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Helpless Rant.
*hugs*
alright, all i actually got out of that was that you like antonio but your dad doesn't like antonio and you have depression because you like antonio and you saw him at a baseball (?) game and you feel friend-zoned.
ok i don't get what i just typed there.
i'm absolute shit at comforting people, but i understand your pain having depression (anxiety, and i have dyslexia) as well, coping with loss is hard even when you feel like the other didn't love you at all.
if you want a friend to chat with, just message me and hopefully i can help (i probably eon't be able to but . . . )
- dawn
perhaps if i post a chapter for sweetly yours will you feel better? ;)
@XKALEIGHSTYLES57X
I'm so sorry love, love is hard and it sucks but it's the best thing ever. Nothing I can say can fix anything because easier said then done, so I won't tell you to forget him or anything like that.
Just know that you're strong and there are lots of people here who support you and are willing to help you through things like this. Crying is good for you, people hate it but it helps open up the cap of all the bottled up feelings that you've hidden away for so long.
For now, just let it out; anger, sadness, jealousy, ect. After awhile you'll feel a bit better and then you'll be able to finally think more clearly and then you can decide on what to do. Just give yourself time to get used to this new feeling and soon you'll know what to do :)
love you lots, Kal!! xoxox
I read too many quotes but I came across this one . . .
i feel like in supewr cheesy today but it's really how depression works, ya know?
I was shamelessly playing my guitar when I was supposed to be doing homework.
:D
@XKALEIGHSTYLES57X
Not that I condone what he did but can he really act any different? He doesn't see you much. He probably thinks your dad is a racist dick (oh hoh that reminds me of someone...and that's why I don't tell my dad SHIT). There are probably other girls he sees. There's probably not a lot he feels he CAN do. besides as far as he's concerned, you only dated for a day.
Im not trying to be a bitch (I've been in the more-than-a-year-long-infatuation-situation) but looking at it from his perspective it makes sense. And guys are kind of dicks so maybe that's his "nice" way of saying "I like someone else."
But like he said, you have a whole freaking lifetime. There will be another Antonio and you'll like him more than first Antonio. Then you'll split and you'll find a third one you liked more than the second one. That's the fun thing about falling for people :D you like each one more and more as you subconsciously become aware of what you're looking for and subconsciously try finding Antonios who fit the quota better :3
Okay...
His name is Antonio.
I've liked this guy for nearly four years already, and the first three years he went to my school. We dated for a day, and I broke up with him because of my dad not liking his race. I was scared of my dad, but now that I think about it he wasn't going to physically make us break up. He could've scared me then, but at the moment, he sure as hell doesn't scare me now. I really liked Antonio, and not just a like where you think he's cute and outgoing and shit like that, I really truly liked Antonio. He was kind, he was respectable, he was considerate. I liked him for the three years we were friends and I watched him date a girl right in front of me and I could've done something to stop that from happening but I didn't. When I was in 9th grade, I didn't have any classes with Antonio and the only time I saw him was either in the lunch line or in the hallway. I hated not seeing him, because I was, still in fact, falling for him. Then on the last day of 9th grade, he told me that he was moving schools. I wanted to cry, I wanted to drop right down to my knees and tell him to stay. I wanted to tell him that he was full of it and I would be able to run right into his arms and say, "I told you that you wouldn't leave."
He left.
I thought it wasn't that big of a deal for me, because I had begun to like a guy named Trey at the beginning of August. Hell, I fucking cried over Trey when I realized we wouldn't happen; although in reality I was really crying over Antonio. I know that sounds crazy, but that night, I let out all of my bottled feelings and realized that none of them were for Trey. They were all for Antonio. My mom asked me that night if I just wanted to date Antonio because it would make my dad mad, and I told her no, I really liked Antonio for himself and no other reason. Then my dad decided to come outside where we were at and talk about what was going on with me. I told him, "I think you're going to hate me for the guy that I like." He told me he would never hate me, and when I told him what race Antonio was, he looked me right in the eyes and said, "You can date this kid, but I'm not going to have a by part in it. I'm not going to take you to see him, and he's not coming to our house. You make your own mistakes while you're growing up, because it's not my life it's yours. I can't make your decisions, so I'm just going to let you make your own mistakes."
Since Antonio was gone I decided to use that information on Trey.
Trey and I are still friends and he has a beautiful girlfriend.
Months later, football season started and I went to every home game there was. Little did I know, Antonio was going to be at every home game. The first time I saw him, millions and millions of these emotions flooded through me and when I left, I thought I was happy.
That next week, my doctor and my therapist told me I had depression because I told them I was crying for no reason.
The next time I saw Antonio, I didn't talk to him. God knows I wish I did, but I didn’t.
The last time I saw Antonio, things changed. I finally realized how I was falling for Antonio, if not falling in love with him, and things ultimately got worse. He told me how much he missed me that night, he told me how much he wanted to and would have something with me if he still went to my school, and he told me all kinds of shit that brought out emotional me and I was on the borderline of telling him everything. By the time he was about to leave, I started crying and he hugged me as hard as he could and left. It wasn't just any hug either, it was the kind of hug that only Antonio could give you. One where you felt like you were on a cloud, and nothing was allowed to get you down. One where you felt as if he would never let go; as if he never wanted to let go.
I have been craving that kind of hug for seven months now, and I've had no luck.
I got my own phone in December of last year, and the rules were that we couldn't get Instagram, snapchat, Twitter, or Facebook. We couldn't text guys unless it was okay with my dad and I knew it was a long shot anyways. I knew I wouldn't be able to text Antonio. So I went two months without talking to him when I knew there was a way that I could, I just couldn't use that way.
Then I realized the beauty of Google+ Hangouts.
Last night I had two dreams about him. One was during high school, and the other one was during college. Those dreams were so emotional for me and I told my friend about them today and ended up crying for two hours about it. She said, "Dammit I'm sick and tired of it. You and Antonio deserve each other." That statement threw me off the deep end and I couldn't stop crying about it.
She got his number from me and texted him, telling him how much I missed him and told him to email me.
We had been messaging on Hangouts since 3:30 p.m. and stopped at 5:30 p.m.
Except, what I didn't expect was for him to tell me that I should let go of the past when I told him why I was embarrassed the last time I saw him. He said I should feel good about myself and focus on the future and the present. In my mind I was like, how can I let go of the past when you're most of it and all I can see is you in my future? Then he told me that he doesn't do long distant relationships.
I felt utterly friend zoned.
Now I keep crying about it because I feel so heartbroken, and I can't decide if I regret Antonio or if I am in love with Antonio.
All of this just fucking hearts me and I just needed somewhere to rant so I ranted here.
2/26/16