’t been twenty four hours yet so we have to wake him up every two hours. It’s always important to closely watch concussion patients. His leg is broken, but it should heal in about six weeks.”

“So…he’s fine…he’s just sleeping.” My heart beat began to slow down to a normal pace.

“Absolutely. And he takes advantages of every second he has too. Not that I can blame him. He can be difficult to wake up. Which is what I have to do right now, but I’m sure you don’t mind.” She gave me a smile before saying, “Harry, sorry but I’m going to need you to wake up now.”

She said is much louder than me, although I whispered. She had to say it one more time, but it worked. It worked, and somehow even after all of that waiting, I wasn’t prepared.

I don’t know what I had expected, but it only took a few seconds for Harry’s eyes to find mine. A smile spread across his face before he said in his just-woke-up voice, “Megan.”

“I’ll be gone in just a second.” she told us as she checked the machines. Not that I paid much attention. All I could see is Harry. Dark circles were visible under his eyes, but somehow light still managed to reach his eyes as he smiled. As soon as the nurse left he raised his hand out and reached for mine.

His grip was stronger than I expected, but even more so was when he lightly pulled me toward him. My face quickly became engulfed by his curly hair. I loved it.

“I love you so, so much. I am so stupid. I’m sorry. I’m…I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry, Megan. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

I pulled away enough to look at him. “We’re both stupid, okay?” I said it with a laugh, but I also felt a tear roll down my cheek. Just as I noticed it, Harry wiped it away with his thumb. “I was upset at her. I thought I wanted to be alone…I mean, I did, but…I shouldn’t have ignored you. You never would have done that to me and I am so incredibly sorry.”

“You know what I think?” I nodded in reply. “We’re not perfect, and we think we need to be.” I gave him a questioning look. “Think about it. We freak out so bad when something doesn’t go right or at the thought of something going wrong. Yeah, we need to own up to when we make mistakes, but nobody is perfect, Megan. I made the mistake of driving when I knew I shouldn’t. And maybe you should have…yeah, you should have answered me.” he said with a small laugh and a smile.

“But you are not the cause of my wreck. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t take the responsibility for other people’s mistakes. It’s way too much for one person to carry.”

“You’re really smart, you know that?”

“The smartest.” He grinned from ear to ear. “And this is while I have a concussion.”

“I knew you’d be in here.” my dad said as he walked in the room. “Don’t worry, I got everything settled with that nurse. She knows you can see him now.” I gave him a hug as I told him, “Thanks.”

“I’ll leave you two alone. I can stay here for as long as you need me to, just let me know if you need anything.”

“Wait, it’s a Monday. Shouldn’t you be at work? You should go back.”

“Megan sweetie, you are my first priority, not my job. I’m the only ride you have and I can stay as long as you want me to.”

My eyes began to tear up as I gave him another hug. “You’re the best.” It was in that moment that it really hit me: I made it.

“But really though, I’ll be here all day. I can call you later when I want you to pick me up. Take the day off, enjoy it.”

“Alright. If you insist. See you later.” he began to walk away, but stopped as he reached for the door. “You’re the best too, you know.”

“I have cried way too much these past few days.” I said before turning back to Harry. “Me too.” he said wiping a tear from his eye.
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As excited as we were to be with each other again, he was so tired. I’m sure having to wake up every two hours made it worse. He insisted I stay, but once I mentioned getting breakfast, he gladly agreed that I should go for a while. During that time I also got to talk to Chloe on the phone. She was so relieved everything was okay.

I went back to see him at eleven and stayed with him for an hour. After that he kept bugging me (adorably) to eat lunch as well. I tried telling him I wasn’t hungry (lie) but I didn’t want to leave him again. Luckily though it was time for him to eat too so I brought my lunch up to his room so we could eat together.

“As great as this food is…” he said sarcastically. “I can’t wait to go home.” I knew he was referring to my dad’s house, but for some reason the word “home” struck me hard. I know he came with me because he wanted to, but he didn’t need to. Other than me, there was no reason for it. I guess I still feel more guilty about it than I’d like to admit.

“Now you need to get the rest of your stuff here. And tell your parents the truth, finally.”
“Yeah.” he said without looking at me. Something was up, I just knew it. Even so, I decided to not push it. He’s been through a lot, and if there is something he’s not telling me, I’ll be told when I need to. “Do you think you could get me on that online home school thing? I’m a bit behind you, but I don’t want to get even more behind.”

“Absolutely. We might have to go into summer a bit, but it’ll work out. After that we can either keep doing that or go to a public school.” We looked at each other and paused before saying,

“Home school.” We began to laugh just as a nurse walked in. “Not much longer until we don’t have to wake you up every two hours.”

“For a second I thought you were going to say that I get to go home soon. I got really excited.”

“Sorry, but no. Not quite yet. Tomorrow morning, though, so not much longer.” He checked the machines before taking his tray of food away. He even took mine.

“They’re really nice an all” Harry said when he left. “but I want to go home.” I made a pouty face that made him laugh. “What?” he asked.

“Nothing. You’re just adorable, that’s all.”

“Oh, really? Even in this stupid cast.” he pointed toward his right leg in disgust. “Stupid leg. Why couldn’t you not break? Look at this one over here, it’s fine. It didn’t break. You should have done what it did.”

I walked up to him and ran my fingers through his hair. “Is there anything I can get you, babe?” He thought for a moment before saying, “I didn’t eat all of my food so I’m still hungry. Can I have a banana?”

“Of course.” I told him before kissing his forehead. I almost walked away but barely caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye that made me turn back. I immediately burst into laughter. His eyes were closed as he puckered his lips in hopes I would kiss him. I did of course, and as soon as I did, he smiled from ear to ear.

Once he got the banana, four and a half hours and three nurse visits later, Harry was finally able to sleep longer. Not that he wanted to yet. “Now we’ll only check on you every four hours. And once you go to sleep we’ll only wake you up if necessary or seven hours later, okay?”

Harry thanked her, and as soon as she left he said, “Your jet lag has to be so bad right now.”

“I’m fine.” I told him, which was mainly true. While I am feeling the effects of jet lag, they aren’t bad enough for me to go home. Not yet. “How are you? Are you tired?”

“Not really. I’ll have plenty of time to sleep later. Hey, have you heard from Chloe?”

“No, I haven’t actually. Not since lunch. School is over, so I should be able to call her.” I dialed her number, and just as it rang once, she answered. “Hello!” she exclaimed.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t call sooner. Harry and I - “

“Give me a second.” And with that, she hung up. I looked over at Harry who looked about as confused as I felt. “She hung up. Why would she do that?” Before he could say anything Chloe walked in. “Hello!”

“Chloe!” I exclaimed before hugging her. “Why do you have your laptop?” I asked when I saw the bag she always carries it in. “Well, let’s just say that I’m not the only person who wanted to visit Harry.”

“No way.” he replied. “What time is it there?”

“Just a little after eleven. I would have been here earlier but I was planning all of this. I started this morning but Zayn was really hard to get in touch with.” Harry laughed. “We got in touch though, so it’s all good. Anyway, they’re all at Niall’s house so I’m going to go ahead and get this video chat started.”

Once things were almost set up, we all crossed our fingers for good wifi. As soon as the boys showed up on the screen we all let out a small scream of happiness. This was received by various replies by the boys, mostly just “YAY’S” and saying Harry’s name.

“HAROLD!” Louis exclaimed. “Did you slip on another banana peel?” Niall began to laugh ridiculously as Liam said, “Come on boys, give him a break. Zayn, you’ve got the thing, right?”

“Yeah, one second.” he replied before disappearing out of the view of the webcam. “We made you something.” Niall said with a smile. “Mostly me of course, but I’ll give them some credit.”

“Shut up, Niall. I did it all.” Zayn told him as he sat back down. He held the giant paper filled with words and drawings. “You can tell which ones are mine because they’re the ones that look good.”

“Hey, my drawing looks awesome.” Louis said defensively. “You’re not the only artist around here.”

“It looks great. Thanks guys.” Harry told them with a smile.

“How are you feeling?” Liam asked. “Pretty good. I just want to get out of here already, ya know?”

“Aww.” Niall said with a frown. “At least you have Megan with you. And Chloe…” he looked at Chloe when he said that and it made her blush. “Anyway…” Louis said rolling his eyes. “we know you probably want to rest, but we just wanted to see that you were alright. It’s been way too long since we hung out, by the way.”

“You guys should come here when school is over. Think that would work?” Harry asked.

“Maybe.” Niall replied. “If I can afford it.” The others agreed, and for a second, the feeling in the room was a lot less happy. It was then that it occurred to me that maybe they wanted to be alone.

“Well, me and Chloe will let you guys talk. We’ll be back later!” I said as we both began to walk away. As soon as I shut the door I heard Harry say, “I am so lucky.”
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We went back to a room with a much different atmosphere. From the door I could hear some singing that soon turned into nothing but laughter. “Having fun?” Chloe asked.

“Absolutely.” Harry replied. “Hey Megan, he better appreciate having you around because he wouldn’t make it without you. He couldn’t even - “

“Shut up.” Harry told Liam mid sentence. “He had to call a nurse to fix his bed because he screwed it up and couldn’t fix it.”

“The button was stuck!” he replied. “Seriously though, he’s a mess. You were away from him for barely a day and look what he did to himself. Sad. Just sad.” Louis added with a smile. “You just can’t leave him alone for two seconds.”

“You guys are so mean.” he folded his arms and looked away. “I’m not talking to you guys anymore.”

“Don’t worry, he’s in good hands now.” I told them with a smile. Just after I did, a nurse came in for Harry’s dinner. Suddenly Harry turned back to them and told them with a smile, “See you guys later, I love you.” I feel like that sums him up.
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Chloe stayed while we ate our dinner. Once she left Harry and I started watching television.

“There’s a show like this in the UK. It’s called The X Factor.”

“We have that one too.” I replied.

“Would you believe I almost tried out for it?” he asked with a laugh. “Yeah, actually, I can.” I replied seriously. “Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know….I was just sixteen, I guess I didn’t feel ready. But it’s fine. I’m glad I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because if I had, I wouldn’t have met you.”

I walked over to his side and held his hand. “So you’re telling me that you’d rather be with me than be crazy famous and rich right now?”

“I would pick you over fame and money everyday, no doubt.” he told me without a second thought. I kissed him lightly on the lips, but he pulled me back gently and kissed me again.

“One more night.” he said with a small smile. “Not much longer now.” I replied.

“Six weeks, huh?” he asked referring to how long it was going to take for his leg to heal. “Afraid so. But it’s okay because you’ll have me to take care of you.”

“Sorry about that, by the way. That’s really going to suck. I mean, your dad and Annabell can help when they’re home, but it’ll just be me and you during the day on the weekdays. Plus I already feel like a burden having them let me stay there, now they have to deal with me in a cast? Let’s see..it’s like, the 27th of February, so six weeks from now it will be April and -“

“Don’t worry, silly. And stop feeling bad. You were in a wreck and all you have is a concussion and a broken leg; that’s awesome! I will happily take care of you as long as you need me to. I mean seriously, you could have been much worse off. You could have…” my voice faded from not being able to finish the sentence. Even when he is right in front of me, clearly fine, just saying that out loud is too much.

“It’s alright, Megan. I’m alright.”

“I know that, but…you could have…I was so scared, Harry. The thought of losing you at all was…but I ignored your calls and that just made it worse and I -” as soon as I began to cry, Harry took my arm and gently pulled me onto the bed with him.

I was on the side where his good leg is, so I was able to get close to him. I buried my face in his chest. He smelled like the hospital but I couldn’t care less. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as he stroked my hair. “I love you, Megan. I love you so much. Please don’t be upset for not answering me. I wasn’t upset then, and I’m not now.”

“But - “

“I’m serious. I love you, Megan, and that means that I understand when you need to be alone sometimes. You should never feel bad about that.”

“What would I do without you?” I asked.

“You’d be fine. And you would be just as awesome.”

“So would you.” I replied. “But you still want to be together, right?”

“No doubt.”

“I agree.” He kissed me on the cheek then closed his eyes. He promised he was just resting them, but he soon fell asleep. I didn’t mind. I got to rest my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. His beautiful, perfect, heartbeat.

I carefully got my phone and texted my dad to let him know that I was staying the night. He made sure I really wanted to, and once he was convinced, I closed my eyes as well.

Then it hit me: I love my life.

I literally have everything I could possibly need in my life. A wonderful dad and step-mom, the best boyfriend, and even the best friends ever. If I knew that this is what my life was going to be like a year ago, I would have cried from joy.

I know that Harry doesn’t want me to feel bad about ignoring him, but I still do. Not for ignoring him, but the reason for it. Even when I no longer have to live with her, even when she has no control over me, she still managed to get to me.

Not anymore.

Harry was right. Being mad at her and resenting her for all she did and didn’t do will only hurt me. That was proven by our last conversation. No matter what I say, she can’t see where she went wrong. But it’s okay. What happened happened, and I refuse to let my past define my future.

I’ve thought this before, but this time it is final. I’m starting over. Actually, I have already started over. This is it. My new beginning. Nothing and no one can stop me now.

Notes