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i think i need help...
@MoonlightHoran
As one person with manic depression, clinical depression, a history with self harm and a high risk of developing ED's and anxiety, let me begin with:
CALM. THE FUCK. DOWN. Just stop and ask why you're doing what you're doing? How does it help you? Are you getting the emotional relief people normally would? If not, don't waste your time on mutilating yourself. That's just more ammo for people to be dicks or "sympathise" with you later.
Guys don't make it better. Especially if it's someone within such a stupid stereotype like a fuckboy. Not worth your time.
Instead of self harm have you considered drawing? poetry? Listening to some angry, pissed off music? I have whole sketch books inspired by my own fuck ups and art styles of schitzophrenia patients. Listen to In Love In Death by The used. That album will change your life. The High End of Low by Marilyn Manson. Another life changing album. The song Skin by Sixx AM. It doesn't matter how crappy it is, write poetry. I wrote most of my feelings for my friends and what parts of our relationships I was struggling with in poems. Kill some people in video games :D write something based on your problems so you have a way to get them out. (Literally fucking everything I have on here somehow pertains to my own issues).
@Call_Me_Godot
i draw and im pretty good i guess... i cant do that cuz my mum made me promise that i wont draw til exams are over. j get bullied and im like the worst student in my class. lkke this year i got into fgis class which is literally like gifted and talented group and my parents payed a lot for it. i just started french last tym nd i failed it cuz all kids in my class know french since 4th grade. i hav been workin hard kn it but guys stil pick on me for it. my class has 7 girls and 48 guys and only a few of those guys r my frendds
im fat so tgat makes it worse.
@MoonlightHoran
If people are picking on you, then take it and play the role. Ie, if they think you're weird, show them what weird is. Or just tune it out. You're 14. It seems like the most important time of your life right now, but as someone with seven years of life experience on you, trust me when I say it's all petty bull shit. Don't worry about it. If I could go back and talk to my 14 year old self I'd (smack her for being so whiny and) tell her "none of this shit matters." It really doesn't. Hell, I'm just looking back on arguments I had a few months ago and realizing "that shit doesn't matter."
If you can't get a hang of French, just ask your teacher if there's something they can do to help you. Or just sit down in your other classes and practice conjugating (I took Latin a year prior to French in high school so I always wrote Latin conjugations and then translated them into French). If you need motivation to work harder in a class your parents paid for, try paying for it yourself. Things mean more when you use your own money.
And guys and your size shouldn't matter. Guys that age are dipshits. Guys my age are dipshits. Size doesn't matter. If you can get your class work done, then it shouldn't matter if you're 100 pounds or 100,000 pounds. And if you're weight really means that much to do, do something about it and then make those dudes mad that they made fun of you for it and now you're like totally hot and turning them down.
My parent saw my cuts last night. It made it worse. My mum asked me in the morning ant itand I as aid I got hurt in a tree or something and she's not believing me
I can't keep myself happy anymore
@MoonlightHoran
Sorry to hear you are going through this.
You've had some amazing advice from @Call_Me_Godot so I know I can't really say much more. But I do have a little im common with you - I've been in that dark place where I felt like I couldn't escape. I honestly lost myself because I didn't really know who I was or how strong I could be.
I was my worst enemy e.g thinking I was fat, ugly and socially shy. All my friends were rebels and often went out drinking at your age - I on the other hand, stayed glued to my computer and just wrote. I was always lost in stories I bloody loved it!
Fanfiction is a great way to escape and it's even easier when you're the actual writer. Your brain needs to work harder and you're creating this world that no one in your reality knows. It's your little secret which you can literally keep just for yourself - that's how I felt anyway.
Music is good. I find if I'm getting a little tense or worked up I will put a calm song on. But that's just me and it works for me. I don't care if brings a couple of tears because that's a way to release a negative emotion and feeling. Cutting yourself however doesn't change anything and may temporarily release your inner pain but the scars remain. Tears however disappear.
I often remind myself that bullies are actually their own bully. They are so insecure or have such a shit background behind them that they have to find a victim so they can almost be someone else - they too live in fiction. Only their fiction is shit.
Get typing on your Kindle - if you can do that? Or if not grab a pen and paper and start writing that fantasy story. Get lost in it and literally put two fingers up to anyone who brings negativity in your life.
You're a teenager so the first thing that comes to mind is pressure and hormones. You're so pressured at that age especially as a girl. We all want to be perfect, to be loved and mostly to be accepted. But that pressure shouldn't be put upon ourselves - if people can't accept us for who we really are then I'm sorry but fuck off.. that's approach . And trust me, it took me years to actually realise this myself and like Call_Me_Godot said, I would too tell the fourteen year old me to toughen up a little bit.
Maybe think of someone younger than you and imagine they are going through what you're going through. What would say to them? Write it down and them read it back to yourself.
You won't understand the stress from your Mum - you're her baby she's going to he so worried about the cutting. Please understand that you'll never know what she's feeling until the day you become a mother. I am a Mother and I know I would be heart broken if my child was self harming. So give your mum a chance, show her you are in control and just explain your stuck in a place that you want to leave.
I'm sorry if I have bored you - but I have been there. I've tried to overdose in the past because I was in a horrific relationship. I was only fifteen and looking back now I don't think I actually knew what a proper relationship even was. I'm glad I didn't succeed because now I have a partner and a family of my own.
Being the age of fourteen will feel like you're stuck at the age forever and life can feel so far away but trust me it really isn't. It feels like yesterday when I left school for good but now I'm a mother of two and planning to get married. Time slips away right before our eyes.
Take care my friend. Look in the mirror and tell yourself.. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
♡
@MoonlightHoran
I promise you, life gets better. The teenage years are hell but once you start maturing and growing up, the people start treating you better and your quality of life improves. School kids are mean and vicious. It's taken me years to finally be happy and I'm so glad I waited. So seriously, IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER!!! Stay strong, message me if you want to talk anytime! <3
@MoonlightHoran
It’s terrible that you’re going through this. I myself have been in your position with bullies. I was bullied from when I was 5 up until I was 14. It was terrible. People laughed at me because I was so short and so quiet. I always hung around the back of the classroom because I was an introvert. But I found my paradise in writing and reading. I have been a bookworm ever since I can remember. Stories take you somewhere else, to a new place and can broaden your imagination in ways you never thought were possible. I realised that when I started writing my own stories. Always and The Bachelorette are always on my mind. I’m always thinking of scenes/chapters to add in and that excites me. It lets me escape from the shithole that I’m in (it’s different to yours but it does make me feel lost and unloved a lot) and I’ve made so many friends here on this site that brighten up my life every day! Bullies are just shitheads who take their negative energy out on innocent victims (that was me and it’s also you). When I moved into high school, I made new friends and we’re still friends today. They helped me and they continue to do so. And don’t forget, you’ve got friends here too. You’ll be alright. Just hang in there, sweetie! xx
@xRock_Mex
Thank you so much. X
I cant type properly on my kindle but i try to get on my mums ipad wen my parents arent home and talk to my friends on insta. Some guys are actually really nice in my new skool and i talk to them regularly. My mum makes me feel like shit sometimes but i try to stay strong x cuz ik its hard for her... like her job nd all...
@blankspace1
Thanks olivia
i found some better frends in my new skool who are fine with my 1d and ari obsession
My old frends used to diss me tho they did like 1d music.
my bff atm is this amazing girl who is ZQUAD af (im not kidding zayn follows her on twitter) and she loves fanfic too! My old frends thought fanfic was creepy and all
I felt like i was faking wen ever im with my old frends. Now i get to be me :)
ill dm u?
@MoonlightHoran
You’re welcome, darling! Be strong. I’m glad you’ve made some new friends that are nice to you :) DM me over Twitter? Sure, you can do that xx
@MoonlightHoran
No problem at all. I understand what you're going through at the moment. Parents can be a it stressy... ;) but they care deep down and have so much more worry than what they let their kids see.
I'm so pleased to hear people are nice at your new school, it's good to be yourself and start fresh. Now you can be exactly who want to be - people will learn to love you.
Take care and look after yourself. Keep up with no more cutting, you're incredible xx
hey... im serena , 14 years old.
um i hav tried to kill myself thrice and cut alot. i cud cope up with things faster wen i cud talk to my frends online but now i cant really talk to em cuz i lost my ipod. i mean like i hav a kind of relationship wid a fuckboy since this month start and that reduced the cutting.and i used my laptop to text him. now my laptop got taken away by mum cuz of exams and ive not been doin well.i only hav my kindke paperwhite wih me and the experimental browser in it can only accesss some websites like this one. im helplezss rn and hav nothing to help. im sorry if i wasted ur time but do u know any effectivd way i can stop the cuttting? cuz im losing a lof of blood
xxx -s
9/25/16