Rise of the Runaways - Comments

Tbh it's an amazing story xx ur a great writer x

This is amazing please update soon :*

This is amazing please update soon :*

This is much vivid. I don't need to imagine too much because you're feeding us the sensations of Josie. Glad you've taken that suggestion by heart.

@Skirmish
I really like what you are saying , you have a point and yeah she should use the other characters to help develop Josie . THis is a great story with great potential x I believe in you x

Just signed up to tell you I like the story, however I felt like the story is already reaching the climax. Are you finishing this by chap 10 or 15?
Few comment and suggestion:
1. The pacing of the story is too fast (I think?).
2. Characters aren't fleshed out completely. Cal here was interesting especially at chap 6, but I felt like Josie is a mere reflection of a fan who wants Cal (irl). Josie has to be more like Josie. There is a story behind her waiting to be told. Cal also has a story to tell us. Develop your characters more so that we can symphatize with them more.
3. Show not tell. You're just telling us but not showing us what its like to be Josie. Like when she saw Cal on the street. What did he looked like? What was he wearing? Did Josie felt alarmed? Scared?
4. Josie was willing to take in a complete stranger like she's saying "hey, I don't know you. You could be a minor offender but come on lets walk together and tell each other our secrets."
5. Hannah and Oli felt like deus ex machina to get Cal for Josie. What is their say on Cal or Josie. They are not Josie. They are your supporting characters for the development of Josie's character, use them! Develop them!
6. Cal and the issues of money, running away, homeless, and band audition. Does a genie appeared somewhere and granted him billions of dollars to survive for 5 years?
7. Distance yourself from your characters. I know you love them but let them be who they are meant to be in your story. They are not you. Nor does Cal here, he is not the Cal irl.

I do not mean to discourage you but to encourage you. Just like what @coolname said you have talent. Develop them.

wtf Calum hood

@coolname @Molly Delf
Thanks guys <3

Hey u should totally update this story is amazing u got skills girl

Omg I like this it's like the alternative life to what calum is doing if he chose football xx can't wait for update