Okay, Ive used been friends with the girl that would completely treat me like shit. Not in a way that was like strait a up rude bitch, but a nice girl that seems to be a sweet heart but will subtlely tear you down. Im talking crying litearly every night, making you feel worthless, make you think that your problems are nothing, and so on.
She knows she is pretty. Frankly, she is, but will text you every night saying she is ugly. And of course, I fell for her pity-trap and would try to make her feel better by staying up all night trying to cheer her up over her fucking irrelevant and rediculos problems- shit like: oh my boyfriend dosnt like me! I can't get a boyfriend! (she had a fucking boyfriend-oh and p.s, she would send me pics of her hot af boyfriends to, I'm guessing make me jelious- every other week), I'm ugly! I'm fat!-. I have stayed up for nights, making videos of her favorite things, editing happy pictures, writing songs, I have even wrote A Code to Happiness (a story guiding her to be happy, and of course she probably didn't give a flying fuck). But that not what we would talk about (note: our conversations were only about her, her drama with friends, and her love life. Not me, not about a cool t.v show, nothing but her. But it wasn't just negative stuff, it was also about her getting a "modeling job in california" and she was about to move there two years ago, or " Im going to Italy" or "I just one first place in the beady patent in New York" or, one of my favorites "I've met Zayn Malik" (she said zyan because that was the only member of one direction that she actually knew by name). of, she would also bring up into our conversations that she has hundred dollar products and what not (of course she didn't but, like I said I was young and dumb and I believed her) And of course, being my young self, not knowing she was lying about all of this, I started going into a depression because all of this made me feel unaccomplished, ugly, and worthless. ps., she would constantly say she was 'depressed' for no reason than to make me feel shitty and my feelings weren't as 'bad' as hers so I wasn't depressed. I feel that in the back of my mind, I knew that no girl was this perfect but just seeing a what-seems-to-be a nice girl saying all of these things you believe it!
Note: I'm not depressed anymore, this was a few years back.
Anyway, when I started to feel pain in my chest and face I told her I was not feeling right (at this point I was also cutting and scraching), I was hoping she would be there for me when my life was actaly in danger like I was there for her when she just wanted to be self-centered. And of course she tried to one-up me saying she was depressed longer and-in her subtle, charming way- she switched the conversation back to her and being the giver that I was I gave the last of me to her and did stuff that night (I cannot believe I'm actually telling the internet this story... but I feel its time I got this off my chest, so thank you for being here you guys!).
so here I am three years later, trying to find guys for my next story. Ive typed in Cute Tumblr boys when I scroll down and see a guy that looks awfully familiar... So i scrolled down some more and again, I kept feeling like I have seen many of these guys before... than a flash of these text from me and this girl came to mind of her new "boyfriend"! THE TUMBLR BOYS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GOOGLE SEARCH PAGE WERE HER MADE UP BOYFREINDS TO TRY TO MAKE ME JELLY!
now, this bitch kind messed me up. And when I saw those pictures today It has validated that not everyone is who they say they are, no one is perfect and just because your life is not what you see in the movies does not mean you're worthless, and to not invest your in tire soul into someone who does not care about you or anyone else but them selves. To all you girls and guys out there reading this feeling the feelings that I have felt and going through similar situations, know I thought that there was no way out of this 'worthless life of mine' other than you know... And you know what, After I put down my phone, decided I wasn't going to take it anymore, stoped toting that bitch and hanging out with her, I have started a new, meaning fully life dedicated to me that i actually enjoy living in. So, to those people, don't stop halfway through and let them stomp all over you, pick yourself up and treed through it. Talk too your parents, guidance councilor, or therapist and walk away from the negativity. Trust me, life is more fun without it :)
Okay, Ive used been friends with the girl that would completely treat me like shit. Not in a way that was like strait a up rude bitch, but a nice girl that seems to be a sweet heart but will subtlely tear you down. Im talking crying litearly every night, making you feel worthless, make you think that your problems are nothing, and so on.
She knows she is pretty. Frankly, she is, but will text you every night saying she is ugly. And of course, I fell for her pity-trap and would try to make her feel better by staying up all night trying to cheer her up over her fucking irrelevant and rediculos problems- shit like: oh my boyfriend dosnt like me! I can't get a boyfriend! (she had a fucking boyfriend-oh and p.s, she would send me pics of her hot af boyfriends to, I'm guessing make me jelious- every other week), I'm ugly! I'm fat!-. I have stayed up for nights, making videos of her favorite things, editing happy pictures, writing songs, I have even wrote A Code to Happiness (a story guiding her to be happy, and of course she probably didn't give a flying fuck). But that not what we would talk about (note: our conversations were only about her, her drama with friends, and her love life. Not me, not about a cool t.v show, nothing but her. But it wasn't just negative stuff, it was also about her getting a "modeling job in california" and she was about to move there two years ago, or " Im going to Italy" or "I just one first place in the beady patent in New York" or, one of my favorites "I've met Zayn Malik" (she said zyan because that was the only member of one direction that she actually knew by name). of, she would also bring up into our conversations that she has hundred dollar products and what not (of course she didn't but, like I said I was young and dumb and I believed her) And of course, being my young self, not knowing she was lying about all of this, I started going into a depression because all of this made me feel unaccomplished, ugly, and worthless. ps., she would constantly say she was 'depressed' for no reason than to make me feel shitty and my feelings weren't as 'bad' as hers so I wasn't depressed. I feel that in the back of my mind, I knew that no girl was this perfect but just seeing a what-seems-to-be a nice girl saying all of these things you believe it!
Note: I'm not depressed anymore, this was a few years back.
Anyway, when I started to feel pain in my chest and face I told her I was not feeling right (at this point I was also cutting and scraching), I was hoping she would be there for me when my life was actaly in danger like I was there for her when she just wanted to be self-centered. And of course she tried to one-up me saying she was depressed longer and-in her subtle, charming way- she switched the conversation back to her and being the giver that I was I gave the last of me to her and did stuff that night (I cannot believe I'm actually telling the internet this story... but I feel its time I got this off my chest, so thank you for being here you guys!).
so here I am three years later, trying to find guys for my next story. Ive typed in Cute Tumblr boys when I scroll down and see a guy that looks awfully familiar... So i scrolled down some more and again, I kept feeling like I have seen many of these guys before... than a flash of these text from me and this girl came to mind of her new "boyfriend"! THE TUMBLR BOYS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GOOGLE SEARCH PAGE WERE HER MADE UP BOYFREINDS TO TRY TO MAKE ME JELLY!
now, this bitch kind messed me up. And when I saw those pictures today It has validated that not everyone is who they say they are, no one is perfect and just because your life is not what you see in the movies does not mean you're worthless, and to not invest your in tire soul into someone who does not care about you or anyone else but them selves. To all you girls and guys out there reading this feeling the feelings that I have felt and going through similar situations, know I thought that there was no way out of this 'worthless life of mine' other than you know... And you know what, After I put down my phone, decided I wasn't going to take it anymore, stoped toting that bitch and hanging out with her, I have started a new, meaning fully life dedicated to me that i actually enjoy living in. So, to those people, don't stop halfway through and let them stomp all over you, pick yourself up and treed through it. Talk too your parents, guidance councilor, or therapist and walk away from the negativity. Trust me, life is more fun without it :)
4/19/15