I need help...

I feel so depressed. Like I just want end it all. This is not the first time either. I've been on and off depressed since I was young. I have bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I've tried to commit suicide twice before, the last time being in June of 2013. I've been to a psych hospital four times before.

Even though my best friend has the same exact disorders as me and we met in a psych hospital, she still doesn't get it.

I just... need someone to talk to.

I personally don't think medication or seeing a facility helps at all. It just makes it seem okay because that's what society makes it seem like. But in reality it doesn't, it just makes them seem less worse. It coaxes the fact that you can't control yourself, and makes you seem okay. My personal opinion is that you should weigh out the pros and cons, make a list of all the good things that's ever happened in life, and or the good things you do like in life. (Eating fries, going shopping, trees, writing, reading, talking to your friend, all the people that care for you) Then on the opposite side of the list write the bad things, and if they outweigh the good then maybe you should consider going out, and do something you want to do.

Suicide is never the option although many go to it. Yet it may seem like the right thing to do at the moment, it isn't. What will you benefit from leaving the world…nothing because although you may want to end your life, what the hell will you be doing after all that? Don't you want to experience life, and go out, have a drink, and sulk, and or be happy. Go out and find someone worth your time. Don't you want to grow old and see how the world changes right in front of your eyes? Don't you want to experience the world, before it's all taken away. I would.
I'd rather have life taken away from me when it has to be, not when i want it to be. I don't think disorders should label you, i feel like you should make your own label. You shouldn't care what people think, although i assume you do. Be yourself, and don't think for a moment there isn't someone else out there who cares, and or has it worse than you but yet despite all that are still living one more day.

Yeah, i have problems too, but when i think about how much i love life, and i think about what the hell would be happening if i didn't have it and i stop, and i remember that this will be my only life, and i plan on taking full advantage of it. Why would i risk me for someones dreadful opinion. Stop thinking about killing yourself, and think about the better in life, cause at the end of the day, no one will be able to help you, but you.

You gotta take the first step, not someone else. Remember that hun.

I agree with almost all that @dontjockmystyles has said. Chin up. If you need someone to talk to or feel like using as a verbal punching bag feel free to message me x

@dontjockmystyles

From what you've said, I can tell you have to experience with mental illness. Medication does work. It's just not a cure-all. I've been in therapy almost all my life. Bipolar disorder and GAD run in my family. My dad, sister, grandpa, great grandpa and great-great grandpa had/have bipolar disorder and my mom has GAD.

Bipolar disorder and GAD are monsters that ravage your life. They leave you helps and feeling like death already. Depression with bipolar disorder is not like regular depression. It's twisted with compulsive thoughts that eat away at your brain and soul. And then there's mania--like Bruce Banner and the Hulk, you can be somewhat fine one minute but if you are irked in some way, you turn into a bulging green ball of rage with no emotional control.

And then there's GAD. I remember before I was my anxiolytic, I could barely function. I was in a constant state of arousal. I had stomach problems, missed a lot of school and even my memory as affected. And it got to the point where I wanted to die. That was my fourth hospitalization.

Explanations aside, I'm highly offended for you to say that medications don't work and that mental illnesses are just a label. That is right there, the stigma against the mental health community. I'm sitting here, feeling much better because I took Vitamin D and a tranquillizer called Klonopin last night. BOOM. MEDICATION THAT WORKS! The nagging sensation is still in the back of my head but I'm still here, aren't I? Medications are what keep you stable; therapy helps break the behaviors that come with the mental illness.

And to reply to your comment "someone else's dreadful opinion," that's completely inaccurate with what I'm going through. I'm not being bullied. I'm not being ostracized. The struggle is coming from the inside from the chemical imbalance in my brain. I can't cure it. I can only try to control it. I have the most severe illness out of anyone in my family because I have both. Hm,

@pippalove

Thank you for replying but one thing you never, ever tell someone with depression or if they're suicidal, is to "chin up" or "just feel better." It's insulting.

@DestroyShelbeyy
I didn't intend for the comment to be insulting; far from it. My counsellor commonly uses the phrase towards me in a 'it's okay to express how you feel, no need to keep your head down about it if you want to', way. It's something I've always had said to me. Sorry for trying to help. Also; I never said anything about 'just feeling better', please don't put words in my mouth.

You should talk to a parent, friend... something like that. I have been feeling that way for a while now, and the other day, my friend told my mom. She started crying and saying she was a bad parent, which she isn't, it's my dad. Then we both started crying and she's trying to help me now. Just saying.

@pippalove

I wasn't putting words in your mouth. I was using it as an example. I just can't believe you honestly agree that medications don't work and that psych hospitals don't work when you have bipolar II. I saw your other forum post. But back to the issue at hand. I was looking for a person to listen. Not a person who is just going to tell me "chin up" and everything I've been though (i.e. medication, psych hospital) don't work.

@HeythereLiam101

I did talk to my mom and my other friend who has been psych hospital. I've been on and off suicidal since 7th grade and I'm in 11th now. I think we're going to try a different kind of therapy. But since you're feeling that way too... do you want to private message?

I do want to PM. That'd be good for both of us, I believe. :)

Hey I know what helps me is to try and think of the positive things the colors of the sunrise, the feeling of being free and my favorite song..... I have been struggling with depression since i was 10 and nobody really knows cause ive gotten good at hiding it so just try to think of the things that make life worth living.....

@DestroyShelbeyy
I'm simply stating my own opinion - which I, just like everyone else, is allowed to have. Just because I don't feel that medication works for me doesn't mean its not the right thing for someone else. I don't believe in bandaid and 'one fix' solutions either; more medical testing, research and trial and error still needs to take place. Just because it suites a handful of people doesn't justify others being pushed into things they aren't comfortable or don't agree with. You can't push a square peg through a round hole; same as you can't expect a psych ward or medication to have a positive or placebo effect on everyone who tries it.

@pippalove

I understand you have an opinion. It's just shocking to me. But 8% of Americans are on just anti-depressants. That doesn't include mood stabilizers, anxiolytics, and tranquilizers. That's a lot more than a "handful of people." And sometimes people (mostly teens) need to be pushed. Are you saying that people with schizophrenia should have to keep hearing the voices and have delusions because they're so sick they don't realize the meds will help?

Let's take me for example I'm on a Buspar (anxiolytic), Abilify (mood stabilizer), Klonopin as needed (tranquilizer) and a high dose of Lithium (mood stabilizer). For psychiatric use, Lithium has been around since 1870s to treat mania and it was approved in 1970. So 144 years of practice isn't good enough?

I find it incredibly insulting that you're sitting there saying that these things don't work when they are the reason why I'm still here. Without Pine Rest, I would have committed suicide a long time ago. Are you saying all these psychiatrists are quacks? These people devote their lives to helping some of the more ill people out there and you're attacking them.

No I'm simply stating that I don't think there's yet a solution for everyone out there. Being Australian I wouldn't know anything about American statistics but I can sure as hell guarantee that medication does not simply help or cure anyone. As someone who previously wrote before about not being judgemental your post hell does push that way. Take some advice from your own book and stop trying to shove opinions down other peoples throats. We're all entitled to think what we wish to - whether that be right, wrong or somewhere in between.

And no.. for the record 144 years of practice isn't good enough. Chinese medicine has been around for centuries and they are constantly pushing and re-hypothesising practices and outcomes. I'm not attacking anyone, you're delusional if you think so.