One Life, Live It
Chapter 17: Day 6
Day 6: 1:47 PM
I sighed as I walked out of Niall’s room and started down the hall toward my own room. I suddenly remembered leaving Harry and Kariann alone in that room together. Shit, of all rooms, it just had to be mine. Why did I leave those two alone again? Oh yeah, I was doing Harry a favor. Now, hopefully those two will do me a favor by keeping my bed innocent or I’ll be switching rooms with somebody.
I stepped away from my door and started down the hall again, heading toward the end of the hall where the VIP poolroom was and stepped inside. I knew I would be alone for the time being, since the guys would be too busy talking to the girls. I wasn’t sure what my deal was, I just felt like I needed to be alone.
I sat down on one of the chairs available, letting the smell of the chlorine fill my lungs as I pulled out my phone and looked through it. I felt my hand automatically click to the text messages, reading through every single text I’ve received from every girlfriend I’ve had for the past year. Funny how the only text I saved from each of them were the ones where they were begging for me to come back.
I felt a small laugh come out of me. What was wrong with me? What enjoyment did I get out of keeping these messages? Oh yeah, it was supposed to remind me the kind of boy I was. The player I was meant to be. Harry was the kind of guy that was the womanizer, going from girl to girl within a week. Liam was mature, he kept his relationships going as best as he could. Louis was loyal and giddy with his previous girlfriends. Niall, honestly, I wasn’t sure how he was with his girlfriends. And then there’s me, the Bradford Bad Boi. I wasn’t Prince Charming. Sure, I’ve been called charming, but that side of me never lasted very long.
I didn’t know why I continually did this. I’d find a girl who was sweet and I’d completely change her, whether it was simply introducing her to the whole celebrity spotlight or even something simple as sex. Either way, somehow in the middle of all of this, they would end up falling in love with me. I was only it the relationship to keep myself busy and preoccupied. I wasn’t like Harry and went through one-night stands without even bothering to contact the girl ever again. The whole deal between him and Kariann now was mind-boggling to me, so I try not to think about it too much. Being in a relationship made you look like less of a womanizer since I stayed in a relationship for a couple months at a time.
It was tiring and quite frankly, it made me lonelier than ever. I wasn’t this bad before last year, but what could I do? One mistake can change your life forever, no matter how hard you try to make it right. I was vain, at least, that was the boys call me. Yeah, I am. I knew I was, but what could I do about it?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I wasn’t going to change. This was going to be me for the rest of my life. Girl after girl, fling after fling. I’ll never be able to settle down.
All because of my idiotic decision I made one year ago.
I felt my phone buzzing in my hand. Without looking at the name, I just answered, figuring it would be my mum or something. “’Ello?”
“Um, Zayn?”
The voice was soft and sweet, not to mention American. I blinked for a second, recognizing the voice quickly. “Sabrina?”
“Yeah, it’s me.” She answered.
I didn’t know why, but the memory of us kissing the day before came to mind. I felt a smile playing on my lips. “Vas happening, love?”
“Um, I was just wondering where Abbi and Kariann was. Kariann said she’d be back with Abbi over an hour ago and I haven’t heard anything since.”
Disappointment filled my body. Oh, so she was worried about her friends. “There was too much pap hanging around so they had to be brought back to our hotel. They should be back home in a few hours.” I stated simply, voice dull.
“Oh! Okay, well, um, you sound busy, so I guess I’ll let you go then. Thanks for telling me.”
I practically sat up in my seat, as if that would cause her to stop from hanging up the phone. “No!” I cried out desperately. “I mean, don’t hang up. I’m not busy at all. Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off rude if I did…”
I sighed heavily, rubbing my face. Why was I acting like this? I already told myself not to even think about getting close to this girl, but yet that simple statement didn’t stop me from kissing her the day before. She was too innocent for me. She had a good head on her shoulders. I didn’t want to be the one to change that about her.
I heard soft laughter in the background. “No, you’re fine. It just sounds like you’re by a pool or something.”
So she could hear the pool, huh? I sighed in relief some as I rested back against the chair.
“Yeah, I’m at the pool, but nobody is here.”
“You’re by yourself? What about your friends?”
“Harry’s too busy getting cozy with Kariann. Liam and Abbi are too engrossed with themselves. Niall and Louis are probably still stuffing their faces and talking about whatever it was they did the night before.”
“I’m sorry.” She said, sounding apologetic. “I guess with the paparazzi around, it’s hard to go outside too, huh?”
“Yeah.” I answered. “Not to mention the fans.”
She acknowledged that too. We stayed silent for a moment, contemplating on what to talk about. “So, how has your Spring Break been so far? Any fun?”
I thought for a moment. “Well, there has been some unexpected series of events going on I’d never dreamt of happening.”
She laughed at the comment. It was so angelic that it made me smile. Remembering what happened yesterday, her crying, it only made me want to make her laugh even more. “True that. I would have never expected to actually meet some of the boys from One Direction during my stay.”
I chuckled some. “Is it your first time in Orlando?”
“Definitely. Kariann, Abbi, and Dakota all live down here for college. They invited Bonnie and I down during break to spend some time together. So far it’s been great.”
“Even the kiss we shared the day before?” I asked, my voice teasing.
She was quiet by now. I felt my smile fall. Something wasn’t right and I knew what I just said pretty much ruined whatever mood was playing out before. “Zayn…” She started slowly, her voice soft.
I knew it. I knew I should’ve just listened to my morality yesterday and not kiss her. I screwed up again.
I clenched my jaw, staring down at my hand. “Yeah?”
“What happened yesterday…” She started. I closed my eyes, waiting for her to continue. “I think… I think we need to forget what happened. I normally don’t do that kind of thing, especially with people I’ve just met, but I was put under so much pressure and emotion that I couldn’t stop you-“
“I get it.” I said, opening my eyes, feeling my voice going dull once again. “I won’t do it again. I promise.”
“I don’t want it to be awkward between us.” She continued to explain. “It’s just that we barely know each other.”
I felt myself nod at her statement. What she was saying was true. That kiss was just something that happened on a whim, I wasn’t even sure why I was pressing myself over it. It was just a kiss. I’ve done it millions of times. “I understand.” I said, trying to put more life into my voice, though failing. “But I hope we can still be friends. I like you a lot.”
It was true. Sabrina was a sweet girl. I at least wanted to be friends with her. She quickly agreed, a smile filling her voice. Somehow I felt the life in me start to dull once again. Why was I holding onto this girl so much? She shouldn’t be hanging around a guy like me. Whether she liked me or not, if she got to know the real me, she’d only be disappointed. She would be just like any other girl I’ve dated and call me a hopeless cheat that didn’t deserve whatever good came in my life.
I was started to feel it again. The hate I had with myself.
*Zayn’s POV*
I sighed as I walked out of Niall’s room and started down the hall toward my own room. I suddenly remembered leaving Harry and Kariann alone in that room together. Shit, of all rooms, it just had to be mine. Why did I leave those two alone again? Oh yeah, I was doing Harry a favor. Now, hopefully those two will do me a favor by keeping my bed innocent or I’ll be switching rooms with somebody.
I stepped away from my door and started down the hall again, heading toward the end of the hall where the VIP poolroom was and stepped inside. I knew I would be alone for the time being, since the guys would be too busy talking to the girls. I wasn’t sure what my deal was, I just felt like I needed to be alone.
I sat down on one of the chairs available, letting the smell of the chlorine fill my lungs as I pulled out my phone and looked through it. I felt my hand automatically click to the text messages, reading through every single text I’ve received from every girlfriend I’ve had for the past year. Funny how the only text I saved from each of them were the ones where they were begging for me to come back.
I felt a small laugh come out of me. What was wrong with me? What enjoyment did I get out of keeping these messages? Oh yeah, it was supposed to remind me the kind of boy I was. The player I was meant to be. Harry was the kind of guy that was the womanizer, going from girl to girl within a week. Liam was mature, he kept his relationships going as best as he could. Louis was loyal and giddy with his previous girlfriends. Niall, honestly, I wasn’t sure how he was with his girlfriends. And then there’s me, the Bradford Bad Boi. I wasn’t Prince Charming. Sure, I’ve been called charming, but that side of me never lasted very long.
I didn’t know why I continually did this. I’d find a girl who was sweet and I’d completely change her, whether it was simply introducing her to the whole celebrity spotlight or even something simple as sex. Either way, somehow in the middle of all of this, they would end up falling in love with me. I was only it the relationship to keep myself busy and preoccupied. I wasn’t like Harry and went through one-night stands without even bothering to contact the girl ever again. The whole deal between him and Kariann now was mind-boggling to me, so I try not to think about it too much. Being in a relationship made you look like less of a womanizer since I stayed in a relationship for a couple months at a time.
It was tiring and quite frankly, it made me lonelier than ever. I wasn’t this bad before last year, but what could I do? One mistake can change your life forever, no matter how hard you try to make it right. I was vain, at least, that was the boys call me. Yeah, I am. I knew I was, but what could I do about it?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I wasn’t going to change. This was going to be me for the rest of my life. Girl after girl, fling after fling. I’ll never be able to settle down.
All because of my idiotic decision I made one year ago.
I felt my phone buzzing in my hand. Without looking at the name, I just answered, figuring it would be my mum or something. “’Ello?”
“Um, Zayn?”
The voice was soft and sweet, not to mention American. I blinked for a second, recognizing the voice quickly. “Sabrina?”
“Yeah, it’s me.” She answered.
I didn’t know why, but the memory of us kissing the day before came to mind. I felt a smile playing on my lips. “Vas happening, love?”
“Um, I was just wondering where Abbi and Kariann was. Kariann said she’d be back with Abbi over an hour ago and I haven’t heard anything since.”
Disappointment filled my body. Oh, so she was worried about her friends. “There was too much pap hanging around so they had to be brought back to our hotel. They should be back home in a few hours.” I stated simply, voice dull.
“Oh! Okay, well, um, you sound busy, so I guess I’ll let you go then. Thanks for telling me.”
I practically sat up in my seat, as if that would cause her to stop from hanging up the phone. “No!” I cried out desperately. “I mean, don’t hang up. I’m not busy at all. Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off rude if I did…”
I sighed heavily, rubbing my face. Why was I acting like this? I already told myself not to even think about getting close to this girl, but yet that simple statement didn’t stop me from kissing her the day before. She was too innocent for me. She had a good head on her shoulders. I didn’t want to be the one to change that about her.
I heard soft laughter in the background. “No, you’re fine. It just sounds like you’re by a pool or something.”
So she could hear the pool, huh? I sighed in relief some as I rested back against the chair.
“Yeah, I’m at the pool, but nobody is here.”
“You’re by yourself? What about your friends?”
“Harry’s too busy getting cozy with Kariann. Liam and Abbi are too engrossed with themselves. Niall and Louis are probably still stuffing their faces and talking about whatever it was they did the night before.”
“I’m sorry.” She said, sounding apologetic. “I guess with the paparazzi around, it’s hard to go outside too, huh?”
“Yeah.” I answered. “Not to mention the fans.”
She acknowledged that too. We stayed silent for a moment, contemplating on what to talk about. “So, how has your Spring Break been so far? Any fun?”
I thought for a moment. “Well, there has been some unexpected series of events going on I’d never dreamt of happening.”
She laughed at the comment. It was so angelic that it made me smile. Remembering what happened yesterday, her crying, it only made me want to make her laugh even more. “True that. I would have never expected to actually meet some of the boys from One Direction during my stay.”
I chuckled some. “Is it your first time in Orlando?”
“Definitely. Kariann, Abbi, and Dakota all live down here for college. They invited Bonnie and I down during break to spend some time together. So far it’s been great.”
“Even the kiss we shared the day before?” I asked, my voice teasing.
She was quiet by now. I felt my smile fall. Something wasn’t right and I knew what I just said pretty much ruined whatever mood was playing out before. “Zayn…” She started slowly, her voice soft.
I knew it. I knew I should’ve just listened to my morality yesterday and not kiss her. I screwed up again.
I clenched my jaw, staring down at my hand. “Yeah?”
“What happened yesterday…” She started. I closed my eyes, waiting for her to continue. “I think… I think we need to forget what happened. I normally don’t do that kind of thing, especially with people I’ve just met, but I was put under so much pressure and emotion that I couldn’t stop you-“
“I get it.” I said, opening my eyes, feeling my voice going dull once again. “I won’t do it again. I promise.”
“I don’t want it to be awkward between us.” She continued to explain. “It’s just that we barely know each other.”
I felt myself nod at her statement. What she was saying was true. That kiss was just something that happened on a whim, I wasn’t even sure why I was pressing myself over it. It was just a kiss. I’ve done it millions of times. “I understand.” I said, trying to put more life into my voice, though failing. “But I hope we can still be friends. I like you a lot.”
It was true. Sabrina was a sweet girl. I at least wanted to be friends with her. She quickly agreed, a smile filling her voice. Somehow I felt the life in me start to dull once again. Why was I holding onto this girl so much? She shouldn’t be hanging around a guy like me. Whether she liked me or not, if she got to know the real me, she’d only be disappointed. She would be just like any other girl I’ve dated and call me a hopeless cheat that didn’t deserve whatever good came in my life.
I was started to feel it again. The hate I had with myself.
You welcome :)
8/11/13