Love Will Tell Us Where To Go

Fifteen minutes later and I was in Minnehaha Park. I sat in the car a little over five minutes and finished drinking my coffee. I looked down at the directions I had written before putting it back in my purse and getting out of the car.

It didn’t take me long to find the area he was supposed to meet me in. It’s in the picnic area. I sat down at one of the tables and began looking at my phone. He could walk up at any moment, and I honestly don’t feel prepared to actually see him.

I wonder why he chose for us to meet here. Why not his house? Maybe he didn’t want me to drive that far. Or maybe the house is like, messy right now or something. Even though we’re in public, there is practically no one here. Imagine no one wanting to go to a park in the winter in Minnesota.

Not that I’m complaining (okay I kind of am) but I’m just so nervous. There has to be a reason for meeting me here.

I am about to meet my father. My father…he hadn’t told me his full name in the letter. That’s weird too. If he had married my mother I would have had his last name. I wonder what it is. As strange as the thought of my last name not being Dawson is, it’d be pretty cool to change it to his.

What was that? I slowly turned my head around and saw…nothing. Must have been the wind. A minute goes by and the same thing happens. It also happens three minutes after that. As I began to freeze and continued to hear things that weren’t footsteps, I began to not even bother turning around. That’s why I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard a man’s voice say, “Megan?”

I clenched my teeth as my eyes watered. I haven’t even turned around yet. Oh my gosh I’m going to be a mess. Despite knowing this, I turned around. And there he was, my dad. I took in his features, his eye color is exactly the same as mine. His hair color too. I didn’t know what to expect, but he really does look like my dad.

I hadn’t planned on doing this, but I ran up to him and hugged him tight. He does the same. I also hadn’t planned on crying, but I did. A lot. So did he, so that didn’t help…at all.

“Megan…I can’t believe it’s actually you.” Our embrace lasted a long time, but I didn’t care. I was with my dad, and that was all that mattered. He backed up a few steps and dried his eyes. I did the same.

“You are so beautiful.” he told me with a smile. “Thank you.” I replied. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just asked what had been on my mind, “What’s your name?” I laughed and he did too.

“Jason Lawrence. Sorry I didn’t tell you in the letter. I don’t know how I forgot. I went over it a million times…I was just so nervous.”

“It’s completely fine. I’m just so happy you contacted me.” My voice cracked at the end of my sentence, and he gave me another quick hug. “I could never put into words how happy I am that you are here.”

“So, is there any reason why you wanted to meet here?” I asked.

“There is, but first we need to discuss something.” I looked down a moment, hesitant to explain how I got here, because I am sure that is what he wants to talk about.

“Does your mother know that you’re here? I promise I won’t get you in trouble.” I simply shake my head no. “I figured that.”

“I had to.” I argued. “I asked her if I could visit Harry’s - ” Well, I guess now is the time to tell him about him. Dang it, I wish I could process my thoughts better. “Who is Harry?”

“My boyfriend. He uh - he came with me.” I half smiled and he looked at me a moment. It’s like he’s thinking. “Even though I am your father, I have to say…I’m glad you didn’t travel across the world alone.”

“Thanks…but umm..anway…” I explained to him about how I had lied to get here but it didn’t work. Then I had to go all the way back to my childhood to tell him about how much we moved. I told him about Chloe and more about Harry. I even told him about almost jumping.

I seriously don’t know why I did. I could have left it out. I could have told him Harry and I met at school (not a lie) and not have gone into details, but I just couldn’t do it. An indirect lie is a lie and that is not how I want to start off our relationship.

The best thing? He listened. That is it. No interrupting. Never once did he make a rude comment or tell me to speak up. He simply listened.

“I - I don’t know what to say.” he said when I had finished. “I can’t believe she put you through all of that.” He shook his head and had a look of disgust on his face. “I am so sorry, Megan. You didn’t deserve to go through any of that.”

“Thanks…and I know. It’s just…taken me a while to realize that just because you’re put into a bad situation, doesn’t mean you have to stay there.”

“I just want you to know that if I had known about this sooner…and I wish I had more than anything…I would have contacted you a long time ago.”

“I know you would have.” I truly believe that with all of my heart.

“How long are you going to be here? I would love for you to meet Annabell and come to my house…and I want to meet Harry and Chloe too, but I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“See…that’s the thing.” I started. “I was hoping to tell her - ” the wind began to blow hard. The wind chill is making it worse. “You know what, I’ve waited seventeen years to meet you, she can wait another day.” he said. “You have my address right?”

“Yes.” I replied. “What time should we come?”

“Around noon or one is fine. Whenever is best for you. You better leave, it’s freezing.” He hugged me tightly as he said, “I am so glad you came here.”

“Me too. See you tomorrow.” He waved at me as I left, and as soon as I got in the car I called Harry.

“No way!” he exclaimed. “I am so proud of you, Megan. So, so, proud of you. I can’t wait to meet him.” I smiled from ear to ear. “This can not be real life.”

“It is, Megan. And I am so happy it is. Now please, come back!” I laughed. “See you in about twenty minutes.”

As soon as I walked in Chloe’s house they both attacked me with hugs. “I’m so excited!” Chloe exclaimed. “I knew you could do it.” Harry added.

With all of the celebration going on, I almost forgot I had noticed her parent’s cars in the driveway. “We need to talk to you guys.” I turned to see her parents staring at us with serious expressions.

I glanced at Harry who suddenly seemed solemn. So does Chloe. “About what?” I asked. “Let’s go to the living room first.” her mom told me.

We all sat down in the living room. Harry, Chloe, and I on the sofa, and her parents on the love seat. “The first thing you should know is that none of you are in trouble.” her dad said.

“I’m really confused.” Chloe said. “Honey…” her mom started. “and you guys…we know that you didn’t come here with permission.” My heart skipped a beat. Not because they know, we were going to tell them tonight anyway. The problem is, how do they already know?

“What?” Harry asked. “We were going to tell you tonight.” I admitted. “I mean…how much do you know, anyway? Like, how did you - “

“We called your mother.” My. Heart. Sunk. She was told by them. When? How long has she known? “When?” I asked. “When we found out you were coming.”

“Why would you - ” I began to almost sound angry, but her mom interrupted me. “Megan, sweetie, calm down. Like we said, none of you are in trouble.”

“Do you know why I came here?” They shook their heads no. I explained the situation to them, and they were shocked. “If we had known, we have been happy to help you.” her dad said.

“Thanks. But you guys, my mother…what did you guys say to her? What did she say? Why hasn’t she tried contacting me? There is no way she is not furious with me. I mean, I was going to contact her soon anyway, but if she’s known for that long, what has she been thinking or doing?”

They looked at each other a moment, each looking like they wanted the other to answer me. Her dad finally spoke up, “Megan…we love you. You’re like a second child to us. We care about you. That’s why we allowed you to come despite the fact you had planned on doing it without permission.”

Her mom finished, “Your mom acted so cold, Megan. To be completely honest…it was like she didn’t even care that you had left. Despite the note you gave her, she said she didn’t believe it. She said she knew you had run away with him.”

“She didn’t care?” I asked dazed. “She told me that she is almost an adult and if she - ” she stopped as if she couldn’t finish the sentence. “It’s alright.” I told her. “I need to know.”

“She told me that if she wants to waste her life, that’s her decision and that she knew you didn’t have what it takes to make smart decisions like a mature adult and that you would screw up like this at some point.”

I stared into the distance. I couldn’t focus on anything or anyone. Even when Harry pulled me close to him and held me tight I felt like I was in a daze. Even when we looked at each other it was like I was seeing right through him. He was talking, but I couldn’t focus on the words.

I continue to block everyone out as I headed upstairs to the guest room. I locked the door behind me before grabbing a pillow and screaming in it. I screamed until I had to take a breath. Then I did it again. I did this until my throat began to hurt.

After that, I took the pillow and began to repeatedly hit the bed with it. Tears fell steadily down my face through all of this, but at that point, my eyes stung so bad I had to run them. I could hardly see.

My crying, or should I say sobbing, had been considerably loud but had begun to dwindle into more of a whimper. Once that happened, I placed the pillow back on the bed. I sunk to the floor and rested my head against the side of the bed as I rubbed my eyes.

Harry then knocked on the door and called out my name. A part of me still didn’t want to open the door, but I also don’t feel like being alone. I stood up and walked over to the door. As soon as I opened it, Harry said, “Megan, I am so sorry.” he pulled me close and held me tight.

He gently rubbed my back as I continued to cry. “Come on love, let’s sit down, okay?” He led us over to the bed and sat down and I did the same. I cuddled up next to him and nestled my head on his chest. Despite the comfort of being in his arms, I couldn’t stop crying. Not as much as before, but still.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked as he stroked my arm. “What is there to say?” I said weakly. I feel so stupid. I should have seen this coming. And yet, it feels like I’ve been stabbed in the heart.

“I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Megan, you - I can’t even talk about it because it just makes me so…so angry.” I glanced at him to see him looking off into the distance, a look of concentration on his face. “Why?”

“I don’t understand how anyone could treat their child like that. Especially you.” I sat up straight and moved to where I could look at him. “Especially me?” I asked.

“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but…you are so amazing. You’re smart, funny, kind, considerate, a good listener…you’re just a great person, and I don’t understand how anyone could not see that.”

“I just can’t get over it, ya know? She knows I ran away, she has no idea where I am, and she doesn’t even care? She knew I would screw up eventually? Really? What makes her think she has the ability to tell anyone about not screwing up when she’s one of the biggest screw ups ever?” I began to get angrier as I talked. “Megan…”

“Sure, she’s done well career wise, but other than that, what does she have? Huge houses she stays in for less than year. She’s barely home, and when she is, all she does is stay in her office. It’s so freaking stupid. She has no life outside of work, and she knows I’m going to screw up? Well, I guess it actually makes sense when you consider the influence I’ve had my whole life - “

“Megan.” he said seriously. “Love, please, calm down. She is not worth getting upset over.” I shook my head as I said, “No. I can’t - what does that even mean? My mother is horrible but I don’t have the right to be upset about it?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“All I’m saying is that sometimes, no matter how horrible a person is to you, letting go is the best thing you can do. Because sometimes, keeping all of that hatred and resentment only hurts yourself.”

“I hate her.” I say quietly. I hadn’t thought about it before I said it, but now that I have, I love it. I’ve thought that before, but I had never actually said it out loud. “I hate her.” I repeated louder.

“It’s okay. You have every right to be mad.” he tells me before I back away from him and stand up. “I hate her.” I say even louder. “Alright, Megan. Let’s just go downstairs and figure out what we need to - “

“I. Hate. Her.” I say again, this time with a bit of a smile. I even giggle. “Megan, seriously…let’s just go downstairs.”

“You don’t understand. I hate her. I have always hated her. I just never allowed myself to truly admit it until now. I hate her. It feels so good to let it out.” Harry nodded his head slightly and reached for my arm, but I stepped away.

“I hate her. I hate my mother. She is a horrible, wicked human being who only cares about herself. She is the worst mother in the entire history of mothers and I never want to see her again. I don’t even want to hear her voice. I never want to hear her name. I hope she loses her job so she knows what it feels like to be completely and totally alone in the world. And do you know why that is?”

“Why?” he asked. “Because I hate her!” I sat back down on the bed and repeated it some more. I started of saying it happily because it felt so great to finally say it. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This feeling wore off too soon.

The more I thought about it, I got less happy, and more angry. Or maybe…sad again? I don’t even know. All I know is I went from saying it with a smile, to saying it in tears. Harry held me close as I muttered one final time with a strained voice, “I hate her.”

Notes